A/N: Welcome to the sorrow ridden mind of redamiB61487. I have had a rough couple of weeks, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. This is how I get my emotions out. Yeah, it's a one shot involving the Lambo twins. Yes, there is character death and insanity mixed in. A song fic, something I haven't done in a while. Unfortuantly, I only own the idea behind this story and the plot. Charecters belong ot Hasbro. Song is All That Im Living For by don't kill me for killing who I did. Just thought id add my voice. Enjoy!
:Message:Bond Talk
Message Ghost talk
Sunstreaker screamed, falling to his knees. He stood back up, running blindly through the battlefield, ignoring everything going on around him. His processor swam as he ran, feeling a jagged hole rip through his spark. He clutched at his chest as he staggered optics blind to the real world as he ran a diagnostic check. Everything was functioning well (well enough for a mech in the middle of a battle with Decepticons). So what was the problem? Why did he feel like he had been blown into bits from the inside out?
:Sides?: he called through the bond he had with his brother. It was impossible that his brother was deactivated. They didn't get that badly hurt. And Ratchet the Hatchet would always patch them up before it got too bad.
There was no answer.
Sunstreaker, the vain mech that he was, suddenly cared less that he was covered in mech fluids, dirt and sand. He froze as he realized what the pain meant. Something went horribly wrong. Something was bad. Where was Sideswipe? Where was his brother?
He searched the whole battlefield, ignoring the sparking shoulder that Skywarp had given him after a little jet judo session. He ignored the torn energon lines that leaked from underneath his yellow chassis. He turned off the pain receptors in his knee, letting it grind against bare metal and other particles. His fuel pump beat an erratic tempo in his chest as he saw Sideswipe's red form slumped over a large bolder.
He wasn't moving.
"SIDESWIPE!" Sunstreaker called, both over the bond and through his voice. No one turned to him, the battle sounds overwhelming them. He sprinted to his downed brother, vainly looking for Ratchet. He was on the complete opposite side of the battlefield, tending to a downed mech that suspiciously looked like Wheeljack.
"Bro, you got to get up. Talk, move, something!" he said, shaking the prone form. It moved freely, chunks of armor falling off of it. Sunstreaker gasped as he saw the damage.
Sideswipe was missing most of his face except for his left optic and his mouthpiece. His helm was dangling by a few wires. To make matters worse, he was missing his chest plate. Sunstreaker's face was illuminated by the sputtering glow of his brothers spark.
"No, no no no no, you can't leave me now. We still have that prank to pull on Prowl! And don't forget that promise you made to that human squishy, Spike, about painting Ironhide pink!" Sunstreaker said, moving to cradle his brother in his lap.
"Guess –fzt!-you… are go-o-o-ing to-skzzzt!- have to-o-o-o do-BLEEP!- that for-r-r-r-r-r me, Su-u-u-u-nny." Came a garbled and warped voice from Sideswipe's body. The spark pulsed again, the glow lighting Sunstreakers face as he smiled upon his dying brother.
"What did I tell you about calling me Sunny, you fragger?" Sunstreaker asked, his optics softening with lubricant as his brother's body twitched in what sort of resembled a shrug. A single drop fell onto Sideswipe's dangling helm.
"An-n-n-nd-d-d-d-d-d-d-SKKKKRRRT!-" Sideswipe said, and Sunstreaker put a finger to what was left of his dental plates to quiet him.
"Hush now, Sides. Save your strength. Hatchet will be here soon." He said, and there was a crackling chuckle from his red counterpart.
"Hatchet …..isnt-t-t-t-t com-m-m-ming in t-t-t-t-ime bro-SNIT!- he's patch-n-n-n-n J-j-j-j-j-k –EZZZZNITTTT!-" Sideswipe said, and his voice gave out. Sunstreaker cried out, gripping his shoulder as his brother's spark started dwindling in strength and light.
"You got to stay with me bro, please!" Sunstreaker cried, and the form beneath him rumbled in another laugh.
: Never thought you would be so weak, brother. Thought you were the big strong Sunstreaker, ready to take on anything and anyone?: Sideswipe said through a private message, for the bond was dissipated between the two of them.
