Holidays are not always Hell.
A fantasy. Thirty years ago, I visited the archipelago, it was one of the best holidays I ever had. This story is homage to our favourite characters who deserve a nice break after the horrors of the WSB; though it is set between ep 2 and 3 of season 3.
It had happened "just like that". After Annie return from that Purgatory place, the boys had had a nice night out. Played a stupid quiz at the pub, entered their names on a form, safe in the notion no one ever wins at those games. Then 6 days later two thick envelops turned in. One with George Sands opened up by Nina without the flicker of an eyelid, one directed to a J. Mitchell Esquire. Annie was more thrilled and curious about it than the recipient.
Finally after shaking said envelop under his nose countless times, Mitchell gave up and opened it too. George was heard upstairs singing the Oh-My-God song while Nina in cue was doing the Yess-yess choir chorus! The kitchen was a lot quieter, deadly quiet. The songs were followed by a rush to the attic then the pair of werewolves was heard moving suitcases around.
-"Where did I store those passports?"
-"Who is going to get his Hawaiian dream?"
The kitchen was remaining hostilely silent.
-"err, coffee?...Mitchell?"
-"Why me, Annie, why me. Those games, NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO WIN. EVER!"
-"Stop shouting at the envelop, Mitchell. Loads of people would be over the moon. Naturally not on a full moon".
The hospital nurse and her porter of a boyfriend entered the kitchen, shamelessly beaming.
-"Mitchell, we won. We won, Mitchell!"
-"Count Dupree would have preferred Transylvania, George"
Glaring at Nina, Mitchell left the kitchen slamming the door.
-"Count on Mitchell to put a damper on any good coming to this house"
-"Nina, Travel? Abroad? Scanners? Passport? The world of mirrors? Camera-land?"
Mitchell was laying on the beds, his boots on, when the ghost appeared kneeling by his side.
-"You cannot blame George. Anybody getting this envelop would be thrilled, Mitchell! First Class flights, all expenses paid, and inclusive H***ton Waikiki Beach 6days-7 nights package. Ocean view! Rainbow tower! Balcony! "
-"I am not blaming them, I am blaming me. They deserve this break. I…I am jealous. They can travel. I can't Annie. I e**ing can't".
Next morning, after a night of coax-the-vampire game by Annie, the Volvo hit the road direction Heathrow. Annie had found out that Mitchell had a passport in working order and commented glowingly on the copycat doppelganger who had lent his own picture to be used as Mitchell proof of ID. George was finally wearing his favourite tropical shirt, Nina was checking every five second the airplane tickets. Miss Anna Sawyer was not travelling anymore, but the ghost was in the car. For unexplained reasons, if her clothes were still unmistakably grey, she was wearing a flowing long dress with thin straps.
-"I can't believe it. I still wear those ugg-boots!"
-"Still better than our favourite vamp in his leather jacket. Leather jacket, Mitchell! Honolulu? Oahu? Waikiki beach? Spot the difference?"
Heathrow was its happy calm self, happy as in manic. George had 2 large suitcases, Nina one normal, Mitchell's was minimalist and filled in by Annie who needed no suitcase at all. The 2 humans, who only concern was the absence of any lunar influence on the 6 days of sheer Hawaiian fun went through customs as a breeze. For Mitchell, it was way slower. Never in their life did the custom officers have had so many problems with this unpleasant Irish tourist. The scanner would not work at all. At best, the answer is gave was that the tourist was dead? When everyone could see he was alive. They got him stripped to his indignation and realized the man was a nutter. Talking to himself and an imaginary friend called Annie. The only weird thing coming anyway near an actual listed weapon was a curious wooden large nail file, which they duly confiscated. And threw away in the next second. A complete nutcase, travelling with a wood stake!
London-Los Angeles. The weather was lovely in California, but they would have to wait for the next flight. Though all travelling First Class, Mitchell had to be contained as he started complaining about the in-flight movies. Annie travelled all down the plane back and forth through the attendants and their trolleys so many times George complained the food tasted weird. Nina as a nurse had to help a sick traveller in the Economy coach. Mitchell glared at her until the stewardess brought a bottle of champagne as a thank gesture.
-"At least, Mitchell is on the wagon."
-"Not all the wagons, George. He has downed 6 pints of beer, and 4 shots of vodka. Look at him. Thank Heaven, we are landing in Arnold country!"
The stewardess was worried, the tall black Irish traveller was drunk, but happy drunk. He was talking to the imaginary friend the Customs had informed her about. Annie. Until his friend the nice short blond Nurse had whispered the terrible tragedy which had broken his sanity. His girlfriend named Annie had died some 2-3years ago; unable to accept her death, he had lost his mind. Happily for him, he believed her to be a…ghost. He could see, talk even touches her! Otherwise, he was normal as can be. The attendant had informed discreetly the crew. A wide berth was given to the lunatic. Said Mitchell was quite surprised to be looked at with such sad shaking heads but did not refuse the drinks. Annie was also surprised to hear her name by the stewardess
-"They can see me, George!"
-"No, they can't. They think they humour Mitchell who, they think, is your widower and is mental with grief as seeing you as a ghost. They think that if they give him enough alcohol, he will dose off the rest of the flight and stop talking to his quote-imaginary girl friend Annie-end of quote"
-"WHAT!"
-"Calm down Mitchell. Calm down Annie, we are landing now!"
If the customs at Heathrow had been sort of fun, LAX security was cool as in icy cold. Mitchell had thought it smart to grin inanely to the surly cops (In the US, all cops are somehow Ireland related) to be told this cop name was Kowalski and that cop name was Ribeiro). Upon which said cops diagnosed a typical case of inebriation and sent the drunken Irish traveller to detox!
