Etana
My father paced before the woman, his golden eyes glittering coldly, dangerously. He turned his gaze to me. "She is a fool, a weakling," he spat. "There is no place for such here - not anywhere." His gaze flickered away from me and he focused on her suddenly. "Get out."
I could see the despair in her eyes as she dropped to her knees, pleading desperately. "Please," she begged. "I cannot survive in the forest, and no settlement will take me! I shall surely die!"
"So is the way of the weak," my father sneered as he turned away, disgust on his face. I stared at the woman, pathetic and pitiable in her state. I knew not from where she had come, only that she should not have. Her eyes sought mine pleadingly, but I looked past her, into the forest. Yes, she would surely die. I could not help but pity her, but I could not reveal even a hint of compassion. If my father had even an idea that I felt anything but disgust for the woman, he would surely have me beaten. It was simply our way. Our people were fighters - always had been. Always would be. The strong lived, cold and heartless but alive, and the weak died. It was our way. There was no other.
"Etana!" my father snapped, startling me. I glanced up guiltily. "Come. The forest creatures will finish her. Our work here is done - we need not trouble ourselves any longer."
He strode away and I followed, shutting my ears with practiced ease to the woman's cries as the door clanged shut before her, leaving her to sob alone in the silence that followed.
"The weak die," my father said. "The strong survive. It is our way, Etana. It is the right way."
"Yes," I said. "There can be no other way."
"We are a fighting race. We are warriors, all of us."
"Yes," I repeated. "We must be, to survive."
He turned to stare at me. "No," he corrected, glaring. "We are a fighting race because that is our way. That is how we have always been, and we will never be anything else."
"Oh," I said, my voice sounding hollow and empty. "Yes."
"The strong kill the weak," he continued, not looking at me any longer. "Like that woman. She was weak. To kill the weak is beneficial to the strong. Did you see her? How pathetic she seemed? Is that how you want your death to come, Etana?"
It took all my willpower to keep from shuddering. To be so dependent...and with the decision of if you would live in the hands of those like my father...
"Who was she?" I asked finally, my curiosity getting the better of me. "The woman. Who was she?"
He stared at me once more, his gaze empty and his voice surprisingly unemotional. He was too strong for emotion. "My mother, Etana," he said flatly. "She was my mother. Was."
He stalked off, leaving me behind to stare in astonishment at his receding figure. The only noise was the muffled weeping of the woman behind the door. After a moment, disturbed despite myself, I walked away.
*****
The night was cold as I sat, staring up at the multitudes of stars above me as the wind whipped icily against my skin. I longed for the warmth and protective walls of my home, behind me, but I could still detect the sounds of my father yelling. I feared for my brother - the Kenai custom was harsh - but more for myself.
A sudden gust tore through the trees, nearly knocking me over. I sighed and stood to return inside, despite myself. I wondered briefly what had happened to the woman - my grandmother. But as another blast of wind blew past, I let the thought slip away. Her death was almost certain, and it did not matter, now or at any time. Nothing mattered.
As I stepped inside and went to walk past the doorway, I resisted the temptation to shut my eyes. Do not be weak, I told myself firmly. Do not give in to your emotions.
However, the sight of Eoin huddled on the floor, curled protectively into a ball, halted me. You're being weak, my mind thought savagely. Weak! This is the way of your people.
"No!" I cried softly. My father did not hear. "Stop!"
I ran to him, standing firm in the center of the room. "Enough," I said, quieter now. Less forceful. "It has been enough." You know what this will result in, I thought angrily to myself. You know how your father will react. You should not have spoken out!
He whirled on me, grasping my arm and pulling me closer. His claws slid out, biting sharply into my skin. I cried out, the pain sudden and fierce. His grip did not lessen as the sharp blades tore down my arm. "The strong don't give in," he grated, his eyes gleaming in rage. "The strong don't cry out at all. Are you not strong, Etana? Are you as weak as your ancestor who has died this day?"
I bit my lip so hard it bled, a bitter, coppery taste flooding my mouth. "I...I am...strong," I gasped.
"The strong aren't compassionate, Etana," he hissed. "Us warriors do not pity, do not love. We do not feel! How dare you interrupt? This is our way!"
I released my lip and clenched my teeth, watching the blood trickle down my arm. "Yes," I managed. "I am sorry."
"The strong do not apologize," he corrected, releasing me but standing over me, his eyes still dangerously angry. "Never."
I heard little Eoin whimper behind me and I glared back at my father. "All right," I replied. "I am not sorry."
He stared at me, fury twisting his face. "You're being weak," he said. "Weak. Must I cast you to the same fate as your grandmother met?" He paused, his eyes scanning the room. "Do you not understand? This is necessary! Do you not grasp the concept of the Kenai custom? It is to make our young strong! They survive, and they will be strong! Powerful! They will not give in to pain, to pity."
"You are saying this will benefit him?" I demanded.
"It benefited you, Etana," he returned. "At least it seemed to. You seemed strong."
"I am strong!"
He simply stood there for a moment, staring down at me. After a long moment, he said, "This is how we do things. There is no other way."
What if there were? I thought, but did not dare voice my thoughts out loud. "Our way, the way of us warriors, is to beat the young and kill the weak?"
"It is our way!"
"There has never been another?"
He looked ready to order me out. I thought of the freezing wind and shivered, but did not back down. I would show him I was strong. Perhaps not strong in the way I was meant to be, but I was.
