Originally submitted as part of LJ ST_Respect 'Ship Wars' - why should I deny fans the enjoyment. I can't take credit for this one. I simply helped pull the ideas of four people into one great work. Enjoy everyone.

Title: Dear Universe: The Misadventures of Leonard McCoy and Nyota Uhura
Ship: McCoy/Uhura
Author: Team McHura - Wondertwin powers activate
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild violence, language, hurt Jim, bruised McCoy, and damaged expensive shoes
Disclaimer: Warning this fic my cause you to spontaneously combust due to sheer delight and warm - fuzzy feelings

"How is it that you find the only blue – eyed, blonde haired Lolita on this godforsaken Starbase married to a Klingon?" Leonard McCoy shouted over his shoulder to his best friend and thorn in his side. He barely escaped the mek'leth the makeshift warrior wielded during their battle.

"Correction she is only promised to a Klingon and she has doubts about their pending nuptials." Jim's shoulders shrugged and he wore that irritating look of innocence that only made McCoy want to pummel him.

"Ingrate." The doctor spit.

It had started innocently enough. Earlier Jim had strolled into sickbay. His eyes lit with pure devilment.

McCoy should have known that listening to James Tiberius Kirk would get him into trouble. It always did. There was no in between. Jim created the problem. McCoy cleaned up the mess.

"Bones I have a problem." He said grinning and feigning innocence.

"No!" McCoy shouted before his friend could elaborate.

"How can you say no when you haven't even heard me out?" Jim was clearly offended but far from conceding defeat.

"Easy – I," McCoy pointed to his chest, "Always end up being the one battered, bruised, and unconscious when you come to me with that look on your face!"

Jim clutched his chest, "Bones, Bones, Bones…You cut me to the quick! Am I not your bestest friend, through thick and thin?"

Bones rolled his eyes. He knew that Jim would convince him to join in whatever hair-brained scheme he'd manufactured on this side of the galaxy.

Jim looked puzzled, "Ingrate, I'm your best…"

"You are my bestest friend in the whole wide world and also the reason why I'm over thirty minutes late for my date." The two men moved closer together taking in the group of Klingon's surrounding them.

"Date… with who?" That damn smile could be heard in Jim's voice.

"Noneya!"

"Who's Noneya? Does she work in Engineering with Scotty?" Jim asked swerving to avoid another near hit.

"Noneya business!" Bones yelled only to watch the potential for conversation end with the boot leveled to Jim's gut.

Nyota's features distorted by anger and worry was the last thing McCoy remembered before the side of his face decided to permanently merge with the bar's floor.

McCoy opened his eyes to find that his head rested comfortably in Nyota's lap. He began another well deserved tirade against Jim and his juvenile ways.

Nyota silenced his acerbic attack with a single warning finger. "If you growl, damn it Jim, one more time I will deck you."

The doctor folded his arms and grimaced as his (now torn) shirt scraped the abrasion on his chest. "Too late, someone already beat you to it," he growled. He winced as he slowly shifted his jaw, checking for a possible mandible dislocation and newly loose teeth, and Nyota smirked while gently dabbing the purpling bruise beneath his left eye. She helped him ease into a seated position.

"Horrible pun - Len."

"Wasn't meant to be a pun, darlin'," he muttered. McCoy's eyes alternated between stern and gentle as he prodded her bruised lip and checked for contusions in her matted mess of hair. "Asshole just had to go after a Klingon's girl."

The doctor's fingers lingered on her cheek. He had missed her foray into the brawl. He did notice the respect in the eyes of warriors three times her size when they looked upon Nyota's face.

"He's our friend and Captain." Nyota hissed as she moved her neck a centimeter too far. She reached up to massage the twinge. Len shooed away her hand and administered the massage himself. "However, he does owe me a new pair of Giuseppe stiletto boots."

Nyota held up the mangled leather to display the broken heel. "Hell of a first date." She said as she absently fingered the severed stiletto.

"That was a bar brawl, dear - Huge difference." McCoy said leaning into her shoulder.

He paused and her breath hitched as his thumb caressed her cheek. "You sure you don't want to go back to the ship? I have an emergency medkit back at the hotel, but your bruises are gonna hurt like a bear tomorrow."

"No, God no. I don't want to deal with everyone's questions, stares, and double takes. I'd rather soak my tired, sore toes in a decadent bubble bath."

Len resigned himself to the situation and let his hand fall against his side. "Yeah, I can imagine." He pulled at his clothes. "I know I could use a long soak and a few drinks after that."

Dear Universe,

Tonight was SUPPOSED to be my first date with Nyota. Did her god damn ex – boyfriend plan this evening? Damn it I'm a lover not a fighter - middle finger to you and your sense of humor Mr. Universe.

Sincerely,

Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy

"Len..." Nyota took back his hand running her fingers across his bruised knuckles. Shyly she shielded her eyes with her lashes. "You do realize this planet is in the middle of a water shortage, right? It would be a shame to waste two baths."

A half beat passed before she lifted her eyes. She wasn't disappointed at the grin fighting its way across Len's features. "Yeah, it'd be crazy if we didn't well...share. Y'know - for the planet's sake."

"Exactly."

"An' maybe I'd like to make sure you don't have any internal injuries."

"Mm, hmmm. And I may have need of a personal physician tonight." She kissed the boo-boo under Len's eye and moved her lips over his. "In a few hours we can get Kirk out of the local jail."

Dear Universe,

Thank You. –Len

"Let's wait until tomorrow." Len encircled her waist and pulled Nyota closer. "He owes me for all those previous bar fights. Besides, I have a patient that needs me."

Nyota grinned as he kissed her, and she had a feeling that they'd be doing a lot of personal inspecting of bruises over the next few hours. Not that she minded in the least.