A/N: SHE LIVES! Yeah I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. I have had SEVERE lack of inspiration or ideas, though I really wanted to write. Nothing would come to me. And I'm sorry that this piece of crap is what you get after, what? Three months? Is that it? Idk. Bottom line, I absolutely hate this one, but put it on here so that I could post something. I'll probably end up changing and editing it many, many times in the future, but for now, this is what it is. I'm so sorry.
Anyway, it's basically a very Kataangsty conversation between Katara and Hakoda taking place probably not long after the end of The Boiling Rock Part 2. Yep.
Reviews are appreciated much, though please no flames.
(try to) Enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: I never have and never will own Avatar or any of its characters no matter how much I may beg and plead at the feet of Mike and Bryan.
The evening sun cast a warming glow on the Western Air Temple as the Gaang and company gathered for dinner. As Hakoda sat down between his two children, he couldn't help but admire the way the ancient and sacred architecture of the temple was beautifully accented by the sun's orange and yellow rays. He wondered if the monks did it on purpose, and if they would simply sit and admire it as he did now.
With a content smile, he shifted his attention from the walls of the temple to the group of people gathered around him. Sokka had taken it upon himself to – somewhat dramatically – tell the over-exaggerated story of how he and Zuko had valiantly rescued his "wayward father" and "fair maiden" from "the clutches of Fire Nation tyranny." He laughed fondly at his son's dramatic flair and smiled at how much the young warrior had taken after himself.
"Here you go dad," Katara said as she handed her father a bowl of rice. "Nice and hot! I know it's not much and kind of bland, but I bet it beats whatever they were feeding you in prison."
Hakoda smiled once again. "Thank you Katara."
Katara smiled in response and Hakoda's eyes lingered on her as she went on to fill another bowl with rice. Unlike Sokka, Hakoda couldn't help but notice how dramatically Katara had taken after her mother. She not only inherited Kya's beautiful looks, but also her strong caretaker instinct. Hakoda had only been reunited with his children for less than a day and he could already tell that she was the one who had taken the responsibility to care for everyone. From what Sokka had told him before the invasion, it also seems that she was the same way at home. Hakoda couldn't help but feel guilty and largely responsible for Katara having grown up so quickly. No longer was she the little girl he had left behind that needed help cleaning her own room. Now, she was the one who took it upon herself to look after the well-being of everyone else, so much so that she oftentimes forgets to look after herself. Hakoda saw that all too clearly when she had sacrificed her own health in order to bring the Avatar back to the living after the terrible events that occurred in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se.
Hakoda watched as Katara carried a now filled bowl over to said Avatar. When she handed him the bowl, however, Hakoda was all too aware of the way both of them made caution to avoid eye contact and were careful not to let their hands touch as Katara handed off the bowl. This was curious to Hakoda. He distinctly remembered the way the two of them interacted when they were on the Fire Nation ship. They never acted so distant or talked him such mechanical voices as when Aang stated, "Thank you, Katara," and Katara replied, "You're welcome, Aang."
Brows furrowed in confusion, Hakoda almost commented on the peculiar interaction, but stopped himself when he considered that maybe it wasn't something the pair wanted to talk about in front of everyone. Not wanting to put anyone on the spot but still feeling the need to figure out what is going on between the two, Hakoda elected to wait until after the meal to talk to Katara alone. He was sure that she would be more open to him if there was no one else around to hear.
His resolve made, Hakoda pushed the issue to the back of his mind for the time being. He refocused his attention back to Sokka, who had now pulled a reluctant Zuko into his extravagant reenactments, and leaned back on his palms to relax and enjoy the show. It was good to be back with his family again. He hoped to the spirits that this time, he wouldn't have to leave them again so soon.
After everyone had finished their meals and headed off to bed, save one waterbender who had taken it upon herself to clean the dishes used for dinner, Hakoda approached his daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned and smiled at him.
"Hey dad," she said. "I would ask you to help me with the dishes here, but I'm almost done. Is there something you need?"
"Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you," Hakoda replied. "You got a minute?"
"Sure!" Katara finished up wiping the crumbs off of one last plate before placing it with the rest. She wiped her hands together as she and her father walked towards the edge of the temple. "So what's up?"
