Friends with Benefits
Just clarifying that the following chapters will not be in first person - This is just the prologue.
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I admit that it is hard; the fact that I have to act as though I'm okay with this. But the truth is…I am not.
It began after we broke up, and after we had moved on, and after she had piteously ran back into the other man's arms again. I know she doesn't love him; the pure lust and desire in her eyes as they look into mine says it all.
But why on earth does she have to hide it from everyone? I know it, she knows it – I'm sure Raj, Howard and, surprisingly Sheldon know how discontent she has been. God! Why is she even with him, all the while running back to me after hours for love and pleasure, to be shown how beautiful and special she is, over and over again? I do not want to tell her how sad and depressing that is of her to do, but I'm afraid it may cause her further pain. I do not want to hurt her; I want to help her.
No, Penny! No. That's all I have to say. But I find it hard to bring myself to say that two-letter word, for my feelings towards her are still the same, even after she had turned me down when I said 'I love you' for the first time.
It hurts me to see the pain and dread in her eyes as she makes her way back to her own apartment and back into the arms of the one she is now with. I can tell by her stifled cries beside me, and how she takes her time to slowly get up. It kills me that I am too scared, too pathetic myself to even tell her how much she means to me. Not only has this broken up the comfort of our friendship, but the tension between us is clear to the eyes of our friends. I thank them sincerely that they do not ask what is wrong, but sometimes I wish I could tell someone. Whenever I try to bring it up with her, it will only lead to more deplorable love making that we both regret in the end. I cannot hide the fact that I love her in my arms; her scent; her taste; the sound of my name sliding out of her luscious lips. It's these moments that I cherish, for she is all mine, even if the moment lasts for no longer than a few painful minutes.
How can I both love and hate something that I have wanted for so long, yet I feel like dying whenever I wake up alone?
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