The incensed vampire had to be calm down by Annie while waiting in jail for the next flight to the 50th State. George and Nina admired the palm trees, and waited, waited, waited drinking all sorts of herbal teas and carbonated ice cold drinks… Mitchell was drinking also.
-"Plenty of fluids, Mitchell. More you drink, the quicker it gets out of your system"
-"Annie, it takes more than a few beers to get my "people" intoxicated"
The cops had already concluded the tourist was totally loco as they could see him wink to nothing in particular. At one point, freedom arrived. Both men rushed to the loo to empty the vast amount of drinks they had ingested. Nina was furious at the new Texan execution of another death penalty prisoner. Annie was gazing in wonder at the height of a sandwich ingested by a traveller.
-"Nina, what do you think?"
-"More than 5000, less than 10000"
-"What Nina, feet? Above the Pacific ocean?"
-"No George. My bet is 7500calories for that sandwich!"
-"I could eat that and not get one extra pound. Lean, George. Not stocky!"
Once again they boarded the plane. Mitchell had to be stopped before destroying the annoying kid camera. Annie outfit changed to a pair of short grey dungarees with a tight short tee-shirt. The vampire whistled loudly at the pair of very short shorts. Annie complained she still had to wear the pair of ugly Ugg-boots. George was busy reading about the tsunami in 1960 and the volcanic eruptions…The only person to remain calm as in not self conscious, worried sick or lewd was Nina who enjoyed the first class seat, the service and all in all revelled into the glory of enjoying the holidays of a lifetime without having to worry about "changing" in the middle of a plane.
The four friends arrived exhausted: counting 4 hours between the islands and the American continent, 6 hours of delay at the airport and 10 hours between LAX and London, their trip had taken roughly a whole day. As the same was for their return, Nina muttered bitterly about only 4 days of fun, not six! Any how they were welcomed by two lovely hula dancers of the female sort, swinging their hips suggestively under Mitchell nose. The three visible travellers after being given a flower necklace were taken by a private limo to the hotel. Two King-size bedrooms were waiting for them. The group was sleepy, Annie was not. While the trio was taking a shower to get rid of the trip tiredness, the ghost went to the beach. It was lovely. It was sunny; the beach was like in Hawaii-five-O. Owen would have loved it. But Owen had killed her; she would never go alive on her honeymoon. The closest she had to a boyfriend, was the vampire. Well, one must not entertain wishful thinking. She had Mitchell who had saved her. Who was a lot better than Owen who had pushed her down the stairs. She was in Oahu, by the beach and life was great. Would be great if she did not have those ugly boots. Why could not she change her outfits to a grey bikini, tankini, one piece bath suit? Even a burkini would have been welcomed. No. It was either the dress or the dungarees all white and grey and the boots. She was walking back to the hotel when she called by George.
-"We are going to surf, Annie. Surfing George, that's me"
-"We shall worship the sun, Annie. I'll keep an eye on the kid; you know make sure he does not drown….George come here…Grr…"
-"Don't worry, Annie. The sun is so glaring, even with that pair of sunglasses, it hurts. I shall walk with you along the beach. There is on the walk, an hotel which served the best Mai-Tais in 1942"
-"You've been there?"
-"After playing an extra in Casablanca, I thought after Pearl Harbour it might be interesting to visit the place. There were loads of soldiers at the time. I have not been there since. But I still remember the Mai-Tai."
That is how they spent their holidays. Annie would enter unseen each place Mitchell wanted to visit to make sure no mirror would give out his real nature, and then signal the vampire and both then would enjoy the place. Later in the day, when the sun would be just an hour before setting, they would walk together on the long stretch of beach, together, alone in their thoughts, just happy to be together. The concierge had been obliged to provide each staff member of the hotel a box of tissues as Nina story had become the Tragic Love Story of the Year! Mitchell was fuming, but he kept quiet. George was red.
-"I mean red, George."
-"You are not red George; you are gamboge… in a reddish way!"
-"You are not red…You have a severe case of sunburns. At next change, all those blisters are going to burst. George!"
-"George, the werewolf who will never forget anymore to apply sun screens!"
They flew back. This time, George was the one who got pitied as he could barely sit on the plane seat.
-"George, did you really have to bare it all?"
Annie played with all the security scanners, driving the customs American and British to madness and unexplainable fault systems red lights flashing. Mitchell suitcase had been packed in quick military order. He had only 2 military shirts with rolled up sleeves, one pair of trunks for the beach, his leather jacket and the necessary undies. Both girls wore flowers on their heads. George had offered to Nina an angel pink coral ring. Mitchell, at first at a loss to find something to buy to Annie when he had the most brilliant idea. Congratulating himself on his wisdom to travel light, he closed quickly the top of the suitcase before Annie had time to see what he had added to the piece of luggage. Nina, being Nina was reading about the USA health care system. The Volvo was waiting for them.
-"George, aside those massive burns, what did you bring back?"
-"Magnum red Hawaiian shirt, man …and you Nina what did you bring back?"
-"A book. Tsunamis and volcanoes. Why they do not happen here in Wales!"
-"And you Mitchell?"
-"Me, nothing. I just enjoyed it. Let me see, yes, I know I got something. Something for you Annie"
The ghost had enjoyed just like her friends the quiz holidays, but she had not been able to swim, she had not drunk any cocktail or fizzy drinks or any drink at all. Even Mitchell had managed to swim. Well, she had been able to travel with her friends. There was something for her, now that was not expected.
Tentatively she opened the crumpled gift. A sticker spelled for Miss A. Sawyer in typical American teenager writing. Inside, she found that "someone" must have wrecked his brains to find something just for her, something that would make her happy. Inside the box were two bags one of Kona coffee, one of Mauna Kea Tea. For the next few days, Honululu Heights would still be living the Hawaiian dream