I don't own the show "The Deadliest Warrior" or any of the characters fighting in it.

Narrator: Wile E. Coyote; The genious coyote of the Looney Tunes, bent on catching the roadrunner.

(The screen shows a brown furred coyote using various weapons to get his meal.)

Narrator: Pete; Disney's first villain and arch-enemy of Mickey Mouse.

(The screen then shows a fat humanoid cat commanding an army of Heartless.)

Narrator: WHO...IS...DEADLIEST? To find out, our world-class fighters are testing each of the two combatants most leathal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two go toe-to-toe. No rules, no safety, no mercey: It's a duel to the death, all to see just who is...THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

We enter the fight club once again.

Narrator: Here at the fight club, the host has brought experts on the two warriors to see who would win between...Wile E. Coyote

Wile E. Coyote's Stats:

Fist appearance: "Fast and Furry-ous" (1949)

Enemies: Bugs Bunny and the Roadrunner

Voice actor: None

Created by: Chuck Jones

Narrator: And Pete.

Pete's Stats:

First apperance: "Steamboat Willie" (1928)

Enemies: Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald Duck, and Sora

Voice actor: Jim Cummings

Created by: Walt Disney

Narrator: Both teams are confident of their vicories.

Team Wile E. Coyote is represented by arch-rival, Bugs Bunny, and by desendent, Tech E. Coyote.

"That coyote may not be able to catch me, but when facing that maroon, He'll come out on tops." Bugs said while munching on a carrot.

"My ancestor might not have been able to catch Rev's ancestor, but I got my genious from somewhere." Tech gloated, thinking he knows the outcome.

Team Pete will be represented by his rivals, Mickey Mouse and Goofy.

"That guy is smarter than Pete, I'll give him that. But there's no way he'll beat him in this fight!" Mickey said.

"Garsh, I think that the only ones who could beat him are Sora and Mickey himself, a-yuck!" Goofy replied.

Narrator: Both teams have brought the two's weapons...

Wile E. Coyote's weapons:

Long range- Hunting Rifle

Mid range- Boomarang

Close range- Axe

Special weapon- TNT

Pete's weapons:

Long range- Fireworks

Mid range- Flintlock Pistol

Close range- Musketeer Sword

Special weapon- Explosive Bowling Balls

Narrator: First up is long range, and Team Coyote bring...The Hunting Rifle.

In the firing range, Bugs takes the hunting rifle and aims at a target made to look like Pete. He fires away until all bullets are gone. Close examination reveils bullet wounds above the heart, in the stomach, and in the head.

Narrator: Team Pete is impressed, but bring to the fight...Fireworks.

Mickey steps out into the firing range and aims the fireworks at a heartless. He fires the fireworks and the heartless goes down, imobilelized.

Narrator: The fireworks had a longer range and a higher chance of hitting the target; but it's a stunning weapon. Due to it's leathality, the edge goes to the hunting rifle.

Edge: Wile E. Coyote

Narrator: For mid range weapons, Team Coyote brings...The Boomarang; once used as a hunting tool in Australia, now used as one in Navada.

Tech takes the boomarang and takes aim at a gel torso. He throws the boomarang and it slices through the arm, literally 'dis-arming' it.

Narrator: Team Pete isn't impressed by this, and fire back with...The Flintlock Pistol; a reminder of Pete's days as a boat captian.

Goofy takes aim at a dummy made to look like Wile E. and fires the flintlock pistol. The bullet wounds went deep through it.

Narrator: The boomarang disarmed the opponent, but it's a premitave weapon. The edge goes to the flintlock pistol.

Edge: Pete

Narrator: For close range, Team Coyote brings...The Axe; an old friend on Deadliest Warrior.

Bugs steps up to a carcass with the axe and swings at it. The axe cuts the carcass clean in half, in a mere 3.5 seconds.

Narrator: Team Pete answer back with...The Musketeer Sword; a sword familiar to the show.

Mickey steps up to another carcass and swings the musketeer sword. The sword delivered five kill strikes in 16 seconds.

Narrator: The musketeer sword was impressive, but it couldn't compare to the speed of the axe.

Edge: Wile E. Coyote

Narrator: Finally, it's time for special weapons. Team Coyote brings to the fight...TNT; one of Wile E.'s most used weapons.