"No," he seethed, his eyes narrowing to slits of gold. "It is beneficial," he added angrily. "You will see! Eoin will be strong."
"But he will be cold, heartless," I replied icily. "He will care for nothing."
"As he should be! He should care for nothing!" My father seemed to hardly remember Eoin was even in the room, focusing his rage solely on me. "As you should. Love and compassion will get you nowhere. They will weaken you, kill you! Love...what is love? What does it matter? It is a weakness!"
I had no response. I simply stood there, silent. Waiting.
"You have potential, Etana," he finally said. "Potential to be great. Abandon your weaknesses and you can be." After a pause, he looked away. "I should give you to the forest," he said. "I should."
But you won't, I realized, taking a step backwards. Everyone has their weaknesses, even warriors. I knew his weakness, now. I knew what he wanted.
"Perhaps I will," he finally continued. It occurred to me that it was possible, for he still had Eoin, but still not probable.
"Yes, perhaps you will," I said. "But perhaps you won't." Seeing his look at that, I fled from the room. As I left, I saw the look on his face, and it frightened me. It was a look of almost inhuman fury, combined with...loss? Defeat?
I turned and did not look back, but his expression stayed in my mind for many weeks after, though he never mentioned the incident again. Whether he chose to purposely remain silent about it, or was too preoccupied, I did not know. In any case, the weeks after were filled with visitors. Their appearance mystified me, for I knew none of them. Finally, my father called me to him after yet another guest departed. I went to him, sensing the urgency of it and curious as well.
"Yes?"
He looked at me, and I saw the first hint of emotion I had ever seen in his eyes. "We are at war."
I stared at him, understanding his excitement but not fully comprehending the situation. "War? With whom? For what reasons? When has this happened?"
He smiled, startling me. My father never smiled. "There has been a war," he said slowly, "going on for ages. Surely you know if it."
I thought, then shook my head, appalled by the foolish thought that had leapt to my mind. "But - no! That is impossible."
He stared at me, then laughed. I took a step back. "Yes, Etana - the war between the Yeerks and the Andalites."
I stared at him blankly. "What? How?"
The prospect of war had entirely transformed my father. "The Yeerks have come. They have...requested our aid. We are, you know, renowned for our fighting skills."
"Our planet is far from the Yeerk home world," I said flatly. "And why us?"
"The Yeerks are spread throughout the galaxies," he answered. "Etana, I have already said. We are well known for being warriors. They have called on us for aid."
"The entire Yeerk empire has requested our help?" I said. "Have we received a message from the Council of Thirteen themselves, then?"
A bit of the excitement faded from his eyes. "No," he said. "The Yeerks on a planet called Earth have notified us. They are led by Visser Three."
I tried to remember all I had learned of the Yeerks and their endless battle with the Andalites. It was not much. "They have only called for a small force from us," my father continued. "But the Warriors Council has summoned me to fight." His eyes glowed, and focused suddenly on me. "And yes, Etana, you as well."
I blinked. He had said... "Me?"
"Yes, Etana, you are summoned to fight."
I felt my heart constrict with feelings. I wished to fight - partly. I wished to redeem myself in my father's eyes. But I did not want to be what I would have to be.
"They will not infest us?" I demanded.
My father laughed once more. "Of course not. We have made an agreement. The Yeerks will never launch an attack on our world, and we shall be their allies in this war against Earth. Perhaps against the Andalites, everywhere! Surely we shall win this war, Etana! We will no longer be known as warriors, but the best warriors."
I kept my face perfectly unemotional, but his weakness was so glaringly obvious. All my father wanted - had ever wanted - was to be known. He had hopes that I - or perhaps Eoin - would make his name famous. I repressed a sigh. It was an impossible dream.
"We will be the strongest species anywhere!" he declared. "We shall triumph over the weak..."
He trailed off as I walked away. "Etana!"
I barely turned my head. "I am going to remember what I can about the war." I don't know if he heard or not, but he did not try to stop me. I walked into the cool air and into the very edge of the forest, sitting down on the thick grass. I knew the Yeerks were a parasitic species, and infested other species involuntarily. When I thought of losing control over my own body, I shuddered. And the Andalites - they were, to most, the "good" side. But good or bad did not matter to us. No, my people were warriors, and what we cared about was the fight.
And yet, as I remembered more and more of the things I had heard of the war, my mind began to think of the Andalites as the ones we should ally with. They were right, they were more or less for good. I sighed. Enslaving species after species - even to us warriors, that should not be condoned. But who else would care? Who else even felt emotion at anything but war anymore?
I shivered as a cool breeze touched my skin, and closed my eyes as I realized the path I had to follow. You are different, Etana, the wind seemed to whisper to me. You are strong in your own way.
But such words held no comfort. Strong in my own way, to my people, was the same as being weak.
*****
"There are Andalite bandits on this planet," the captain announced, his voice audible even in the back of the room where I stood. "They have, as all Andalites do, the morphing capabilities. However, it is suspected that they are in hiding, disguising themselves as humans. It is these Andalites that the Yeerks wish for us to kill."
There was murmuring among the crowd, and then all was silent once more. "We will seek them out, my fellow warriors," he shouted. "And we will kill them!" I bit my lip to hold back a derisive laugh. The longer my mind was made up about my course, the more ridiculous my people seemed. Warriors, they were - that's all they were. That was all that was left.
