An Unpleasant Reality
The hit was supposed to be fast, get in, shoot, then get out. However, things dont always go the way you want them to and to many times things get in your way.
As Alex was about to back away from the scoop of the rifle, a familiar face filed his view. It was an eerie moment where he found himself pointing a gun at his once best friends head. The irony of how times changed things was not lost to him. Those eyes, he remembered them well, how they had looked up to him when they were younger, barely into their teens. They were wide now, wide in fright and shock as a man in front of him had just been shoot through the head. It was a clean shoot and Alex was rather proud of it.
Swallowing Alex took one last look at Tom, before lowering the weapon. He had to leave before things calmed down.
Even as he left the scene and disappeared into the crowed, Tom's face still filled his vision. They hadn't seen each other in almost ten years. It made Alex wonder how much Tom could possibly have changed. Would they still be friends if he showed up on his door step? Would Tom recognize him?
He felt the spy within him swell up in curiosity and he soon found himself searching through phone books for a name that had long been gone from his mind.
Tom was not in a good mood, a sort of sickening feeling was welling up in his chest and all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep. But as his eyes closed, the image reappeared. The way that man's eyes had look as he was shoot. Tom always thought people would look shocked when they were killed. But there was nothing there. One moment he was smiling the next moment he was still smiling but falling over, dead in his happy mood never realizing what had happened to him.
He stood leaning against the kitchen counter, a whiskey bottle in his hand as he considered pouring himself a glass. His mind kept wandering too much and he wasn't certain what he should think or feel. He didn't really feel sad, he had not known the man. His death really meant nothing for him. But some part of him kept telling him that society demanded a feeling from him. But all that kept coming up was that happy smile on the man's face as he fell.
"Ah!" He shouted in frustration banging the still unopened bottle down on the counter, turning around to start pacing. Wishing for once that someone else lived with him so that he could take this off his mind, someone to tell him what to feel.
And all of a sudden his emotions had changed and a feeling of loneliness filled him. The wonder that if he was shoot, would he be smiling as he fell over or would he look sad? It was disturbing and his heart gave a thudded ache in response.
He wasn't certain how long he had been pacing for when the door bell rang. Freezing him in the moment. Did the police want more details from him? He shuddered at that, Tom really did not want to talk to them. He would much rather forget the whole incident had happened.
Stalking up to the door he wrenched it open. "Yes," he said, looking the man on his door step up and down. The man was in a dark coat jacket with dark jeans on, his hands crammed down his pockets and his head tilted slightly to the side with a smile on his lips as if he was considering some kind of joke. "Can I help you?" Tom couldn't tell the color of the eyes in the dark, but they seemed to glint out at him from under the brows.
"No I need no help, just came to visit." Frowning Tom tried looking closer at the face, did he know this man?
"And who are you? I've had a long day I am not really in the mood for visitors." The man smiled at this and it made Tom only more confused. He had never seen a smile like that. It was as if it was a smile with no feelings in it, the man seemed neither happy nor sad, just a smile.
"Have I changed that much? You yourself look pretty much the same. Of course more defined, clean shaven, you wear glasses now." Heat piled up in Toms face as the man scrutinized him.
"You seem to know me, but I still do not know you." The man nodded.
"Do you mind if I come in?"
Gritting his teeth Tom shot the man a dirty look. "You refused to tell me your name or who you are, but you demand entrants to my house. Do you truly believe I will give you that?"
"You know me Tom, I know you do." Tom shook his head but stopped himself, his eyes going wide.
Alex.
The name popped up without meaning to, a name he had tried not to think about. A man he wasn't so sure he wanted to know.
"See you remember." The confidence in the man's voice made Tom look away. Was he truly that easy to read?
"If you are who I think you are. Than please leave." He quickly backed away from the door enough to shut it, not looking at the man who was probably Alex.
Alex stepped forward, catching the door before it closed and holding it there, not forcing himself in.
"Tom..."
"No, if you truly are Alex, than-than please leave. There is nothing to talk about, why would you come here, after all these years? Why today?" The floor had all of a sudden become very intriguing for Tom to stare at, tracing the wooden patterns with his eyes.
