It was never supposed to happen this way.
Melissa was supposed to be here; with them. She was supposed to be giggling and tucking back into herself, only lifting her head from her knees to respond to something someone had said. She was supposed to be shy and unable to look at Jackson. She wasn't supposed to be lying in a hole in the ground tucked far back in the jungle, marked with a bouquet of wild jungle flowers that had probably wilted already. She was supposed to be secretly slipping away to that spot on the beach where she kept a piece of charcoal and her sketch book. She was supposed to be sitting against a wall of rock, drawing beautiful images of home and of life off of the island.
And if you ask each of them, they all have different accounts of what happened that day. The day she apologized profusely for burning Taylor's shirt. The way it wasn't enough for Taylor even though, looking back now, it was enough. She had been furious, more furious than necessary at the small Asian who was too shy to stand up for herself. It had been the day her darkest secret was revealed; the day she ran away from camp. It was the day Jackson, Lex, Taylor and Eric had found her on the side of a cliff, lifeless and unmoving. She shouldn't have even been there. She should have been back at camp where she was safe. Where she could look forward to going home, if it ever happened.
It had been Jackson, the strongest and fittest of them, that had climbed down to retrieve her body from that sharply edged cliff that disappeared into a thicket of lush green palm trees. His eyes had been blurry and he was on the verge of a complete meltdown when he had reluctantly tied the rope around his waist and scraped his shoes on the ragged terrain to roughen the rubber soles for better traction. The tears slipped out of his eyes with every drop. The closer and closer he came to Melissa's body, the more he had cried. He had gently scooped her up, her limp body surprisingly light and tucked her against his body. The warmth was still there and he revelled in the last bit of warmth he would ever feel from her before tugging on the rope so Eric and Lex could haul him up. It had been a tricky balancing act, climbing up with a lifeless Melissa draped across his body and his arm keeping her still.
By the time he reached the top, Taylor had gathered Nathan and Daley, who were both silently crying. He had lowered her to the ground, easing her body onto the dirt and feeling for some sign of life. Breathless and trembling, he had wiped his tears away and looked up at them, softly murmuring the words that had brought their world crashing down around them.
"She's gone."
xxx
The salty ocean wind seemed colder somehow and the heavy, overcast clouds seemed to fit the mood of everyone; camp seemed colder and less friendly than it usually did without Melissa there. The cooler of water bottles sat off to the side, a reminder of all the work that Melissa had put in to keep them hydrated. The warmth and the innocence that Melissa brought to the group as a whole was gone. Her sweet laughter and sharp wit would no longer be heard and she had become the missing piece of the jagged puzzle of a family that had built.
"You know," Nathan started, looking around the camp at the group of grieving friends. "Melissa would be so mad if she knew we were acting like this. She wouldn't let us grieve. She'd do everything in her power to make sure we moved on. She'd have us convinced that we'd be okay."
"She was persuasive." Jackson breathed, resting his chin on his knees. "Very persuasive."
It played like an old black and white movie in the back of his mind; that one memory playing on loop. He can practically hear her voice, the soft nuance of encouragement when she told him to consider being the leader of the group. She had smelled of coconut, mango and salt water from the salty ocean breeze that had swept over them. He remembered how soft and how innocent she had looked in that moment; how very child-like her wide brown eyes had made her seem yet she talked with the wisdom of someone much older than her.
"And determined." Daley's watery laugh was a tearful reminder of what they were all feeling. Despite the overwhelming wave of sadness that seemed to overcome the group, she wiped her eyes and focused her blue gaze on Jackson. "She never told you this, but she fought hard to get you on the trip. Harder than I ever thought Melissa would or could fight. She wanted you to experience something amazing. I'm just sorry it ended like this."
"It's not a bad thing. I had Melissa in my life and I have more real friends than I've ever had before." Jackson shrugged, dragging his hands through his hair. "She...god..she was amazing."
"I'm such an idiot for playing that tape." Lex mumbled against Daley's rib.
"No, Lex. You didn't know what was on it." Daley shook her head, stroking the little boy's black hair.
"Don't mope, Lex. It wasn't your fault." Jackson shook his head, his eyes narrowing angrily as he pinned Taylor and Eric with accusing glares. "It was Taylor and Eric. They're the ones who set the whole thing up. They knew what they were getting you into. They knew exactly what would be heard when you played it. They just didn't bother with the truth because lying covered up their revenge. It was easier to lie and actually get their revenge then to tell the truth and risk you stopping them."
"You don't have to remind me, Jackson." Taylor was practically foaming at the mouth. She was angry. Angry at the situation, angry at Jackson for reminding her once again it was her fault and angry at herself for ever thinking that revealing her friend's secret would lead to anything good. "I already know it's my fault! It's my fault she ran away! It's my fault she's dead!"
The weight that her anger seemed to give the fact that Melissa was dead settled over all of them. They can no longer act like it's not a big deal. It is. They have to face the painful truth that as much as they would like to change things, it just wasn't going to happen. Jackson could only stare, his anger subsiding for the time being, as Nathan gathered the blonde up into his arms and huddled her in the safety of a comforting hug. With fresh tears in his eyes, he hung his head, ashamed of how badly he had treated her, when in reality she blamed herself more than he blamed her.
