A/N: This will most likely be a multi-chapter fic. Hope you enjoy! :)
Gail Peck didn't hate many things, but she hated hospitals. To be fair, hate wasn't strong enough to describe her aversion to them, to put it more accurately she despised hospitals.
If the situation were different she would've refused the trip, but after being freed from the trunk of a taxi cab hands bound, head woozy, and lightheaded from a mixture of an injected sedative and the inhalation of exhaust from the car's muffler below her she'd been given no choice in the matter. So here she sat with her knees pulled up into her chest on the thin mattress, arms tightly hugging her legs lost in thought.
She'd been poked, prodded, scanned and x-rayed after being brought in despite her protests of being all right. She knew nothing was broken, she'd been lucky in comparison to the others before her, but understood that procedures needed to be followed so she'd put up with the thorough intrusion.
Now that all the hustle and bustle was done the only thing left to do was rest and wait, two things she found impossible to do.
The quiet gave her nothing, but uninterrupted time to replay the endless loop of madness that had been the last 24 hours in her mind as she analyzed and reanalyzed every action she'd taken and every opportunity missed. She knew she'd done everything she could considering how lethargic she'd been rendered by the tranquilizer, but she couldn't stop thinking about what she could've done differently. Maybe if she'd concentrated a little bit more her body would've obeyed. If she had fought a little harder at Andy's apartment maybe she could've escaped into another room and barricaded herself in until help arrived, maybe then Jerry wouldn't be laying on an operating table a few floors down fighting for his life.
A shutter ran through the blonde's body at the thought of her superior. While they hadn't been very close, she knew him well enough to know he was one of the good guys and that's what made this whole situation even tougher. Unlike most detectives, Jerry was down to earth; he wasn't egotistical or power hungry and had treated her as an equal completely ignoring her namesake and the expectations that came along with it. He was also very thorough in his work which is what led him to the cab driver's home in the first place. Sure the detail had probably seemed like a dead-end errand, a formality of dotting the I's and crossing the T's, but wanting to leave no stone unturned to save one of their own he'd made the trip himself.
While Gail didn't know the exact circumstances of how he'd been injured she'd known instantly it was bad. When the cabbie had roughly dragged her through the dining room there'd been an enormous pool of blood on the floor and the glimpse she caught of Jerry was just as frightening. His white dress shirt had been stained dark crimson covering his entire torso and disappearing behind the two sides of his open blazer. His complexion had been extremely pale for a man who'd always sported a golden tan and he'd had a sheen of sweat donning his face, his lips had been pulled tight against a grimace of pain as he fought futility with the cabbie before being quickly overpowered.
There was no doubt in Gail's mind if Jerry hadn't slipped his phone into her capturer's pocket during the brief struggle she'd never have been found alive. The disruption at the man's house would've forced his hand and sped up his intended time-line resulting in one horrific, violent outcome for her.
But instead that violence had been redirected towards her colleague and now he was fighting for his life.
She hadn't heard an update since arriving at the hospital, come to think of it, she hadn't had a single visitor either. No calls from her parents who she knew would have been informed of her disappearance immediately given their positions within the division's hierarchy and she vaguely wondered if her brother had been told despite being in the midst of an undercover operation somewhere. To be honest, a part of her was relieved her parents hadn't shown up yet. She knew her mother would make a fuss about everything; she'd pester the doctors and nurses and would surely imply Gail hit the gym or take a self-defense refresher course. The last thing she needed was her mother mentally berating her when she was doing such a good job of it herself.
The most notable absence was Nick's. She hadn't seen him since he and Chris helped her from the truck of the cab and into a waiting squad car where she shivered and shook as the adrenaline wore off and the reality of it all set in. While they weren't officially dating and bordered more on the terms of friends with benefits, Gail thought he'd at least have the decency to come check on her after being moved to a private room once the barrage of tests were finished. But once again she was alone and couldn't help feeling like he'd abandoned her yet again.