"No, Sideswipe. You got me all wrong. Im only that way for you." Sunstreaker said, and he cried out in dismay as Sideswipes spark dimmed again. He screamed again as his brother's flow of precious fluids leaked less and less.
:I will….see you later…my friend…..my…..brother…my…other…half….: Sideswipe said, through the bond as his spark finally guttered out. Sunstreaker screamed in pain and loss. The battle ended quickly after that, everyone on either side of the battle unlevered by the golden twin. He was covered in energon, most of it his twins. He clutched the grey offline body of the red twin, growling and blasting anyone who got too close, friend or foe. Even Ratchet was knocked away.
"What is the possibility of getting Sunstreaker away from Sideswipes body?" Prowl asked Ratchet after het Decepticons left with their wounded. Jazz walked up to the pair, optics intent on the pair of bots.
"Slim. I don't know how Sunstreaker has even survived his twins death. Normally he would at least be offline now." Ratchet said, and they winced as Mirage was knocked away, his cloaking device knocked offline.
"I got an idea." Jazz said, and he ran up to the distraught Autobot, seeming to taunt him just outside of striking range.
"Old Sunshine here is gonna need a bath!" Jazz said, and Sunstreaker's optics flickered. He looked over himself furiously, noting the now drying energon, coolant and dirt attached to his frame. He stood up, Sideswipes body tucked into one arm and the other brushing himself off.
"Sorry sunshine, but you gotta go to sleep now." Jazz said, and he moved aside as Ratchet stuck a syringe into his neck cables. Sunstreaker growled as he staggered, Sideswipe clutched firmly in his arms as he fell onto his back. He never reached the ground; Jazz caught him and his twin as he sank to the ground.
All that I'm living for
All that I'm dying for
All that I can't ignore
Alone at night
It had been two years. Two long, stressful, painful years after Sideswipes death. No one wanted to interact with him. He was more solitary now than he had been while his twin was alive. No one wanted ot ebe near him incase he had one of his …episodes.
Ever since his brothers death, which his spark reminded him of every chance it got ,as well as his processor, forcing him into nightmares and hellish dreams where he saw his brother being ripped apart by different Decepticons each time he had the dream, his sociopathic ways were increased tenfold. His anchor to sanity, his brother, had been taken from him. Now he had very little reason to live.
He didn't even know who actually landed the last hit on Sideswipe before he bled out. So he had no one to take revenge on. No one to let his anger out on.
No one was even sure why he was alive. On every account of a Cybertronian twin dying, the other would always follow suit. There was never another option. One half always follows the other. There was no other option.
He couldn't really feel any of his episodes coming on. One minute he would be sitting in his room with the lights off, then he would black out. He never remembered the events. Not until he woke in the brig.
He hated the night. He hated that empty feeling he got from his spark and the half empty berth he slept on. It had gotten to the point that he refused to sleep. He let himself get exhausted to the point of recharging on his feet, then he would go see Ratchet.
The medic was the only one who would even talk to him anymore. The minibots knew to stay far away from the golden warrior. They were his first victims. It was their fault for always running their mouths.
About how it was his fault his brother died.
I can feel the night beginning
Separate me from the living
Understanding me
After all I've seen
Sunstreaker grinned manically as he surveyed the battle before him. Another year passed. Today was his brother's anniversary. He wasn't going to miss this for anything. He let out a wild war whoop as he flung himself from Skyfire's open cargo bay, spiraling down towards the unsuspecting seekers. He landed on Skywarp, who cussed and started to spin out of control, one wing trailing smoke. Sunstreaker screamed in joy, wrenching the seekers wings as his trine mates took potshots at the golden Autobot warrior. Sunstreaker let his anger at his brother's death take him over. He sent out a brief warning message to all Autobots to let him be. And then the darkness over took him.
It wasn't until the darkness started to settle over what was left of the battlefield that Sunstreaker came to himself. He was sitting on a rocky outcrop with Skywarp's Decepticon badge in his hand. The energon that dripped from it was pooling between his feet. A single coolant trail leaked down his cheek plate, landing on the seekers symbol and mixing with the energon.
