Might as well put this here too. I wrote this fic for my friend for her birthday and it was my first time writing mpreg. I'm actually very happy with the result though I'm not that comfortable with mpreg. But it was either that or angst and I don't do angsty fics, not when this fandom is concerned (canon is angsty enough). Anyway, hope you like it :)
The day Bilbo announced he was going to have a child all hell broke loose. Almost literally but not quite after all, thank Valar. The mess would've been awful to clean and Bilbo had cleaned more than his fair share off messes.
It had been during the family dinner of that week because Bilbo had wanted to tell everyone at the same time. He had expected the news to be greeted with screams of "WHAT?!" and gaping. He had not expected Thorin to faint altogether.
"That went well," Bilbo snorted, looking at his husband lying on the floor, and then turned back to meet the stares of Fíli, Kíli, Dís and Tauriel. The boys were finally left completely speechless (not a frequent thing to happen, usually they didn't shut up for a moment). They both opened their mouths several times to ask something but no sound came out.
"Well, that's the first time I've seen Thorin faint," Dís commented feebly when she regained her voice. Bilbo felt incredibly thankful that her first words weren't screaming or questioning the whole thing. "And congratulations," she added with a small smile. "This is... quite a miracle, really."
"How... how is this even possible?" Fíli asked, his voice trembling as he got up from the table to help Thorin back up. Thorin groaned when he was helped back to his seat again.
"Well, when two people love each other very, very much..." Bilbo started.
"That's not what I meant," Fíli interrupted, biting his lip a little. "I mean... no offence, Uncle Bilbo, but you're both male."
Bilbo raised an eyebrow at his oldest adopted nephew. "Yes, that we are. Where are you getting at?"
Fíli fidgeted a bit uncomfortably before replying, "I thought you could only have children when the couple consists of a male and a female."
Bilbo was absolutely scandalised. Of course two males could have children together, how else would there be so many of them in the Shire? And it was the same for two females as well, as long as the couple loved each other. Love was essential when it came to bearing children. Was it truly different for Dwarves? It would certainly explain why there were so few Dwarflings. It just seemed so surreal.
Bilbo explained the matter and thankfully this time Thorin did not pass out. He did keep gaping at Bilbo, which made the Hobbit feel rather uncomfortable. Honestly, this was not that big a deal.
It was Tauriel who came to the rescue.
"Ah, yes," she said. "I actually remember reading something about this matter two centuries back when I was visiting Lord Elrond at Rivendell with Legolas. It was a long time ago and at the time I thought it was pure fiction, but apparently I was wrong." She gave Bilbo an apologetic smile.
"That reminds me," Dís grinned, "how about you and Kíli? There isn't a baby on the way yet, is there?"
Tauriel's face turned bright red that rivalled with her flaming hair, and Kíli made a squeak that sounded like, "Mama, no." Bilbo and Fíli snorted down to their desserts. Dís asked Kíli and Tauriel at least once a week if Tauriel was pregnant yet. Bilbo was absolutely positive that the reason there was no baby on the way as of yet was because Dís kept pestering the two about it. Stress was the enemy of pregnancy, that Bilbo had learned at a very young age, and Hobbits were very thorough about making sure there wasn't any stress upon those who were pregnant or almost so.
Thorin still hadn't said a thing and it started to worry Bilbo. He understood this was a big surprise and most likely Thorin just didn't know what to say, but he still couldn't help making up possible worst-case scenarios in his head. What if Thorin did not want the baby? It was possible, not everyone wanted them, but Bilbo had still been under the impression that his husband was very fond of children. They visited the day-care Bilbo had suggested they'd found about once a week, and Thorin was very good with the children, very good indeed.
Bilbo looked at Thorin and pleaded, "Thorin, please say something. Please?"
In the end Dís had to smack her brother to the backside of his head to get him talk. Thorin looked as though he had woken up from a dream, and his first coherent word was, "How?" followed by, "When?"