A gentle knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts sending a cold chill down her spine, praying her luck hadn't just run out and her mother was standing on the other side.
'Ha, luck,' Gail thought bitterly to herself and scoffed aloud.
There had been a severe shortage of luck for her in the past 24-48 hours and she couldn't help, but think if it weren't for bad luck she'd have no luck at all. There had been so many seemingly small things that had happened that led her here; what appeared to be simple, random occurrences had all influenced the way the pendulum had swung and ultimately set this nightmare in motion. If her parent's roof hadn't needed to be replaced she wouldn't have been staying at Andy's apartment. If the John hadn't preferred blonde-haired, blue eyed women she wouldn't have been the point person for the call-girl op. If Andy hadn't decided to go with Sam after the debriefing then she never would've gotten in the cab, knowing full well Sam would've driven them both home. And lastly, had Nick answered his phone when she returned to McNally's he would've come over or she would've gone to him preventing her from being a sitting duck.
A second, slightly louder knock grabbed her attention once again as she realized how easily she'd been distracted by the thoughts running through her head.
"Come in," she called, frowning when her voice came out more as a foreign sounding croak.
Slowly the door opened and a tall brunette stepped through, gently closing it behind her. The woman was beautiful; she had the tight athletic build of a runner, long brown hair was pulled up into a loose pony tail high on the back of her head while chocolate colored eyes peered at her behind black framed glasses.
"Gail Peck?" the woman asked softly as she stepped closer to the bed, placing a red bag on the counter beside the sink on the right wall. The blonde nodded, eyeing the new comer; she didn't recognize this woman.
As if reading the apprehensive look on Peck's face, the brunette stepped forward and offered her hand.
"I'm Holly Stewart from the Forensics Lab," Holly introduced herself, giving Gail a crooked smile as the blonde grasped her hand half-heartedly, nodding her head.
"I was wondering when you guys would show up…" Gail said, stretching her legs out before swinging them over, sighing heavily.
"Yeah, I'm sorry to have to do this so soon," the brunette apologized. This was a part of her job she greatly disliked and was relieved she didn't find herself in this position often. It was one thing to process a dead body or work a crime scene, but when the victim was alive and trying to cope with what's happened to them it felt invasive and insensitive.
"Now's as good of time as any, it's not like I'm going anywhere…" Peck replied lowly, absently running her hands down the tops of her thighs while lightly swinging her legs.
Holly's heart instantly went out to her. She'd read the case summary before heading over from the lab, the officer had clearly been through the traumatic ringer which was why Holly was surprised to find her alone. The brunette had expected a room full of family or at the very least fellow officers, but here the blonde sat solo with her eyes cast down to the floor, clearly in the midst of a raging internal battle.
The brunette slipped her coat from her shoulders and went to her kit on the counter to start pulling out the items she would need. She had just removed a digital camera when she heard a soft chuckle from behind her and turned, surprised by the sound given the officer's solemn disposition.
"What's with the lunchbox?" the blonde asked, pointing to her bag. Now that Holly thought about it it did resemble a lunchbox after all.
"I'll have you know it's a very valuable forensics kit," Holly said with mock offense before adding, "That looks a lot like a child's lunchbox…" The brunette was satisfied when the blonde smirked as she rose from the bed and shrugged her shoulders.
"Where do you want me?" Gail asked apprehensively as Holly pulled the curtain in front of the door to preserve the officer's privacy should someone enter unannounced.
"Right there is fine," the brunette answered as she made her way around the bed. "I'm going to take some pictures first, we'll start at the top and work down, ok?" she asked as Peck nodded her head, suddenly feeling self-conscious as she stared straight ahead while Holly moved around her snapping photos of the various bruises and cuts on her face before moving in closer to get a better shot the ruptured blood vessels in her eye. After she was satisfied she'd captured everything from all possible angles, the brunette stepped back.