"Etana." I looked up at my father as he gripped my shoulder tightly. "Upon our arrival on Earth, we shall separate. The leaders will meet with Visser Three, and we that are left will scatter to try to locate the Andalites." His voice turned dangerously low. "You will be a warrior, Etana," he said. "You will not disappoint me, disappoint your people. You are a warrior, you are Vidyaren - your very name means strong. Us warriors are strong. It is our way - to fight."
Before I could think of a reply, he was gone, disappearing into the crowds. Just as well, I thought bitterly.
"We will land in ten seconds." I did not even look up. Slowly the ship settled with a gentle bump, and everyone on board began moving steadily towards the exit. The ramp was lowered and we descended onto the planet known as Earth.
We resemble humans very closely, the difference being in our golden eyes, our seven fingers, the bluish tint to our skin, and the retractable claws. Upon stepping onto the soil of Earth, I immediately applied an illusion to myself, altering my appearance slightly. Looking up, I saw others doing the same. More slowly, as if just trying it for the first time. It was no surprise, as our powers of projecting illusions are rarely used. I, however, practiced often. Looking back down to the ground, avoiding the eyes of any of my companions, I began walking. Buildings were near, and I headed in that direction, carefully veering away from the others. I could not afford to have anyone follow me.
There was some sort of solid black substance coating the path on which I walked. Vehicles drove past me, filled with the species called humans. It was apparent that they were technologically far behind us - far behind many in the galaxy - but were not as primitive as some races we knew of. I felt strangely at home.
We will seek them out, the speaker had said. And we will kill them.
His words echoed in my mind. Kill them. Kill them. Kill...kill...kill...
It was our way, yes. It had always been our way, most likely always would be. Perhaps there was another way, but not for us. We could never be anything but warriors. It was in our very blood.
Yet you are different, my mind accused. I was. I was different - I felt pity, compassion, for the weak, the enslaved. I cared for my brother Eoin. I was not cold, heartless, like the others. Not yet. I was different.
So what was I? Your very name means strong, my father had said. Unexpectedly, I felt hot tears sliding down my cheeks. A vehicle zoomed past me and I stepped back, leaning against a building. I was ashamed to be crying - here, alone, on this planet not mine. I had no reason to be crying. But the tears kept flowing and I could not stop them. I was different, I was a warrior...but not fully. I was not truly one of my people - I was a traitor. I was going against my own people, going with my weakness and denying my strengths. Who was I? What was I? Was I truly Vidyaren? I was going against fate itself!
This was wrong. Had to be wrong. So why did I have a strange feeling that it was the first right thing any Vidyaren had done for many, many years?
Marco
I was late.
The meeting had been scheduled to start in about five minutes, and I was stuck downtown in a crowd so I couldn't morph. It's a logical explanation, I thought. Too bad Jake won't care.
So I had lost track of time. Big deal. I had, at least, a pretense of a life.
And then I saw her.
I don't know why she attracted my attention...perhaps for no specific reason at all. She was just standing at the corner, leaning against the abandoned building there, crying softly. Jake'll kill me, I thought silently, even as I crossed the street to her. I'll be late. But then, I'd be late anyway, so what's the difference?
"Are you okay?" I heard myself saying.
The girl didn't even look up, turning her head away, her dark hair falling like a curtain over her face. "Go away," she muttered. "I'm fine."
Telling myself it was none of my business, I still couldn't give up. Walking around so I was facing her, I sought to meet her eyes. "Seriously. Are you really all right?" She looked up finally, hastily brushing tears from her cheeks. I felt a slight chill as her peculiar golden eyes met mine. "I know it's none of my business," I added in case she was offended. "But you really don't seem okay."
After a long moment, she tore her eyes from mine. "I'm be all right," she said, turning away. Then, suddenly, she turned back to me, and seemed to be studying me. "Sorry," she apologized, and a brief expression of something like pain flickered across her face. "I didn't mean to...to...do this."
I grinned in an effort to make her smile. "I should hope not." Offering her my hand, I added, "I'm Marco."
She managed to flash me a faint smile. "Etana."
"My dad would be appalled," I joked. "It's not every day I meet strangers on street corners." She smiled but did not laugh.
"Well, nice to meet you," I finally said. "You sure you're okay?"
Etana nodded. "I'll be fine. Thank you."
"Sure, no prob. Hey, I gotta get to - I gotta go. I'm late. Guess I'll see you around, then."
She nodded, waved good bye, and I nearly ran down the street. By now the meeting had probably already started, and I wasn't even close to Cassie's. Groaning, I finally managed to escape from the populated sidewalk and slipped into an abandoned building. Moments later I flew, as an osprey, out of a window on the other side, and flapped frantically towards the direction of Cassie's house.
*****
"What took you so long?" Rachel demanded as I walked into the barn. "Can you not tell time or something?"
"I lost track of time," I said, shrugging. Jake raised his eyebrows at me, but said nothing. I couldn't be sure if he'd mention it later or not.
Erek said he'd come,> Tobias said. He has information about a new entrance to the Yeerk pool. They're building it now.>
"Well, he's late," Rachel muttered. "Like some other people we could mention."
Permission to demorph, Prince Jake?> Ax requested. Jake shrugged.
"My parents aren't home," Cassie informed us. "Go ahead, Ax."
After a moment, blue fur began sprouting all over his body, and he steadily morphed into his natural form. However, my attention was distracted as something...appeared near the corner of the barn. No...someone. A felt a jolt of surprise as I recognized them. Etana.
