THE CENTRAL SUN:
An Appetite For Excitement! National Alchemist Duels In Pie-Eating Challenge
DUBLITH -- Crowds gathered, heads turned on Saturday to witness the legendary pie-eating contest between National Alchemist Edward Elric, and a man who identified himself only as 'Gluttony.'
The contest was apparently proposed when one of the challenger's companions made a remark to the effect that the Fullmetal Alchemist was himself too small to consume as many pies as 'Gluttony.' Tempers rose, insults and blows were exchanged, and eventually the contest was arranged as a compromise. The date was to be as soon as the market square could be reconstructed.
The event was an exciting one for spectators, crowds turning out with a holiday air as with both candidates launching into strong assaults on the hundreds of pies baked for the occasion by Dublith housewives Worthington, Curtis, and Brown.
Edward Elric took a strong lead initially, demolishing a dozen pies with record speed as Gluttony became distracted by eating the silverware, plates and table. But the challenger soon made up the difference; Edward Elric's consumption rate slowed as he reached his two dozenth pie, while the chubby Gluttony seemed to be only picking up the pace.
The Fullmetal Alchemist was eventually carried away bodily from the contest table by his brother even as the excitement peaked.
However, Gluttony was disqualified on grounds of eating the judge, and final victory was awarded to the Fullmetal Alchemist by default.
Congratulations and well-wishes can be sent to Edward Elric at Alexander Armstrong Memorial Hospital, Central, although he requests that admirers please refrain from sending fruit or candy.
The other contestant could not be reached for comment.