Disclaimer: Err... why do we- the poor, penniless fanfic authors- even need this? Sue me, go ahead! But guess what? You don't even know where I live! AHAHAHA!!!
This story may be offending to Christians or people of any race, but it is not intentional. Just to let you know, I am:
An Asian (but I love people of all races!), a Christian (but I love people of any religion), and a weirdo who has no life. My sister has a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Uh, yeah, the last part was totally random and unnecessary.
IF I DO OFFEND YOU OR HURT YOU FEELINGS, TELL ME. AND THEN I WILL GO SLAP MYSELF REPEATEDLY UNTIL I SEE STARS. PLEASE, DO NOT HESITATE.
Enjoy the story!
Ne Plus Ultra
"Gentlemen, I have some great news for you!" the Akatsuki leader announced loudly at the emergency meeting he had put together suddenly.
Everyone was there- or at least, everyone who was still alive.
Sasori was gone.
Hidan and Kakuzu, who were both immortal, were demolished not too long after him.
Deidara and Tobi had gone to fight Sasuke but somehow, the leader had found them and dragged them away. They had disappeared in the blink of an eye, much to Sasuke's amazement. He was still wondering where they had run off to, afraid to blink again. His eyes were turning redder than his Sharingan.
So who was left?
Itachi and Kisame were still alive and unharmed. Well, Itachi was going blind but other than that, he was perfectly fine.
Deidara and Tobi were back.
Zetsu was doing well, being one of the minor Akatsuki characters.
The unknown man/woman with the blue hat and the white flower didn't even fight any Naruto character yet, so he/she was healthy and great.
Only seven members were left, if you included the leader. Sasori had been replaced already with Tobi, so there were no extras anymore.
The Akatsuki was in trouble. No one admitted it, but they were all worried.
Who would be able to take over once all of them were gone? Was the leader going to find new recruits, or was he just leaving the organization to die slowly? What was going to happen?
WHAT THE FUDGE WERE THEY GOING TO DO?
Thus, this story was born. Oops, I mean… err… how silly of me! Did I say story? Oh my, um…
LOOK, A SQUIRREL!
Okay, on with real life!
"I have found two recruits already. Their names are Sorano and Saiko. They will replace Hidan and Kakuzu, so that we have nine members again," the leader informed everyone.
"Great, who are they, yeah?" Deidara asked, curious.
"They're right here beside me! Blue hat-wearing idiot, go turn on the lights!" the leader commanded sternly.
"What? Blue hat-wearing idiot?" the blue hat-wearing dude/dudette cried. "How dare you! All of you know that my name is-"
A bird screeched loudly in the background.
"Shut up! Does it look like I care?" the leader huffed.
The blue hat-wearing dude/dudette gasped and shouted, "I quit! You guys suck- all of you!" Then, he disappeared into thin air and went off to North Korea.
"We'll never see him again," Kisame thought aloud, raising his eyebrow.
"Good riddance, yeah," Deidara smirked.
The leader cleared his throat and continued nonchalantly, "Anyways, here they are." He snapped his fingers, causing the lights to turn on.
"Wow, the leader can turn on the light just by snapping his fingers?" Tobi questioned, amazed.
"You didn't know, yeah?" Deidara asked, chuckling.
"But then why'd the leader make that blue hat-wearing dude turn on the-"he started to inquire but was cut off sharply by the leader.
"SILENCE! Do not question my actions," he hissed, glaring at poor Tobi hatefully.
Tobi whimpered, feeling hurt.
"Look at them. The one on the right is beautiful, no?" the leader smiled, stepping aside to reveal two women.
"What the fuck? She's hideous!" Blacky, the black side of Zetsu's face grimaced, glancing at her.
She had very short, plain black hair. Her hair wasn't even jet-black; it was dull black. Plus, her split ends had split ends! Deidara nearly vomited- he had never ever seen multiple split ends before. The ends of her hair were white. It looked like she had dandruff sprinkled on her split ends.