Before I could even blink again, Ax's tail snapped to her throat as he completed his demorph. She smiled, clearly having expected that move.
"Where'd you come from?" Rachel cried, leaping to her feet. She began morphing grizzly, but Jake stopped her. Reluctantly, she returned to human form.
"I come alone," she informed us gently. "And I do not mean harm to any of you." Glancing around at all of us, her eyes locked with mine.
"Who are you?" I mouthed. She delicately raised an eyebrow and turned her gaze elsewhere, clearly not ready to reply to that. I sighed.
"Ax," Jake snapped. Ax pulled back his tail, but stayed tense and alert. She seemed almost...uncertain. Shaken. I was perplexed by her. It was purely coincidence - wasn't it? - that I had met her on the street. And then she appeared...had she followed me? How? I had morphed! I felt a coldness envelop me as I realized that if she had followed me, she had seen me morph. My suspicions were confirmed by what she said next.
"I know who you are."
She paused, maybe reluctant to say what she was about to say, maybe simply for effect. "In fact, I was sent to assassinate you all."
I saw Ax's tail twitch, but I knew he would not swing unless attacked or unless Jake ordered him to do so. I studied her much as she had studied me only a short time before. Was she a Controller? Or something entirely different? Who could tell?
She caught my eyes and shook her head. "But that is not my intention," she assured us. "I have said I do not mean harm to any of you, and I have meant it."
"Then why are you here?" Cassie wondered. "What is your purpose, if you've been sent to kill us, but won't?"
Etana closed her eyes, seeming to struggle with her own conscience. "I'm a traitor to my own people," she said when she finally spoke. "That's why. I'm here...I'm here to help."
We stared blankly at her in a stunned silence for a long moment until I finally broke it. "Help?" I echoed. "Help? Who are you, to begin with?"
"I am Etana," she said, and sent me a faint smile. "That is all you need to know."
"How did you find out about us?" Cassie asked. "What are you - human, Yeerk, something entirely different?" Exactly what I had been wondering - most likely what we had all been wondering.
"I am Etana," she eventually answered. "I am a warrior. I was told about you to assassinate you, but am here to aid you in this battle against the Yeerks instead."
Who told you?> Tobias demanded.
"My...superiors," she replied, and I saw Jake frown in annoyance. Her evasion of the questions was clearly aggravating him.
She smiled, mocking, and suddenly...disappeared. Before any of us could move, she reappeared - near the doorway. Obviously she had simply disappeared to slip by Ax.
"I must go," she said. "Don't worry about contacting me - I'll find you."
Slipping out the door, she disappeared once more.
"We can't just let her go!" Rachel seethed. "She knows! About us! Who we are, what we are. We can't let that get out. If she's not a Controller, she could still bring the Yeerks the information!"
What is she?> Tobias questioned. Ax? Do you know of a species that can...disappear?>
I do not know, Tobias,> he said, sounding somewhat irritable. I am not the source of an endless supply of knowledge of the species of the universe.>
"Maybe Erek knows," Rachel said, clearly frustrated. Ax tensed even more, obviously upset by her insult.
"Ax," Jake said with a sigh. Then, "Rachel..."
I looked around, then slipped out of the barn as well. None of them seemed to notice my departure, and if they did, no one seemed to care. I stood outside, looking pointedly nowhere.
"I know you're here somewhere, Etana," I said.
For what seemed to be a long time, nothing happened. Then I heard her sigh and she appeared before me, so suddenly that I jumped back, startled. Recovering, I turned to face her. ""Who are you?" I asked, watching her carefully. "Or should I say, what?"
She stared at me for a long moment, then began walking towards the forest. I followed without a word, just waiting. After a moment, she sighed again. "I'm Etana," I said simply. "I'm a warrior." After a pause, she hung my head. "I'm a traitor, too."
"Is that why you were crying?" I asked, less angry now. "Who are your people?"
"My people...my people are..." She faltered, seeming to consider. "It is none of your concern," Etana finally snapped. "Leave me alone."
"Where are you going?" I persisted.
"The forest," she replied flatly. I had no reply to that, so I remained silent, following her through the woods.
"Why do you want to help us?" I inquired after a long moment. "What's in it for you? There's got to be something beneficial for you in it, you know. That's the way nearly everything is."
She smiled faintly, and met my eyes, something like despair in hers. "I don't know. I have no idea why I want to help you," she admitted. "I just - it - it's right." Looking deep into my eyes, she seemed to suddenly realize something, and blinked, startled. "You - you're not Andalite, are you?"
I nearly jumped, surprised. "What?"
"You're not Andalite." She sounded more sure of herself now, more positive that she was correct. "I'm not telepathic, Marco. But I can see it. You're human, not Andalite."
I grinned suddenly. "Yeah. You're right. And you know what, Etana? I can see it in you. You're not human." She looked as startled as I had been. "So what are you?" I continued. "You know our secret."
"You want to know so we'll be even?" She smiled now, and I laughed.
"I just want to know."
Her smile faded, and she bit her lip. "My species is called the Vidyar. Vidyaren. We are warriors."
My laugh disappeared too. "Who isn't anymore? These days...it's hard not to be."
"No, you don't understand!" She paused, hesitating. She was clearly debating whether to tell me or not. "We - we're more than warriors. We're...we kill, Marco. Without just cause. We are fighters - it is our way." She shivered. "We condemn the weak to death. To 'benefit the strong.' It's wrong, I know. But that's all we are, Marco, that's all we have left. It's the way we are. All our lives, it's all about being strong or weak."
