Heaven…
A place among the clouds, eternal peace, angels…
That's not Heaven. Well, it's not mine, at any rate…
My Heaven is long red hair, blazing green eyes, Gryffendor pride, and muggle born.
Lily Evens was my single Heaven.
From the moment I told her what she was, she was my Heaven. That first train ride where we laughed, worried and were alone for hours fixed her in my heart forever.
As you can well imagine, I was devastated when she went to Gryffendor and I to Slytherin. I had expected it, true, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
We were, from the start, excellent in Potions. We would have friendly competitions between us, learning from each other always. She taught me so much of what I now know of the art of potion making.
I loved her for the longest time, with all my heart and soul. I don't know if she knew this, but I never pressed it upon her. I knew that she would come to me in her own time, and that I could wait. I would wait lifetimes for her.
As I waited, I was able to watch countless other boys fall in love with my Heaven. James Potter being the most irksome and persistent of them all. He kept hopelessly chasing after her to no avail. Every time he failed, he would torment me, knowing I was close to her. But I knew the he more he taunted me, the more Lily would loathe him.
But it was his taunting that drove Lily and I apart forever. The embarrassment and shame he caused me drove me to act rashly and say the word that forever lost me a chance at Heaven.
Mudblood…
Mudblood…
That single word passed my lips in a second and tore apart my life. Upon loosing Lily I sank into irrevocable despair. I had lost my one hope at a happy life…so I gave up on happiness itself. I became a Death Eater, relishing the pain in my arm as the branded me with the Dark Mark. Because that pain hurt so much less and felt so much better than the never-ending ache in my heart.
Lily never left my heart, not as I rose through the ranks of Death Eaters, into The Dark Lord's most inner circle. And it was because I so dearly loved her that The Dark Lord's plan upon hearing the prophecy shook me to the core.
I had lost her to Potter, but I could not loose her in life forever! I would not let it happen, never! I tried so hard, risking all that I was, risking death at The Dark Lord's hands, to save her.
But it wasn't enough…
I lost my Heaven entirely. To a man I had once called Master… But no more would he bear that title from me.
Yet her son lived.
I knew that I could aid in his protection… For Lily.
He had Lily's eyes. That one fact kept my hope for redemption alive.
And now, oh, now… Now I go to see my 'Master'. To die at his hands. To leave the living Hell of life at long last.
Now I go to become re-united with my Heaven.