The Red Strings Of Fate
"And when I slowly close my eyes, you come back to my memory
and disappear when I look back
Even if you can't reach the place we were to meet at,
I won't let go of your hand..."
There was actually quite many things that still would remind Watanuki of Yûko-san. It was quite incredible that so many trivial things would still remind him of her. While visiting a grocery store, just seeing the magazines she used to read made his heart ache. Just smelling the certain sweet-scented tobacco she used to smoke would bring tears to his eyes. If someone would mention her name, her face would seem like a part of the scenery Watanuki was watching at that moment: it almost seemed like she was everywhere.
But if Watanuki would have to name one thing that would remind him of Yûko-san above all the other things, it had to be the cherry blossoms.
It had been almost a year ago when Yûko-san had died and the cherry blossoms were once again blooming: the spring was here. Watanuki was on his way to his home from grocery shopping, but the cherry blossoms in the park made him forget about the reality he was living at the moment. He watched the cherry trees swaying in the wind and before he even knew it, he had stopped walking, staring at the cherry trees and feeling mesmerized.
The cherry blossoms were blooming with such a vitality and they would vindicate anyone who looked at them. But still, those same cherry blossoms were fated to fade away one day and certainly that day would come too soon. Yes, Yûko-san had been exactly like those cherry blossoms.
It was quite a late evening and the cherry blossoms seemed so unrealistically vivid against the pitch-black night sky. Watanuki had the strangest sensation as if the cherry blossom were sighing: the whole night was filled with melancholy and longing. As he just stood there, the endless loneliness seemed to surround him and he felt like he could be sucked into the blackness of the night. Just like Yûko-san had been sucked in that darkness...
Once again he remembered the last spring, the spring when he had to say goodbye to Yûko-san. He had lived that moment over and over again so many times that sometimes, actually quite many times, that memory seemed more real than the moment he was living in.
When he slowly came back to the reality from his dream-like state, he noticed that he was crying. He absent-mindedly pondered if he should be worried about it, because he didn't even notice when he had begun crying.
But he let the tears flow because that was one of the rare ways to express the feeling of the deep loss he was experiencing.
Every time Watanuki remembered that Yûko-san was really gone, the strong sensation of disbelief, loneliness and sadness would go through him like a hurricane. Every time he realized that she was gone, he felt so empty: to think that she was gone, truly gone and possibly never to come back. Never was such a sad and depressing word, and it was so final, it was too final.
But still Watanuki knew, that even though he might never reach Yûko again, even if she wasn't part of his daily life anymore, he would never let go of her. The two of them would always be bonded by the red strings of fate, strings so sustainable that they would last eternally and bind the two of them together, even through the time and the death.
But right now, he would keep on living. That's right, it was her wish, the one he would surely keep: no matter what, he would keep on living. That was all he could do for her at the moment.
He had also decided to find a way to grant his on wish, the wish to meet Yûko-san once again. He was certain that if he wished hard enough and kept dreaming about it, there would be a way to meet her somehow. In the mean while, he would wait for her. Yes, he would be waiting for her always and always in the shop.
Watanuki prayed quietly in his mind that where ever Yûko-san was, he wished that she would be in ease and she would be happy. He believed fiercely that she was still somewhere; he had no idea where and he had no idea if he would ever see her, but he refused to believe that she had stopped existing completely.
He would never forget her, the one who had changed him so much, the one who had made him who he was. She might not be part of his daily life, but she would always be part of his life and part of him. And that way, Watanuki wanted to believe that Yûko-san would always be with him in a very special way.
Watanuki noticed that one lonely petal of a cherry blossom had fallen on his praying hands. The soft sensation made him feel as if he had been touched by Yûko-san and when the wind quietly blew, it seemed to whisper her words to him:
"You are very precious to me..."
And when Watanuki looked up, the cherry blossoms were ever so softly and ever so quietly falling.
And they were falling, falling, falling all over him.
-A/N: Hey hey, long time no see! Some of you might remember me as the author of "Carnival Of Rust" and some other stories, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for such a long time! I plan to update "Carnival Of Rust" quite soon, I'm full of ideas at the moment. Please be kind and read it if you have time. But for now, let's put that aside and go on with this one-shot: I just had to write this after I read the latest chapters of xxxHOLiC. Those chapters made me so sad, poor Watanuki and poor Yûko... I wanted to capture the feeling of melancholy and the bitter-sweetness of it all. I'm not sure how well I handled it, but I really wanted to make this one-shot full of emotions. I hope it didn't end up being too confusing, I really wrote it in the spur of moment. Oh yes, and at the beginning of this one-shot, there's in italics a reference to one of my favourite songs, "Manatsu No Yoru No Yume" by Suga Shikao. See you all and take care of yourselves! And please be kind and leave a comment for me if you have time.