She seemed worn out, spent, after revealing so much. "Survival of the fittest?" I questioned.
Etana seemed surprised that I had understood. "Yes. 'The weak die. The strong survive.'" She looked at me in silence, then added, "My father said that. Right after he refused his own mother the shelter of our home. Simply because she was 'weak.'"
"I'm sorry," I said finally, because I did not know what else to say.
"Sorry?" A bitter smile twisted her lips. "Yes, I'm sorry too. Though the strong do not apologize, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being Vidyaren...sorry for being a traitor...sorry for being weak. Or maybe for being strong." She suddenly glanced away, as if she had broken some rule in telling me this. "You'll tell the others, I suspect."
"The others? I'll tell them if you want me to tell them. They were a little mad, but that doesn't mean I have to go revealing all the secrets you just-"
"Secrets?" she repeated. "The Vidyar are known throughout the galaxies, Marco. It is no secret as to the way our species operates."
"But even Ax doesn't know that's what you are," I protested. "Surely you don't-"
"Tell them what you have to," she said stiffly. "I know they'll want to know."
I laughed - a forced laugh - to rid the air of such tension. "I guess when I said I'd see you around, I didn't expect to see you this soon."
"And I didn't expect to find you and your group so easily," she replied. "In fact, I really didn't know where to start. I just followed you because I had nowhere else to go." She smiled suddenly. "It must be fate."
"What else could it be? See you soon, Etana." I turned and walked off, back towards the barn. A few steps later, when I turned back around, she was gone.
Cassie
"Who the hell does she think she is?" Rachel demanded, her voice still angry after minutes of ranting. "Coming in here and saying she came to assassinate us, then saying she really came to help us...then leaving?"
Rachel, calm down,> Tobias said. Aggravating, yes. But what can we do? Yelling about it isn't really going to help.>
Jake took the moment of silence to ask, "Did anyone see what happened to Marco?"
I glanced around the barn, surprised. "I hadn't noticed he was gone," I admitted.
"Neither did I," Jake said, sounding ashamed. "I guess we were a little absorbed in our own...emotions."
I believe he left the barn, Prince Jake,> Ax said. Shortly after Etana's departure.>
Etana, I mused. A strange name. A strange person, for that matter. It was hard to read her emotions, but clearly she was hiding something.
You want me to go look?> Tobias questioned. He can't have gone that far.>
"Unless he morphed," Rachel pointed out.
"Look, maybe he just went home," Jake suggested. "I'll stop by his house later, see what's going on. For now-"
At that moment, Erek walked through the door. "Sorry I'm late."
"Late?" Rachel exploded. "Late?"
"Did I miss something?" Erek wondered, clearly taken aback by her outburst.
Before any of us could answer, Marco came walking through the door. "Hi," he said. Before Rachel say anything, Jake spoke up.
"Where were you, Marco?" he asked.
"Talking to Etana," he said, pretending nonchalance.
"Oh?" Rachel said sarcastically before anyone could stop her. "And what, pray tell, were you talking about? The weather?"
"Yeah, I missed something," Erek decided for himself. "Would anyone mind explaining? And while I'm here, I have more information than just a new entrance. A new species."
A new species?> Ax echoed, surprised. What sort?>
"The Yeerks have recruited a species known as the Vidyar, or Vidyaren. They are warriors, and quite fierce." He paused, and I almost expected Marco to make some sort of joke about Rachel being one in disguise or something of the sort. Instead, when I glanced at him, he looked thoughtful, listening closely. "They slightly resemble humans, though they have claws on their seven-fingered hands. They have the power of projecting illusions. It is not themselves that are so formidable, like the Andalites," here Erek glanced towards Ax's tail, "but the weapons they have produced. Extremely advanced technology."
"Vidyaren," Marco mused.
"Do you know something about this?" Jake asked. Marco glanced up, as if surprised he had spoken aloud.
"Well...yes..."
"But of course you wouldn't be inclined to share this knowledge," Rachel interrupted, still frustrated and annoyed. "Why would you? It's not like it could help us, right?"
Marco ignored her for once. "Vidyaren...that's what Etana said she was. They are...fighters. Warriors."
"And they're on the Yeerk's side," Jake said thoughtfully. "But Etana says she's a traitor...that she wants to help us..."
"And we're supposed to trust her on her word?" Rachel demanded. "Like if David suddenly came back and said, 'Oh, I'm changed! I'm not going to try and get back at you,' we'd automatically forgive and forget?"
"Are you comparing her to David?" Marco said, his voice strained.
She could be,> Tobias said diplomatically. It's just a possibility.>
I believe I remember hearing of these Vidyaren you speak of,> Ax said to Erek. I am not sure, but I believe so. Yes, their weapons are formidable indeed. It would be quite advantageous for the Yeerks to have them as allies.>
"It was Visser Three's idea, I believe," Erek explained. "And right now, the task of all Vidyaren is to hunt down you 'Andalite bandits' and kill you."
"Great," Jake muttered. "All of them after us, and Etana knows who and where we are?"
"You're all assuming she's a traitor!" Marco exclaimed.
"She is," Rachel said. "She said so herself."
"To her people," Marco protested. "Who knows! Maybe she really IS trying to help us! Ever think of that?"
