My name is Sebastian Smyth and I am a junior in Dalton academy for boys. I have not been the nicest person in the world, actually let me rephrase that, I have been a down right horrible bitch. So horrible, that I was one of the reasons someone tried to attempt suicide. But I have changed, somewhat, I will forever be sarcastic and a jerk, but not as bad as before. I hope. As I stand here with the bright lights glaring at me, I look into the crowd. I see the new directions smiling and giving us the thumbs up. Who would have thought that they would ever be my friends? I didn't that's for a fact. I have come to rely on them almost as much as I rely on the warblers, especially Blaine. Blaine, sex on a stick, he happens to be the second most important thing to me. No, it's not just because I would like to lock him up in my room and have my dirty way with him, no it is because he's the reason I meet my most important thing. My most important thing is sitting 10 rows behind the new directions sporting a Cross academy uniform. His blue eyes piercing as he looks me straight in the eyes.
"I can do this," I whisper before I nod over to the rest of my warblers. Trent mouths strength to me as I step forward. Strength, you will forever be my strength. "Hello," I state as I step out of the warblers neatly formed group. "I hope you are enjoying your night," the crowd claps, "and frankly me nor the warblers care about winning this anymore," A gasp sounds throughout the auditorium, "I love you," I state as I look into his blue eyes. "Always no matter where you go, just know I'll be right here waiting for you, always. Don't think you can't come back." I say as I move back into formation. His eyes are wide and his mouth is agape, god he looked so cute. I nod to the warblers and Trent begins to hum the tone. This is for him, the one that changed my life, he walked out of my life, and now I'm just trying to get him to come back.
"If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it
I still haven't slept yet
And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without you
If the truth is you're a liar
Then just say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed
Goin' out of my head now
And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room"
My eyes never leave his, no matter how many people are in the room.
"And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind
I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back"
can he tell that im singing my heart out to him, I chose this song especially for him.
"Now they say I'm wasting my time
'Cause you're never comin' home
But they used to say the world was flat
But how wrong was that now?
And by leavin' my door open
I'm riskin' everything I own
There's nothing I can lose in a break-in that you haven't taken
And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you can still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind
I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh, if you ever come back, if you ever come back
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this"
I hold my hand out to the audience, to him, my voice breaks. Please don't leave.
"I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh, if you ever come back, if you ever come back
And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now"
I sing as tears threaten to come out. The crowd stands up applauding like crazy. He stands up, his face is serious. "Zach?" I say into the crowd. The crowd grows silent. I bet they didn't expect him to be a man, but who cares all that matters is him. Him. You must be wondering who he is, and how he came into my life. Well if you're not, to bad, I'm going to tell you anyway. His name is Zach Fernandez, and this all started a week after Karofsky tried to commit suicide. I felt horrible and after the new directions won, I decided to go visit Karofsky in the hospital. I will never forget the look he gave me when I walk through the door pure hatred.
"Hello," I say pulling at the edge of my Dalton jacket. How can you face a man who tried to commit suicide over something you said? Though that may not be the truth, I did help, I might as well have been holding the gun.
"What do you want," he says angrily. "Why shouldn't I call someone to take you away?" Why shouldn't he, I often ask myself the same thing.
"I have no reason," I reply as I move closer to his bed. "I'm sorry, I know I can't change anything but I'm truly sorry and you got to understand,"
"I understand but I don't care, your words put me through hell, Sebastian." God, why did he have to say my name? He said it with such disgust.
"It was all a joke to me," I look him in the eyes. "I was wrong I shouldn't have done that I should have,"
"You should have, but its to late for that," Dave grabs the helper button to call a nurse.
"How can I prove to you that I am sorry," I plead as I reach out toward him.
"Prove to me that you understand why you were wrong," David says as he pushes the button. "Get out," I should have fought it, I should have grabbed him and shook him to get him to understand, but I didn't. I walked out and I pulled my jacket around me as I lowered my head down and let the tears fall from my eyes. He could have died; I could have been a murder. God, what can I do?