Dís shooed her sons and daughter-in-law out of the dining room, giving Thorin and Bilbo some privacy. Bilbo sent her another thankful look before concentrating on trying to explain everything to Thorin. Honestly saying he hadn't thought at all things would be different for Dwarves and now he felt stupid and ashamed that he hadn't. Of course there were bound to be differences, Hobbits and Dwarves couldn't have been more like the sun and the moon, or like Yavanna and Aulë.
"Well, I think you already know how," Bilbo replied to Thorin's feeble words. "As for when... I'm not completely sure but I think we conceived sometime during the ending of reconstruction. I'm about two months along now... Thorin? Are you all right?"
Thorin had started to gape again. Bilbo patted his hand and asked, "You are pleased, right? I know this is a lot to take in but–"
The rest of the words Bilbo might've said were silenced when Thorin got up and snogged him more passionately than ever during the few months they had been married. Bilbo didn't mind at all; this was the best reaction Thorin could've given, hands down.
Thorin pressed another kiss on Bilbo's forehead before he exclaimed, "This is the best news I have ever had! I never dared to even dream a joy like this could ever grace me." Another kiss. "Oh, I could build a thousand statues for your honour, âzyungel!"
Bilbo snorted. "No statues, thank you very much. This isn't that big a deal, I'm only pregnant."
"Not that big a– Bilbo, do you have any idea what precious gifts children are for us?"
Well, to be quite honest Bilbo knew that because children were rare amongst Dwarves he had figured they were quite precious but he hadn't expected them to be this big a deal. He should've known, after all he had witnessed Dís harassing Kíli and Tauriel about grandchildren for months now, ever since the two of them had got married in secret, and he had also witnessed his sister-in-law pestering Fíli to hurry up and find his One already. Fíli couldn't have been more done with everything. But Thorin was more than pleased with the news, and that was what mattered the most to Bilbo. He would still have to talk his husband out of the idea of statues, though.
"Should you be up and about?" Thorin asked. "You ought to stay in bed, to minimise–"
"Thorin, I'm pregnant, not suddenly turned into glass," Bilbo groaned. Thorin didn't seem very convinced, and Bilbo let out another frustrated huff. These months were going to be long, and Thorin would become even more exasperating than he already was. Suddenly Bilbo was sure he'd have to plan escape to the Shire many a time during the months to come.
In the end it was Dís who managed to convince Thorin (and the rest of the Company, especially Dwalin, Bifur, and Glóin) that Bilbo didn't need to stay in bed for the months he'd be pregnant. It did come with the cost that whenever Bilbo went anywhere that wasn't the royal wing or his garden he would have to have at least one guard with him, but that didn't seem like such a big sacrifice if it kept everyone happy. Bilbo's three guards, two male Dwarves and one Dwarrowdam, were decent folk who knew when to keep their distance, and when they were informed of Bilbo's "delicate state", as Thorin put it, they all were more than eager to help. Especially Ailís, a mother of two herself, knew what the Hobbit was going through, and while she kept a close eye on him she wasn't patronising.
"My husband also thought I should've stayed in bed the first time I was with child," Ailís told Bilbo one night. "I obeyed the first two weeks but then I got bored and ended up threatening to feed him Brussels sprouts if he didn't let me out."
"Worked like a charm, I take it?" Bilbo smirked. Ailís smirked back.
"Yeah," the dark-skinned Dwarrowdam replied. "You should try that, in case His Majesty gets absolutely impossible."
"I'll keep that in mind, thank you," Bilbo promised. He might even get a chance to try it that night, since he was having a private dinner with Thorin for the first time in weeks. Thorin had had a lot of meetings with a bunch of missionaries from Dale and Laketown and today they had finally reached an agreement in the terms of trade. Bilbo had promised to cook, even though Thorin was very wary of it ("What if you accidentally cut yourself with one of the kitchen knives?") but Bilbo had told him this was hardly the most dangerous thing to do during pregnancy. And after that when Thorin hadn't let the subject drop he had threatened to go fight some Orcs or spiders all by himself to clear his point. Thorin had ended up agreeing and stating how lovely the dinner would be.