"We have to be prepared for the worst," I said. "You should understand that, Marco." He nodded, accepting. Barely. "Now Erek - you see, someone named Etara came to us and explained she was a traitor to her people the Vidyaren and wished to help us. Do you have any more information on the Vidyaren?"
"I know that only a relatively small number came to Earth," he said. "About a hundred or so. Not bad, but when they're after only six..."
Jake sighed, sitting down on a bale of hay and resting his head in his hands.
"And about the entrance," Erek continued. "Well, you know the old pool entrance at the school was closed, but they're thinking of making a new one. In Chapman's office, so he can call kids up with the excuse that they're in trouble, and take them there."
"At our school," Rachel said slowly.
"Great," Marco sighed.
"Well, it's all just planning now," Erek offered. "I've gotta go, but if I hear any new developments on the Vidyaren or the new entrance, I'll let you know."
"At least we know where to find you," Rachel couldn't resist remarking. Erek looked confused, but didn't question it, only said goodbye and left.
"I should get going too," Marco finally said.
Though I don't need to be anywhere, if the meeting's over...> Tobias said. Jake nodded, and Tobias flew out of the barn. Ax began morphing harrier, and Marco left without a goodbye. Rachel glanced around at us, and sighed.
"Bye, Jake," she said. "See ya, Cass."
"It'll all work out about Etana," I said, with more certainty than I felt. "Bye, Rachel." She followed Marco out, and Ax flapped out the open window.
"Jake," I said. He looked up tiredly. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," he replied, then sighed and leaned back. "I guess I'll have to be anyway, right?"
I went to sit beside him. "It'll all work out," I said again. "Anyway, nothing really has happened yet."
"It might," he said. "The Yeerk pool entrance, we maybe could handle. But a new David, that's not even human? That has special, high-tech weapons we probably can't even imagine yet?"
"At least she doesn't have the morphing powers," I said lamely as a reassurance. I could tell it didn't quite work. When Jake only sighed again, I stood to go tend to an agitated hawk near the end of the barn. When I was done, I turned around to look at him. "You really should rest," I finally said. "And maybe you should go talk to Etana or something. You know."
He smiled halfheartedly. "Thanks, Cassie. But you heard her. She'll find us."
"It'll be okay," I said as he stood up and walked out of the barn. "See you, Jake. Really, it'll all work out." I sighed tiredly, leaning against the side of the barn. My words were reassuring enough. If only I could believe them.
Etana
What were you thinking? I berated myself as I stalked through the seemingly-endless forest, thinking back over my conversation with Marco. Telling him that? Revealing those things? You are weak!
I didn't know how it had happened. I had tried not to say much...but suddenly I had been pouring all of it out to him. He probably even thought I was weak now. I knew the others did not trust me, but Marco at least seemed to. Would I never be accepted? Never fit in? It was a sobering thought. Was I destined always to be different, alone?
This is the right thing, I reminded myself, whether they trust me or not. I must follow through, or I'm no better than the rest of my kind. And why does it matter if they trust me? I do not need their trust.
I found myself suddenly remembering a Kenai custom episode with my father, many years ago.
"You will be strong!" he panted, staring down at where I lay, unmoving, on the floor. "You will be strong! Say it!"
"S-strong," I gasped out. "I...I'm strong."
He kicked me maliciously in the side. "No, you are not strong! Not yet. You will be."
"I will be," I echoed faintly.
"You will! None of our family is weak. We are true Vidyaren! You will be strong!" His eyes seemed distant, not focusing fully on the present. "You will be strong," he repeated, kicking me again. I wanted to scream in pain, but did not cry out. That was weak. I could not be weak. "Strong," he said, lost in his own thoughts. With each word he again lashed out at me. "Strong," he said again. "Strong, Etana! You will be strong. You will be strong. You will be strong...strong...strong..."
"I'm not!" I cried, pulling my mind back to the present. "I'm not strong!"
Hey! Uh, Etana?>
I leapt to my feet from where I had slid to the ground at the base of a tree, glancing around wildly. One of those Andalites? Only they weren't Andalites, but at least one was...
Up here,> he said helpfully, and I glanced to the sky where a bird - called a hawk - soared on the breeze. After a moment, he fluttered down to a nearby tree.
"Looking for me?" I asked.
Not really. Just happened to find you.> There was an uncertain, wary tone to his thought-speak, as I had suspected. None of them really trusted me, except for perhaps Marco. Perhaps. Are you okay?> he asked after a moment.
"Okay? Yes, of course."
Not to pry, but you seemed...uhm...not okay.>
I looked closer at him. He had been in the barn, but I did not know his name. And he had heard me cry out when I was too absorbed in my memories to notice him above me in the sky. "Who are you?" I asked to avoid his question. "Human like Marco, or Andalite?"
Human?> He seemed shocked. Marco told you?>
"So you are human," I said smoothly, refusing to acknowledge that Marco had divulged any information to me at all. Really, I had figured it out myself. It wasn't as if he had simply told me everything about them...
He seemed amused. Not entirely, actually. I'm Tobias.>
"Not entirely?" I repeated, confused. "What?"
So Marco didn't tell you everything. I'm mostly human, but part Andalite.> He paused, watching my reaction. I suppose part hawk, too.> Hawk? I searched frantically for any information I had of Andalites or their morphing technology, but came up with little. Not wanting to sound ignorant, I did not question it. What's, uh, wrong? You looked...distant, and then you cried out and...>
"Nothing," I said, more quickly than I meant to. "It was nothing. Forget about it."