Even her glasses were repulsive. They were huge, and had a thick leopard-print frame.
Also, her outfit looked like it was put together by a blind grandmother. She wore a long purple dress that had weird brown triangles and circles everywhere! What's worse is that the sleeves of her dress were long and… orange. The bottom of her dress reached her ankles, ending with an uneven dark green hem.
Her shoes, a pair of moccasins, were stripped blue, yellow, and red. Even Itachi shuddered. He didn't know that those even existed.
Her face was okay, but not pretty. But you couldn't even see half of it because they were covered by her long, uneven bangs and her massive glasses. Her nose was fine- nothing special. Her lips were curved and pink, but they were severely chapped. She had obviously never heard of chapstick or lipgloss.
Her skin color was a light tan color- a little yellow. She was probably Asian.
She was thin, but not in a slender, sexy way. Her boobs weren't tiny, but they weren't big, either- just average; a small B-cup, maybe. She could've passed easily as a boy.
She was not beautiful.
"Holy shit," Kisame mumbled, wide-eyed.
"Are you kidding me, yeah?" Deidara cried, astounded. "Leader, you think she's beautiful? You're even blinder than Itachi, yeah!"
"Deidara…" Itachi warned threateningly.
Deidara merely ignored him.
The leader stared at them confused, and then realized his mistake.
"Oh, I meant the one on my right!" he laughed.
"Huh?" Tobi inquired.
Then, the woman on his right turned around, revealing herself to the other Akatsuki members.
God, she was gorgeous.
Kisame drooled lustfully.
Zetsu licked his lips hungrily.
Deidara stared enviously at her hair.
Tobi remained the same, just smiling innocently as always.
Itachi merely seemed puzzled. Maybe he was gay, for any straight guy would've been turned on by her.
She had smooth, straight, waist-long hair. The color of her right eye was an ocean blue, and her left eye was a beautiful emerald green. Her skin was the color of ivory, smooth and radiant. Her lips were perfectly plump and pink, her teeth white and straight.
She wore a very revealing rose-pink dress, cut so low that her full, milky-white breasts threatened to spill out. One of the thin spaghetti-straps holding up her flimsy dress fell down, revealing a smooth, flawless shoulder. The pink ballet shoes she had on matched her dress perfectly. The hem of her dress ended right below her butt, revealing her long, slender white legs.
She was beautiful.
"I've never seen hair like that before, yeah," Deidara gasped. "It's so healthy- I have to ask what kind of shampoo she uses!" he added, murmuring quietly under his breath.
"Damn, she's smexy. I'd totally do her," Kisame grinned.
The woman blushed and then shyly introduced herself. "My name is Uchiha Saiko. I am pleased to meet you all."
Itachi glared at her and then said coldly, "You are not an Uchiha. If you are, then I would've killed you long ago."
The leader shouted angrily, "DO NOT SPEAK TO HER IN SUCH A RUDE MANNER!"
Saiko suddenly started sobbing loudly, tears streaming beautifully down her perfect face.
"It's alright, he's just troubled," she cried, her eyes full of pity and sympathy.
"Look, you made her cry, yeah," Deidara sighed. "Itachi, you should never talk to women like that, yeah."
"She is kind of a bimbo though," Blacky stated.
"Don't be mean Blacky," Whitey, the white-side of his face replied, his voice soft.
"What's her bloodline limit, and what clan is she really from?" Kisame questioned. He didn't really believe that she came from the Uchiha clan, either.
"My bloodline limit is the Sharingan," Saiko answered quietly.
"Stop lying," Itachi commanded monotonously.
"It's the fucking truth!" she huffed, crossing her arms.
"What the-"Blacky started to say, but Kisame interrupted him rudely.
"What the hell? Did she just change her personality?" the shark-man asked, incredulous.
"Talk about being bipolar, yeah," Deidara mumbled, a little freaked out.
"Oh no, I just said the 'f' word!" she gasped, her eyes widening.
"No shit," Hidan said, appearing out of nowhere.
