Based on a true story
Shrek was reclining in his bed one stormy night, music playing over his headphones, when he heard a horrid sound. Like lightning, but so much... "meatier". He got up from his twin bed, put on his too-tight pajamas, and walked to the window. He looked around his yard, and saw nothing but shadow. Lightning flashed again, but this time, a shape was silhouetted climbing up Shrek's drainpipe. It's head was shining wild in the late September light, and Shrek caught a quick glimpse of something shiny in it's back pocket. Shrek slammed the window shut and climbed back into bed. He was scared, but wouldn't let that get to him. Shrek put in his earbuds again, and a different sound emerged. A sensual moaning repeating the same words over and over was all that could be heard. "Marinara!". Shrek couldn't imagine what it could mean, as he had the mental capabilities of Donald Duck, although he was 19. Suddenly, Shrek heard his door creak open and thud against the wall. "Dad?" Shrek asked, voice quavering.
"The name's Daddy - Daddy Calzone". Shrek didn't know what to do, but Daddy clearly did. He spread Shrek's legs wide, and entered him with glee. This was the first time he had felt a tight asshole like Shrek's in a long time. Shrek moaned with glee. He loved this! "Oh, Daddy, harder!" Daddy sprayed his marinara sauce all over Shrek's pale cheeks. Shrek screamed in pleasure, the marinara sauce spreading over his chest. He licked at the red sauce, groaning as the taste of sharp garlic and sweet tomatoes pervaded his senses.
"Daddy, show me your calzone," Shrek panted, hands grasping at the pillow as Daddy went in further. "How big is your calzone?"
It continued, this awfully wonderful torture, throughout the night. In the morning, Daddy left, leaving only some sauce stains and a bowl of spaghetti in his wake. And eventually, he left something else.
9 MONTHS LATER
"Push!" Daddy screamed. Shrek yelled out as a large pizza flew onto the table. "It's-a-cheese!" Daddy exclaimed, holding his newborn child. They lived happily ever after.