Hii everyone, wow its been so long! So much has happened to me; my mom ended up in the hospital and our family is still reeling from the shock. Finally I've got a story...but its probably not the one anyone is going to want to read. Considering its kinda sad. Though if anyone has ever been and in love and it didn't work, out the way you hopped this story is for you! Let me know what you think. It will make sense I promise and I will do my best to end it happily. I love Miley and Lilly they are so adorable together; so thats what I untimely want. As always I am using these characters for my own enjoyment and in this case " closer" and to heal...I don't own Hannah Montana believe me if I did I've written Oliver out earlier lol...

Chapter One: Holding on to let go

Outside, the silver light of the moon sailed in ever present ocean of clouds; as darkness blanketed the ground below. The moon like a candle trying not to be snuffed, fought through the clouds losing every time. The cold wind, wiped across the night making the October night, almost sinister. It blew, the curtains of Lilly and Miley's converted barn room, making a slapping noise. Waking Lilly with a start, feeling cold and scared.

Shivering she tried to pull the covers around her, but Miley had tangled herself tightly in them. It would be easy enough to just get out of the bed and go to her own. Its covers unused lay just beyond Miley's. As she considered the thought her eyes adjusting to the dark saw the picture frame. Taken back when they had just been friends. Back when Lilly had realized she was developing feelings for her best friend. Lilly felt her stomach lurch, with the emptiness as she saw how young they had been and how happy.

Watching her sleeping peaceful girlfriend, made Lilly all the more confused. There would have been a time not long ago. When she would have woken her kissing passionately needing her touch. Wanting her more then her own breathing. Now nothing, no spark filled her. There was nothing but her own despair. If she could she'd turn back her life, but her ability to keep trying was failing.

She couldn't lose her, Miley but it was all slipping away the feeling was wrong it couldn't be denied anymore. She bit her lip, seeing the ghostly light of the moon cascading in through the open window. She wanted nothing more then to snuggle up and be warm. To lay here forever with her girlfriend to love her but those feelings that had driven her crazy. That had eventually broken her and Oliver up. Those feelings that when Miley didn't return them at first broke her heart. They were drifting like the moon, through the clouds.

This wasn't how the story was supposed to go, their story she thought angrily.

She was supposed to love Miley forever. She'd meant everything she'd said the night all those months ago. That night, the flowers had bloomed along the trellis of Miley's old deck. Back before they'd moved. Their smell had filled the night with their heavenly aroma. She'd come straight from Oliver's after she'd broken it off. Miley had been invited to a party at Ellen's house for her and her wife.

Lilly couldn't help smiling, she'd had no idea that Miley had secretly been in love with her. The story had come out the next day, over orange juice and pancakes. They had held hands and laughed. Lilly had brushed a stray hair from Miley's face. Making her blush, Lilly remembered. She'd leaned over and kissed her, taking both their breaths away. When she'd drawn back Miley's face was wet. Lilly let the memory wash back over her. Their voices echoed back across time.

" Baby? What's wrong? Am I going too fast?"

" No Lilly, it's ok I am just so happy. You make me so happy I never want it to end"

" Never Miles, you're mine always. God Miley I love you so much."

Lilly felt the coldness against her face, knowing she was crying. She'd sooner break then hurt Miley. If she ever told her, everything was changing. She'd promised her she'd given her heart. She still wanted to be with her but something was wrong.

It had been an easy decision to be with Miley than it was like breathing. Simply real special and she'd wanted every minute to be with her. In the beginning she'd wait all day to cuddle with her. She'd bring her flowers, make her CD's and spoil her. Miley made her happy, everything had been fine. Until the nightmares, until something changed. It wasn't Miley, Lilly knew this was her fault, this was all her.

This was all wrong.

The tears drifted down Lilly's face, each tear broke her heart as she covered her eyes with her hands. Struggling to hold on fighting to stay strong.

Suddenly she felt her bed shift, and Lilly held her breath as she felt Miley's arms around her.

" Lilly, oh my gosh are you ok?"

Lilly couldn't find an answer, and just for the moment it was better to cry then fight. So she let Miley hold her tightly.

" Don't cry baby. Was it a nightmare? It's ok I am here I'll never let anything hurt you. You're safe my love."

Lilly felt Miley rub her back and kiss her cheek.

Oh Miley you say you can protect me from everything? Can you protect me from myself? Can you stop me from hurting you?

Lilly bravely smiled through her tears. Wrapping her arms back around her girlfriend.

Miley snuggled against Lilly feeling her heart racing just being here. She wanted Lilly's pain to go away. She'd heard her cry during the night, she knew something was bothering her. In the morning she'd be all happy never once letting on she was upset. Every day Miley had let it go, tonight though she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

" Miley" Lilly asked her voice quivering.

" Yes Lils?" Miley asked soothingly.

Miley watched her beautiful girlfriend blush. Even in the half light Miley knew the signs and her heart picked up faster.

" Can we..." Lilly trailed off...I need to feel something anything...

" Come here darling" Miley's voice covered Lilly in comfort and love.

I want her to love me.

Miley covered Lilly's lips in her's, drawing her down kissing her hoping she'd be able to take away the pain.

She heard her moan, and Miley let her hands drift tug Lilly's shirt free. As she kissed her and felt the warm spread across their bodies.

Loving Lilly was always the most beautiful thing in the world. Every sigh every word, always made Miley feel so alive.

As Lilly body warmed to her girlfriends touch. Hearing her breathing quicken with each touch. She forced her pain and doubt down. She bobbed like a cork, pushing up above the despair for a minute. Letting Miley's feelings take her as she filled up with light.

Their bodies moved together perfectly, their skin was like fire. Lilly looked up into Miley's eyes and saw only her love, the hope and devotion.

Without Miley in her arms Lilly felt cold, when the flame had burned out. Laying quietly there in the bed beside her eyes heavy. Hoping the nightmares wouldn't come back. That she could just be happy to be strong for Miley.

" Lilly" Miley's was heavy with sleep.

" hmmm"

" Lilly I love you!" Miley sighed happily, as she felt her body drifting away into sleep. As she waited for Lilly to say I love you back.

Lilly felt tears prick her eyes " I know you do Miles."

Tell her you love her...Lilly's mind screamed, but the words wouldn't come. She sighed as her fretful mind gave away to sleep.

Miley lay alone in the darkness her heart suddenly cold. A question planted and doubt beginning to churn. She couldn't sleep until she heard Lilly say it. Soft breathing began though telling Miley that Lilly had fallen asleep. Now it was Miley not Lilly crying herself to sleep and there was no one to comfort her.

She was all alone.

TBC soon...