Only the Lonely
Sebastian pulled up to McCulligan's Pub, but it was with reluctance that he parked in front of the derelict bar. He knew he shouldn't be here. He knew that he was still in recovery for alcoholism and he also knew that if he went inside it would put his seven month triumph at sobriety in severe jeopardy. But this was a rough day and the impulse to submerge every negative thought that engulfed him in an endless sea of whisky was strong. Today, both Myra and Joseph's missing persons cases were officially moved into the Cold Case department by KCPD. Sebastian pleaded with the Captain to try and stop the move, at least until after the New Year, but it was well past time for those cases to be moved to make room for the ever mounting active case files.
As if this news wasn't bad enough, it was Christmas Eve and he was utterly alone again. Myra was gone, Joseph was missing, even annoying Kidman disappeared without a trace, and Lily… His precious Lily… A knot formed in his stomach, he could feel his eyes burn with the welling of tears, and now he heard that stupid goddamned high pitch shriek from the STEM System again. This was more vexing than anything. When would that sound ever go away? Months later and he still heard that horrid sound as clearly as he had while he was in that nightmare world. Fuck this day! Fuck this entire time of year! Fuck everything!
Shrugging off the sound as much as he could, Sebastian yanked the key out of the ignition and stormed out of his blue SUV, slamming the door behind him. Walking into the dank bar quickly, Sebastian flung the door open and took a good look at his surroundings. Calling this place a hell hole was too kind, this place was disgusting. Completely dank, damn near boarding on dark. His guess why the lighting was so sparse was to hide the all the various health and building code violations. Walking from the door over to the bar, Sebastian's feet practically stuck fast to the extremely sticky floor. The floor was so sticky that it was difficult to move across it. Working hard to keep the soles of his shoes from adhering to the floorboards, Sebastian made his way to a rocky tattered bar stool and sat down. The haggard and grizzled bartender made his way over to take his order.
"What 'cha having?" The bartender asked.
"You got Robbie Hiker Dark?" Sebastian said.
The bartender nodded and trundled off to get his drink. Sebastian looked down at the bars counter top, it too was sticky and disgusting. Covered in various scratches, crude drawings, and burn marks from cigarettes. Speaking of cigarettes, he could really use one right now. The high pitch sound always played hell with his nerves and it seemed like the only thing to calm them was about two and a half cigarettes. Reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out both his pack of Marlies Black and his lighter, Sebastian popped one of the long white cigarettes into his mouth. Lighting the tip and inhaling deeply to absorb the fresh hit of nicotine, Sebastian began to feel a little more settled. Just then the bartender placed the glass of whisky down in front of Sebastian.
"Thanks man." Sebastian said blowing out the smoke from his cigarette.
Looking down at the glass, Sebastian was locked in a bitter internal struggle. If he took even a sip, he knew what would happen. Back to spending nights cuddled next to his silver flask to in a vain attempt to fall asleep. Back to mornings waking up in a puddle of his own cold piss or spending ten minutes hunched over the toilet barfing his guts out. Back to taking "quick swigs" to get through his work day. Those were the things he hated about living in a drunken miasma. But the bright side of it was he was absolutely numb. Numb to all the agony and regret. Numb to the desolation and isolation. Numb to giving a fuck about others only to have them disappear without a trace and leaving him with no one and nothing.
Picking up the glass, Sebastian stared down the amber liquid inside. Putting the glass under his nose, he breathed in the sweet corn scent, yet there was a subtle earthy hint of oak notes in the drink too. It was a smell that he was all too familiar with and one that made his mouth water, so the internal struggle about the next step continued unabated. Should he actually drink it and surrender to desires or would his proud sobriety win out? Taking the cigarette out of his mouth and sitting it in a nearby ashtray, he put the glass to his lips. Just as he was about to open his mouth and take a tiny sip, a young woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear.
"You looking for some company tonight?" She asked.
Sebastian stopped and put his glass down to look at the young woman. She couldn't have been any more than twenty-five years old, but she donned heavy make-up, with the heaviest make-up caked around her dark brown eyes. With such thick make-up plastered all over her face, it made her look much older and not in an attractive way. The outfit she wore was also dreadful. On her feet were clear plastic ultra-platform high stripper heels and black stockings. Her hot pink shorts were practically non-existent they were so skimpy as well as hiked up into all her neither regions. She wore a tacky bright neon yellow bra and an equally loud and obnoxious hot pink mesh shirt. Her long hair was dyed in an unnatural red color, which didn't suit anything about her looks. Shaking his head, Sebastian opened his coat and flashed his KCPD badge at her, which immediately sent her bolting out of the tavern.
With a sigh, Sebastian looked back down at the amber glass of whisky before him and smiled. If it wasn't for that young woman, he would have made the biggest mistake of his life. Pushing the glass away from himself, he picked up his cigarette and placed it back in his mouth and contently smoked until there was nothing left. While he sat there smoking, another woman walked up to the bar and took a seat next to him.