Tech takes a stick of TNT and places it near a dummy made to look like Pete. He then lights the fuse and high tales it. The TNT went off, destorying the dummy in the process.

Narrator: As impressed as they are, Team Pete answers back with...Explosive Bowling Balls.

Goofy targets some dummies that were set up like bowling pins. Goofy aims the bowling balls and throws it. When they made impact, the dummies blew up.

Narrator: The TNT is relieable, but unpredictable. And a fuse takes time to set it off. The edge goes to the explosive bowling balls.

Edge: Pete

Narrator: Testing is now complete, it's time to see who is more superior. The data from the tests will be uploaded into a battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studios. To keep this battle from being won by a single lucky blow, the simulation will be ran 1000 times. Who will win? Coyote Vs Cat...Villain Vs Villain...Brains Vs Brawns...

(The screen shows Wile E., then Pete. Next, the screen shows Wile E. hunting the roadrunner, then Pete fighting Sora. Finally, the screen shows Wile E. planing his next move, then Pete sending a foe flying.)

Narrator: WHO...IS...DEADLIEST?

Simulation:

Out in the desert, roadrunner is zooming on the road. On the side of the road, looking through binoculars, Wile E. Coyote licks his lips but stops as the screen freezes with the words "Coyote ("Opponeticus Oneacus")". The screen resumes playing as Wile E. finishes. Suddenly, Wile E. hears a noise of something coming torwards him. He turns around and sees fireworks aiming for him. Wile E. dodges the fireworks just in time, as they hit the ground.

Wile E. looks up and sees the source of the fireworks: Pete! Pete looks down and yells, but the screen freezes again with the words reading "Pete ("Opponeticus Twoacus")". He finishes yelling as he jumps down and glares at the coyote. Wile E. pulls out a boomarang and throws it at the charging Pete, but the latter grabs it and crushes it with his bare hands. Pete pulls out his musketeer sword as Wile E. pulls out his axe. As the two fight with those weapons, Pete cuts Wile E.'s arm, while the coyote cuts off the former's peg-leg, causing him to fall to the ground.

Thinking quickly, Wile E. lights a stick of TNT, drops it near Pete, and runs for it. Pete, however, gets back up and puts the fuse out. Grabbing a nearby stick, he replaces his peg-leg, gets up, and pulls out an explosive bowling ball. Wile E. sees this and runs as Pete throws it and blows up a catus that the coyote was just in front of. Now knowing what he's up against, Wile E. runs for his den, shuts the door and locks it, just as Pete was charging for it.

Thinking even more quickly, Wile E. sets up a decoy him (Made of a broomstick and a coyote mask), grabs his hunting rifle, shuts off the lights and ducks behind his sofa. Pete breaks the door down and sees the silohette of "Wile E." He pulls out his flintlock pistol and fires at it. Smirking, Pete turns on the lights and sees that he shot a dummy. Pete looks at it until he hears a click, looks up and sees Wile E. aiming his hunting rifle at him. He fires and watches Pete fall. After making sure his opponet is dead, Wile E. smirks as he picks up Pete's flintlock pistol, thinking he could use this for his regular routine.

Winner: Wile E. Coyote

Narrator: In the 1000 battles, Wile E. was victorius with 585-kills, compared with Pete's 415-kills. There were two main facotors for this: First was the years of evil doing; Pete was more of a bully and just starting using these weapons for a few years. Wile E., however, has been using these weapons for years. Second, the intellagence; Wile E. Coyote is a super-geinus, whereas Pete, as said by Sora, "not smart enough to tie his own shoes."

Wile E. Coyote's kills: 585

Hunting Rifle- 326

Boomarang- 0

Axe- 212

TNT- 47

Pete's kills: 415

Fireworks- 248

Flintlock Pistol- 100

Musketeer Sword- 32

Explosive Bowling Balls- 35

At the fight club, the teams discuss what happened.

"I knew my ancestor would win! There was no doubt in my mind." Tech said, glad with the outcome.

"Garsh, there's a thrid person who could defeat Pete." Goofy said.

(The screen then shows Wile E. Coyote aiming his 'new' Flintlock Pistol at the roadrunner. He pulls the trigger, but it misfires. The roadrunner runs off, leaving the coyote to hold up a sign reading, "Even when I win, I lose.")

(In related news...THERE'S GONNA BE A SEASON 3 OF DEADLIEST WARRIOR!)