The description explains it all. 'nough said. Just something I thought up in my spare time ages ago and just finished. Maybe not the most interesting, but here you go nonetheless.
She was a monster, but she
was my monster.
–Jeanette Winterson
The pain. So much pain, such loud voices….why was everything so loud? What was that smell? Those smells? What was happening?
Carina Black groaned and sat up, taking in her surroundings with squinted eyes. She could recognize the wreckage of the Great Hall, and see the various injured and deceased spread about, some being tended to and others being carried away. There was no sign of Hermione or Harry, though she could see the Weasleys all crowded around the body of Fred, who had been shot down by Yaxley.
I killed him, didn't I? Or was it Bellatrix? Or…?
She had killed so many she could not even keep count; it hurt her head just to think about it. But there was something else, something she found herself straining to remember….
The deafening howl, the scream….
Where was she?
Paws hitting the ground hard, debris falling and spells flying and creatures swarming…
"Carina!"
That scent...she knew that scent. The smell of blood, of decay, of disease, of something primal….the smell of a werewolf, the strong smell that was nearly overpowering right now.
A large, hairy man with a wicked grin, a girl held aloft with a meaty, clawed hand around her throat; kicking feet, struggling hands, choked breaths….
Another smell, a new one; no, an old one.
Strawberries. Hermione...Hermione.
Greyback.
He had Hermione, Hermione, who was choking in his hold, feet dangling. Greyback, whose nose was lingering along her throat now, drawing in the delicious scent, and then there was a sickening snap as he transformed in the light of the full moon above as it was uncovered.
The wolf let out a guttural snarl and lunged, seeing nothing but red as she tore into the man, the beast, latching her teeth onto anything she could find and sending her claws raking across his face. He growled back, and one powerful blow sent her skidding through the debris on the ground, sure to have scraped her back raw, but she could not feel, could not hear, could barely see. But she could smell, yes, she could smell, and she wanted to taste his flesh…
She sprung again, and this time she twisted and leaped onto his back, opening her jaws wide enough to clamp down around his throat. There she dangled, and though she could feel blow after blow raining down on her, there she stayed; there was a scream, a spell shot, but it missed.
Except, one spell didn't miss, and suddenly it was Carina Black sprawled in the dirt, clutching her arm as her foggy vision cleared; a triumphed howl greeted her ears, and she found Greyback hovering over her, grinning so smugly, so maniacally, that she found herself diving for him again and slamming into his legs.
He did not budge and lifted her up by her hair. She could feel some being torn from her roots as she raised herself onto her toes, teeth bared and the deep rumble rising from her chest and past her lips. She still could not feel, though she was aware of a deformed, clawed paw tightening around her throat….
There was a brief scuffle when she reached out and rammed a fist into his abdomen, and then the sharp prick of teeth at her neck.
"No! CARINA!"
Another spell shot, and she was flung back again, landing hard on a rock and feeling her head slam back. When she opened her eyes again, Hermione Granger was kneeling over her with wide, sorrowful eyes, and Fenrir Greyback was lying on the ground a short distance away. Except, he was not unconscious, and he was not whole. No, his head was severed from his body and lying a few feet away in the rubble, tongue lolling.
Carina felt her senses return, felt the adrenaline wear down, and could finally feel all the pain she should have been before, and Merlin, did it hurt.
"What?" she found herself snapping, when the other girl did not speak, only stared.
Slowly, Hermione raised Carina's arm. It was covered in blood, and the deep puncture marks there (bite marks, she knew) said it all.
"Carina…" whispered Hermione, and the fingers around her wrist slid to her hand, gripping tightly. "A Death Eater's spell hit you, and you were forced to shift back. You were bitten while you were human."
Ah. That explained it. And now...now….
Now, she was a werewolf. Now, she had the presence of two wolves inside, one an extension of herself and another foreign, and both would war for dominance.
