The day I died

For Sarah, who knows why and everyone else, who doesn't

Ashes twirled in the warm air, some still burning and emitting a soft glow, others powdery and gray. The fire was dying, I noticed, I'd better put some more wood in. I stared at the place she used to sit, calm and thoughtful, her marshmallow solidly planted on the stick I'd chosen for her. "There," I'd say, handing it to her, as it has not taken me more than few minutes. I had spent hours on it. "Thank you", she'd say. She'd smile, and let me choose a marshmallow for her.

"This one looks good, dont'cha think?" She'd give it a quick glance. "If you say so."

****

A group of young kids were sitting around a table, playing patty cake, and laughing. Laughing was as forbidden in the funerary home. People stared angrily at them, in a disapprobative kind of way. You just lost a relative, they wished to say. Why don't you shut up, and let us wrap us in our grief?

I sat down with my tenth cup of coffee. Kleenex boxes were disposed here and there. "Cry, they seemed to scream. I don't want to rot here any longer." I'd go back to my cool attitude. I didn't cry. I never do. They're burying the girl I love today? Just pretend you're somewhere else, tanning in the sun, Hikari is alive, she laughs, can't you hear? She laughs, damn it. Nothing funny, but she laughs. Ssshhh, Hikari-chan. You can't laugh in here.

I need a cigarette.

****

I look at the body in the coffin, so badly made up, it's funny. Dark foundation, to cover the ghastly pale complexion, lipstick, even though she never wore any. I never noticed how delicate she looked.

I felt like she was going to wake up at any moment, a bad joke. We'd giggle a bit nervously, she'd flash a smile, and everything would go well again. Taichi would give her a little lecture, but she'd get away with it.

I bit my lip, so hard it started to hurt. She's not dead. She'll wake up soon, and kiss me and tell me she loves me. I'll smile, and we'll walk away hand in hand, in the sunset.

Hikari-chan

****

It hits hard when you realize it's for real. You feel like screaming at everything and everyone that may have caused her death. Real, real, real, real, chants a little voice in your head. A nasty little voice that you desesperately want to shut up. You feel a knot in your stomach, and the next thing you know, you're kneeling on a bathroom floor, puking your guts out.

`The tiles feel cold under your hands. Someone hold a cold cloth to you forehead. You start sobbing, and you realize that you need to be strong to cry. Because that's the hard part.

I know it's more depressing than mushy, but that's the way I wanted it. I started to write a so mushy it makes you sick kind of story, but I realized how much it was out of character and sucky. I deleted it. ^^

'Tis obviously for the yakari contest, because I love weird couples, and because I felt like it. If you want to flame me, please do so, but do it good! What's up with flamers those days? I want to hear swearing, I want stuff that could be featured on the Jerry Springer Show, and all I get is a crappy 'ur fic sucks'. ::sighs::