This is just something that came into my head while thinking about Thursday nights next time in the Bill thing, so there's spoilers for the next episode and possibly future ones. It's just a short one shot
"I am not going to seduce a female suspect. There are some lines I just won't cross"
It's funny how much things you say and things you do differ so much. At one point, when I'd only just started out, I told myself I'd be a model copper. One who obeyed every rule and would never get in trouble. Just look at me now. I doubt that there's a rule that I haven't at least thought about breaking at one point. There was that one time, I was so angry, I was even considering murder. Thankfully, I didn't go through with it. That would definitely have been the end of my career.
However, when Phil suggested sleeping with Kristen Shaw to get what I want, I'd made up some half baked excuse about morals and he'd left it at that. I've heard Phil's reputation. I've heard why Sam Nixon won't go out with him. It's all because Phil's crossed that line many, many times before, maybe not with the suspects themselves, but with their wives and girlfriends at the very least. That's why he was transferred to Sunhill in the first place. So one of the reasons I said I wouldn't do it was I didn't want to become like him. He's popular but the one person he actually likes is refusing to go out with him now and I would never want that to happen to me.
The main reason though is one that I don't even like to admit to myself. Phil's slept around a lot, but he's always been able to stop himself forming an emotional attachment to the girl in question. I didn't think I would be able to do that with Kristen. I'm not the sort of guy who can have one night stands or can fake a relationship. I knew that if I slept with her. I'd fall for her eventually, and I didn't want to be in love with the person I'm trying to put away.
Yet here I am, lying in bed with her and I'm scared what this means for my career and my life. She's a drug dealer. Drugs killed my little sister. I should hate drugs and everything and everyone who has anything to do with them. I can't hate Kristen though. I just can't do it. Maybe if I act fast, I can put her away before I start to feel something more for her, but maybe it's too late already. There's nothing more I can do tonight anyway. The best thing for me would be to get some sleep, but I can't help but wonder, where do I go from here?
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