A noise had her head snapping up, and when she felt a hand touch her shoulder, reacted instinctively and flung herself on top of the intruder, snarling wildly as she slammed their shoulders into the ground hard.
She could already feel the curse, the disease, seeping through her blood and into her mind, hear the voice calling for her to rip, to tear, to kill….
Her prey lifted its hands and pressed them to her cheeks, cradling her head softly, but she snapped at them, and they fell away.
She leaned down to inhale the intoxicating scent—strawberries. Strawberries and sweat and blood…
Blood, need to taste its blood, want to tear the flesh...kill...kill now!
She paused, nose brushing her prey's throat, and briefly nuzzled at the pulse point; the creature beneath her shivered, and she lifted her head briefly. Brown eyes stared back at her, and there was no fear there. She had seen eyes like these before, somewhere…
No, this is prey, all prey are the same! Need the flesh, need to taste—
But again she fought the urge and moved one of her hands to firmly grip her prey by the throat. She could feel the wildly beating heart from there, and she leaned down again, so close their noses brushed, and stared with an irritated, confused furrow of her brows.
Where had she seen those eyes before?
There was a hitch of breath from her prey, and then the hands pushed only once on her shoulders, causing her to pull away, more puzzled than ever.
What did it want? Surely it knew escape was futile?
But that lapse had it scooting away and sitting up, and she could not allow that.
Dominate it...show it who is in control…
She sprung and slammed her prey to the ground with a furious snarl, causing it to let out a squeak and her to feel a rush of pleasure; there, that was better. Now, the prey would surely not try to get away again, and she could finally figure out where she had seen those eyes…
She lifted a hand and trailed her fingers along her prey's neck, sliding up along its jawline, its cheek, its nose, and then down to its lips, where a thumb lingered and tugged down. There was no resistance. Every ridge, every feeling, felt and looked so familiar...no, she hadn't just seen the eyes before. This prey...it was human. It was a human, and she had seen this human somewhere before.
DOMINATE IT!
She shook her head wildly and frowned hard, a memory coming unbidden into her mind.
Soft lips pushing against her own, fingers briefly ghosting over the hair on her neck…
"Carina."
A shout, and she slammed into the wall with shock coursing through her.
"Carina!"
An angry, red-furred boy shouting at his littermates over something, and a brown-furred girl whirling on him, matching brown eyes blazing.
"Carina!"
She was snapped out of her daze by those eyes boring into hers, and she tilted down on instinct to press her lips to her prey's, to this person's, to….to…
To Hermione's.
Carina snapped out of her daze and made to roll away, but was stopped by a hand tangling in her hair and pulling her back down.
She let out a noise of surprise and jerked up, bracing herself with both hands on either side of Hermione's head.
"What are you doing?" her voice sounded hoarse, even to her own ears, as she demanded it. "Are you mad? I nearly killed you!"
"But you didn't," Hermione's eyes roved over her face. "I'm right here. I'm alright. And you...you're no different."
Carina scoffed. "That's a lie, and you know it."
"It's not. Perhaps you'll have changes, but you yourself? You're still Carina, deep down. I know it."
"You're mad."
"I'm not."
The raven haired girl leaned down, baring her teeth. "Get away from me."
"I won't," said Hermione calmly. "And I couldn't if I wanted to. You're on top of me."
Carina, realizing that she had indeed pinned the other girl, swiftly rolled away.
Hermione slowly sat up, ruefully rubbing the back of her head. When she pulled her hand away, it was gleaming with blood.
"Bloody hell!" Carina cursed. When she had thrown Hermione down, it was clear the witch had hit her head on a rock or something of that sort.
I hurt her. I was going to kill her…
"I know that look," Hermione cut through her thoughts, reaching forward. Carina, startled at the sudden movement, scrambled back on her rear. The brunette only followed her, crawling forward with determination until Carina's back hit stone.
"Get away from me," the raven haired girl repeated, heart pounding in her ears and body quivering.
