Emma scratched at her wrist. It had already been there a year, but she still caught herself picking at it. And it won't be there for much longer if you keep scratching at it, idiot, she thought to herself. She was sitting in her and Ne- her car people watching. It was one of the only things she could do during the day. It's not like there were many job opportunities for young girls without high school diplomas who'd just gotten out of prison.
The blonde's stomach rumbled underneath her tank top, and upon placing a hand there to soothe it she flinched at the feeling of bone. She'd have to steal something. Now her people watching had a purpose. Someone would be none the wiser. Someone would keep their wallet in their open purse or in their back pocket, and she could swipe it. Then she could buy food for the day.
Emma never used the stolen credit cards, even if at one point her partner in crime had suggested it. Credit cards could be traced, and the last thing she wanted to do was get caught. Besides, she'd figured it was the polite thing to do. If she was going to steal from them, she'd at least keep their money in the bank until they cancel the card.
Emma's stomach grumbled again, so she looked more fervently for someone to mooch off. Then she saw her. Emma barreled out the yellow bug and raced to the sidewalk. "Lily!" she shouted, reaching out for the woman opening the door to a busy cafe.
The girl being called to spun around in confusion, and Emma gasped at what she saw. The dark-haired girl had longer hair that waved down to her shoulders. Gone was the messy updo Emma had known. Lily was taller now too, which Emma envied incredibly; the blonde was still the same height as she had been two years prior when she had met Lily.
Lily looked confused but stepped towards the blonde hesitantly, "Emma?" she asked, incredulously. Her voice was deeper now too, and she somehow sounded even more confident. "Is that you?"
The blonde's mouth went dry, and she started scratching at her wrist instinctively. She was at a loss for words. Lily was her first… her first… the first person Emma had ever trusted, and it had bit Emma in the butt. They'd known each other a few days, but the way they spoke made her feel like it was a life time. Being with Lily was the first time Emma had ever felt wanted.
Besides, after losing Neal, her break up with Lily seemed far less dramatic. Having her father walk in on them was certainly preferable over being framed for theft. "Hi," Emma finally got up the courage, pushing her glasses up her nose and smiling down at her feet. Suddenly she was sixteen again, stealing pop tarts from the store, meeting someone who helped her unwarranted.
"You look… good Emma, but cold. Do you have a jacket?" Lily asked, giving Emma a worried look. She started to reach out to the blonde, but Emma saw her hesitate and pull away at the last second. Their relationship had been very physical from the start. Handholding, hugging, falling asleep in each other's arms… shy kisses stolen in the dead of night.
But Lily had betrayed that trust, so she held back from touching her again. Emma shrugged her shoulders, "Me? Yeah, I must have left it at home." It was a lie; Emma didn't own a jacket warmer than her spring coat, but she wasn't about to let Lily know that. The Latina was wearing a very nice red leather jacket over her outfit, and from the condition Emma knew it couldn't have been stolen.
Lily shuffled on her feet for a second before glancing back over her shoulder. "I was about to get some coffee. Would you like something? I'm buying." Emma was almost too proud to accept, but her stomach grumbled loudly in response, and Lily smiled at her. "I'll take that as a yes."
—
Emma sat at the small table, elbows tight to avoid touching Lily who had her arms casually draped over the small table. The blonde couldn't keep her eyes off Lily's arm, and her wrist. It was still there. Of course it's still there; it's a scar, idiot, she thought to herself. But it felt like it was her scar too. Emma remembered calling Lily "special" and "one-of-a-kind", and Lily reached over with a magic marker to mark her in the same way.
She took a sip of her cocoa and furrowed her brow. Something was different. "Hope you like it. I like to put cinnamon in mine; gives it a little more flavor," Lily explained, taking a sip from her own cup. Emma took another more contemplative sip and smiled at the taste.
Emma sat her cup down and immediately began picking at her wrist. "How have you been, Lily?" she asked, studying the girl's face carefully. There was still that freckle on the right side of her nose and the crinkle at the top of her right eye.
