A/N OK, so this my first posted story. (yay) I hope you all enjoy it and I'll update as frequently as possible. Of course if people left reviewsI would be more encouraged to update it. Really. Tell me what youliked about it, what you didn't like, suggestions about it, guess whats going to happen next, whatever.I'm notexactly sure where thisstory is going yet so if you have any ideas you want share that'd be great, too. Happy reading!

Can't Help It

Sometimes you just can't help who you fall in love with. Buffy/Spike post "Once More With Feeling"

The Slayer walked through the cemetery. Patrolling as usual. Well, trying to anyway. She just had so many other things on her mind. Like the fact that her friends had ripped her out of heaven…and now they knew. All because of some stupid music demon that Xander had to go and summon. She loved her friends, she did, but…lately…all they've done is cause her pain. And it's not getting better because she still has to try to act OK around them, so they don't feel more guilty. And she already felt guilty because she made them feel guilty in the first place and…it was very complicated.

The only person that she felt she could be herself around was…

Whoa, Buffy, don't go there.

She was not going to think about him. She hadn't seen him since the kiss and she would like to keep it that way. She had no idea why she kissed him, but…

Oh come on, you know that's a lie. you know exactly why you kissed him. You've always known. Said the evil little voice in her head that always told the truth, whether she wanted to hear it or not. It was this same voice that informed that she was over Angel and never loved Riley.

Oh, you, shut up. Buffy silently told herself.

"Great, now I'm arguing with myself," she muttered.

As she continued to walk, stake in hand, she felt the familiar feeling of someone coming at her from behind. Without paying attention to how her spidey senses felt different, she turned around, stake raised, and came face to face with…Spike.

Upon seeing him panic hit Buffy, but she quickly shoved it down. Along with the surprisingly strong desire to kiss him again.

OK Buff, gotta turn him down completely. I am not getting into another vampire relationship.

"Can we talk?"

"Ummm…let me think…no!"

"Oh come on, we need to talk. We…" he sighed, "We kissed, Buffy. Does that mean nothing to you?"

She could hear the pain in his voice and it broke her heart. But, she would not give in to it. It may hurt…but she had to push him away.

Please stop making this hard.

"Spike, I kissed you but…" she had a whole mini speech planned that would have shut him down completely. But then she looked up at him and into his eyes. Those bluer than blue eyes. And she saw the love in them, and the hope, and the fear. She couldn't do it; she just couldn't break his heart. And it was in that moment that she realized that she really didn't want to either. She looked up at him again and she knew he sensed the change in her.

"Buffy..?" he said expectantly.

But hearing his voice shook her out of the trance that his glittering eyes had put her in. Fear gripped her like an iron fist as she stared up at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Not knowing what else to do she turned and ran away from him as fast as she could. And Spike just stood there in bewilderment as he watched her go.

Yup, so that was the first chapter. Promise to update as soon as I can. please R&R