The real me
"You are a such an idiot!" yelled Debbie.
"Mom please."
"Ben was a good guy. I don't understand you!"
"We will stay friends."
"I don't know what to do with you Michael.. When will you accept that you don't have a future with Brian!! Brian doesn't do love, he said it himself! Even if I'm pretty sure the only one he loved was Justin!!! But you saw what he did with poor sunshine! Even when he loved him he was still that selfish prick."
"Mom you already said that speech one hundred times. Could you stop please!" Michael sounded bored.
"Well, seems it wasn't enough! You let Brian interfere between you and Ben. Like he did with David!!"
"He didn't interfere so much with David."
"Of course but he surely did if I hadn't asked him to stop," said Debbie angrily.
Michael stared at her in shock.
"You what? What do you mean?"
"Nothing. It's not the problem anymore. You have to forget Brian, Michael."
But Michael didn't want to drop the subject.
"You told him to leave me alone?? When? Why?" Michael seemed really hurt.
"Michael I just wanted you to have your own life, you know! It was the only solution for you to come back with David."
Michael stood up furiously.
"What happened for my Birthday party was your idea???" he yelled.
" No. I have no idea! He did everything. I just told him that he had to let you go because you deserved to be happy and he couldn't do that to you!! It was for you happiness."
"I fucking don't believe it!! How I was manipulated and by you ! How you manipulatd us like that! I m feeling sick now. You were behind this!! I wasted one year of my life with David because of you! Because you threatened Brian to not interfere!! Shit, I was thinking he didn't care that I went to Portland because he didn't tell me to stay and it was because of you," yelled Michael.
"What are you talking about! Brian didn't want you. He did it because he didn't want you and for once he forgot his selfishness to keep you as his pride!"
Michael stared angrily at his mother.
"I fucking don't believe it! And I'm more angry with me to be so stupid at that time!"
"It was for you Michael! David was good for you!! But you even didn't try in Portland so far away from you Brian. He didn't give a shit about you! He didn't miss you, Michael!"
"Oh yeah! What a wonderful life I had with David!! To be his gigolo! The only thing I had to it was to stay beautiful and shut my mouth! And you even didn't ask me what happened there, like it was normal it was my entire fault! "
"He took care of you! He was rich! You didn't have to worry for your future."
"What are you saying that I'm an idiot who can't take of himself and need a rich guy because I'm am so dumb!! I had nothing in common with David! Nothing, only sex! Sex was great with him, that's all."
" I didn't say that Michael but your passion for those stupid comics book.you have to be an adult!! Brian keeps you at 14!! David was more mature! You even write a comic about Brian!"
Michael felt his blood boil.
"Oh yes, I forgot that too! You hate my passion.. Sorry but it's not because I'm reading comics and I loved that I'm not an adult and Brian understands that and respects my passion! If I didn't have comics when I was young I don't know how I would have survived."
"Oh please Michael, comics are for children! You are 31!! And your comics are all about Brian! It's pathetic!!"
"Pathetic! I'm on this book too.. and why is it pathetic for me and not for Justin!! He drew it! And you were congratulating him when you criticized my story!"
"Justin is an artist, not you!"
"I'm a writer!"
"You are not a writer Michael. It's not because you wrote when you were in high school that make you a writer!"
"I'm such an idiot to you!"
"No you're not! But you don't know what is good for you. your all life is all about Brian.or what did he do for you? He always made troubles that's all."
"Brian helped me to be who I am...not like you! If Brian wasn't there I'm would certainly be pretending that I'm straight now. He helped to accept who I am."
"I was the one who told you that you were gay! Not Brian."
"Right, thanks a lot! You freaked me out with all your support. Michael, I'm proud of you! Being gay it's normal but you will have to fight! Your life will be a fight! You always talked to me about the meaning of being gay in real life. I was so scared and young. I thought that being gay was an eternal fight between me and the Society. Until Brian, I didn't know that it could be fun to be gay! You were scaring me more than everything. I was too young and not ready for the fight of my life. I just wanted to have fun and not think of everything! Brian showed me that, and it took a long time for him to convince me!"
"You don't understand... Brian is your god and you are so fucking blind! He used you! When will you understand that he won't love you back in the same way you love him!! He loves himself, he is fucking every man he met without thinking! And the final insult that he don't want to fuck you."
"Oh yes, he loves sex, it's not a crime...and you are right he won't fuck me ever! Because I'm the exception, he doesn't want to fuck me because he loves me."
"Are you stupid!! You are waiting something you will never get!! Open your eyes Michael."
Michael laughed.
"My eyes are wide open and they tell me that everything you believe is wrong, you don't know anything about my relationship with Brian. You think you know him but you don't and you think you know me but it's the same. You know I've had enough playing the good guy who's expected to have some consideration. I've had enough making the effort to please everybody!! I want to be me! The real me! Even if you don't agree! You are still my mother, you can give me advice if you want, I will listen to you but you don't have to choose for me EVER! It's my fucking life and I will do what I want!!"
Michael picked up the phone.
"Brian, it's me, I'm in my mother's home, come on and pick me up right now."
Debbie stared at him. She never saw her son like that. He seemed to be a complete stranger to her.
"You really think he will drop everything to pick you up? He is not like you!"
"You are so stubborn Mom. You don't want to understand that you know nothing about us!"
Michael walked to the door. Before he left he smiled to his mother and said:
"You wanna know what the thing I enjoy the most and turns me on and makes me hard so much . It's when Brian and me are fucking our own nameless trick in front of each other and we never break eye contact from each other. It's a game Mom, it's our game and Brian and I are the players and we will be at the end no matter what."
Then he closed the door. Debbie was in shock and saw Brian's black stingray car arrive. Michael entered and the car left.