Hakoda hesitated for a moment, mulling over how he should word his concern. He then said, "How have you been, Katara? How are things with you and the group? Are you all still getting along well?"
Confused as to his reason for asking the questions, Katara cocked her head to the side, "Why do you ask?"
"Just making conversation."
Wholly unconvinced by her father's vague answer but willing to play along, Katara said, "Well, Sokka and I are doing fine. We have our fights and everything but that's nothing new. Toph and I fight sometimes too, but we always make up in the end. She's kind of like another sibling to me to be honest. Teo, The Duke, and Haru are doing fine with all of us too. It took them a little bit to adjust to living in hiding, but I think they're coping well. Then there's Zuko...I don't know about him yet. I know he just helped you escape from prison and everything, and trust me I am grateful for that, but...I don't know. It still feels off with him here."
Hakoda wasn't terribly surprised that Katara stopped there, subtly leaving out a certain bald-headed member of the group. "What about Aang?" he asked.
"What about Aang?" she replied, feigning ignorance.
"How are you two getting along?"
Katara looked at her feet as she walked and played with a strand of hair that had fallen over her shoulder. "We're...fine."
Hakoda looked at his daughter with knowing eyes. When she looked up and saw his face and realized that he had seen right through her lie, she let out a defeated sigh and said, "Is it that obvious?"
"A little bit," was Hakoda's reply.
By then, the pair had reached the edge of the temple. Katara sat down and swung her legs over the ledge and Hakoda followed suit. She placed her hands in her lap and played with a loose thread in her clothes. Hakoda put a comforting hand on her back and said softly, "You know you can tell me anything, Katara."
Katara looked at her father for a long moment before giving in and reluctantly saying in almost a whisper, "Me and Aang, we're...well...we just..." frustrated at herself for not being able to put the situation into words, Katara grunted as she rubbed her face with her hands and said, "It's complicated."
"Tell me," Hakoda gently prodded.
"It's kind of a long story," Katara said in hopes of avoiding the topic as a whole.
"Well you're in luck because I have plenty of time and nothing to do with it, being stuck in this temple and all," Hakoda replied with a teasing smile.
Katara sighed once again before looking up to the now nighttime sky. She took a moment to admire the brilliant stars and constellations before once again settling her attention to her hands in her lap. "I don't really know where to start," she said quietly.
"How about at the beginning," replied Hakoda.
"That's just it, though," she said. "I really don't know where it all started. It all just kind of...happened."
"What 'all just kind of happened'?" asked Hakoda. "Did he do something to you?"
"No! No," Katara quickly defended. "Well, kind of. Ugh I don't know!" She buried her face in her hands in frustration. There was just no easy way to explain what had happened and everything that had gone through her mind since.
"Katara," Hakoda urged. "What happened?"
"He kissed me, okay!" she blurted out in exasperation. "He kissed me, and I have no idea how I feel about it. Well, I kind of do, but...ugh! I just...I don't know. I'm just really confused and frustrated and I don't know what to do, dad." She cursed the tears that had begun coating her eyes and the way her voice had started to break. The last thing she wanted to do was to break down in front of her father over a boy.
Hakoda simply sat in silence and pondered what he had been told. He wasn't sure how to correctly respond to Katara's confession. When he noticed that his daughter was waiting on some sort of response, he asked, "How long ago did this happen?"
"It...it was during the invasion, actually," Katara responded. "When we had to resurface for air. After everyone had gone back down, it was just the two of us. I told him how proud of him I was and then he said, 'What if I don't come back?' and right when I was about to say that of course he would come back, he kissed me. Just like that."
"What did you say to him after?" asked Hakoda.
"I didn't, I couldn't! Right after he kissed me, I was too surprised to say anything right away. It wouldn't have mattered though, because he just flew off before I could react."
Hakoda took this in before responding hesitantly, "Well, if he gave you the chance, what would you have said?"
Katara paused. It wasn't like she hadn't asked herself the same thing a million times over, that she hadn't played different versions of such a situation over and over in her head. But now that she was being asked directly, she drew up blank. "I...I don't know," she whispered as a hot tear escaped down her cheek.
"Well," Hakoda said as he placed an arm around her shoulder to comfort her. "How did it make you feel?"
"I'm not entirely sure," she replied. "At first, I was more surprised than anything. Though, I suppose I should have seen it coming, or at least something of the kind."
