OOO

Chapter 1: Harry… Yer A Veela.

OOO

It had been around noon on a Saturday when Harry received a note by owl, reading in messy handwriting: Come by with Ron and Hermione as soon as possible. Important news. Hagrid.

Harry had been quite confused, of course, because Hagrid's letter were usually long and rambled more than was necessary; however, Harry supposed there was a first for everything, and it wouldn't hurt to stop by Hagrid's hut. It wasn't like the other two members of the trio were doing anything of importance. Ron was gloating to anyone who would listen about how he had just viciously beaten Seamus in a game of wizard chess, and Hermione was wearing a look of impatience as Lavender squealed to her about Michael Corner's abs. For Merlin's sake, the witch was 17 years old and still shrieked like a twelve year old who just got her first crush. Harry pitied Hermione, as she looked like she was about to start hitting herself with Hogwarts: A History. Harry grinned before calling her name, laughing quietly to himself when she gave him a look that screamed desperation. She practically ran over to him, and then stopped to give Lavender an obviously fake look of sadness.

"Sorry, Lavender. I guess we'll have to discuss Michael's muscles another time. But it was fun talking to you! I'm afraid Harry needs to talk to me now, though. Hero stuff, you know?"

Lavender had given an understanding smile before bounding off to squeal some more to the other Gryffindor girls while Hermione shook her head slowly.

"I worry about girls of our generation sometimes, Harry. But what did you want to talk about, anyway?"

Harry laughed again at Hermione's statement, and then realized she was waiting for an answer.

"Oh, I got a letter from Hagrid. It's quite strange, actually. Here, read it while I call Ron over."

Harry dropped the small note into Hermione's hand before getting up and tapping Ron on the shoulder. The redhead quickly turned around and flashed a wide grin in Harry's direction.

"Did you see that? I just completely tore Seamus apart in that last chess game! He's trying to complain that I had an unfair advantage because I was brought up in the wizarding world, but I told him that he should stop being such a loser and just accept the fact that I, Ron Weasley, had just won from him fair and square in a game of wizard chess. He refused, though, so that's his problem."

Harry nodded and glanced over to where Seamus was sitting. The boy seemed to be pouting, explaining to Dean with animated gestures why wizard chess was a ridiculous game. Harry and Ron snickered as Dean groaned in impatience.

"Anyway, Ron, I just came over to say that Hagrid wrote me a letter. He wants the three of us to go visit him as soon as possible, so I thought that when you finished laughing at Seamus you could possibly come over with me and Hermione."

Ron shot Seamus one more amused smirk, before turning back to Harry and nodding.

"Alright, let's go then."

OOO

The walk to Hagrid's hut was uneventful. Hermione walked ahead of them, seeming to enjoy the crispy fall air, while Ron and Harry lagged behind and discussed the new Gryffindor Quidditch team. The two had just started discussing their chances of winning that year when they finally arrived at Hagrid's doorstep. They stopped talking as Hermione knocked on the door, and laughed as Fang lunged out of the door, running over and slobbering on all three students at the same time. Hagrid stood in the doorway, a grim smile on his face.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in!"

OOO

Thankfully, Hermione managed to convince Hagrid that they really were serious when they meant they didn't want tea and rock cakes at the moment. They had had breakfast a mere hour and a half ago, and although Hagrid's food was… delicious, they were simply stuffed. Ron looked about to protest when Harry sent him a glare, effectively quieting the boy down.

"But enough of talking about food. How are you, Hagrid? Your letter seemed quite urgent."

The half-giant let out a heavy sigh upon hearing Hermione speak, leaning towards his guests.

"Well, I've got a bit of news for yeh. I don't know why it took so long to find out. Merlin knows Dumbledore shoulda told yeh, but I suppose he didn't. It's strange, really…"

Harry leaned forward, intrigued.

"What is it, Hagrid?"

Hagrid sighed again, looking at Harry with a grave look in his eyes.

"Harry… yer a Veela."

