AN: so, I haven't written a story in a long long while. I'm so sorry (not that anyone really cares all that much about me writing). anyways, this story was supposed to be funny but I don't think it turned out that way. So whatever.
RATING: teen. and a high one. lots (well, not a ton) of bad language to come, kiddies.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own harry potter. I really wish I did, but I unfortunately do not.
It's not like I wanted to see Albus snogging his latest conquest. I wasn't wandering around the corridors looking for them. I just happened to stumble across them and I just happened to take points from Gryffindor for 'inappropriate behaviour'.
See, our headmistress had a momentary lapse of judgment and now I'm a prefect. I pretty much just use it to take away points from people who annoy me; I've been hoping she contracts Alzheimer's (some muggle disease, I know the name is weird) so I can become head girl.
Anyways, back to the story. I see him and Kirsty or Kelly or Kylie or whatever her name is snogging the pants of each other so I knock off some points. Albus gets angry and chases me down the hallway, yelling something about how he's going to tell mum what me and Lysander did last summer. I was scared for a bit, but then I remembered he honestly didn't know what we did (James only told him a smidge of what happened). So I stopped worrying about his threat and started worrying about what he would do to me when he found me.
Since Albus runs about as fast as a turtle with four broken legs, I figure I have some time to hide. I was skipping merrily down the hallway when all of a sudden some giant runs into me. I stood up hella-fast but the blonde-headed giant was just as fast. He grabs my wand from me and stares at me in amusement. That's when I realize who he is-Scorpius Bloody Malfoy. Albus's best friend and the biggest git to walk the Hogwarts halls since Cormac McGlaggen. Oh shuttup, I'm sure there have been others since but it sounds more effective when its worded like that.
"Damn you. Really, I mean it. Damn you to hell," I muttered, glaring at him. He just continued to stare at me in amusement. That is when I remember what I am wearing. A long, floral dress that belongs to my Grandmum Weasley and no shoes. Now that I mention it, my feet hurt like there is a dragon clawing them to shreds.
"What are you wearing, Potter?" he asks in disbelief, slowly handing me back my wand. I grin cockily at him and stuff it back into one of the roomy pockets in the dress. "It's like you've never seen me wear one of my Grandmother's dresses, Malfoy," I smile innocently, trying to maneuver my way past him.
"That's because I haven't," he mutters, his brow knitting together in confusion. That's when I hear Albus's footsteps slapping along the marble floor at the pace of an elderly centaur. "Bloody fucking shit!" I yell at Scorpius as I grab his hand and shove him into an abandoned classroom.
Have I told you yet? I'm quite strong. Keeping this in mind, I throw Malfoy into a desk and slam the door, locking it and using a couple spells so it stays locked. "What're you playing at, Potter? Unlike some, I actually go to classes," he growls at me.
"My god, Malfoy. Just shut it okay? You're beginning to remind me of some yapping Chihuahua. You know when they start yipping like mad and you just wanna smack it to the side? Yeah, that's you. The yipping Chihuahua," I rant, stalking across the room and plopping down in the dusty teachers chair.
Scorpius Malfoy just stands there, listening as Albus yells at me through the door. Merlin, he really should just give up.
Eventually, Scorpius gets tired of trying to communicate with his best friend through the thick wooden door and comes to sit beside me. "You never did explain why you're wearing that horrid tablecloth," he mentions casually, gazing at the dress in hesitation.
"Yes-well…I bet Roxi and Fred that Uncle Nev-Proffesor Longbottom wouldn't notice if Lucy and I brought a litter of kittens to his class," I began, my face slowly growing red, "and they said if he did notice we'd have to each wear one of Gradmum's dresses for a whole day." Malfoy began to laugh, which gradually turns into howls.
"It's not even that funny, you bloody wanker," I insisted, my cheeks and ears turning bright red. I really needed to kill myself. Right now and fast-really fast. There's a window on the right side of the classroom and I get up, contemplating whether or not I should just leap out of it. But once I get over to the window, I remember we're on the bloody highest floor of the castle you can get too (without going into one of those terrifying towers) and there is no way in hell someone would ever get me to jump out of a window from that floor.
It would hurt like fucking shit.
So I meander back to the chair and perch cautiously at the end of it. Scorpius was making me really nervous and I really did not like it and I still really wanted to just smack him to the side. And Al was still lingering outside the door and-just like the previous window predicament-there was no way in hell I was going to face him.
Most of you are probably wondering why my brother is overreacting about the whole 'inappropriate behavior' situation. You see, this isn't the first time I've done it. Ever since I became a prefect I have been taking away points from Gryffindor. Since I'm a Slytherin, this gives makes me extremely happy and I have taken away nearly 100 and-something-or-other points in the past month. (Yeah, those bloody lions earn a crap-load of house points).
All of a sudden, I feel a pair of chapped lips plopping themselves right on top of mine. This nearly gives me a heart attack and that's what I tell him as I shove him right off the end of the desk he was sitting on. He tells me that I was giving him the look-you know, that look girls give guys when they want to kiss them? Yeah, I was totally not doing that. I mean, I was thinking about my older brother. That's really really nasty and it makes me consider the window option all over again.
"I was not giving you the bloody look and I definitely don't want you to kiss me!" but all I can think about is how bloody good he tasted and how much I want those chapped Chihuahua lips back on mine. So I yank him towards me by his tie and attack his lips with mine.
Scorpius picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist-I mean, seriously, no matter what my brothers think I am not an innocent little sixth year. I've made out (and done much more) with a guy-hence the Lysander situation earlier on. Anyways, Scorpius and I continue making out until the door blasts off its hinges and into the abandoned classroom we are currently christening.
"Holy shit, Scorpius, you better get off my little sister right now or I will rip you to shreds," I hear my brother yell but I'm too busy sprinting past the large group of my family members to defend him. However, I do notice Lucy standing there in her apron-dress contraption so manage to slyly high-five her as I dash past. I mean, come on, only awesome people manage to pull of an old person dress.
I can hear Scorpius and Albus getting into a fight and I don't want Scorpius to think I'm a complete whore, so I yell at him to "call me later so we can shag!" which causes Albus to actually punch him in the face. And I think I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Fred and Louis go in for the kill too.
I don't want to smack the yipping Chihuahua anymore after all, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop the other people who do.