The fresh air hits me like a ton of bricks as I make my way over to my car, but I never reach it instead I pull out my phone and call up the one person I hope will still be there for me.
"Can you meet me at Lima Bean please, "I beg, I bet he can tell I been crying.
"I'll be there in a few," his worried voice says back.
"Thank you, Blaine," I whisper as I hang up and finish the walk to my car.
It's strange how the world keeps on moving. David Karofsky tried to commit suicide and here in Lima Bean the people keep going. I know that most of them don't know who David is, so it shouldn't make me mad that they are not pacing and worrying like I am. But it still does. I see Blaine sitting in the usually table, three plastic cups on the table.
"Thank you I say as I reach him." He nods and motions for the chair. I take my seat and at the moment I see a young Kurt Hummel exiting the male's restroom.
"You brought him," I say as I look Blaine in the eyes.
"You never said I had to come alone, I thought," he began but I cut him off.
"Its fine. I just need some help," I say.
"What kind of help do you need?" asks Kurt as he sits down next to Blaine and across from me.
"I need a way to prove to Karofsky that I am truly sorry for what I said to him. " I say looking at both of them. "Please, what can I do?" Kurt blinks but nods.
"Well, I really don't know how you can accomplish that." He says as he takes a sip from his drink.
"Actually," Blaine interrupts. "There is this hotline, its well, you send a request to become a volunteer, and they send you a phone. See your job is, as a volunteer, to answer the phone and well talk to the person and help them through their problems."
"You mean I answer the phone and try to get people to not commit suicide?" I say as my eyes meet his, he nods and then says. "It's just a thought," but I don't let him finish.
"What's the hotline, "I state. I know I might end up going crazy, but if I could be the one to stop the suicide instead of being the one to cause it I can truly show David that I really mean it. Blaine quickly writes down the information on a napkin and hands it to me. I hope I don't screw this up.
"Honestly, what is that," Nick says pointing at the hotline issued phone. That is if you can even call it a phone, it's a dinosaur but its okay, as long as I can take calls that's all that matters.
"You know what it is," Nick smiles and nudges my shoulder.
"So you really are going to be a volunteer, how's it been going?"
"So far its only been prank calls," I remember when I got my first call I was excited, horrible isn't it. But it turned out to be some little boy talking shit about how gays should die. Let's just say I had a couple of choice words for him before I hung up.
"Don't worry, Sebastian, you'll be able to help someone," Nick says as we walk into the room where the warblers meeting was going to be held, but before I even enter the room my phone goes off. The volunteer phone goes off and Nick gives me a weird look. I smile and walk toward the empty hall way.
"Hello, I'm here, my name is Sebastian where are you?" that's the protocol you have to ask them where they are just incase, you know.
"Zach, my name is Zach," he's crying whoever he is. "I'm such a disgrace,"
"Where are you," I repeat. God he sounds like he is in deep trouble, please let him tell me where he is.
"Mooney Park in Millerstown, Ohio," he says. "God, I'm such an idiot." A location, I don't know exactly why but I ran outside to my car.
"No you are not," I shout into the phone. "What's wrong?" keep him talking, keep him talking to you that way you know they are not doing anything bad.
"I'm a disgrace, fuck" he hisses. "I'm so sorry. I just need someone to know."
"I'm going, don't worry," at this point I'm in my car driving at 90 mph trying my hardest to get there in time.
"I'm sorry," he says and then he hangs up. It takes me about 20 minutes to get to Mooney Park and once I'm there I run to the one place I would go if I where to try and commit suicide. The restroom. As I walk into the male's restroom there is a strong smell of iron and copper. "Blood," I say as I walk into the last stall. There lying on the floor is a young boy, my age, or younger, shaggy black hair, wearing a plain black tee shit and jeans. He would look handsome, except for the fact that from his wrist a stream of blood pulled around him. As reach to grab his wrist the paramedics I called come through the door.
Isn't it romantic, watching the person you love bleed out even though at that moment you don't know you love them. His name is Zach, and I almost lost him before I ever meet him.