Ailís escorted Bilbo back to his quarters and bid him good night. "I'll send Greom to guard the doors."
"Thank you, Ailís, and tell your family I send my warmest regards," Bilbo answered cordially.
"Will do," Ailís said, bowed to Bilbo and took her leave.
Just as soon as she disappeared behind the corner Bilbo closed the door and patted his already quite swollen tummy. Thorin wouldn't be back for two hours at least, which meant he had just enough time to get everything ready. He went to the kitchen of the royal suite and pulled up the ingredients for the beef casserole he had planned to cook. It was Thorin's favourite, and also a good way to make him eat at least some vegetables. Bilbo had prepared the broth before-handed, now he only had to do the rest.
He began by peeling and cutting the onions in half, and then he did the same to the carrots, garlic and mushrooms. Then it was the beef's turn. While the beef was frying on the pan Bilbo went to pick up the wine to go in the casserole. He found one of Dorwinion make which would do quite nicely. It had been a gift from Tauriel, and Bilbo was sure she wouldn't mind that he used it to season a meal. When everything was fried Bilbo put the whole lot to a pot and first poured the broth over the mixture and then the wine. On the very top he added some thyme and sage. And then all there was to do was to let the casserole stew for at least one hour, the longer the better.
Bilbo looked at the old clock he had brought with him when he had moved to Erebor and realised he had enough time to freshen up before Thorin would come back from the final meeting of the day, and decided to go take a bath. His back ached a bit, and warm water always helped. Thus he went to the bathroom and put the water running. The tub filled quickly considering its size; it was the size of a small pool. Bilbo undressed and sank in, sighing contently.
"You're quite a handful, you know that?" he said, patting his belly. He was about four months along now but judging by his size he could've sworn it was six instead. And that made him wonder if he was truly further along that he had anticipated or if he was carrying twins. The latter option would make Thorin faint again, that was for sure. Bilbo snorted a laugh when he imagined his husband's face if the case was so.
Bilbo was so deep in his thoughts that he nearly missed Thorin's calls for him.
"In the bathroom!" he answered and in a moment Thorin opened the door. He looked rather tired.
"Something smells good," Thorin commented with a weary smile.
Bilbo returned the smile. "I made beef casserole, your favourite."
"Are you sure you should?" Thorin asked. "I don't want you to strain yourself because of me."
"Making your favourite dish won't strain me," Bilbo sighed. "If anything it relaxes me. Now why don't you join me here until the meal is ready? The casserole has to stew a good while longer."
Thorin made a small grunt but he took off his clothes without another word and slid next to Bilbo. He wrapped one arm around Bilbo's shoulders and rubbed his belly with the other hand.
"I can't wait until the baby arrives," Thorin stated and kissed Bilbo's temple.
"I'm so big already I'm beginning to suspect I'm going to have twins," Bilbo confessed. "I'm not sure yet," he added upon seeing Thorin's baffled face, "but it is a possibility. Twins aren't that rare among us Hobbits, you know."
Thorin leaned back against the wall of the tub and breathed heavily, from which Bilbo knew he was trying to process this information. Finally Thorin simply sighed and pressed a kiss in Bilbo's curls again.
"One baby or two, it won't make any difference," he smiled. "I'll love them more than what might be good for them either way."
"It's not certain yet, as I said," Bilbo replied. "I'll have Óin and Tauriel check on me after dinner, if that's fine with you."
"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?" Thorin asked.
"Well, I know you don't like Tauriel that much, but she is good with these things, and she works well with Óin–"
"Bilbo," Thorin interrupted. "To make sure both you and the baby are healthy and well I would have Thranduil check up on you. All right, maybe not him, but... oh, you know what I mean. And I quite agree, she is a good healer."
Bilbo hummed and tucked his head under Thorin's chin. "Thank you."