"I saw you today." The statement made Tom look up, the light from inside now illuminating the man and the honey colored eyes that stared into Toms. The same eyes as the boy, a boy he had considered his best friend.
A prickly feeling came up his nose and behind his eyes and the feeling was over whelming. "Alex..." Swallowing he opened the door, turning his head into the house. He felt too emotional to be facing Alex today. After all the years and the death this morning. It was all too much.
Taking the invitation of the door, Alex stepped inside, taking off his shoes and closing the door behind him.
"Maybe something to drink, if you have anything?" Alex said and Tom felt himself nod, hurrying into the kitchen. Grabbing the unopened whiskey and two glasses, before heading to the kitchen table.
"How have you been Tom?" Alex wondered as he took the bottle from Tom's shaking hands to pour up the glasses, handing one to Tom. Taking a sip of the strong liquor, Tom relaxed into his seat, closing his eyes and ignoring the man in front of him.
"You said you saw me today... You where there at the shooting."
"Yes." Looking up Tom locked eyes with Alex, trying to read the man in front of him. So similar to the boy he knew, but oh so very different.
"Where you there to stop it?" At this Alex said nothing, just continuing holding eye contact until Tom could take no more and hide behind his glass of whiskey.
"I thought, " Tom started staring puzzled into the now empty glass, "I thought you didn't kill people." Alex refilled the glass and set down the bottle before taking a deep breath, as if he was considering what to say.
"I did not used to, back when I was younger. The deaths back than where not purposeful. You are wondering if I killed the man today. I did." Tom just nodded to numb from all the answers to know what to do with himself.
"Did the government want him dead?"
"No Tom, I don't work for the government any longer. I am a mercenary, I take jobs from people willing to pay the right price."
Tom shook his head, his chest ached, as if something good had been ripped away to be replaced with something dark.
"You know, I always thought you would grow up and become a soldier or a policeman, maybe even think you'd stay a spy. You always wanted to save people, but now, now you are the same as the man who killed your uncle." Tom's hands were shaking again and a hot tear fell down over his cheek. "How many other people uncles have you killed now, how many lives have you destroyed now." As he talked he reached for the bottle again, filling the glass halfway before chugging it. Coughing at the burn, the burn that cleared away his thoughts and made him not feel.
"I think you've had enough Tom." Alex said, as he pride to bottle and glass from Toms hands. Placing them out of his reach.
"Why Alex?" He wondered, even as he continued watching his hands worm around each other as if he was cold. "Why tell me this?"
"Maybe I just wanted someone to know, maybe I just wanted you to know or maybe, maybe I just don't know what else to talk about."
"I wish you had never come back."
"I know Tom." Tom just nodded, not looking at Alex. He wouldn't be talking like this if he was sober, but maybe like this he could ask the questions he would never have the courage to ask at other times.
"Do you ever regret it?" It was meant for Alex, but Tom found himself wondering the same thing. Did he regret going off to college to study, did he regret not saying yes to that girl two years ago. Did he regret moving out of England? It was painfully obvious that he did regret it and as Alex answered him with a no, the pain increased. For Alex didn't regret his life as a murderer, while Tom regretted almost every moment as a college student, every turn had seemed against him and now he was just stuck , in an endless circling cycle.
"I regret my life Alex."
"Then change it."
Laughing pitifully Tom put his head down into his arms. "How? What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?"
"Why don't you travel, maybe you will find something along the way." It seemed like a stupid idea to Tom, where would he go first? What would he want to see? What about the house, the money? There were too many what ifs.
"Will you take me with you?" A soothing chuckle floated over him as his heavy eyes closed.
"No Tom, you may not be a college student, but you are definitely not a killer. Take my advice Tom and travel. The gains far outweigh the uncertainties."
"Okay Alex." His mind was fuzzy now and Alex's voice sounded far away. "You know Alex, I don't hate you."
A warm hand was touching his hair, he was having a nice dream, in his dream Alex was back.
"I know Tom, I know."
The hand was gone, but the warmth was still there and it seemed to have stayed with him. Till the cold morning hours when he awoke to an empty house. Only the half empty bottle and the two glasses told him it hadn't all been a dream.
-Tsubasa-