"What'll it be?" The bartender asked her.
"Scepter Royale." The woman answered back.
"Yup." The bartender again trundled off to get the woman's drink.
While she waited, she looked over at Sebastian, then reached into her pants pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, Marlies Black. Breaking out a box of matches, she struck it and lit the tip of her cigarette and inhaled deeply. Once the nicotine settled into her system, she looked over at Sebastian again and smirked. Sebastian could feel her looking at him, so he turned and took a good look at her. She was African-American probably about the same age as he was, with shoulder length brown hair, with streaks of blue and purple in it. She wore tiny wireframe glasses and her clothes were modest- a little too modest to be a hooker. She wore an ivory sweater with a pair of blue jeans. Chances were she wasn't a hooker, but why she was staring at him so intently baffled him.
"Can I help you Miss?" Sebastian grumbled.
"Sorry." She said turning away from him. "I tend to stare at people I find interesting."
"You find me interesting?" Sebastian said skeptically.
"Yeah." She said blowing out a puff of smoke. "You remind me of somebody I knew once."
Sebastian didn't say anything to the comment.
"Sorry." She apologized again. "I should introduce myself. I'm Senna, Senna Miller, nice to meet you."
"Sebastian Castellanos." He said gruffly.
The bartender handed Senna her drink and she stared down at it longingly, but did not pick it up. Sebastian noticed this and was curious.
"Aren't you going to have your drink?" He asked.
"No." She said with a sigh. "No I'm not."
Sebastian chuckled and asked, "Why'd you order it then?"
"Don't know?" She said wirily. "Honestly I don't even know why I'm here."
Sebastian didn't say anything to this comment either.
"Hey bartender!" Senna called out. "I'll pay for the Scepter Royale, but could you get me a ginger ale instead?"
The bartender grumbled something under his breath then snatched the glass up from the counter top.
"I'll have the same." Sebastian said pushing away his drink.
The bartender was very annoyed, but managed to keep his temper with his patrons in check as he went to fill the strange requests. Both Senna and Sebastian saw how the bartender reacted, and they looked at each other with amused grins. When the bartender came back he slammed down their drinks and stormed off.
"So where you from Senna?" Sebastian asked as he picked up the glass of ginger ale and took a sip.
"Summer Falls." She answered.
"Jesus." He said. "That's about three hours from here isn't it? What the hell brought you to Krimson City?"
"I ran away from home." She said candidly before taking a sip of her soda.
"No offence, but aren't you too old for something like that?" He asked bluntly.
"Yeah I am." She answered. "But sometimes you just gotta get out and a big city is a great place to hide."
Sebastian didn't say anything to that comment, but he could understand how she felt. He just wasn't the type to run away from a situation, so his empathy for her was limited.
"So what are you running from?" Sebastian questioned suspiciously. "A boyfriend? A crime syndicate? The law?"
"My fiancée is dead." She answered with an eerily unemotional. "I don't even have so much as a parking ticket and if I was in trouble with the law, I wouldn't be talking to a cop."
"How do you know I'm a cop?" He questioned again, becoming very suspicious of who she was. "Who are you?"
"I told you, I'm Senna Miller." She said calmly as she took a puff of her cigarette. "And I could tell by your black loafers you were a cop. A lot of cops wear those exact pairs of shoes. No man would ever wear shoes like those unless he had to."
Sebastian looked down at his shoes and he didn't see anything particularly wrong with them, but he supposed they did look very much like "cop shoes".
"You're really observant." He said still rather suspicious of her and her motives.
"Yeah." She said picking up her cigarette and taking a drag. "I suppose I am."
Sebastian took out another cigarette, lit the tip, and inhaled deeply. He wasn't sure what to make of Senna Miller, but in talking to her, she seemed like a decent woman. Just a little strange. As the evening wore on, the two actually became fairly close. Each knew just enough about the other to call each other friends, but there was something holding each of them back when it came to a deep discussion of their personal lives. However they were satisfied with keeping their secrets. More hours passed and the bartender was ready to close up shop for the night.
"I'm closing a little early tonight." The bartender said gruffly. "Time to settle up youse two."
"Let me pay for your drinks." Sebastian said kindly.
"No I got it and yours too." Senna said reaching into her purse and pulling out her wallet.
In the blink of an eye, Senna pulled out a platinum United States Express Card and slid it over to the bartender.
"Hey!" She said. "It's for me and him."
He looked skeptical at first, but the name on the card was the same name he heard her give the cop hours earlier. So he ran it through his machine and it didn't take much time for it to come back approved, so he handed the receipt to Senna and she signed it.
"I never had a woman pay for my drinks before." Sebastian said hopping off the stool.
"You can pay me back by taking me to your place." She said boldly as she got off the stool and walked over to the door.