: If only you could see me now, Brother. Fighting the memories and hiding from the dreams. All for you.:
Piecing every thought together
Find the words that make me better
If I only knew how to pull myself apart
Sunstreaker sat in his room, staring at the ceiling. It was covered in paintings of the stars of Cybertron and random words that defined Sideswipe. It glowed softly in the darkness, made out of glow in the dark paint.
STRENGTH. UNITY. TRICKSTER. SANITY.
BROTHER.
All that I'm living for
All that I'm dying for
All that I can't ignore, alone at night
All that I'm wanted for
Although I wanted more
Lock the last open door
My ghosts are gaining on me
Sunstreaker awoke alone again. He was always alone. Except for recently. He had started toe hear his brothers voice. Echoing in his head when no one else was around.
What are you waiting for Sunny?
Sunstreaker flinched, rubbing a hand over his optics. He sighed, turning around on the berth and looking towards the glowing ceiling. He didn't have anything to do today. He was scheduled very little now. His episodes came frequently. Everyone was worried he would be turned to the other side. The Decepticons would love to have the sociopath twin on their side.
Why are you ignoring me! That's not very nice!
Sunstreaker punched the wall he was facing. He heard unhappy cries from his neighbor, but they died off. He could really care less.
"You are a ghost. Nothing more." Sunstreaker said, and he rolled over again, sitting up and leaning against the newly dented wall. He let his helm crack against het orange metal behind him. His spark pulsed angrily as Sideswipe seemed to materialize in front of him. He moved to his brother, but Sunstreaker didn't online his optics again. He knew what was in front of him.
Do you really believe that? Nothing more?
"Just let me be. I wish I could lock you away! Isn't it torture enough that you haunt my dreams? My memories!"
Silence.
I believe that dreams are sacred
Take my darkest fears and play them
Like a lullaby, like a reason why
Like a play of my obsessions
Make me understand the lesson
So I'll find myself, so I wont be lost again
He woke from that dream. The one where Sideswipe dies. Again. Only this time it was Prowl who held the smoking gun. And he had the look on his face that said that he had made a tactical decision. There was no emotion behind his look. It was all practicality.
:SIDESWIPE!: Sunstreaker screamed, leaping off of the berth. He searched the darkened room for any signs of his twin. He sunk down in despair, his head bowing as his intakes shuddered in overwhelming sorrow.
:Why are you torturing me? You know I just want to join you? WHY WONT YOU LET ME!:
Guess I thought I'd have to change the world
To make you see me
To be the one
I could have run forever
But how far would I have come
without mourning your love
"You leaving? Going for a drive?" Sunstreaker turned at the sound of a mechs voice beside his own and locked optics with Mirage of all mechs. He nodded, moving towards the entrance of the ark. He folded neatly into his Lamborghini form, tires squealing faintly as he drove out into the rain.
:Why did you have to die? Why leave me with these bots all alone?:
Because you needed to live without me. See what it was like to fend for yourself.
Sunstreaker drove in silence for a while, letting the darkness overtake him as his sorrow spiked again
Do you see how much more you have now?
:I don't know what you are talking about. I have less status, they think I'm going to defect, and I am without you, my OTHER HALF. So please, explain to me what MORE I have?: Sunstreaker asked, and he felt the ghostly presence of his brother pull up alongside him, daring him for a race.
Well, you no longer are regarded as my sociopathic twin! And you are a medical anomaly that not even the Hatchet can explain!
Sunstreaker pushed faster, swerving around other cars as his twin seemed to move right through them.
:You know, I'm only still here because I love you too much. I wouldn't want to offline myself permanently just to see you sooner. Ill offline when I offline.:
Now THAT'S the Sunstreaker I know and love, bro!
And he was gone.
Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Should I lock the last open door?
My ghosts are gaining on me
Sunstreaker was watching the sunrise. It always reminded him of his brother. Sideswipe woke early as anything just to watch it sometimes. Sunstreaker preferred sleeping in. Beauty sleep and all that.
You know, you should really get your beauty sleep.
His brother materialized right beside him, smiling in that 'Im-going-to-prank-you' smile. Sunstreaker smile back, moving towards his brother. He held his arms open, waiting for Sideswipe to hug him. Sideswipe moved forward, patting the other bot on the shoulder.
You've done me proud, brother.
All the pain melted away as he felt his spark finally give out and return to be with his brother.
Welcome home.