"I really hate to do this, but can we take the bandage off?" Holly asked setting the camera on the counter and pointing at her own forehead referring to the bandage covering the wound on Gail's. The blonde shrugged indifferently and Holly pulled on a pair of latex gloves. The brunette grabbed a q-tip from her bag and ran the end of it under the faucet before gently working the adhesive loose at the edge until she had pulled the bandage completely free.
Gail was a bit taken aback by the gentleness of it all, knowing if the roles had been reversed she probably would've just lifted an edge and given the strip a hard tug; after all she'd been through with the heavy-handed doctor's she'd seen earlier she appreciated it even more.
"Did a plastic surgeon do these?" Holly asked, gazing at the row of neat, tight stitches holding the 2-inch laceration closed.
"I didn't have a chance to read their resume so I'm not sure who it was, why? Am I going to look like Frankenstein when it heals?" Gail asked, her eyes suddenly going wide as she brushed past the brunette to look in the mirror above the sink.
"Not at all, whoever did it did a great job," Holly replied, relief evident in the blonde's body language as she turned around. "Probably won't even notice once it's healed."
'Poor thing is wound up so tight,' Holly thought to herself and wished there was something she could do for the officer to help her relax, knowing everything else she had left to do wouldn't help accomplish that feat. Deciding not to delay the inevitable, the brunette grabbed the camera and took a few pictures and jotted down some notes on a note pad after taking a measurement of the wound.
"Were you injured anywhere else? Any other bruising, abrasions, lacerations?" Holly asked and felt terrible when the blonde nodded and pulled her hair back to reveal bruising around her throat.
The brunette's eyes narrowed as she took in the distinct shapes, recognizing the patterns immediately as hand prints. Without a word, Holly stepped forward, removing her glove, and gently ran the tip of her finger along the purple skin and felt Gail inhale sharply, her body going rigid.
"Did I hurt you?" Holly asked quickly pulling back, concern washing over her dark brown eyes when they met the blonde's clouded blues. Gail nodded no as the brunette stepped forward again and continued her soft tracing of the lines as if her touch could erase the marks marring the blonde's pale skin.
Gail was taken aback by the gentle touch, her eyes welling with tears forcing her to clamp them shut as she felt the compassion this woman-a complete stranger to Gail- was showing her. The doc's soft, warm fingers felt surprisingly good despite their inspection of the damaged area and Gail had to fight the sudden urge to nestle into Holly's touch which was like no other sensation Gail had experienced and the realization caught her off guard. She didn't particularly like being touched unless she prompted the contact, but this was different. Rather than feeling awkward and uncomfortable the brunette's touch had the opposite effect on her. Pale skin tingled everywhere the soft warm fingers swept almost like there was an electric charge building between their bodies. More so than the physical effect was the psychological; Holly's touch however brief or light made Gail feel cared for and safe. The blonde watched as Holly leaned in, gazing at the marks with an intensity that screamed a mixture of anger and sadness.
"Are you having any trouble breathing? Tightness in your throat, tingling in the back of your mouth or tongue?" Holly asked as she continued her gentle prodding along Gail's jaw line. "Pain when you swallow?"
"You sound like one of the doctors," Peck replied cocking a brow.
"Probably because I am one," the brunette smirked, glancing up to find an amused look on the blonde's face.
"And here I thought you were just a big nerd with a silly lunchbox," Gail said with a small smile.
"Is that a no?" Holly smirked seemingly unfazed, looking up at the blonde.
"No I'm not having any issues like that," the blonde replied taking a deep breath as the doc took a few photos of her neck. When Holly stepped back, Gail pushed up the sleeves of her hoodie to reveal the thin, angry red strips of skin around each wrist. Holly swallowed down the gasp that threatened to escape her lips as she took in the nasty looking friction burns that would surely bruise with time. Despite being on the job for a few years it still baffled her what people were capable of doing to one another.
"Do they hurt?" the doc asked, grasping the blonde's hand and turning it over to see the opposite side, frowning when she saw the tops of her wrists were worse, the groves worn deeper into her pale swollen flesh.