Okay.> He sat there in silence for a moment, simply watching me with his wide, glaring eyes.
I sighed. "It was a...memory, okay?"
A memory,> he repeated. All right...>
"I - I guess Marco told you who I - we - are. We Vidyaren, we have this...custom. It's called the Kenai custom, and basically the young are abused to make them strong..." I realized how harsh my words sounded, and stopped abruptly. "It's really not as cruel as it sounds...Tobias. It is meant for the best. It is how we do things." That sounded cold. I bit my lip. "Never mind."
He seemed shocked, but not as much as I had expected. For their own good, then?> he said. Not too surprising. Some...even some humans are like that.>
"I should not have told you," I said sharply. "Forget about it."
I'm serious,> he said. Humans I - that I have known - were like that. Anyone can be like that.>
When I only stared at him, he said nothing more, simply waited patiently. I eventually turned away from his sharp eyes - the eyes of a predator. "Really," I finally said, more quietly. "I did not mean to tell you."
I understand,> he said, but I did not listen. What was I doing? I was...I was weak! Revealing my weaknesses to these humans. What was I thinking? I had divulged this...information...about me to them, when I hardly knew them. Too trusting, my mind warned. You're much too trusting. Too weak!
I bit my lip angrily. I shouldn't have told him - shouldn't have told Marco, for that matter. But no longer. I would be strong, I would say no more unless it was necessary. I need not interact too much with these humans - and Andalites - anyway. All I had to do was what was right, and offer my services against the Yeerks. And your own people, I reminded myself guiltily. You will be going against them as well.
"No, you don't understand," I finally replied coldly. "And you never will, either."
I strode away through the trees once more, casting an illusion of an empty forest that even his powerful hawk eyes could not penetrate.
*****
Upon reaching the camp of my people, I found a feeling of terror present in all Vidyaren that were there.
"What has happened?" I inquired of the one nearest to me. He looked at me.
"The Yeerks have come to discuss our aid in destroying the Andalite bandits," he answered. "Visser Three, and a few others with human hosts."
"What is this fear that hangs over all?" I pressed.
"It is the Visser," he finally said, and turned away as if ashamed. I realized that it was a horrible dishonor to your name if you felt fear - fear was weakness. But I could feel the fear in the air, nearly tangible. Hiding my discomfort, I went to seek out my father. After asking several others, I discovered he was still out in the city. In fact, only around half the Vidyaren that had come were gathered - the rest were still looking. I felt a brief touch of fear that the "Andalites" would be discovered, but that quickly faded. It had been pure luck that had led me to discover them, and I had not known until the one called Ax had demorphed. It was nearly impossible that another Vidyaren - with most likely little knowledge of illusion casting, as few found it useful - would have made the same discovery as I had.
As I was about to leave the camp, seeing no reason to remain except to maintain the appearance of a loyal, true Vidyaren, the captain emerged from the ship along with Visser Three. A few humans, or Human-Controllers, trailed behind them.
I saw the Vidyaren next to me shiver, then glance quickly around to make sure that no one had seen his visible fear. I looked quickly away. It was not surprising that most of my people would be afraid - the weapons that had been brought had not yet been issued, and without our weapons...all we had was claws, which were not much against an Andalite.
So these are the Vidyaren who will be destroying the Andalite bandits,> the Visser said, his stalk eyes surveying the crowd gathered. I immediately detected the difference in him, compared to the Andalites - and humans - I had met. It was clear that he was not Andalite - the Yeerk personality showed. And caused terror, even among Vidyaren.
"Yes, Visser," the captain said, carefully clutching a weapon in his left hand. I could not be sure from so far away what it was, but I surmised it was a Kabonai beam. Very dangerous. In fact, one of our most dangerous handheld weapons.
We will be back,> Visser Three said. He walked down the ramp arrogantly, and the Vidyaren closest backed up to clear a path for him. The Human-Controllers followed, much less arrogant than the Visser. Perhaps it was the rumors they had heard of our people, and our fighting nature. I bit back a bitter laugh. That was certainly true.
I turned away, having seen enough. It was nearly pathetic, our people with the fighting natures, terrified of a Yeerk slug. In an Andalite host, I reminded myself firmly. But we were employed by the Yeerks to kill their enemies. Unless their enemies are your allies, I thought bitterly.
Leaving the camp, I was suddenly aware that I was being followed. For a few moments, I continued swiftly through the woods, trying to lose my pursuer. Finding that hopeless - and curious to who would be following me of my people - I turned to face him.
"What do you want?" I asked smoothly. The Vidyaren materialized in what had looked, only a moment ago, to be an expanse of empty foliage.
"To stop you," he replied just as coolly. I pushed back my surprise and instant alarm, keeping my face - and my human illusion - perfectly calm.
"From what?"
"Do not be foolish," he said flatly. "You are a traitor." The word on the lips of one of my own people sent a wave of sadness through me. Why was I so chosen? Why was it I that had to go against my people, to do the right thing?
"Am I?" I forced a smile, clearly disconcerting him. "Then you must have been present for at least a bit of my conversation with the Andalites. In that case, I wish to stop you." Concealing my fear, I raised an eyebrow. "Seeing as you are unarmed, that should not be so difficult." Let him believe I had a weapon with me. I hoped he would.
