Trust Me

I sit here, and I try. I'm afraid of falling, afraid of losing myself in you. I wish it was easy. I wish I wasn't falling. I wish...I wish my wishes could come true. "Trust me as long as we're together I'll make sure they do".

August 21, 1994

Today's the glorious day that I become a freshman in high school, great. Middle school hadn't been a walk in the park, but my parents encouraged me to stay hopeful. "High School is completely different. I'm sure you'll make a ton of friends" my mother encouraged. "If any punks think they'll get to you they'll have another thing coming" my dad threatened. Like there was any chance that the boys would even glance my way.

Now, this is the part of the story where I speak about myself and give you the whole run down on my life and myself. I'm 14 years old born and raised in the Windy City. I'm short and pudgy with short light brown hair. My nose takes up most of my face, and I'm a loner. As you probably guessed, I'm very honest about my appearance. My wardrobe consists mostly of darks and overalls. I'm an only child, and I wouldn't mind keeping it that way.

My mother is the last of 8, and she's beautiful with caramel skin and a smile to light up the room. She encourages myself and my father with each endeavor we encounter. She's an avid reader and a loner much like myself. We connect on a mental level I suppose. She's 45 and radiant.

My Father, the policeman, is just awesome. He's hardcore with dark skin and features that would make you think he was my brother. He's protective and strong-willed. While my mother enjoys staying in and enjoying her quiet time, my father enjoys going out and being lively. Although they're different, they're the same.

"Bianca Angela Smith! Get up it's time for school" My mother screams from the other room. I grunt in response and place a pillow over my head and pretend that I didn't hear her. "Bianca!" She shrieks. I whine silently and pray up to the heavens above that she gives up.

I hear my door open before I could react. Apparently, God wasn't listening this morning.

The pillow is ripped from my head and slammed back down. "Get, smack, Up, smack," I finally relented and snatched the pillow from her clutches.

"Ok! Ma stop bugging!" I complained. I got out of bed and stomped my way to the bathroom.

"Keep stomping around here like you pay bills if you want to." She threatened. Just great.

I calmly walk to the bathroom and relieve myself on the toilet. After I was finished, I continued to sit there and mumble to myself. "I'm going to hate it there, not going to make any friends, just going to be by myself the whole time". My pity party was cut short.

"Bianca! Get started!"

I begin what would be the beginning of the high school routine. I hop in the shower and start humming along to Poison.

"Bianca! You've been in there too long!". My darling mother once again yelled.

I stomp out of the shower, dry off, take out my new uniform and shoes out of the closet and begin to get dressed. Since the school is in uniform, I don't have much to think about.

30 minutes later

I'm dressed in khakis, black dress shoes, and a navy blue polo topped with the school's sweater.

I rush downstairs before my mother can start yelling. I grab the toast from the counter top. Kiss my dad on the cheek and my mom.

"Oh look at my baby! A freshman in high school" My mom gushed.

My shook his head and turned away, but I could see the tears glistening in his eyes. I rolled my eyes at their melodramatic ways and proceeded to packing my backpack with the supplies.

" You ready babygirl?" My dad asked.

No "Yes sir" I say.

"Alright, I'll go out back and get the car and bring it to the front" He then retreats to the back door.

I sit down with a huff. My mind racing a million miles a minute.

"What's wrong" My mom asks

"This wasn't my choice, mom I don't want to go to this school. I'm going to hate it. They're too strict and I'm not going to have any fun." I say with immense exasperation but to no avail.

"You haven't even gotten to the school, and you're already judging it. Give it a chance, You can't base your opinions off of what you've heard others speak upon-"

"Ok, ma. Just forget it ok?" I cut her off.

Dad pulls up outside and we begin our endeavor to the school.

Hours Later

"And I told my pops that he was a buster, and he gon say Nia whatchu know bout being a buster?"

"Girl puh-lease, that shorty over there is feeling me"

"Umm…."

"Girl what's yo name?"

The voices of the girls in my advisory penetrates through my brain. None of these girls are like me, and none of these girls connect with me. I'm all alone. The school, itself, wasn't too shabby. I enjoyed the no bull atmosphere. A few girls remained quiet like myself. Despite the girls, my advisor ,Ms. Sherman, was lovely. She had spoken with all of us and encouraged us to be more proactive and talkative.

The bell rang and we all were prepared to run towards the nearest exit, yet we were yelled at and told that we all had demerits for getting up with being told to. Just my luck. Freshman orientation, and I'm already getting penalized.

We get dismissed, and I haul out of the building.

I see my parents, and I decide to skip to the car. Apparently, they took that as I was excited about my first day. I'll let them believe that.

I talk about the positives, to reassure them that all is well.

As we get home, I hand my parents the essential syllabi, and call my closest and only friend from the house phone.

"How was your first day?" Shelly asked with a rush.

"It's ok, I'm not that into it"

"Girl, I'm ready to leave" She says.

"Come on, it can't be that bad"

"Nobody gets me, but I got to stay"

"I feel you, but Shelly think about it this way, the sooner we get out of High School the faster we'll be roommates and in college" I say.

"Right. Promise me, we'll always keep in touch"

" I promise"

Little did I know that as months went on, our friendship would diminish.