"I'm doing fine, Em," the brunette responded, a twinkle in her eye. Emma almost flinched; she wasn't lying. The blonde scolded herself for wanting Lily to not be fine, for Lily to still be torn up about her, for Lily to still want her. "How are you?"
Emma took another hesitant sip of her cocoa, preparing to answer when Lily grabbed her hand. Emma's eyes widened at the contact, but she didn't pull away. Lily traced the tattoo that she had been picking at all this time. Emma watched Lily's face wrack with recognition. "What's this?" Lily asked, feigning innocence, pretending she didn't know exactly what it meant.
The blonde gulped and glanced down at the symbol on her wrist. "It's a flower," she mumbled nonchalantly. Maybe Lily would leave it alone. Maybe Lily wouldn't. Maybe Lily would realize she's not fine and still wanted Emma. Stop wishing, idiot, nobody wants you.
"Yeah…" Lily breathed, her hand going to clasp Emma's. The physical contact had been made; they weren't going to end it now. "Does it… does it mean something?" The Latina seemed scared, worried, and thrilled all at once.
Emma placed her free hand on Lily's and took in a deep breath. "Yeah… yeah it does." Lily met her eyes, and Emma saw her contemplate reaching up to grab her cheek then decide not to. Emma bit her lip, too scared to look at her, but too scared to look away.
Lily looked back down at Emma's wrist and chuckled nervously in attempt to lighten the situation. "It looks kind of like our stars." Lily's eyes looked wet, and Emma closed her eyes tightly. She counted backwards from ten, but she kept getting distracted by the constant tracing of skin Lily was performing on her wrist.
"Did you ever run away again?" Emma spouted before she could stop herself, but the look on Lily's face said it all. No. She hadn't. After everything she hadn't come after Emma. She hadn't wanted Emma enough to find her. No one ever wanted Emma enough.
Lily reached out to grab Emma's face, and only when Lily swiped at a tear on the blonde's left cheek did she realize she was crying. "I waited for you, Emma. I thought you would find me. I thought you would take me away… I wanted you to."
Emma's grip on Lily's hand tightened as she tried to control her breathing. "I'm not used to being wanted, Lily," she whispered, and only then did Emma realize how close they were. Here noticeable ribs were pressing into the table in front of her, and Lily wasn't that far away.
"Remember when we danced, Em?" Lily said with a smile. "I taught you how to chacha, and we chacha'd all night." Emma remembered it perfectly. She was clumsy, and they'd trip over each other. They'd giggle at mistakes and do silly dances to the music. Emma would hardly call it dancing.
Emma pulled away suddenly, distancing herself from the girl that had broken her heart. "Was any of it real?" she asked. Her tone was firm, but her voice was soft. Maybe if she hadn't said it she could go on pretending. Maybe she could pretend someone wanted her for just a little while.
Lily nodded, a sad smile on her face. "It all was." Emma didn't scooch back towards the table, but she grabbed her cocoa and took a sip of it. She liked the cinnamon. "Are you still alone?" Emma coughed on her sip and tried to look surprised. She knew Lily could read her like a book. She was completely alone.
—
Emma shuffled awkwardly outside the cafe, glancing between the door and her yellow bug. Lily was staring at her so earnestly. "Um, thanks for the drink," Emma mumbled awkwardly, trying to make herself go towards her car.
"Do you really have a coat?" Lily asked suddenly, and Emma realized she was shivering almost violently. She bit her tongue to stop her teeth from chattering and shook her head. The Latina sighed and gave her a sad smile. Lily stripped her red jacket off her back and held it out for Emma.
The blonde's eyes widened in recognition. She shook her head, but Lily shoved the jacket in her arms. Emma's hand clasped around the leather, and the blonde stared at the red article in front of her. "Consider it payback. We're even now."
Emma's heart sunk at what that implied. They were even; there was no reason for Lily to stick around. She didn't want Emma anymore. Emma nodded and shrugged the warm jacket over her shivering shoulders. "Yeah," she mumbled, turning away to go back to her car, "Even."