The smell of antibacterial reached his nose as soon as he walked in. He finds himself in a cold room covered in white paint, white tiles, white… everything, there's no room for the hues of the changing sky nor for the lively and vibrant green of the nature or even the browns of the mountains. Just plain white.
And he hates it.
He hates hospitals.
That's the reason why he said nothing when the pain started. That's the reason why he lied about it even when it became too much to bear. That's the reason why he resisted the urge to cry until the very last minute.
He does not regret anything.
When the doctor finally gives the diagnosis he is not surprised at all, it's the same nightmare that haunted him when he was younger.
And he hates it almost as much as he hates the entity that gave him a frail body. He also hates himself for not noticing earlier. And most of all, he hates that he can't ride until he gets better.
A week later he feels better and he thanks to god that it wasn't as bad as he thought.
Two days after he finished the treatment the fever starts.
The depression hits him hard.
He barely eats, he barely drinks, he doesn't leave his room unless it's for the bathroom. He doesn't look outside the window, not even when Miyahara tries to talk to him, he doesn't answer the calls and messages from his friends, not even when he hears Sakamichi's ringtone, he disconnects himself of the world.
Sometimes he turns and catches a glimpse of sky from his window before looking at the ceiling. It's hard, he used to look at the sky and the mountains from his window but now it serves as a reminder that he was a prisoner, that the freedom he had enjoyed the last few years had being a lie. He felt betrayed by life itself.
He cries himself to sleep that night.
He cries himself to sleep the rest of the month.
He takes almost every medicine that exists but he is still sick, his parents try to coax him out the bed but it's useless, he has no reason to leave his room, not even when Toudou-sempai visits him after a concerned call from Izumida-san.
He wants everything to stop.
He freezes for a moment because he knows where this line of thought goes and the worst part is that he actually wants that.
A day later, when his parents went out, he took the bottle of sleeping pills.
He didn't die but it made him mad.
His parents were relieved for a moment before he started to scream. He said a lot of awful things that he didn't mean just to hurt his parents, to make them suffer like he was right now.
He begged for their forgiveness the next day.
They understood saying that it was a traumatic experience for him.
He started seeing a psychologist.
A few weeks later the treatment seems to be making effect against his sickness.
He wonders when he will be able to ride again.
But when the results of the analysis show that he is still sick he does not get mad, he just nods and cries silently. His parents get worried thinking that he may have another suicidal episode.
He doesn't.
When he returns to his house the first thing he does is call Sakamichi, he tells him everything from the beginning to this day. He ends up being a great comfort to him, telling him that the Manami he knows won't give up because they have to compete again in the interhigh of this year and that it was a promise.
They talk all night about everything and nothing.
After they finish their talk he notices that for the first time in two months he is smiling.
He notices that his dark world seems brighter and full of color.
Two days later there's a bottle of water and a copy of Love Hime addressed to him in the mail.
He laughs.
He gets a new treatment and spends five days in the hospital.
When the doctor reads his last results out loud he gets incredibly nervous because the last time he was in this situation the news were bad.
This time is different.
He smiles and cries and is hugged by his parents, even the doctor seems relived of the outcome, and he is free again to extend his wings as he rides his bike in the mountains and he can see how magnificent and vibrant the colors are as he looks outside his window.
And he is so happy.
A month later Onoda Sakamichi finds a bottle and a thank you note from Manami.