Thorin rubbed Bilbo's belly gently and asked, "So will the dinner be ready soon? I'm afraid I am rather starved."
Bilbo rolled his eyes. Thorin had forgotten to eat his lunch after all, then. Then he turned around a bit to kiss his husband and stated that dinner would be ready in half an hour's time. Thorin was content with it and answered that he'd be able to wait that long. Bilbo bit his tongue so that he wouldn't make a sarcastic comeback. It had been too long since they had last eaten together properly.
The dinner went on smoothly and Bilbo was thrilled to see that Thorin couldn't stop smiling even for a second. He'd had that frown on his face for far too long. While eating they spoke about the naming ceremony, what it would include, and who they should invite to it. Bilbo thought he heard wrong when Thorin told him he'd give their child his or her first weapon during the ceremony but apparently it was a thing. Mainly ceremonial, though, but Bilbo was still wary of the idea of handing an infant a sword or an axe.
"Anyway," Bilbo said, "who should we invite then?"
"Dáin and his family, of course," Thorin answered. "And I suppose we have to invite Thranduil and his son. I do hope our wee bairn will throw up on them both."
"Thorin!" Bilbo chastised. "That's not a nice thing to say!"
Thorin just laughed when Bilbo swatted him with a napkin. He apologised to the Hobbit but Bilbo could still see how pleased he would be if their child actually were to throw up on Thranduil.
"Right," Bilbo cleared his throat, "I think Bard and his children are quite an obvious choice too. They helped us so much, after all. Not just with the quest but with the reconstruction as well."
"Agreed," Thorin hummed. "And I would like to see little Tilda again. She must be a proper lady by now."
They went on like that, writing down the first draft of the guest list and enjoying their dinner at the same time. Bilbo insisted on inviting Lord Elrond and his closest kin, to which Thorin sourly agreed. Elrond had helped them with the map, they owed him an invitation as a thank you. They also decided to send some invitations to Bilbo's family in the Shire, even though it was unlikely anyone would decide to travel all the way to Erebor, not even the Took side of the family.
"I would give anything to see Lobelia's face when she gets the invitation, though," Bilbo giggled. "She'll burst with either envy or anger."
"Why with anger?" Thorin inquired.
"Oh, you know how she was when we went to gather my things," Bilbo explained. "You saw how she reacted upon hearing about us and when I decided to give Bag End to the Gamgees. Envious and angry, that's what she was."
Thorin nodded. Yes, he remembered now the way Lobelia Sackville-Baggins had crinkled her nose when they had been to the Shire and told the news to Bilbo's kin. The Took side and a couple of Hobbits from the Baggins and Brandybuck sides were thrilled, on the other hand, saying what a relief it was to see Bilbo settling down at last. Apparently Bilbo had been somewhat an oddball, being a bachelor for so long.
After dinner Thorin told Bilbo to go to bed until Óin and Tauriel arrived. He'd take care of the dishes. Bilbo groaned but did as he was told. Thorin was right to be a bit concerned, it was their first child in question after all. And so Bilbo settled on the bed and waited. Thankfully it didn't take very long from Óin and Tauriel to arrive. Tauriel was wearing a beautiful green dress so Bilbo guessed she'd had her dinner with Dís. She always dressed smartly and looked impeccable when she was to dine with her mother-in-law.
"I hope we didn't interrupt anything," Bilbo said to the both of them, loudly so Óin would hear too.
"On the contrary, I was glad to get away," Tauriel sighed. "Lady Dís is a good person, and I am happy she has accepted me as a part of the family, but if I hear the words 'is the bun in the oven yet' one more time..."
"I'll talk to her and tell her you don't like to be interrogated," Thorin promised right out of the blue. Bilbo and Tauriel gaped at him in aghast for a moment, until Tauriel snapped out of it and gave Thorin a small bow. It looked silly but she had long ago explained she had never learned how to curtsy. Thorin didn't seem to be bothered by it at all.
