This is our first time writing Star Trek fic - but thanks to the reboot movie, we are jumping on the joyride! Amelie is Kirk, Chekov, Uhura and McCoy. Scarecrowslady is Spock, Enterprise, Sulu and Scotty. We hope you'll enjoy!

Read and review!!!

The Very Secret Logs of Star Trek

by scarecrowslady and amelie

Chapter 1: En-trapmen-t: The Setup

Captain's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

The Enterprise has arrived at M113. We will be going to the planet's surface to visit doctors Robert and Nancy Crater. Apparently, this Nancy is an ex of McCoy's. Can't wait to see what type he goes for. After all, he has been divorced, twice, must have some taste.

In other news, I'm quite taken with this new ship. She really is something! Proud to call her mine. The warp capabilities alone...

I know Spock would say I'm forming an illogical emotional attachment to an inanimate object, but I can't help it. She's just so beautiful!

Shirt Status: In tact

First Officer's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

We have successfully arrived at Planet M113. The Captain and the landing party has made contact with the archaeologists working there. I must note that the Captain has been behaving irregularly in the past few days. Perhaps there is some strange cultural explanation for the looks he has been giving the Doctor.

Enterprise Log

Stardate: 1513.1

As per the course laid in, I have arrived safely at Planet M113. This brings me a great feeling of well-being, for my mission continues with good fortune - and who could not be with a Captain such that I have? I have compared him against many others - and cannot find him wanting in the least.

Tall, handsome, blond with intense blue eyes and a well-muscled, healthy body. Prime material for the procreation of human species.

Was pleased to note that the evil creature did not succeed in destroying my beloved captain.

Hits taken: None.

Doctor's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

I've been dreading this meeting for a month. now I'm excited as a damn teenager. Never thought to see Nancy again. Looking forward to it in a way. After all, I took a look at her husband's photos and let me say I'm feeling pretty good about my thirty some odd years.

Just returned from seeing Nancy. She's just as I remembered her. Unbelievable, really. I mean it has been ten years, and time isn't usually so kind to females. Of course southern gentlemen don't actually say these things aloud.

Her husband on the other hand, looks even older than his photo.

Didn't figure Nancy as the type to go for such an older man, but maybe she needed someone safe afterward...

Kirk kept giving me weird looks. I've been noticing those sly smiles all week. Thought it might just be my imagination, but mentioned the man's heightened levels of, and I quote the Vulcan, "vicarious enjoyment" to "experience reuniting with one's mate".

Green-blooded freak... has a point... damn...

Captain's Log Supplemental

Stardate: 1513.1

Back on my ship, thank goodness. I never feel as safe as I do, surrounded by her solid bulk heads and taupe carpeting.

But I digress. The real purpose of the mission was on complete success. Bones was a total jelly fish around around his ex. he can talk about southern charm all he wants - but I know a whipped man when I see one and Bones is whipped. Excuse me while I give into a fit of giggles.

In other news, crewman died with the only symptom being extremely unattractive boils. Should probably investigate. Will talk to Spock.

Helm's Man's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

V.v. bizarre day. My darling plants were upset by some strange creature masquerading as a hag. Totally in poor taste. So unlovely. But I calmed my loverly flowers down. Also, there was some totally weird behavior in the cafe. A strain. I must say. Am I surrounded by Philistines? Was very happy to set course at the end. Yes, indeed.

Fashion check: tolerable

Doctor's Log Supplemental

Stardate: 1513.1

Nancy's dead! She's actually dead! I just can't believe it. I suspect her husband. He gave me a couple of green looks.

Saints above! Nancy's alive! She's asking for my help and unghhhh.....

Communication Officer's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

A killer, McCoy's ex, and a man who speaks Swahili. What a day. There I was, minding my business, when out of nowhere out pops this gorgeous crew member. I'd never seen him before, and he made me uncomfortable. He was so intense. But, then he began speaking my native tongue. I haven't heard Swahili for seven years - not since joining Star Fleet. Then it was just like I spaced. I couldn't stop looking into his eyes. The Captain called for me then. Bummer to leave. Looked for that crewman later, never found him. So sad.

First Officer's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

The creature, after causing much disturbance on the ship has been finally laid to rest. I am perturbed by my behavior in the Doctor's quarters - not so much the fact that I laid violent hands on a female - but rather my hurried actions that may have been incorrectly interpreted as panic. I am certain the Doctor will comment about the illogicality of my actions - but my rationale was solid.

However, it is over. The Captain - and the crew - are safe once again from danger. It appears as though our mission will continue.

Live long and prosper.

Caption's Log Extra Supplemental

Stardate: 1513.1

Only Bones would manage to mix his love for medicine and the woman he once loved into a plague! Had to wrestle the crazed alien for my friend's life. And what did he do? Stand there!

I had octopus suckers on my face, and he stood there like a guppie.

Thank goodness Spock was there! My best friend saves the day, again. I really have to watch this trend.

Engineer's Log

Stardate: 1513.1

Nothing of great import. All engines green. Some kerfuffle over a woman. As usual, the bonny laddies and lassies are having a time of it. Hope this will not disturb my beauty. The Enterprise does not deserve the ruckus. Scotty, out.

The title of this story is related to the "Very Secret Diaries of Lord of the Rings". Which means that those who have read this - will totally know where this is headed. :P NOT THE SPOCK/UHURA way. Just to warn you. :P