"They're a little sore," Peck replied with a shrug.
"Zip ties?" Holly said scrutinizing the wounds before her.
"You're good," Gail answered with a small, sad smile and noticed there was no hint of triumph on the doc's face at being right, if anything she looked sad.
"Unfortunately I see this sort of thing all the time so…" the doc trailed off, readying the camera and taking photos of both wrists, top and bottom. "Anything else?"
Gail's eyes met Holly's for a moment as the blonde hesitated, her hand grasping the bottom of her hoodie and gently lifting it up and over her head to reveal more prominent bruising on pale skin. Despite trying to keep her expression neutral, the doc's eyebrows shot to her hairline as she took in the sight before her.
The officer's body resembled that of a boxer who'd taken one too many body shots; patches of deep purple sprawled across Gail's shoulder and chest. Another deeper, raised abrasion peeked out from the waistband of her pants, the coloring climbing up the side of her rib cage.
Gail, who was understandably feeling self conscious from the state of her body, looked everywhere but at Holly, avoiding the doctor's gaze at all costs. The blonde gave Holly a moment to survey the damage and take her pictures before she turned around, revealing more bruises and cuts on her back and upper left shoulder.
"How did all this happen?" Holly asked gently, stepping in to get a closer look at the wounds.
"Well I don't know about you, but when someone slams a door into my face I have a hard time keeping my balance. I stumbled back, crashed into a table, and a lamp broke my fall," Gail replied snidely and instantly felt bad for it, knowing Holly was just doing her job. "The rest is from trying to fight him off…a lot of good it did me…"
Pressure from a gentle hand on her unscathed shoulder encouraged her to turn around coming face to face with concerned deep brown eyes.
"You're here, that's all that matters now," Holly said and brushed a stray lock of platinum hair behind the officer's ear, feeling Gail push into her palm ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you," she said sincerely as blue eyes locked with hers in what looked like a mixture of shock and appreciation leaving Holly to wonder once more why the blonde was alone. Surely she had people who loved and cared about her.
The longer Holly held the blonde's gaze the more apparent it became that Gail was struggling to keep it together. Tears slowly welled in her impossibly blue eyes and her lower lip started to quiver. Not wanting to push Gail, the doc slowly dropped her hand and went about photographing and documenting the rest of the blonde's injuries. Both of them fell into a comfortable silence which Gail was thankful for as she regained her composure.
Holly had just finished taking the last measurement of the bruising on the blonde's abdomen when there was a not so gentle knock at the door before it swung open and two uniformed officers entered slowly.
"Hey dumb and dumber, you don't always have to knock like you're serving a search warrant," Gail called out, pulling her shirt back on before pulling back the curtain revealing a hesitant Chris and Dov who noticed the brunette right away.
"We can come back if now's not a good time," Chris said nervously, but Gail waved it off.
"Guys this is Dr. Stewart from the Forensics lab," Peck said before gesturing to them both. "Officers Chris Diaz and Dov Epstein who also happen to be my messy roommates."
"It's a pleasure to meet you both," Holly smiled, shaking their hands, but noticed their red-rimmed glassy eyes and felt her heart nearly stop. "I'm actually done here so she's all yours," she said, quickly turning back to the counter and closing up the forensics kit.
"Officer Peck here's my card in case you think of anything or need to get a hold of me. Good luck to you," Holly said with a small smile setting the business card on the counter before nodding to the boys and heading out the door.
"You two look worse than I do…" Gail remarked and took a seat on the edge of the bed as the boys briefly exchanged a look and stepped closer, Diaz pulled the plastic chair up next to the bed while Dov stood just in front of Peck.
Gail took a closer look at her friends, noticing their solemn expressions and slumped shoulders.
"What's going on?" she asked nervously, suddenly afraid of the answer as a cold knot formed in the pit of her stomach at what this could mean. "Is it Jerry?" she asked in nearly a whisper looking between the two of them, her gaze settling on Dov, silently imploring him to speak.