Kill, the voice inside her snarled. Taste the flesh. Do not become prey.
Still, her inner wolf, not the foreign one, growled back. Must not harm mate.
BE QUIET! she inwardly roared, and the voices, thankfully, went silent. She was glad, then, that she would not transform until the next full moon. If she had tonight…
She shivered at the thought.
"You know I can't do that," Hermione moved forward, crawling straight between Carina's legs and bracing her arms on the wall. "Now, you'll listen to me," she added sharply. "None of this was your fault. You didn't ask to be turned, nor did you mean to hurt me. What you did was purely out of instinct and nothing more, do you understand?"
"I can't do this," Carina muttered, unable to stop herself from pressing further into the wall.
It did no good, however, for Hermione only shifted closer.
"Yes, you can," she said firmly, in that no nonsense tone the other witch recognized. "You're not leaving me over something as ridiculous as this. I'm not going to let you, and I'm definitely not going to let you wallow in self pity. The Carina Black I know doesn't wallow. Ever."
Hands cupped her cheeks, and Carina flinched.
"I can't."
"You can."
"Hermione—"
"You can."
"You don't—"
"I do get it. I understand where you're coming from, how you're feeling. I know that you have the best of intentions, and that you don't want to hurt me, but you running away like a coward isn't going to fix this. Nothing will. You'll be this way for the rest of your life, and you need to accept that."
Carina could not bring herself to feel insulted. Instead, her lips twisted into a wry smile.
"Have I ever told you I am coward?"
There was a sharp sting to her cheek, and she gaped as Hermione's furious brown eyes met hers.
"You are no coward. You are one of the bravest people I've ever met. One thing you can be, however, is a liar, and I don't appreciate it when you lie to me. I thought you were better than that."
"I'm sorry," Carina finally managed, quietly. "You're right."
"I know," Hermione said primly, pulling back and sitting cross legged before her. She tilted her chin up, having the air of someone who had just been deeply insulted.
"You are," the raven haired girl insisted, willing her pounding heart to still. "And I am. I'm just...I'm…" she growled and averted her eyes. "I'm afraid. I don't know how to do this on my own, without…"
Without Remus.
"You're not alone," Hermione carefully took her hand, temper cooling. "And I'm sorry I slapped you. I needed to get you to listen to me somehow…"
"It worked," Carina suddenly frowned, mind returning to the past events that had led to this. Flashes of the fight passed behind her eyelids, and a severed head caught her attention. She opened her eyes. "You killed Greyback."
"Yes."
"You killed someone," said Carina slowly. "for me."
"Yes."
"Are you alright?"
"He was a monster."
"That wasn't an answer."
"He deserved it."
"Hermione."
"Carina."
"Are you alright?"
Hermione finally offered her a weak smile. "I don't know."
Carina sighed, beckoning the older girl closer. "Come here."
The brunette barrelled into her, and as Carina enveloped the other witch in her arms, it did not go unnoticed that she was shaking.
Carina stroked Hermione's hair, not minding that her lover was practically squeezing the life out of her. She was aware, of course, of how much killing someone could affect a person, despite the fact that she had become numb to it all. No matter how terrible, no matter how much they deserved it, killing someone would haunt the person who did it for the rest of their lives.
Well, if they had a conscience.
"I'm just glad you're okay," Hermione mumbled, and Carina sighed again and pressed a kiss to her head.
"You should have let him kill me."
Hermione jerked away as though burned. She looked horrified. "What?"
"You should have let him kill me."
"How could you say that? I couldn't just let you die!"
"Murder splits the soul. While maybe that wasn't murder, it will stick with you for awhile, Hermione, and I know you. You'll think on it over and over until it drives you mad. You should have let him kill me."
Carina felt a sharp sting to her cheek, much like before, and Hermione pushed her into the wall. Brown eyes were alight as they trained on her.