Hakoda's eyebrows drew together as he asked, "What do you mean?"
Katara bit her lip and then responded, "Well, I guess I have always kind of known that he had some sort of a crush on me or something. I pretended to be oblivious, but I wasn't. And on the submarine, well, for all we knew that could have been the last time we ever saw each other. It really shouldn't have been so much of a surprise."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Do you have feelings for him too?" Hakoda asked gently.
Katara sighed. "I...I don't know...maybe?" She wiped away yet another tear that had fallen down her face. "I don't really think I know what I feel. I know he's my best friend. I know that. And I know that I would never leave his side. But, whether or not I feel something more? I guess that's a box I really don't want to open."
"Why not, Katara?" Hakoda wondered.
"Because..." Katara trailed off. She sighed and ran her fingers through her chocolate locks. This may have been the most difficult conversation she had ever had with her father.
Hakoda rubbed Katara's arm to comfort her. He could tell how difficult it was for her to talk about something she didn't quite understand herself. He suspected that her feelings for the Avatar frightened her and that was why she didn't want to examine them any closer. He gently wiped a tear from her face with his thumb before softly saying, "You can tell me Katara. I love you and I would never judge you."
She took in a shaky breath before she blurted out in frustration, "Because we all already have so much on our plates! Because we're in the middle of a war and don't have time to be thinking about this sort of thing! Because...beacause..." she dropped her shoulders and let out a heavy sigh. "Because it would just be easier not to."
"Easier? How could it be easier?"
Katara looked at her father with glassy eyes. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and opened her mouth in an attempt to answer him. However, when her brain said to speak, her body didn't listen. She froze, then closed her mouth and looked down into the valley below her feet. For what felt like the millionth time in this one conversation with her father, she sighed. She hesitated a moment longer before finally answering Hakoda's question. "Because he's the Avatar."
Hakoda looked at Katara as he waited on her explanation. When none came, he gently asked her, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Because the world is out to get him. Because even if he defeats the Firelord, even if he saves the world, even if he never once does anything wrong...no matter what someone will always be after him. There will always be people who see him as the Avatar who abandoned the world and not the one who saved it, and those who hate him for it. His life will always be in danger, no matter what he does, just because of who he is!" Katara's crescendoing tone throughout her tirade concerned Hakoda. He could tell that this upset her more than she had previously let on. This was something that she had thought about, that she had worried over for a long time, not just since the invasion.
He rubbed her arm and asked, "Are you afraid that his enemies will come after you?"
She replied with a tone much louder than she had intended, "No!" Seeing her father raise his eyebrows in surprise, she took a deep breath and said with a more level voice, "No. I'm not afraid of what will happen to me. I'm afraid of what will happen to him. Ever since mom died, I've been so scared of losing you or Sokka or anyone I love. And now, this past year, I've seen enough death and pain come to innocent people to haunt me for a lifetime. I just...I don't think..." she let out yet another heavy sigh. The tears had stopped coming as she had already used them all up. All that remained in their stead was her bloodshot eyes and a few broken sobs that escaped her throat.
Hakoda could easily see the pain in her eyes. She was trying, so hard, to open up to him, but it was so painful for her to do it. He wanted so badly to help her, but he felt completely useless. Spirits I wish Kya were here, he thought. She was always better at this sort of thing.
"You don't think what, Katara?" Hakoda softly eased her to continue.
Katara's eyes remained fixated on her hands as she whispered more to herself than to her father, "I don't think I could survive if I let him in, and then lost him." She shrugged her shoulders as she said, "I don't want to risk another goodbye. I...I can't."
Hakoda's heart filled with a sad sympathy for his daughter. She was barely fifteen and already afraid to love because of her grief. She had seen so much pain in such a short time, grown up so quickly, and been broken too many times. His own eyes filled with salty tears as he mourned for Katara's lost childhood. He had never felt more helpless. It seemed there was nothing he could do for her anymore, except be there for her. Sometimes that was enough, and sometimes it just felt like it wasn't.
When choking had begun to overtake the sullen waterbender, Hakoda took her in his arms and squeezed her tight. She clung to him as if she thought he intended to leave her. But he would never do that, never again.