"Seeing as we are both unarmed, perhaps it will be more difficult than you think," he replied, as smoothly as I, and leapt towards me, his claws unsheathed. I ducked to the side, turned, and lashed out and caught him on the side, my human illusion dissipating instantly.
"Traitor," he growled, darting in and ripping his claws down my cheek before I could dodge. "Weakling!"
I remained silent, circling to remain opposite my opponent. As he suddenly attacked, I tripped him, sending him flying past me onto the ground. As he fell, he grabbed my leg as I went to move aside, dragging me down with him. In close range now, one hand holding tightly onto my leg and keeping me from escaping, he raked frantically at me. I stuck him near the neck with my own claws, even as I felt a searing pain in my right shoulder. He hissed in pain and released me. I leapt to my feet, creating an illusion as I did so. Seconds later, I had disappeared.
He scrambled to his feet and glanced frantically to and fro, trying in vain to locate me. I circled around to behind him and, dropping my illusion suddenly, leapt onto him and pushed him to the ground. Gasping, having lost my breath from the sudden attack, I grabbed his left arm and pulled him half over, reaching for his throat.
With a feral cry, he shoved me off with sudden force and I scrambled back, trying to recover my strength. Before I could attack again, he launched himself at me, claws tearing sharply through the skin on my side. I gasped in pain, determined not to cry out. Not here. Not now. His heavy weight forced me to the ground, my left leg crumpling painfully beneath me in an awkward angle. I was sure it was broken.
He let out a cry of triumph and rose, preparing to deliver the final blow. Using the last of my strength, I cast one last illusion, making myself disappear once more. He could not stop and fell forward, his hand aiming searchingly towards where my neck had last been. I reached up and dragged my claws down the side of his neck, fighting not to scream as his hot blood dripped onto me, mingling with my own, and he sagged forward onto me. I pushed him off and tried to stand, but my leg collapsed under me and I sank back to the ground, now damp with my own blood. As darkness reached out to envelop me, I realized I had killed him. I was worse than a traitor. I was a murderer. A nirthaar, in the ancient language of my people. Regarded as an enemy... My vision blurred and I sank into a relieving, soothing blackness.
Marco
Marco! Marco, wake up!>
I rolled over, squeezing my eyes shut more tightly.
Marco!>
I sighed, finally opening one eye to stare at the red-tailed hawk fluttering agitatedly at my closed window. It was no use - my dream had been lost.
"What now?" I groaned, still half asleep. I stumbled to the window and opened it. Rubbing tiredly at my eyes, I sat back down on my bed. "Can't you just let me sleep?"
Tobias's look silenced me. His voice was serious, urgent. I...found Etana.>
"Found her?" I echoed, and in an instant was morphing to osprey, already wearing my morphing outfit.
She's in my meadow,> he told me. And...it doesn't seem good. She was still unconscious when I left her.>
I flapped out the window, not caring if Tobias followed or not, not even caring what my dad or Nora would think if they discovered I was missing. I flew swiftly, frantically, towards the forest, fully awake now. Etana...she...if she was...
I landed on the ground near the edge of the forest, demorphing as fast as I could. I hadn't even - I'd only met her once. Spoken a little. How could I even care what happened to her, if I barely knew her? But somehow...I did.
I ran through the trees, branches scraping my bare skin and tearing my morphing outfit. It was still early morning, and dew gathered in droplets on the grass, numbing my bare feet. I did not stop, running on towards Tobias's meadow. Reaching it, my mind taking in the still form on the ground by Tobias's tree, I slowed to a stop.
"Etana!" I yelled, and then ran towards her, kneeling in the wet grass beside her. Her one leg was bent awkwardly - wrongly - and I noticed several deep gashes all over her body. Grabbing her arm, I shook her gently but urgently. "Etana...please..."
I stared at her motionless figure, her skin having a faint blue tint, her hands having two extra fingers. I bent down towards her, insistent. Frantic. "Be strong!" I whispered. "Strong..."
She did not move, the only sound being the faint breeze in the trees and the chirping of birds. "Etana," I begged. "Just don't die!"
I clutched her one hand, feeling the coldness of her skin. I looked for Tobias to ask him when he had found her, but he was nowhere to be seen. I glanced helplessly around the forest. If she'd only wake up - maybe Cassie, or...
Unaware of the hot tears slipping down my cheeks, I turned back to her, staring pleadingly at her. Tears were coming faster now, blurring my vision, so that no matter how intently I stared at her, I almost missed the slight movement, the faint flutter, of her eyelids.
But I could not fail to notice her hand stirring in mine.
"Etana?" I cried.
Her eyes fluttered open, golden and searching. "Marco?" she whispered, her voice faint. "W-where am I?"
"I - God, you're alive! I thought...you..."
"I couldn't die yet," she replied, still in a whisper. "Not yet." I stared into her eyes, the breeze gently brushing my skin, and I bent down and kissed her.
After a moment - what seemed like forever and still not long enough - I pulled back slightly.
"I...didn't want to trust..." she whispered, but seemed to be gaining strength already. "Don't you see, Marco? Love...it's a weakness..."
I stared at her for a moment, then simply laughed, giddy with the fact that she lived. "What?"
"My father always said love is a weakness," she said. "I don't want to love you - I don't want to trust anyone! But I can't help it..."
I hesitantly reached to touch her cheek gently where blood had flowed and eventually dried. "Neither can I," I said. "It's how we humans are, Etana. It's our way."
She smiled faintly. "Your way...yes. But...in some strange way...it has become mine."