"All right, let's take a look at ye laddie," Óin interrupted, nodding at both Bilbo and Tauriel. "So, what's ailing ye?"
"Well, I'm only four months along but about as big as I'd be if I were six," Bilbo replied. "I'm starting to suspect I might be carrying twins."
Bilbo had to repeat his words twice before Óin registered them properly. The elderly Dwarf shrugged and stated that if this was the case he would find it out. Bilbo sighed and rolled his eyes a bit. It was frustrating that Óin was so hard on hearing, but at the same time he was the best healer under the Mountain, and Bilbo trusted in his skills. After all, it had been Óin who had brought Thorin back from the verge of death two years ago (with a bit of help from Gandalf but mostly it had been Óin's own work).
Óin and Bilbo were so engaged in making sure whether there were twins on the way or not that they didn't notice at all when Tauriel gestured she wanted to speak to Thorin alone. Thorin raised an eyebrow but went to the drawing room with the Elf maid. Bilbo was in good, safe hands with Óin, surely he could leave him for a short moment.
"What is it?" Thorin asked after he'd closed the door.
"I do not doubt Master Óin's skills at all, but I'd prefer you summoned Lord Elrond," Tauriel answered, crossing her arms. "He is the best healer in all Arda, and there is so much we don't know about Hobbit pregnancies, let alone male pregnancies. He could help."
Thorin nodded with a small groan. "I hate to admit it but I agree. I was going to invite him to the naming ceremony all the same, this won't make much difference. I'll send a raven as soon as Bilbo's condition has been checked."
Tauriel gave Thorin a small smile. "Thank you, Your Majesty. Know that I wouldn't ask this of you if I weren't so concerned of Bilbo. Truth is I'm not a trained midwife, and my healing skills are only so effective. I'd feel more at ease with two true professionals taking care of your consort."
"I appreciate your insight," Thorin admitted. "Now, let's go back before they start to worry about us. Oh, and Tauriel," he added, "since you are married to my nephew you might just as well drop the titles and call me Thorin in private."
Tauriel bowed again and thanked Thorin. Then they went back to the bedroom where Óin had finished examining Bilbo and they both looked relieved.
"Just one baby on the way," Óin said. "Turns out that since the bairn is half and half he's bigger at this point than a regular Hobbit babe would be. Everything's fine but we best keep an eye on ye laddie."
"Thank you," Thorin sighed in relief. Bilbo raised an eyebrow at the tone but decided that he probably oughtn't to press the matter. This was stressful time to the both of them, he might as well try to make it less so.
Óin and Tauriel took their leave after Tauriel had taken a look on Bilbo and come to the same conclusion as the elder Dwarf. Bilbo rubbed his eyes and yawned. Why was he so tired already? It wasn't that late. By the Green Lady, if this was something to do with the pregnancy... Bilbo's head fell back on the pillow and he turned a bit to look at Thorin. The Dwarven king had sat on his desk and was clearly writing something.
"Thorin, dear, come to bed," Bilbo called.
"In a minute," Thorin replied. "I need to send a message first. Won't take long, I promise."
Now that was an answer Bilbo hadn't expected. "Who are you writing to?"
"Lord Elrond," Thorin said nonchalantly. "Tauriel suggested I'd summon him to look after you for the rest of your pregnancy and I must admit I quite agree with her. Better safe than sorry."
Bilbo snorted a laugh. This was the first time in forever Thorin had actually agreed with Tauriel. Miracles could happen. Well, it had to be a good sign. Maybe the two of them would eventually get along just fine. At least this was a start, and at least they weren't in each other's throats all the time any longer.
Bilbo yawned again and this time he decided to just fall asleep. Thorin would join him in bed when he was ready, but Bilbo was tired and he needed to get some sleep. He rubbed his eyes a bit before he pulled the blankets over him and closed his eyes. The scribbling of Thorin's quill quickly coaxed him fast asleep.