"I don't care," the brunette scowled, but her voice shook. "I'll live with the consequences. Watching you die and knowing I could have done something to prevent it? That would drive me mad. I love you, Carina, and I am never letting you go. Not ever. Not when I've just gotten you, you...you idiot!"
"You always had me."
"Oh, Carina…"
Fondly, Hermione ran a hand through Carina's hair.
The other witch raised a brow. "I thought I was an idiot?"
"You're my idiot."
Carina rolled her eyes. "Cheesy."
"'You always had me,'" Hermione mocked.
"But true," there was no shame.
"Sap."
"Honest."
"Carina…"
"Hmm?"
"Shut up."
"Make me."
Hermione abruptly kissed her, effectively accepting the challenge and ending their bickering. Carina herself could not help but smile.
A spell ricocheted off the side of the wall near Carina's head, and she instinctively knocked Hermione aside, shielding her as debris fell. She grunted as some chunks impacted with her back, but otherwise, she was fine, hair hanging like a curtain around the other witch.
"Are you alright?" Hermione asked worriedly, breathless. "I can't believe we really…"
"Forgot there was a war going on?" Carina finished, rolling away and swiftly standing. She held out a hand and hauled Hermione to her feet. "We're lucky we weren't killed before."
"Pure dumb luck," Hermione quoted, before drawing her wand.
Carina flicked hers out, feeling her inner werewolf howl at the chance to finally kill something. "Meet you after it's over?"
Hermione inclined her head, and the raven haired girl sprinted off, straight into the fray.
~~~xxx~~~
Carina was sat in a crater, dead in the center a circle of bodies when they found her, cross legged and not at all concerned with the blood stained around her mouth and down her shirt.
Actually, it wasn't just there. It was very nearly everywhere, and the states the bodies were in made some sick, so they looked away.
They had no room to judge, not when her killing had possibly saved their lives.
Carina was looking morbidly satisfied with herself, lips twisted into a wicked smirk, pupils blown wide. She was not trembling, instead sat completely still as Hermione carefully made her way over, purposefully not looking at the bodies.
The raven haired girl actually smiled, and Hermione winced ever so slightly at the red stained teeth. She was not sure that was something she would ever get used to, and perhaps it sickened her, but it did not make her love Carina any less, terribly strange as it sounded.
"Carina," the brunette spoke softly, inching closer. "Come back to me, love. I know you're in there."
The girl in question cocked her head to the side, hair falling over her shoulder, and smiled wider.
"Carina," Hermione knelt down before her. "It's over. He's dead, Harry killed him. It's all over now."
The smile faltered, and then faded away altogether. Pupils gradually shrunk, so that they no longer consumed the entire iris. It had given her a rather demonic look, at Hermione was glad it was gone now.
Carina licked her lips, looking, for the moment, incredibly lost.
"Mine?" she frowned at Hermione.
"Yours," the other witch agreed quietly, reaching out to cup her cheek. "Come on, Rina, let me see you again."
There was a lengthy pause, and gray eyes flickered about. They fell back upon Hermione, however, and Carina furrowed her brows.
"Mione?" she licked her lips again, scrunching her nose.
"There you are," Hermione whispered, softly brushing her thumb over Carina's cheek. Are you alright?"
"Are you alright?" Carina pulled back and wiped ruefully at her mouth. When she realized there was blood on her sleeve, as well, she huffed and drew her wand.
"I believe I asked first."
"Yes, well," cleared of most blood (or at least, from her face and part of her clothing), Carina took her hand. "Answer me anyway."
"I'm fine," Hermione shook her head, before pausing. "For now."
The raven haired girl smiled wryly. "To be expected."
"What happened here?"
"Honestly?" Carina shrugged. "I don't know," she glanced about at the mess she had made. "Obviously something very gruesome."
Hermione supposed she should have been unnerved at the careless way the other witch spoke of killing, but as horrible as it sounded, she had gotten used to it. It was simply how Carina was, and trying to change it would be...difficult, to say at least.
