Title: the trouble with pressure

Fandom: JApril / GA

Disclaimer : Grey's Anatomy & its characters are the property of ABC & Shonda Rhimes

Rating : T (nothing graphic) - even though I wanted to write what happened between scenes LOL

Summary : Tag to S08E21 'The Moment of Truth' – dialogues from the episodes are in italics; Pt 7 of 'the trouble with…' series

AN: I'm not sure if it's just me but when I watched the episode, I kinda thought that while it was April who initiated the whole thing, she was not entirely rational and it's Jackson who was actually more 'aware' as it were about what they were doing (i.e. it wasn't just an impulse for him and was actually, dare I say it, more into it). Which leads me to believe that he's had a thing for her even before this episode, but not quite admitting it to himself just yet – which is why this got written. *Now if only onscreen Alex would cooperate so I can write his next chapter, LOL. Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

"We're falling apart! Merideth's sick and Alex…what the hell was he thinking?"

Jackson stifles his inner irritation when Alex's name comes out of April's mouth and instead tells his best friend, "See you've got to put all that out of your mind. Concentrate on your own game."

"I'm a soldier."

"What?" A soldier?

"Nothing. Hey, but we're still standing right?"

"Yeah we are. Me and you." And he smiles because, doesn't that fucking sound right-'me and you.'

"Me and you."

"Who's that?" He casually asks when he sees take a look at one of the guys snickering behind them.

"Oh, that's the guy who thinks I stole his job. He hates me."

He breathes a little easy at this and tells her the guy's a douche. Of course said douche comes over and offers a half-assed apology and his irritation comes back and when April accepts it, shakes the fucker's hand and apologizes herself. He tells her she has nothing to be sorry for. And he's proven right because the guy mouths off some filth. Although he's quite pissed, he tries not to get in the guy's face. But obviously the douche is really asking for trouble because he flat out says that April got the job on her back. Of course before he can react further she's suddenly punching the guy and he has to take a moment to see if she hurt herself but then the guy calls her a bitch and punches him. Fuck being nice about this whole thing he thinks and is all set to have it out with the douchebag when she goes Xena warrior princess on them and fucking launches herself at the guy. He needs to forcibly drag her away but she keeps at it and if he isn't too busy trying to keep her behind him, he'll probably smile because warrior princess April? Hot!

It's (probably) a good thing that Webber appears just when she manages to get around him to get back at the guy again and they get a dressing down. He thinks they're lucky to be coming off the whole thing with just that and quickly makes his escape with her.

She is laughing and saying the whole thing's amazing as he comes to terms with the fact that she just punched the guy in the face. And then they're in front of her room and she's all about them 'doing this' and damned if his thoughts didn't just go R-rated on him. But she goes on about this being their last night as residents, and telling him to stop doubting himself and he wonders why she's suddenly all confident. And then she's saying she's a soldier, which he still doesn't understand, but before he can ask further, she's kissing him and he swears his brain just short circuits. And he's kissing her back before his sanity kicks in and he draws back in confusion.

'Should I not have done that?" she asks and he's trying to think what to say but then she's kissing him again and fuck! How's he supposed to think when the very thing he's been fantasizing about (he finally admits to himself) is actually happening? He swears he's only just trying to memorize how it feels which is why he doesn't stop it immediately and you know, not really go all out but then she's telling him she'll stop if he asks which ironically brings him to his senses (more or less). And he knows he has to stop but the way she's kissing him again makes it hard to remember why they shouldn't be doing this at all and he takes to telling himself (and her) that she's a virgin like a litany. Because much as he wants to be the one she cashes her V-card to, everything is just too fast!

But when she explains how she feels and asks how something that feels really, really good (hell, yeah!) can be bad, he feels his resistance crumbling. But he's so fucking terrified that this is all a dream and that she's not thinking straight so he tries to hold on to it – what's left of his sanity, that is. And then she whispers his name and says, "Hey, it's all right…" and gives him a soft look as she bites her lip and he's toast! The words 'it's okay' gets lost between them because he's kissing her back without reservation and she's wrapping herself around him and it's all he can do to move them into her room before whatever's left of his reason just leaves him completely.

It (his reason) doesn't come back until they've finally stopped kissing and she moves off to lie next to him in bed.

He kicks himself mentally when "Okay…that was really great," are the first words that come out of his mouth and he follows it up by saying she was great. Because really, that may be true (she was/is really and he means really, really great!) but she's his best friend! And didn't he just tell himself that doing this and going after her was/is a bad idea because even though it felt/feels so unbelievably good, where exactly does this leave them? And having known her for as long as he has he knows that something has changed in her demeanor in the last couple of seconds. So he asks, a little tentatively, if she's glad that that they did what they did and he is mentally bracing himself because he knows he'll be in a fucking world of hurt when she says otherwise. He lets out the breath he's been holding when she sighs and just says "Yeah."

And he can finally smile a little when he asks her again if she's okay. She tells him she is and that she's just tired but he can sense a certain disquiet in the way she says this. Still, he tries not to crowd her by asking (and not assuming) if he can sleep next to her – because you know, he really, really wants to - but then she tells him that it's okay too if he goes and he is disappointed as hell. And what little hope he has of staying is dashed when she asks if maybe he needs to get his lucky pencil because that's just April speak for 'yes, please go.'

And even though his laugh is forced when he reminds her it's the middle of the night, she doesn't sense this like she normally would, and he knows that she's freaking out inside. He wills her to change her mind (about him staying) and he looks at her expectantly as he tells her he's going but she doesn't stop him. So he just asks (again) if she's okay - because he really needs her to be okay after all of this - and when she says she's 'great', he has no choice but to go even though all he wants to do is to take her back in his arms and tell her…

Fuck!

Tell her what? That he fucking loves her?

And yeah, that did it.

Now, he's freaking out too.

But then he looks at her and his panic subsides because he knows that this is right (even if she doesn't - yet). So he leans over and gives her kiss. And he hopes (like he's never hoped before) that however brief it is that somehow she knows that it's a promise. That he's here and that he's not going anywhere and that they will be okay after this.