From Beyond the Grave

by Squeeb100

So after about five tries this finally uploaded. Please help with title if you can think of a better one. *WARNING: contains major spoilers all the way through the anime* L reflects on his life at the end of the known story, comparing and contrasting himself to his murderer who lies dying before him.

If the human consciousness exists beyond the grave, then I have most certainly died. The fact that this is nothing but my consciousness is the only explanation pertaining to the fact that I have existed this long after that day. I have no tangible presence, and I can feel myself fading away even now, as you lay here dying. It is even possible that our lives were intertwined by the events that preceded this moment, the moment of your death.

I've been watching you for years, ceaselessly. I was without rest, observing you, for you are one of the most interesting people I have ever met. For weeks, months, hours, I have monitored your actions, attempting to piece your motives together while simultaneously peeling you apart layer by layer. I have been since before you met me.

In spite of this, I never truly knew you until I died. I never fully understood you until I saw the wild look in your eyes as my life faded. It was the look of a wild animal, a hunter, a killer. It was a completely sadistic, monopolizing look, and for the first time in my entire, short life, I was inferior to someone. I was outsmarted, and it was my own carelessness that ultimately cost me my life.

I was overcome by a feeling previously alien to me: helplessness. Intellect acts as a shield, separating one from hardship, for whatever comes your way can be overcome with a bit of willpower. But in the moment that my heart stopped, I was utterly without help. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. Terror washed over me as I stared at your face. I was filled with emotion – fear. Regret. Hatred.

Yes. I hated you in that moment, for what you had done to me and the world. I hated myself for what I had done to others, for the lies I had told, the lives I had sacrificed. For have I not killed also? Murder was a means to an end, for both of us, a means to two distinct ends that two helpless fools had labeled "Justice."

Facing death is indeed a frightening thing. I know what you are going through, in your own twisted way. I could feel it in the atmosphere that day, surrounding me, stifling me. My death was like the ringing of church bells in my ears, a constant reminder that my time had come. Was that when I gave up? Even I do not know how to answer that question. I was going to do something terrible, though. I was going to kill again for my own purposes. More blood on my hands; perhaps my death was truly my saving grace, as it is yours.

You see, we are the same. We're both murdering, lying hypocrites who hate to lose and are so capable that we can even fool ourselves. We differ in only one way, when you think hard about it, and that way is that I am a realist, a pessimist at times, even, and you are an optimist, always. Both mindsets can be incredibly condemning, yet they are both beautiful and unique.

I accepted fate. You did not. I knew that I would die, and welcomed death. You convinced yourself that you were a god already, above such trifles as death. You were immortal in your own mind, and that is how Near was able to trick you. He did what I failed to do; he proved who you truly were, he told everyone that you were Kira, the mass murderer, and what did you do? You laughed. You laughed at the threshold of death, you tried to escape when Matsuda shot at you in a blind rage, and Mikami, your closest follower, the one who would do anything for you, his god, you discarded like a worn out pair of gloves. But not even you, God, can outwit death. It caught up with you, long overdue, and someone who you had come to consider as a companion, someone who was almost trustworthy, was the means of your ultimate demise.

Another way in which we are similar.

But, intelligent as you are, you seem incapable of grasping the truth. This is the way in which I am superior to you.

And so I retain some sense of personal dignity as I watch your eyes glaze over. You'll be dead when they find you. Your soul will be gone, and so will mine. You are condemned forever to rot in Hell. You may even drag you with me, Light Yagami, and for that I congratulate you.

Wherever we end up, it will be because we deserve it.

Let's see whose Justice was the fraud, shall we?