Summary: She is my best friend. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I want more, I love her but I am just too shy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura.
Hey guys, the older version didn't sit well with me so I made a few changes. Hope you all will like it. Thank you.
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First grade
I saw her for the first time when she came in the class like she owned the place. She was so vibrant and happy to be there unlike other kids who were sobbing while clinging onto their parents. Our teacher came and she was assigned to sit beside me. She sat down quietly and turned towards me with a big grin on her face, introduced herself and without waiting for my reply said, "We are gonna be the best of friends." I was too stunned to form a coherent reply but I managed to nod my head. She smiled that sweet smile of hers and turned towards the front. That was the start of my friendship with her. That was the day I met my best friend.
8th grade
She started coming to the soccer practice regularly. She would blush for no reason and when I confronted her, she admitted to having a crush on a boy but refused to give out anything else. I tried to narrow it down to anyone with whom she was spending more time with but to no avail. Most of the time I was with her and I didn't see her interact with anyone. I wanted to know who her crush was, I wanted her to… I didn't know what I wanted…
10th grade
I sat on the couch in her house as she got all dolled up for the date that night. I battled with myself to keep the frown from appearing on my face but as she entered the room all dressed up, I got tongue-tied... She was so beautiful and glowing. I couldn't help but be mad at myself for not being able to be happy for my best friend. Her date came and I had a talk with him, threatening him with a look that said, 'hurt her and you will answer my fist'. I could say that he was intimidated but before I could continue making him squirm under my glare, she came and slapped my arms playfully while murmuring, "Stop scaring him." I pouted at her and she giggled and turned to leave for the evening. Before leaving, she came back to me, stood on her toes and said, "Thank you", giving me a kiss on the cheek. I sent her off on her first date with a heavy heart. That evening, I was restless and decided to crash at her place. I waited anxiously for her to be back home and when she finally was back, a realization hit me but seeing the happy expression on her face, I knew I was too late.
11th grade
She came stumbling in my house; I was shocked, worried, confused and hurt. She was a wreck with puffy red rimmed eyes and running nose. This sight of her broke my heart to little pieces and I quickly gathered her in my arms. She sobbed for so long and I held her in my embrace whispering soothing words. "I broke up with my boyfriend because I couldn't forget my crush and it wouldn't be fair for him", she said. I was quickly reminded of the crush she had in 8th grade and was truly surprised that it skipped from my mind and more so that she still had that crush. I held her tightly but gentle enough not to hurt her. She was right, I told her and tried asking her once again about her crush but she looked up at me, smiled sadly and said, "It doesn't matter, he doesn't feel the same way." Before I could reply she got up, kissed my cheek and whispered a small "Thanks" in my ear and left my place. I was stumped and broken; I wanted to hold her, I never wanted to let her go but I knew she doesn't see me like that.
Senior year
She was dateless on prom and I was quickly reminded of the promise we made to each other when we were young that if anyone of us did not had a date then we would go together as 'best friends'. That's what we did; we went as best friends, though I wanted us to be more. We held hands, danced and had fun. That night, I held her hand while walking her to her place. Standing on the porch, we were both quite. She kept her gaze to the ground while I kept mine on her. She shyly looked up from the ground and said, "Thanks" giving me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I wanted more, I love her but I was too shy.
Graduation day
We were graduating, she was anxious and I could feel it. She had something to say and I wanted to know what it was but I didn't push her. I knew she would say it at her own pace. As the ceremony came to an end she came running to me, her coat hanging loosely on her arms but cap held in its place on her head by her one hand. She stopped right in front of me and grinned widely. I couldn't help but match her enthusiasm. I hugged her as she cried happy tears. She sighed softly, lifted her head from my shoulders and said, "You are my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I wanted more, I love her but I was too shy.
A few years later
We were drifting apart, I could feel it. We became too busy with our jobs and life that without knowing, we started missing out on each other. The last I heard from her was when she got a promotion at work and it's been months. I missed her but I didn't know what to do. This hesitation was never there between us and I was forced to think how much things had changed in the past years. I wanted to travel back in time where there was no place for skepticism, where we would sit together and talk for endless hours or just enjoy a peaceful sunset. It was all a wishful thinking. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I wanted more, I love her but I was too shy.
A few weeks later
I couldn't take it anymore and finally gathered courage to bring her back in my life, to bring back a part of our old times in our lives. I was determined to bring back my friendship with her and with that thought, I called her. She was excited to hear a call from me and I couldn't stop grinning. We talked each other's ears off and decided to hand out the coming weekend. At that moment I realized that nothing changed between us, it was just like when we were kids. We easily fell back in our friendship. I was glad to be with her. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I wanted more, I love her but I was too shy.
A few months later
I got a call from her brother saying that she had an accident and was rushed into ER. I was gob smacked; I became too numb to process anything. My world came crashing down on me; my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest painfully. I made a mad dash for the hospital, all the while fearing for the worst and praying for the best, praying for her to be safe. As I reached, I was shown to her room. I stood outside the door, my fists clenching and unclenching, I was nervous and anxious. A dread took over me thinking about her on the other side of the door.
I opened the door and saw her lying on the white hospital bed covered in tubes and bandages. The sight of her broke me all over again. My legs felt like lead and I couldn't move them. I forced myself to get a grip and took small steps toward her bed, trying to wake from this nightmare. As I touched her soft cheek and took in her battered face, I was hit by the reality. I looked around the room and found her father and brother sitting on the side of the bed, both with a glum expression on their face.
At around midnight, her brother sent their father home to take some rest. He tried to send me off too but I wouldn't budge, I couldn't just leave her. I couldn't bear to be without her. I couldn't sleep, the nightmares of her leaving me wouldn't let me rest. I held her hand in mine as I waited for her to open her beautiful eyes.
Her brother was watching me for some time, I knew but I could care less. I would deal with his wrath later. At some point in the night, her brother approached me and handed me a diary, her diary and left the room.
I opened her diary with trembling hands afraid of what I would find in there. I touched the pages with a small smile without really reading it. I turned to the last entry which was made just a few months ago. Curious, I started reading and silent tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't control it anymore. There was so much pain, hurt, longing, regret and love that I had a hard time grasping it all. The last entry read:
"He is my best friend but I wish we could be more than that. I stare at him all the time and think about him every day. I wish him to be mine but he doesn't see me like that and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I didn't want us to be just friends. I want more, I love him but I am too shy.
We drifted apart in the years and as I look back, I wish I told him, I wish he would tell me he loved me. I wish… we were together."
I silently sobbed with the thought, 'I wish I did too…'
Just then as if my prayers were heard, my angel opened her eyes revealing her emerald orbs, I grasped her hand and held onto it like my life depended on it.
"Syaoran", she said in a weak voice and clasped her fingers around my hand lightly. Without wasting any more time I said the one thing that I wanted her to know for so long, "I love you, Sakura"
Her face lit and tears fell from her beautiful eyes as she murmured the words I longed to hear, "I love you too, Syaoran"
I pecked her lips before she closed her eyes and fell asleep once again. That was the day I confessed, I am in love with my best friend.
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