"Hey what's this?" Ron asked
"What?" Harry said
"This poster, you silly goose!" (Note: Ron's behavior in this story is leading up to why he acts like this in my next one....) Ron replied
"Oh"
Harry read it. It said:
*THE 1ST ANNUAL HOGWARTS BELCH-OFF* SIGN UP FOR THE WIZARDING EVENT OF THE YEAR!! STAFF AND STUDENTS ALIKE ARE WELCOME!! GRAND PRIZE: 1000 GALLEONS (sponsored by the Daily Prophet)
"Wow!!" said Ron "1000 Galleons!! I could buy that new wardrobe with the cool tube-top I've been saving up for!!"
Harry ignored Rons last comment. He had gotten used to Rons "alternate lifestyle"
"So, you gonna sign up?" Ron asked
"Yeah, sure, why not?" Harry took up the quill placed for the sign up sheet, after Ron had finished with it. It looked as though half the school had signed up. Even Snape had put his name down.
"So when is this little shin-dig taking place??" Ron asked as he took out his compact full of powder, and started patting his face with the puff.
"Uhhh, tomorrow!! Wow, we better practice!!" Harry said as he grabbed Rons arm and tore off, with Ron shrieking shrilly about his precious make-up.
**********************
"I....have...gotta...finish studying!!" Hermione panted at Ron and Harry, after they had interrupted her for the 5th time with their belching. (She was panting because those cigarettes had finally had an effect on her)
"Yeah, Harry we should leave her alone. Come on, you can help me do my nails." Ron said, taking his bottle of purple nailpolish out.
Harry had no clue why Hermione was being so touchy with them. About 50 other people were belching, some extremely loudly.
Harry leaned back into his chair, closed his eyes, and started thinking about what he would do with 1000 galleons.
"...So I told him, if you want this relationship to work, you have got to be loyal to me. And so he said...Are you listening to me?" Ron asked
Harry opened his eyes. Ron was looking up at him from the floor, with an agitated look on his face. His shoes and socks were off, and was giving himself a pedicure.
Ron then pulled his robes up a little and stroked his ankle.
"Do you think I should get a tatoo here?? Maybe a rainbow, or a star. What d'you think, Harry?"
"Huh? I don't know."
"Really, Harry, you haven't been paying attention to me anymore! You don't like me for what I am, right?! Well,you don't have to listen to the Fruit, the Pansy, the Nancy, the Mary, anymore!!" Ron shrieked. He then grabbed his shoes and socks and ran up the stairs to the dormitories.
"What was that all about?" Hermione asked as she lifted a match up to the cigarette in her mouth. "He's been weird ever since he started shaving his legs."
"Yeah" Harry said, glancing up the stairs to the dormitories. "Should I go talk to him?"
"Why not? I'll come with you." Hermione said
They walked up the stairs slowly, afraid of one of Rons temper-tantrums.
As they approached the doors to the dormitories, they heard sobbing coming from within.
Harry pushed to door open. The curtains to Rons bed were closed, and that was were the sobs were coming from.
Hermione opened the curtains. Ron was there, and boy was he a mess. He was sprawled out on the bed, face down. His hair was messed up, and his mascara was running. His nose was bleeding, it looked as though he had ripped out his nose-ring.
"I'm pathetic!" Ron wailed. "I can't keep a stable relationship, and my best friend dosen't even want to talk to me!" he sobbed, then covered his head with his pillow.
"Oh come on Ron, you are not pathetic!" Hermione said, putting an arm around his waist. "I mean look at me. I can't stop smoking, I'll be dead by I'm 25. And in the past 3 years, I got pregnant twice!" she said
"Yeah, and I'm 17, and I haven't had sex of any kind!" Harry said, offering his input.
Just then Ron stopped sobbing. Hermione stared at Harry, gaped-mouthed.
"You-you mean, you're still a virgin?" Ron asked, wiping tears away from his eyes.
"No way, Harry." Hermione said "I mean come on, Malfoy got laid twice!"
"Geeze, Harry, you've never even given or recieved a blowjob?" Ron asked, wide eyed.
Harry just nodded silently.
His 2 friends burst out laughing. Harry felt compelled to join in, so he just when "He he, yeah, funny."
After 5 minutes, the laughter receded. Ron was still wiping away tears, but these were tears from laughing too much.
"Ah, thanks Harry, I needed that." Ron said, giving Harry a quick hug.
"Harry, you were just joking around, right?" Hermione asked seriously
"No, I wasn't. What's so bad about that? So what if I've never banged a girl." He said angrily
"Harry, you're like the last person in our year who's a virgin. I mean come on, Nevilles doing better than you."
Just then Ron started crying again.
"Whats the matter??" Hermione said, turning to Ron.
"It's, it's, I miss Nickie!!" Ron wailed, burying his face in his arms. (Nickie was Rons old partner....you know what I'm talking about!)
"Come on, let's go for a walk" Hermione said, helping Ron off the bed.
"Wait, wait!" Ron said, pulling away from Hermione "I want my Lady Fly!" he said as he took a large stuffed butterfly off his bed, and hugged it.
They went downstairs, and sat Ron in a nice chair next to the fire. The other 7th year boys came over to see what was wrong, except for Seamus, who said "My asshole isn't safe around him" (you older peepz know what I'm talking about.)
"What's wrong?!" Ginny said, running over. The Weasley family had been ver supportive of Ron ever since he realized why he kept on looking foward to the time when the boys changed for bed. Percy, however was shocked about his brother, and dis-owned him.
"Oh, my poor Ronnie!!" Ginny cooed, curling up in the chair next to him. Ron started sobbing onto her shoulder.
"It's OK" she said, stroking his hair.
"Come on Ron, Ingrid has a really cool new shirt you're going to just love." she said as she helped him up the stairs.
Meanwhile, Harry was checking out her butt as she climbed the stairs.
Authors Note: No, I am not against gay people. I have gay cousins, and gay friends. The new Ron was half inspired by my sisters friend Charles, and the other half made up by me. The quote "My asshole isn't safe around gay people." was quoted by Adam B. Another one of my sisters friends.
Part 2 actually features the belching contest!!