"What the-"Blacky started to say, but Kisame cut him off once again.
"Holy crap; no matter how hot she is, there is no way I'm going to do her. She's just way too fucked up," he thought aloud.
"Um, I can hear you," she scoffed, turning mean again.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hidan asked, freaked out.
"Language, Hidan," Sasori reminded him, suddenly alive again.
"Where the fuck did you come from?" Blacky asked, puzzled.
"Sasori-danna, you're alive, yeah!" Deidara smiled happily.
"Unfortunately, I'm human now," Sasori said sadly. "I have feelings again."
"Wow, that's new, yeah," his ex-partner stated, raising his eyebrow.
"Guys, I'm so sorry for my behavior," Saiko apologized cutely. "You see, I have this demon inside of me. It takes over and makes me act mean and cruel."
"Hey, who's that hot chick next to her?" Sasori questioned, pointing to the other, very tacky girl next to Saiko.
Saiko gasped. "I'm the one who brought you, Hidan, and Kakuzu back to life! Don't you remember me? Does the name 'Saiko' ring a bell?"
"Psycho?" Sasori asked. "What kind of name is that?"
"Ooh, psycho- that's a funny name!" Tobi exclaimed happily.
"Wow, I just noticed that her name sounds like 'psycho'," Kisame stated, feeling very dumb.
"You brought people back to life? That's impossible," Itachi informed her calmly.
"Darling, how are you?" Saiko questioned, smiling. She was her 'nice' self again.
"Leader, you recruited a 'Saiko'. Get it? You know, as in a 'psycho'? AHAHAHA!!!" Sasori laughed loudly.
"Sasori-danna, you must've been really crazy when you were a human, yeah," Deidara stated.
"No, I'm just on drugs. She's the one who gave me them. Supposedly, they're supposed to make me fall in love with her but-"
Saiko suddenly cut him off saying, "He's lying! I am drug-free, and I totally disapprove of drugs! Sasori, how could you be so cruel to me? I brought you back to life!"
Sasori frowned and stated, "Well, I would be grateful, but you fed me drugs that made me turn into a human. Then, you mumbled some jumbo-mumbo about taking over the universe and becoming the most wanted woman. Why should I be thankful to a person like you? You're a total hypocrite."
Ooh, burn!
Saiko gasped and started crying, teleporting from where she was previously standing to where Itachi was standing. Then, she threw herself onto him and clung onto him like a parasite!
Itachi froze, stunned. He tried to get her off discreetly by pushing her away hard, but that failed. So instead, he growled, "Get off my arm."
Inside, Saiko was confused. Her beauty was supposed to attract everyone! What was going wrong? The only person who was attracted to her was Kisame, and even he wouldn't have sex with her after he had seen her real side.
"Why won't anyone accept me for who I am?" she sniffed, crying prettily.
Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan's hearts softened.
"Hey, I'm sorry, seriously. I guess it's not your fault that you're so fucked up," Hidan sighed apologetically.
"I apologize also. And I would totally do you," Kisame admitted, his voice soft.
"Me too- I was being a jerk, yeah. Sorry," Deidara apologized.
"There, there. Everything's fine now, Saiko-chan," the leader smiled, acting like a protective father.
Itachi was puzzled for the first time in his life. He was a genius, but he still couldn't figure out how Saiko had made Kisame, Deidara, Hidan, and the leader fall in love with her. After all, this was the Akatsuki. This organization was built entirely out of cold, heartless, S-class criminals.
What the fuck was happening?
Meanwhile, Sasori stared longingly at the quiet, shy girl standing next to the leader. Did he see a beautiful girl instead of a fashion disaster that the others saw?
Or was he just blind from the drugs?
And where the schnitzel was Kakuzu?
Tune in and find out in the next chapter…
P.S. 'Saiko' is supposed to sound like 'Psycho'.
Please review and tell me if it was good or if it SUCKED ASS AND YOU TOTALLY WANT TO KILL ME AND MY GRANDMA.
-AkatsukiAddict