THE END
"You are a such an idiot!" yelled Debbie.
"Mom please."
"Ben was a good guy. I don't understand you!"
"We will stay friends."
"I don't know what to do with you Michael.. When will you accept that you don't have a future with Brian!! Brian doesn't do love, he said it himself! Even if I'm pretty sure the only one he loved was Justin!!! But you saw what he did with poor sunshine! Even when he loved him he was still that selfish prick."
"Mom you already said that speech one hundred times. Could you stop please!" Michael sounded bored.
"Well, seems it wasn't enough! You let Brian interfere between you and Ben. Like he did with David!!"
"He didn't interfere so much with David."
"Of course but he surely did if I hadn't asked him to stop," said Debbie angrily.
Michael stared at her in shock.
"You what? What do you mean?"
"Nothing. It's not the problem anymore. You have to forget Brian, Michael."
But Michael didn't want to drop the subject.
"You told him to leave me alone?? When? Why?" Michael seemed really hurt.
"Michael I just wanted you to have your own life, you know! It was the only solution for you to come back with David."
Michael stood up furiously.
"What happened for my Birthday party was your idea???" he yelled.
" No. I have no idea! He did everything. I just told him that he had to let you go because you deserved to be happy and he couldn't do that to you!! It was for you happiness."
"I fucking don't believe it!! How I was manipulated and by you ! How you manipulatd us like that! I m feeling sick now. You were behind this!! I wasted one year of my life with David because of you! Because you threatened Brian to not interfere!! Shit, I was thinking he didn't care that I went to Portland because he didn't tell me to stay and it was because of you," yelled Michael.
"What are you talking about! Brian didn't want you. He did it because he didn't want you and for once he forgot his selfishness to keep you as his pride!"
Michael stared angrily at his mother.
"I fucking don't believe it! And I'm more angry with me to be so stupid at that time!"
"It was for you Michael! David was good for you!! But you even didn't try in Portland so far away from you Brian. He didn't give a shit about you! He didn't miss you, Michael!"
"Oh yeah! What a wonderful life I had with David!! To be his gigolo! The only thing I had to it was to stay beautiful and shut my mouth! And you even didn't ask me what happened there, like it was normal it was my entire fault! "
"He took care of you! He was rich! You didn't have to worry for your future."
"What are you saying that I'm an idiot who can't take of himself and need a rich guy because I'm am so dumb!! I had nothing in common with David! Nothing, only sex! Sex was great with him, that's all."
" I didn't say that Michael but your passion for those stupid comics book.you have to be an adult!! Brian keeps you at 14!! David was more mature! You even write a comic about Brian!"
Michael felt his blood boil.
"Oh yes, I forgot that too! You hate my passion.. Sorry but it's not because I'm reading comics and I loved that I'm not an adult and Brian understands that and respects my passion! If I didn't have comics when I was young I don't know how I would have survived."
"Oh please Michael, comics are for children! You are 31!! And your comics are all about Brian! It's pathetic!!"
"Pathetic! I'm on this book too.. and why is it pathetic for me and not for Justin!! He drew it! And you were congratulating him when you criticized my story!"
"Justin is an artist, not you!"
"I'm a writer!"
"You are not a writer Michael. It's not because you wrote when you were in high school that make you a writer!"
"I'm such an idiot to you!"
"No you're not! But you don't know what is good for you. your all life is all about Brian.or what did he do for you? He always made troubles that's all."
"Brian helped me to be who I am...not like you! If Brian wasn't there I'm would certainly be pretending that I'm straight now. He helped to accept who I am."
"I was the one who told you that you were gay! Not Brian."
"Right, thanks a lot! You freaked me out with all your support. Michael, I'm proud of you! Being gay it's normal but you will have to fight! Your life will be a fight! You always talked to me about the meaning of being gay in real life. I was so scared and young. I thought that being gay was an eternal fight between me and the Society. Until Brian, I didn't know that it could be fun to be gay! You were scaring me more than everything. I was too young and not ready for the fight of my life. I just wanted to have fun and not think of everything! Brian showed me that, and it took a long time for him to convince me!"
"You don't understand... Brian is your god and you are so fucking blind! He used you! When will you understand that he won't love you back in the same way you love him!! He loves himself, he is fucking every man he met without thinking! And the final insult that he don't want to fuck you."
"Oh yes, he loves sex, it's not a crime...and you are right he won't fuck me ever! Because I'm the exception, he doesn't want to fuck me because he loves me."
"Are you stupid!! You are waiting something you will never get!! Open your eyes Michael."
Michael laughed.
"My eyes are wide open and they tell me that everything you believe is wrong, you don't know anything about my relationship with Brian. You think you know him but you don't and you think you know me but it's the same. You know I've had enough playing the good guy who's expected to have some consideration. I've had enough making the effort to please everybody!! I want to be me! The real me! Even if you don't agree! You are still my mother, you can give me advice if you want, I will listen to you but you don't have to choose for me EVER! It's my fucking life and I will do what I want!!"
Michael picked up the phone.
"Brian, it's me, I'm in my mother's home, come on and pick me up right now."
Debbie stared at him. She never saw her son like that. He seemed to be a complete stranger to her.
"You really think he will drop everything to pick you up? He is not like you!"
"You are so stubborn Mom. You don't want to understand that you know nothing about us!"
Michael walked to the door. Before he left he smiled to his mother and said:
"You wanna know what the thing I enjoy the most and turns me on and makes me hard so much . It's when Brian and me are fucking our own nameless trick in front of each other and we never break eye contact from each other. It's a game Mom, it's our game and Brian and I are the players and we will be at the end no matter what."
Then he closed the door. Debbie was in shock and saw Brian's black stingray car arrive. Michael entered and the car left.
THE END