"He's really gone?" Carina tilted her head.
"Yes."
"For good?"
"Yes," Hermione laughed weakly. "I can hardly believe it, but Merlin, I'm so glad it's true. I saw it with my own eyes."
Her words had Carina flopping back into the dirt, throwing an arm over her eyes.
"Good, because I'm bloody exhausted," she muttered.
"You can't just sleep surrounded by bodies, Carina."
"Watch me."
Despite the chaos around them, Hermione felt a brief stab of amusement.
"You can't. We still have to help the wounded, and gather the," her throat closed up for a moment, and she swallowed hard. "the fallen."
Slowly, Carina sat up.
"I suppose you're right," she quietly agreed, wearily. It was clear she did not wish to, especially when Remus and Tonks were among them. "Let's go."
She climbed out of the crater and hoisted Hermione up after her.
Joining hands, the two went to work once more.
~~~xxx~~~
It took two whole days to get everyone gathered, be them dead or wounded, and even then, the castle was barely able to be inhabited. Many stayed behind to help clean up the aftermath. Others went home.
Carina had went to Grimmauld Place, needing to finally get some rest and get cleaned up. Hermione had followed her, where the two were immediately accosted by an overly cheerful Kreacher and a too clean house.
Things were quiet, and when the door creaked open, Hermione sat up.
Carina ambled in, dressed and toweling her hair, kicking the door shut behind her. It was clear she did not want Kreacher bothering them right then as she locked it, tossed the towel aside, and all but collapsed onto the bed.
Hermione leaned over on her elbow, having already had her shower beforehand, and inquired, "Feel better?"
Carina hummed in response, peeking open one eye.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"You'll really stay with me?"
"Of course," Hermione laid down beside her, angling her head so that she and Carina could look at each other.
"What will we do on the full moon?"
"I'll make the Wolfsbane Potion, I suppose."
"Do you think I'll still be an animagus after this?" the raven haired girl frowned.
"I don't know," said Hermione honestly. "You might. Then again, it might just disappear altogether, be taken over by the werewolf."
"Isn't fair," Carina muttered, scowling.
"I want to learn, you know."
"To be an animagus?"
"Yes."
Carina stared at her, brows furrowing. "Why?"
"It seems like an interesting talent to have," Hermione reached out to take her hand, fiddling with the other witch's fingers absently. "And I'd like to help you after you've transformed."
"You…"
"What?" the brunette wondered, briefly, if she had done something wrong. Carina was looking at her strangely.
"You're amazing," Carina told her softly. "Thank you. For everything."
"I love you," Hermione, relieved, smiled at her. "How could I ever leave?"
"I'm an arse," the raven haired girl smiled back, however, and squeezed her hand. "I love you, too."
Hermione's heart skipped a beat at the words, which were so rarely spoken. Carina never saw the need to, not when she could show it, but that didn't mean that Hermione was not filled with warmth everytime she heard them.
Carina yawned. "Goodnight, Hermione."
She promptly closed her eyes and shifted to lay on her stomach, instead, burying her head in a pillow. Hermione could not help but chuckle and tugged the comforter over them both.
She scooted back to lay down beside the other witch, closing her eyes as well, but as the minutes ticked by, something was eating at her.
"Carina?"
"Hmm?" came the muffled mumble from in the pillow.
"Do you think everything is going to be okay after all this?"
Carina raised her head, bleary gray eyes focusing upon her for a moment.
"We'll be fine," she decided lightly, before grabbing Hermione by the arm and tugging her closer, into her side. "Now," she grumbled, though it was not nearly as threatening as it could have been. "Sleep."
"Goodnight, Carina," Hermione could not help but smile as she snuggled closer.
There was a grunt in response, but the thought was what counted.
Note: In case it was overlooked, Carina mentioned that they don't transform the first time they're bitten, but on the next full moon.
Review please!