Sebastian smiled, he wasn't about to turn her down. After all, she was attractive and charming. She was also funny, headstrong, assertive, and from what he saw, she had an ass that wouldn't quit; just the kind of woman he liked. She was also sober which meant she wanted to go home with him, not because she was drunk, but because she genuinely had a desire to go home with him. However, there was another reason Sebastian was eager to take her home with him; if she was with him, then he wouldn't be alone on Christmas Eve and he didn't want to spend another holiday alone.
It took about thirty minutes for Sebastian and Senna to make it to his apartment. After everything that happened in the spring with barely making it out of the STEM System alive, Sebastian decided it was time for a few major life changes. The first change he made was moving from the apartment he and Myra shared after the fire, into a spacious one bedroom apartment in the Rosales Garden section of Krimson City. Once Sebastian had been released from the hospital following his ordeal within the STEM System, he came back to his depressing apartment and took a good look at it. This was where he began drinking, this was where Myra spiraled out of control and where he lost her. This place was also a reminder of the misery and hopelessness he felt after losing Lily. If he was going to proceed with making changes, the first thing he needed to do was remove himself from this toxic environment. Once he was far away from here, he could begin to heal and recover from everything.
After moving away from the apartment at Grove Point, he could continue to make other sweeping life changes, which included attending group counselling sessions for his drinking. Getting private counselling sessions to deal with the loss of his daughter, wife, and his longtime partner. The last change he made was coming to grips with the past and finally letting go of his marriage. Next to burring Lily, taking off his wedding ring was the hardest thing he ever did, but Myra was gone and he was ready to admit that it was time for him to move on with his life.
However, in the last three months since he took his ring off, he never once tried to enter into a relationship with another woman. Every woman he found attractive he just ended up comparing to Myra. No matter how hard he tried not to make the unfair comparisons, no one ever measured up to Myra. But Senna was different. In the short time they spent together, he never once tried to compare her to Myra. Maybe because they were similar in a lot of ways. Or maybe he figured that because this would mostly likely be a one night stand, he would never see Senna again after tonight and it didn't matter if she was like Myra or not. Whatever the case may be, Sebastian was content to not worry about Senna somehow filling Myra's shoes.
Unlocking the door to his apartment, Sebastian walked in and turned on the lights.
"Welcome to my humble abode." He said kindly.
Senna walked in and looked around. He had a nice place, decent furniture, not much on the walls, but in all honesty she wasn't concerned about his living arrangements. She was interested in jumping into bed with her kind host. Without much hesitation, Senna walked over to Sebastian and kissed him passionately. Sebastian responded in-kind and pretty soon, clothes went flying off, landing in crumpled heaps on the floor, leaving a trail leading to Sebastian's bedroom. After about an hour long marathon session of mindless fornication, Sebastian and Senna laid in his bed staring blankly up at the ceiling panting wildly. What had taken place between them was animalistic and frenetic, but surrendering to their lust felt incredibly good.
After Sebastian caught his breath, he rolled over and looked into Senna's brown eyes. He wanted to kiss her, hold her, thank her, but emotion overwhelmed him and suddenly tears poured from his brown eyes; Sebastian keeled over and began to sob uncontrollably. Unsure of what was going on, Senna held Sebastian tenderly as she gently caressed his dark brown hair; this was her way of consoling him. It took some time before Sebastian pulled himself together- he was embarrassed by his emotional outburst.
"I'm sorry." He apologized, still sniffling. "I don't know what came over me."
"It's ok." Senna said compassionately. "I know I'm that good."
Senna smiled and Sebastian looked up at her and they both began to laugh. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Sebastian cuddled against Senna. She felt so soft and warm. He missed being in the tender embrace of a woman. Senna continued to caress Sebastian and gently stroke his soft dark brown hair.
"It's been about two years since I was last with a woman." Sebastian confessed. "I guess I was really missing that kind of intimacy."
"It's really okay Sebastian." She said. "You don't have to explain anything to me."
"I just don't want to you to think I'm some kind of freak." He said.
"You're not a freak." She said in a reassuring tone. "If anyone is the weird one here it's me. After all, we just met and I hopped in bed with you, that's not really the actions of a normal person."
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"Honestly," She said sheepishly as her voice broke through the stroppy quietness. "This is the first time I've ever done anything like this. I-I guess I really didn't want to spend Christmas Eve alone."
"You'll get no judgements from me Senna." He said reassuring her.
There was another brief moment of awkward silence.
"Can I confess something to you Senna?" Sebastian asked cutting through the strange quiet.
"Sure." She answered.
"I didn't want to spend Christmas Eve alone either."
"I guess we're just two people desperate to not be alone for the holiday." Senna said with a smile.
"I guess so." Sebastian agreed.
A moment of silence passed between them, but this time it was a silence they were comfortable with.
"So Sebastian..." Senna began. "How long do you want me to stay? I don't know what the protocol is for this kind of thing."
"Stay for as long as you feel comfortable." Sebastian said softly.
"Sounds like a plan." Senna said with a smile.