"Gail…Jerry didn't make it…" Dov said lowly, his eyes tearing as he spoke.
Gail's eyes instantly shut as silent tears slipped beneath them, leaving wet trails down her cheeks.
"This isn't your fault," Chris said knowing she would immediately blame herself as he watched her silently sob into the sleeve of her shirt, her shoulders shuttering with each breath. He reached forward and placed a hand on her knee, not knowing what else to do.
She silently rose from the bed and walked towards the window, looking out into the downtown cityscape as the tears continued to fall.
"Can I…uh…can I have the room guys?" she asked between sobs. She heard Chris rise from the chair, the legs dragging lightly on the tiled floor as he did.
"Gail," Diaz started to say, but she shook her head silencing him.
"Please, I'd like to be alone," she pleaded, not wanting an audience while she completely fell apart and was thankful when she heard their boots shuffling on the floor followed by the gentle opening and closing of the door.
As soon as the door clicked closed behind her, Gail felt like her legs could no longer support her and slid down along the side of the bed and onto the floor, pulling her knees into her chest as sobs wracked her body uncontrollably.
The universe was such a cruel, unbalanced thing. It should've been her who died, not Jerry.
Compared to Detective Barber she was such a screw up. Jerry was a well-respected and accomplished detective; she was a beat cop who'd been suspended and was nearly stripped of her shield within the first 2 years on the job. She didn't know which direction she wanted her career to go despite outside pressures from her mother. To top it off, Jerry was planning on getting married to one of her closest friends.
Oh god, Traci!
Another, heavier wave of guilt washed over the blonde with the sudden realization she'd not only destroyed Jerry's life, but Traci's as well. Until this moment Gail didn't think it was possible to feel this much grief and heartache, but here she was a crumpled blubbering mess on the cold tiled floor wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole.
Gail's head popped up from her knees when she heard the door swing open and looked up at Holly through tear-blurred eyes.
"Sorry I forgot my jacket," the brunette said turning from the door to find Gail on the floor beside the bed and quickly rushed over. "Are you ok? Did you pass out? Hit your head?" she asked kneeling in front of the blonde who shook her head no and began sobbing once again.
Holly wasn't sure what was going on. She'd been half way to her car when she received a call from a colleague asking her to swing by the hospital's morgue to pick-up some clothing evidence taken from a new body they had coming in. Normally a crime lab courier or intern would've been sent to retrieve the evidence and transport it back. This instance though was a bit different, the new body was an officer.
Suddenly it clicked and Holly froze.
She'd read in the case summary before coming over to document Gail's injuries that another officer, a detective, had been wounded and was in surgery.
Holly felt her heart sink as she looked to the blonde in front of her, the pieces falling into place as she took in the blonde's broken state and the new pick-up request from the office.
The new victim was her co-worker, her friend.
The brunette shifted onto her hip and reached over, gently pulling the blonde into her side who to Holly's surprise didn't put up a fight and instead wrapped her arms around the doc and buried her face in her shoulder. Holly looped her arms around Gail's waist and gently stroked her back in slow soothing circles, wishing there was something more she could do to help.
With all the feelings running rampant through the blonde, the one she was most surprised by was the comfort she felt, from a virtual stranger no less. Neither Dov or Chris had made an attempt to console her after dropping the preverbal bomb on her, but here this woman was offering solace from the storm raging inside her. Gail wasn't the touchy-feely type and normally shied away from uninitiated contact, but she currently found herself gripping onto Holly with all her might as if she'd be swept into the swirling currents of despair she was treading through. Gail had always prided herself- somewhat foolishly and stubbornly at times- on not needing anyone and being independent, but at the moment she knew she needed Holly, she needed someone to be strong for her while she was incapable.
And so they sat on the floor beside Gail's hospital bed, a tangle of limbs weathering a storm of raw anguish.