The first time Mizuki tried to hold Sei's hand, he missed, his hand flapping uselessly in empty air as Sei's small hand slipped into a pocket, complaining it was cold. Mizuki just smiled sheepishly, rather glad the ravenette hadn't noticed his failed attempt. His palms were sweating and he was ridiculously nervous.
They weren't even technically dating, sure, they'd just been on what he counted as a date, for a coffee and then to the cinema, but he didn't know if Sei just thought they were hanging out as friends. What if holding his hand was weird? What if it freaked him out and he didn't want to be Mizuki's friend anymore. He could feel bile rising in his throat at the idea of losing the pale boy and barely noticed Sei's concerned glances as they walked in silence. Silence had always unnerved Mizuki, when he'd been tricked by the Yakuza twins they had locked him in a deathly silent room. The only sounds had been his own breathing and his soft whimpers as he tried to see through the inky blackness, ears straining for any sign he wasn't alone. The darkness seemed to press in, making his lungs tight and his breath come in gasps. The walls closed in, crushing him and squashing him until he couldn't stop the ragged breaths and sobs that left his mouth. His throat was burning where they had tattooed him and he could taste blood in his mouth as he gnawed at his inner lip continually, reducing it to a bloody pulp. The dark was suffocating, he couldn't breathe and he couldn't see and there was no way out and he was chained in place-
"Mizuki?" A soft voice and a hand grasping his pulled him from the memory, large dark eyes staring up at him from a pale face. "What's wrong?"
He didn't realise he was barely breathing until the hand squeezed his, taking a much needed gulp of air and filling his lungs, taunting black spots on his vision fading away. "N-nothing, I'm fine. Just.. thinking."
It was obvious Sei didn't believe a word of it, raising an eyebrow in disbelief but not questioning Mizuki, just glad the haunted look in his eyes had disappeared. He'd seen the same look in his own eyes, in Aoba's, in Noiz's. They all had their own secrets and painful memories, he and Mizuki under the hands of Toue and his minions. He didn't know exactly what Mizuki had done, why his neck was permanently covered in bandages, or what part Aoba had to play in it, but he was sure the tanned male would tell him eventually. But for now, changing the subject to something more pleasant seemed like a good idea.
"That film was good."
Mizuki looked surprised at the sudden, obvious change, but gave a grateful sigh and answered happily, continuing their way home with light chitchat about the actors and the funnier parts.
It wasn't until Aoba opened the front door and shot Mizuki a knowing, almost lecherous look that he realised his and Sei's hands were still connected, fingers having intertwined sometime on the journey home. After an embarrassed goodbye, and some less than subtle comments from Aoba, Mizuki set off home. Hand clutched to his chest and a stupid grin on his face as he remembered the way fragile fingers had felt in his.