Fairy Hotter and Porno-mart

The Author: My first fanfic! My friend, Jen (you know who you are), deserves credit for thinking up a new name for the followers of Voldemort. One-shot, please review.

Disclaimer: You know the drill better than I do.

WARNING:

This is meant to revolve around sex and sexual matters. If this offends you, I'm sorry, but don't flame. I warned you. Too bad if you disregarded this treasure cove of information.

"No!" the Sexy Lord Porno-mart groused. "That batty seer, Dildo Ime-hornie, made a prophecy that there'll be someone who is more beautiful than me! Who will teach you, my faithful Dick Eaters, in the sacred and holy arts of sex, flirtation, and seduction?"

Luscious Badboy, one of the Sexy Lord's spies in the Ministry of Faggots, frowned woefully. "If you go I'll never get my award for being the best seducer," he pouted, earning a sad smile from his overlord.

"I give it to you now," he said dramatically, handing the gold figure of a man and a woman in the middle of their orgasms to Badboy. Sexerus Babe, a man with greasy hair, gagged slightly. Porno-mart was trying to take over the world with sex and rid the world of virgins and non-perverted people. "To you, Babe," the Sexy Lord said, turning to Babe with his pink eyes, "I give you my favourite condom."

"Thank you, I'm so honoured," Babe said in mock-cheer, disgust hidden cleverly behind his words. The rubber object was thicker than most, to add thickness to one's member and to prevent pregnancy. "I'll be sure to use it next time I fuck some random girl I meet at a bar," the man said dryly, sarcasm buried so deeply in his voice that Badboy cocked his silver-blond head at him.

"Are you okay, Babe?" Helluvadick Lebang asked, a sneer creasing her otherwise smooth brow. She was a cruel, cold woman and a screamer when it came to orgasms. She was the best at orgies. "It seems like sex doesn't interest you like it did in our old school, Snogworths," she commented.

"I am sorry, but I have just recently had a girl and am sated," he explained hurriedly in a convincing tone, realizing his error and covering it up.

"Oh..." Fagg droned stupidly, his small head and dick not proportional to his monstrous body. All Dick Eaters wore a skintight shiny black vinyl suit that was cut to reveal their buttocks and genitals. The Fuck Mark was burned into their skin: it was a skull with a dick in its mouth.

"What if the Order of the Penis discovers our spy, Fetus Tittiesgrow?" Debauch, Jr. asked. He was the son of Mr. Debauch, Sr.

"We'll have to deal with it. Now, the boy is the son of Gay and Tittie Hotter, the godson of Semen Dick. Anyway, Penis Boobin is also going to protect him." The Sexy Lord winked at his followers. "Now it's time to carry out my plan!"

"Alohomora," the Sexy Lord said.

"I'll hold him off!" Gay Hotter cried to Tittie, urging her up. Before he could utter a curse, the Sexy Lord had killed the sexy man.

Gay dead, the Sexy Lord Porno-mart decided to get Fairy. When he went upstairs, in the room where all sex supplies were kept, he found Tittie cowering in the corner, protecting the little boy.

"Give him up," he said coldly.

"Never!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Then he turned onto Fairy and decided to kill him. He repeated the spell, but it rebounded off of the baby's forehead and onto the Sexy Lord. Even as he was being destroyed, he saw the flaw on Fairy's head and thought, This is better than an orgasm! He has a blemish!