Neither father nor daughter knew how much time had passed before Katara was able to pull herself together enough to wedge her broken weeping. When the streams of newly formed tears turned to nothing more than drying streaks and her aching cries turned to quiet hiccups, Hakoda lightly unwound himself from Katara's arms and held her at arm's length. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and tenderly wiped the tear stains from her face. He offered her a bittersweet smile and said softly, "You get it all out?"
She sniffled and nodded, saying, "Yeah...yeah I think so."
"Now Katara," he began quietly. "I know your life has been so difficult since we lost Kya. Mine has too, and so has Sokka's, though I feel you have taken the brunt of the pain. You are so strong Katara, so strong. And I am so, so proud of you for how far you've come and the person you have grown into. You're braver and smarter than I could have ever hoped for you to be. You're mature and responsible and you care so deeply for people. These are all things you have learned because of the trials in your life.
"And I understand how these trials have made you afraid. You avoid pain at all costs, even if it means giving up love. I don't blame you; losing someone you love...it's the hardest thing in the world. You were much too young when you lost your mother...no child should ever go through that. But you did, and you came out the other end a stronger, but more cautious, person.
"I know you're afraid to find out – or to admit to yourself – that you have feelings for Aang because you're afraid of the pain of losing him. It's not easy for me to think of my baby girl as grown up enough to be thinking about such things at all, but I don't think it's reasonable to factor your age into much of anything anymore. I know you're scared to feel something for him, Katara. But sweetheart, let me ask you something. Do you really think losing him would be any less painful now than it would be if you knew what you felt for him?"
Katara knew the answer, plain and simple. But it was a question she had never asked herself, and now that it was out in the open and yet still waiting to be resolved with a response, she didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to admit to her father – to herself – what she had been denying for so long. So instead of giving a response, she simply looked from her hands, to her father, then back to her hands again with an expression Hakoda couldn't quite read. She felt no tears trying to rise, no sobs coming to break the heavy silence.
Her silence was answer enough for Hakoda. He gave Katara a sad smile and kissed her on the forehead. When he pulled back, he said to her, "I know you're confused, Katara, and I know you're scared. I just want to tell you that you don't have to be. Life can be cruel and unforgiving, and I believe we should seize any opportunity we get for happiness before it fades away."
"What am I supposed to do, dad?" Katara asked brokenly.
"I believe the first step in your situation is simply to consider. Consider possibilities, but don't linger on the bad ones. Instead, think of what good could come from this. You just need to open your mind Katara, and don't be afraid. I know that is a lot to ask, especially when there is so much more going on in your life right now, but you have to trust me.
"I'm not saying you have to confess your love in some dramatic way, all I'm saying is that you need to look at your feelings for what they are, and try to figure out what it is you want in your life, and to chase after it. If you have feelings for Aang, great. If you don't, then so be it. The last thing I want for you, Katara, is for you to look back in your old age and wish for and wonder what your life could have been. I want you to make your life what you want it to be. And the only way to know that is to look at yourself and decide what it is you really want.
"I love you, sweetheart. I know I'm not much help to you, but I know you can figure this out."
Katara nodded and smiled at her father despite herself. "I love you too," she said to him. "I'm so glad you're here."
Hakoda returned her smile and said, "Me too."
He lovingly rubbed her arm one last time before standing up and heading to his room, leaving her alone to digest and contemplate everything that had been said. A year prior, if someone would have told him that he would be sitting in the Western Air Temple and talking to his fifteen-year-old daughter about her mixed up feelings for Avatar, he would have thought them mad. His life had turned into something he never could have imagined, even more so for his children. He just prayed to the spirits that Katara would be ok. He hated seeing her so confused and in so much pain, but like he had told her, she is strong and she will get through this and come out a better person in the end. He trusted her, and he had to admit, there were worse boys out there for his daughter to be falling in love with.
A/N: Thank you for bearing with me until the end! I know it was very forced and unoriginal and boring and annoying but...ah well. I promise to come up with a better ending later. I know it's pretty quick and not very satisfying, but I am having trouble with coming up with a good way to close it off...sorry. Good thing I don't do this for a living.(If you have any suggestions for me on how to make it better, PLEASE let me know in the comments!) I swear my other stories are better, and if you have the time to check them out, please do. ;) Reviews are greatly appreciated! :)