Dexter – A Most Charming Man
Dexter wasn't sure about Det. Morgan
"Ooh, here she comes again. Man, she is so fine!" – Masuka hissed at Dexter, who could only sigh.
"Hey, Moser" – Det. Debra Morgan greeted, smirking at the hapless red head.
"I have my report" – Dexter promptly thrust the folder into the woman's hand, making her scowl for a moment – "Would that be all?"
"You always such an asshole, Moser?"
"And are you always so rude?"
"I'm the rude one? Me?"
"Yes" – Masuka piped up.
"Shut the fuck up, Masuka" – the Det. snapped.
"Well, forgive me, Det., but I fear I have a lot more work ahead of me" – he patted the small pile of folders beside him. She stared at it with something akin to irritation then clicked her tongue.
"Fine. Just– Fine, whatever. You are such a douchebag, Moser"
"Dude, you know she wants to bang you, right?" – Masuka stated excitedly as soon as she was out of earshot.
"I'm sorry?"
"Morgan! She so wants you, man, you are one lucky son of a bitch, you know that? I bet she's wild in the sack, she looks like it..."
"I don't think Det. Morgan has that kind of interest in me" – the brunet frowned.
"Are you blind?! She WANTS you!"
"I think you're mistaken, Masuka"
"But–"
"Now, like I told Det. Morgan, I have work to do, and I believe so do you, no?"
"I will never understand you, man" – Masuka shook his head grumpily.
That was okay by Dexter.
Dexter usually didn't go out for drinks with his colleagues at the police station, but Angel had put such a heavy arm around him that he couldn't escape in time, and before he knew it, he was in his car, being told by the friendly Det. that he was to follow him to the bar. While his tone was as smooth as usual, Dexter thought the man would not like it if he bailed.
He ordered a beer as soon as he got to the bar and tried to lay low. Naturally, Masuka made a big show of pulling him out of his little nook of solitude, and made him sit with Angel, Morgan and himself. Just great.
"So, kids, I hear you are not getting along" – Angel started, and Dexter narrowed his eyes at him as Morgan rolled hers.
"Don't call me a kid" – she growled.
"I have been in the department for over a decade" – Dexter pointed out.
"Well, you sure are acting like little kids in the playground" – Masuka mumbled into his massive and highly alcoholic drink.
"Sit on a cactus, fuckface" – Morgan snapped at him.
"Now, now. Morgan, I know you're new in the department, but there is really no need to take it out on our poor, overworked CSU guys. And Dexter–" – he looked long and hard at the red head, who tried to look innocent, which, to be fair, he felt like he was – "Can't you try to be a little nicer?" – he said after a long pause.
"I really don't know what you're talking about, Angel" – Dexter attempted – "Honest"
"And that's why Doakes hates your guts" – Morgan commented – "'Cause you're just that nice"
"Doakes wants to stick his serpent–" – Angel slapped Masuka in the shoulder to keep him from finishing his sentence.
"I already told you, that was a misunderstanding" – Dexter protested – "He was drunk, he thought I was someone else, we settled it"
"Yeah, he thought you were someone else called Dexter Moser" – Masuka snorted – "that he wanted to have sit on his lap. Repeatedly"
"Wait, seriously?" – Morgan questioned, widening her eyes – "I thought that was a rumor! He seriously–? What did he do anyway?"
"He got super drunk last year" – Masuka rushed to respond before Angel or Dexter could open their mouths – "then he grabbed Dexter and started saying how much he thought he was a pain in the ass, but hot, and he wanted to either bitchslap the shit out of him or suck face with him"
"He didn't say 'suck face'" – Dexter said with a frown.
"No, you're right, he said something like 'I wanna tap that pale as fuck ass 'til you can't do fuck all but sit on me'" – Morgan snickered at the rare glower that took over Dexter's face and at the smirk that Angel couldn't quite hide and that Masuka made no effort to disguise in any way.
"Is that why he always makes me go and talk to you?" – she asked, eyes bright with interest.
"When LaGuerta found out about it, she blew her shit she was so pissed! But she wants a piece of that sweet ass herself, so, you know, might've been jealousy" – Masuka chirped.
"LaGuerta does not–"
"Why don't you go for it? With either of them? I mean, I think everyone knows how I feel about LaGuerta, but Doakes is hot" – Morgan asked.
"I don't know why everyone is so interested in my sex life!" – Dexter exclaimed.
"Because we're a bunch of teenagers pretending to be adults, and all we really want is to see a real life telenovela?" – Angel posited.
"You know what? It's getting late, I should go–"
"Hell no! you are staying put, dumbass!" – Morgan put a claw–like hand on his arm, and Angel looked at him with raised eyebrows of doom.
Dexter sighed again.
"I just don't get you, Moore!"
"Moser" - Dexter corrected the extremely drunk Morgan.
"Pss, whatever, dude" - she drank some more of her beer - "I've been throwing myself at you ever since I transferred in, and you won't take it?! The fuck, man!"
"Look, Morgan, I don't know what you-"
"I know you're not married! You got a boyfriend, girlfriend, sheep? What!"
"I... No, I don't have anything like- Sheep, really?"
"Fuck you"
"I appreciate your... Interest, I guess, but I don't really do the girlfriend thing"
"You do the anything thing?"
"... Occasionally" - when his brother nagged him enough to make Dexter go out with him and hook up with literally the first person his brother pointed at.
"Then what! You don't think I'm hot enough for you?"
"We work together! Don't you think it would be kind of a mess if we were to... You know"
"Fuck the night away?"
"Something... Like that, I suppose"
"You are so uptight, man! I'll bet I could loosen that stick up your ass in no time"
"I think you've drank enough for one night, Morgan, let me call you a cab"
"You could totally drive me home, Moose"
"Moser. And no thank you, I don't do drunks"
"Aw, you're such a gentleman! Okay, alright, how about this? You take me out on a real date, and then if things progress to you banging me in the restaurant bathroom... Let's say I wouldn't be opposed to that"
"You are a very verbose drunk, has anyone ever told you that?"
"Nah, they're usually too busy fucking my brains out, you're the only one who's ever refused all of this" - she made a vague motion to her body.
"Morgan, I'm sorry, really, I am, but, it's not gonna happen"
"Just say you don't think I'm attractive! Say it!"
"I can't. You are a very beautiful woman, Morgan, I'm sure you know that, but that is beside the-" - he couldn't say another word when she almost literally crashed her lips against his.
"No one's ever called me that" - she mumbled against him.
"Morgan-"
"You can take me out" - she said softly - "We can hold hands, walk down the beach, whatever you want"
"I..."
"C'mon man, what you got to lose?"
He sighed. His brother would laugh his ass off when he told him he was going on his first real date ever, and even more when he showed him a picture of Det. Morgan. Dexter just knew exactly the kind of things Brian would say about her, and how Dexter better treat her right.
Oh well, one date wouldn't kill him.
A world where Dexter doesn't become a killer, but remains socially oblivious lol