A/N—I'm in a spoofy mood. LOL. TFR was my favourite plot ever. :3
I just realized that TNT put a Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference in one of the achievements. "Thou shall count to three—no more, no less." XD HOLY HAND GRENADE TIME. 8D
It's my favourite movie ever. I'll probably end up alluding to the movie every three seconds. We spoofs gotta stick together, you know!
Okay, I'm rambling. I'll shut up and..."JUST GET ON WITH IT!" *brick'd for Monty Python reference*
This chapter of the plot opens up with a blue Ixi, HANSO, as he enters the annual Faerie Festival. However, there's something different about that year's festival: the faeries have been turned to stone! As the festival stands still and lifeless, Hanso goes to investigate—and by investigate, I mean pickpocket the faeries.
HANSO This is terrible...
HANSO approaches a petrified Fyora and tries to remove a necklace from her body, but it won't budge.
HANSO This necklace is solid stone. What gives?
The Ixi steps back a few feet to observe the Faerie Queen.
HANSO Whatever. I'll try someone else. It's not like these faeries are gonna get up and leave or something.
He turns around and sees a faerie's purse lying helplessly on the floor.
HANSO Jackpot! Look out, Kelp, 'cos Hanso's eating well tonight!
HANSO begins raiding the purse until he hears someone say, "We should be nearly there."
HANSO, in a hushed voice Uh oh. I know that voice anywhere. RUN AWAY!
The Ixi drops the goods that he was planning on stealing and runs off, hiding behind a faerie in attempts of staying unnoticed.
Meanwhile, KING ALTADOR and his GUARDS—a SKEITH and a DRAIK—enter the scene.
ALTADOR Yes, here we are. The festival is up ahead.
After a few moments, ALTADOR stops. He is standing in place as he's examining the remains of the once vivacious event.
It's just as I feared: the entire Faerie Festival, turned to stone.
SKEITH GUARD (to DRAIK GUARD) They've been turned to stone? What happened? Did someone make a pathetic Neopets/Percy Jackson crossover fanfic or something?
The DRAIK GUARD, who is embarrassed by his sad-excuse-for-a-guard companion, elbows the SKEITH GUARD. Afraid of being elbowed again, the SKEITH GUARD slowly inches away from the DRAIK GUARD.
BRYNN, a red Kougra dressed in Brightvalian armour, enters the scene, approaching ALTADOR and his GUARDS.
BRYNN (to ALTADOR) King Altador? Your majesty, they call me Brynn, and King Hagan sent me to investigate this strange occurrence. If I could be of service, I am here to offer my aid.
ALTADOR, distracted by the sight of the festival Sure, yeah, whatever. Feel free to help or...something.
As BRYNN, ALTADOR, and the GUARDS explore the festival, HANSO peers over the shoulder of the faerie that he's hiding behind. He notices BRYNN.
HANSO, in a hushed voice It's that chick...again? After arresting me all those times, now she thinks that it's chill to, like, stalk me? Okay, that's actually kinda hot...and creepy. But still hot. Definitely hot.
BRYNN approaches Queen Fyora. Her face is filled with shock.
BRYNN The Faerie Queen's been frozen, too? OH, THE HORROR!
ALTADOR and his GUARDS join BRYNN.
SKEITH GUARD Fyora's been turned to stone, too? Man, she's really lost her game, then. I think we need to elect a new queen or—
The DRAIK GUARD, fed up with his companion, slaps the SKEITH GUARD across the face.
ALTADOR The spell used here must have been similar to the one that Fyora used to turn the Darkest Faerie to stone, except on a much larger scale. It's flabbergasting.
SKEITH GUARD (to DRAIK GUARD) Flabbergasting? Is that even a word?
The DRAIK GUARD tries to contain his anger.
HANSO (from behind the faerie) You've gotta admit: whoever pulled that off must be pretty bad-ass.
Everyone hears HANSO speak and turns towards the statue that he is hiding behind.
SKEITH GUARD Did that statue just speak or—
HANSO comes out from behind the faerie statue.
HANSO What's up, homies? Looks like you need some help figuring out this mystery. Well, need no more! Hanso is here to share his intel!
HANSO makes a flamboyant, pompous pose. The GUARDS don't seem to find this entertaining and point their swords at HANSO. BRYNN also joins in, pointing her sword at HANSO as well.
BRYNN Hanso? You again? Don't tell me that you did this, or else jail time won't—
ALTADOR (to BRYNN) You mean to tell me that you know this ruffian?
BRYNN If, by that, you mean "know him from all of the times that I've arrested him and sent him to the dungeons of Brightvale's castle," then yes, I know him.
KING JAZAN enters.
JAZAN Nobody trust him. All thieves are the same: deceptive, brash, uncivilized. Oh, and they don't wear guyliner as awesome as mine, so they're all losers anyhow.
BRYNN But Jazan, aren't you married to a thief?
JAZAN pauses for a moment before answering.
JAZAN ...touche.
HANSO And who says that guyliner is awesome?
JAZAN Well, I wear it, and I'm the awesomest thing since the Snuggie!
HANSO Snuggies are retarted. That must mean that you're retarted.
JAZAN, infuriated by HANSO's insults, picks up the Ixi from his shirt and lifts him up to eye-level.
JAZAN Never. Insult. The. Guyliner. YOU GOT THAT, PUNK?
ALTADOR Well, Jazan—
JAZAN That's King Jazan, Altador!
ALTADOR (sighs) Well, King Jazan, technically you're not wearing guyliner. It's called kohl, and—
SKEITH GUARD Kohl? Isn't that a store?
JAZAN Indeed: a store that is not worthy of my awesomeness. That is why I shall stick to calling it guyliner. Guyliner it is called, and guyliner it shall be!
HANSO Sounds stupid to me. I think it makes Nabile sound manlier than you.
JAZAN is brimming with rage at this point.
ALTADOR So, King Jazan, what brings you here?
JAZAN Well, I arrived an hour ago, only to find (shakes HANSO violently) this heartless buffoon stealing from the helpless faeries here at the Festival!
HANSO What? It's not like they're gonna miss their stuff or anything.
BRYNN (slaps face with palm) Oh, Hanso, when will you ever learn.
JAZAN puts down HANSO, who steps to the side and begins to converse with BRYNN.
JAZAN (to ALTADOR) Look, I came to figure out what was going on. I did not come here to listen to some moronic thief insult my awesomeness. Based on the "warm welcome" that he gave me, I doubt that he's got anything useful to say.
BRYNN Come on. Just give Hanso a chance!
ALTADOR Fine, but only because I've trusted (looks at HANSO) your kind before. But, if you say the wrong words, then you could be in a hell of a lot of trouble.
HANSO Thank you, King Altador, for your trust. I'm honoured. (HANSO bows respectfully)
Now, HANSO changes keys and dares to swindle the royalty out of his money in exchange for information.
HANSO Now, as for the matter of my fees, I charge five neopoints a word, ten for anything with more than two syllables, one-hundred for anything that refers to Rebecca Black's "Friday"...
ALTADOR'S GUARDS and BRYNN point swords at HANSO.
HANSO Alright, alright! Eight, then.
BRYNN Hanso!
HANSO Fine. Free it is. Okay, so I was just wandering the outskirts of Faerie City...