There was a shocked silence in the room for a few seconds, until it was finally broken when Ron and Hermione started to speak at the same time.

"Well, finally! Good job, mate! It's great to know I'm not the only male Veela in our year and house. Well, I'm pretty sure that Neville's a Veela, but I haven't asked him yet."

"Merlin knows the whole school is full of Veelas. It's not as bad as it seems, Harry. I read up on Veelas, and they're quite interesting. Well, I shouldn't say 'they', as I am a Veela myself, but you know what I mean."

Harry turned to his friends, flabbergasted.

"Do you mean that you're Veelas? Both of you? But I thought it was really uncommon in Britain, or anywhere really! And Hermione, you're muggleborn! How does that even work out?"

Hermione shrugged, for once not appearing concerned about the logic behind it all.

"It's magic, Harry. Don't question it."

Harry shot a bewildered look towards Ron.

"And you too? Merlin, why didn't you even mention it?"

Ron shrugged, eerily resembling Hermione.

"I guess it never came up. But welcome to the club!"

Harry shot a hopeless look towards Hagrid, whose eyes were twinkling. Harry thought this was quite strange, as it seemed that Dumbledore had copyrighted the eye-twinkle a long time ago. But, Harry supposed, there was a first time for everything.

"Oh, I forget to mention something to yeh, Harry. I'm a Veela too."

The last thing Harry heard before fainting was Hermione saying "Ooh, I wonder who his mate will be!"

OOO

Harry awoke in his bed at three in the afternoon with a splitting headache and a note on his chest. He fumbled to put on his glasses, which were carefully placed on the table next to him, and started to read. The handwriting was elegant and undoubtedly belonged to the Headmaster. Just looking at it made one think of eye-twinkles and mysterious beards.

"Dear Harry," it read.

"I hear from Hagrid that you have found out about your Veela blood. Yes, it's true, you really are a Veela. You seem to have inherited it from James. I remember he was quite the charmer in his days, everything a Veela embodied. You would make him proud.

Having said those grandfatherly words, I will now move on to a more serious subject. Now that you are aware of your Veela blood, you are required to attend an additional class. It will take place after your last class, and will be on Mondays and Thursdays. This is a class for Veelas and Veelas only, Harry. So you can expect to see almost all of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years there. I know that there are many Veelas among your fellow seventh years. In fact, I believe that there are only seven non-Veelas in your year, but don't worry, they will probably join your class by November.

I will teach the class. Yes, I am a Veela, Harry. In fact, one day I shall tell you who my mate is if I have the time. It's quite a charming tale, really.

But I have gone off of the original subject. In fact, I do believe I have said everything I meant to, so I will end this letter by telling you that I expect you in class in two days.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore"

Harry's only reaction upon reading this letter was an eye twitch, which was promptly followed by a session of hysterical laughter, which in turn was followed by a session of hysterical crying.

Sometimes he just felt like a teenage girl who enjoyed putting him into the strangest situations possible was writing his life; however, Harry quickly shook off that idea. It had about as much logic behind it as the idea of Hagrid being a Veela. Or Ron. Or Hermione. Or Neville. Or Dumbledore, for that matter.

Some things were just too strange.

OOO

So. This is what goes through my mind at 11:45 PM on a Monday. Let me warn you, this is a parody on the Veela fics I have read the summaries of and the Veela fics that I have actually read. Now, don't get me wrong, some Veela fics are quite well-written, but… well, come on, you know you've laughed at some of them before…

I'm also going to warn you that this first chapter was as normal as the story is going to be. In the next few chapters, you're going to read some quite disturbing and all T-rated (nothing above, meaning) things that will make you wonder what the hell I do in my spare time.

And in the mean time, you can just maybe review? Please?

In the next chapter, you'll find out the answers to many questions, such as: Who is Dumbledore's mate? And Harry's? And Ron's? And Hermione's? And... Well, you get the point. And also, just what do they teach in Veela classes, and who attends them?

Until next time…

Sincerely,

ItsOnMars