I nearly coughed as the smoke filled my lungs for the first time, but managed somehow to keep it inside. My eyes burned and I had this irrational fear that my stomach would catch on fire. Adrenaline flooded through my veins, along with another undercurrent of good-feeling. I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes.
"Huh," I uttered lamely.
Roger snorted and took the cigarette from me, sticking it back into his own mouth. "Huh?" he said after he'd taken a drag. "That's all?"
"Yep," I said, snatching the cigarette back from him and taking another drag, again with my eyes closed. It really wasn't bad after another time. First was the worst.
"After all this time, begging me to try a cig, and me looking out for your well-being and telling you no, and all you have to say is 'huh.'" He shook his head, laughing silently. He held his hand out for the cigarette and I handed it back to him, smiling slightly.
I leaned against him slightly, and he casually put his arm around my shoulders.
If only all days could be like this.
No fighting, no worries, just me and Roger, sitting on the roof, sharing a cigarette.
If only we could always be this close without one of us worrying what the other would do.
That thought made me a bit melancholy. I sighed.
"Hey, you okay?" He met my eyes with genuine concern.
"Yeah, just thinking." I smiled slightly, leaning into him. His arm tightened around me involuntarily and he rested his chin on my head.
I should tell you, I should- no.
I blinked back tears and dug my nails into my palms to keep them back.
Loving him had to be just another part of my masochistic streak.