"She was so beautiful," Jackson growled, clenching his fists. "So beautiful and so...she was just there. I didn't have to ask her. She was just there."
"Yeah, Melissa was like that." Daley nodded her head, "She was there for both me and Nathan during the election for class president. She wouldn't betray either one of us so she refused to vote. Said it didn't matter who won, just as long as she could be best friends with both of us. And she was. She was at my house all the time when my Mom died. I don't know if I would have made it without her."
"Melissa saved my life, more often than I ever deserved." Eric shook his head, "I didn't deserve a friend like her. I didn't deserve someone who would save my life one day and then deal with my stupid blackmail the next. I didn't deserve her."
"None of us did, Eric." Daley shook her head. "She was a best friend to anyone who needed one. She was our best friend. Our Melissa."
"I remember when Eric and Taylor dared her to jump in the water." Nathan smiled faintly at the memory. "To be spontaneous, have a little fun. I didn't know when I yelled at her that it was a dare or that she had never meant to have the matches in her pocket and she had forgotten all about them . I shouldn't have."
"You apologized." Daley rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.
"It was Jackson who protected her though." Nathan nodded toward Jackson.
"Melissa was the one person I could protect without having my intentions questioned." Jackson shrugged, "She was shy. I guess it was her way of protecting herself but it hurt her..a lot more than it helped her. I guess I thought if I could protect her, I wouldn't have to see her hurt as much. I could take it so she didn't have too."
"She was so sorry. She kept pleading with me to understand that it was a simple mistake." Nathan's own tears leaked out. "I was such a jerk. But she...she didn't deserve it."
"It's over, Nathan!" Jackson's voice was louder than any one of them had heard it go and before they could react, he had stood up and was kicking the ground angrily. "It's over! She's gone! And there's not a single damn thing we can do about it!"
"Yes there is!" Taylor wiped her eyes and stood up. "We can remember her. We remember her as we knew her. As Melissa. As the sweet, kind, caring Melissa. As our best friend."
"Yeah," Nathan stood up, staring at Jackson pleadingly as if begging him to understand. "If we hold on to the good memories than maybe..maybe it won't be so hard. Maybe we can get by. She'd want us to remember her. Not grieve over her."
Jackson nodded, his anger subsiding as he turned to Taylor. "I'm sorry Taylor. I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"It's okay. You were upset. We all are." Taylor shook her head before turning to Lex. "Lex, do you think you can reconnect the speakers to Daley's mp3 player?"
"Probably." Lex nodded, sitting up straighter. "Why?"
"I have an idea." Taylor smiled, looking over at Daley. "C'mon Day. Let's go pick some flowers. Boys, get the flashlights."
"What are we doing?" Nathan asked her, confusion clouding his eyes.
"It's going to be dark by the time we get back with the flowers." Taylor explained, "We're going to hold a memorial for Melissa under the stars."
Nothing else was said. Nothing else needed to be said as they silently did their jobs. Jackson, Eric and Nathan gathered up all of the flashlights and carried them down to the beach, stacking them up in the sand while Lex reconnected Daley's mp3 player to the speakers and the girls collected flowers. By the time everyone was finished with their jobs, the temperature had dropped and the air was darker. Taylor and Daley divided the flowers evenly amongst the group and one by one, they linked arms and walked down to the beach.
"Tonight," Daley looked down at the bouquet of flowers in her hand. "We say goodbye to a best friend. To the most loyal person I've ever known and to the sweetest person ever to exist."
"Tonight," Nathan sighed, looking out at the water. "Tonight we say goodbye to the one person who could keep this group together. Guys, you want to add anything?"
"To the person who saved a life." Eric added, looking over at Taylor. "Taylor?"
"To the girl who refused to give up." Taylor looked down Lex. "Lex?"
"To Melissa." Lex only had two words to say but they summed up everything about the girl they had buried today.
"To Melissa." Jackson reiterated sadly, looking down at the flowers in his hand. "Melissa."
"Grab a flashlight and come with me." Taylor motioned to the flashlights. "Lex stay with Daley."
Once everyone was equipped with a flashlight, Taylor slowly led them out into the water. She carefully laid the flowers down the water and let the tide carry them away, motioning for the group to do the same. Jackson held back, watching as they all let the tide carry the flowers away. They seemed to sense that he wanted privacy and hurried back to the beach. He waded out a little deeper into the water and slowly dipped the flowers into the water, watching the water swirl around the petals.
"You would have loved this," He murmured softly, his eyes still focused on the flowers floating in the water. "I know you would have, Mel. We'll miss you. Goodbye Mel."
He waded back to the beach to join the others. And as Melissa's favorite song poured out of the speakers behind them, six friends huddled together on the beach, silently crying over their lost friend. The tears mixed with the laughter as they shared more memories of Melissa and of her childhood. If they could just hold on to the good memories, then maybe, just maybe the memories of her death wouldn't overwhelm them. And maybe, little by little, it'd get better. Easier, somehow. They'd never forget her but they'd have to move on, survive until they were rescued. So tonight they'll grieve and they'll cry but tomorrow life will move on but one phrase will still linger with them.
Goodbye Mel.