The months went by without bigger incidents. Bilbo had had to talk Thorin out of building any statues for his honour several times but other than that everything was well. Erebor was prosperous and the terms with the closest neighbours were warm. Bard's children had visited the second they had received the invitation to the naming ceremony and Thranduil had sent his regards with Legolas who congratulated both Bilbo and Thorin without the faintest hint of irony. Children were valued among Elves about as much as they were among Dwarves, regardless the race. An even bigger surprise was, at least to Bilbo, that Thorin accepted the congratulations without any irony either. "A unicorn if there ever was one," he stated to Dís who almost choked with restrained laughter.
Lord Elrond had also replied to the letter Thorin had sent; he wrote that he would be absolutely delighted to come and make sure Bilbo's pregnancy and birthing would be easy. He also mentioned that his estimated arrival would be on Bilbo's eighth month, and hopefully they could manage until then. "These are delicate matters," the Elf lord wrote, "and while I do know you Dwarves are perfectly capable of looking after your children I would advise to baby-proof the Mountain." Bilbo had been sure Elrond was only joking about baby-proofing but Thorin took it very seriously.
"Thorin," Bilbo groaned. "You don't have to baby-proof the whole place. I'm not very likely to go down to the mines and neither is the baby, are we?"
"Better safe than sorry," Thorin repeated a sentence he had said many times already and signed the order to increase safety in the mines and forges. Bilbo rolled his eyes at his husband. Surely this counted as misuse of a powerful position? Thorin of course said he was allowed to do whatever he liked, he was the king after all, but Bilbo was fairly sure ruling didn't work this way. Besides, the security systems were already most efficient, they didn't need any enhancing.
Bilbo sighed deeply and went back to his book about Erebor's history. Thorin's head was not so easily turned and since Bilbo wouldn't let him have statues made or make him stay in bed until the baby was born he might as well humour his husband this way. The worst was still coming. Baby-proofing the mines and forges were one thing. Doing the same to their chambers was a whole other matter. Thorin would most likely do it himself (maybe with the help of Dwalin and Bifur who were probably the most excited people under the Mountain about Bilbo's pregnancy – apart from Thorin of course), which meant days of the King crawling around the corners and securing sharp edges and whatnot.
On second thought it might also give Bilbo a nice view to his husband's buttocks, so maybe Thorin crawling around the chambers wasn't such a bad idea after all. And if it gave Thorin a peace of mind then all the better. It did seem, though, that Thorin wouldn't start to baby-proof the chambers that night. He put the quill down and sat on the sofa next to Bilbo, stroking gently his swollen belly.
"It won't be long now, will it?"
"No, just about two more months," Bilbo answered. "Enough for Elrond to arrive in time. He should be here in about three weeks if I'm not mistaken."
"Yes, that's right," Thorin said and moved on the sofa so that Bilbo could rest his legs over his. "I can't wait. It'll be the greatest adventure ever."
Bilbo chuckles as he put his book on the table next to the sofa and touched Thorin's hand that was on his stomach. Yes, it was probably true. Bilbo had never given much thought about raising a child but it did seem like a great adventure. They both still had insecurities about the whole thing ("What if the child hates me? What if I'm a terrible father?") but at any rate they wouldn't have to do this alone. The whole Company was there to help, especially Dís. And of course Thorin already had experience in raising a child, after all he had helped with Fíli and Kíli, and with any luck everything would be easier now.
Thorin kept stroking Bilbo's tummy and soon started to hum with a low tone. Bilbo recognised it instantly as the song of Misty Mountains, so he closed his eyes and was ready to relax completely when–
Bilbo jumped up and Thorin jerked his hand off, eyes wide from surprise. They looked at each other for a second and then Bilbo grabbed Thorin's hand and pressed it back on his belly.
"Do it again, keep singing!" he told Thorin.
Thorin nodded and continued, "We must away, ere break of day, to find our long-forgotten gold..."
This time there was no mistaking it. They both felt the small kick. Thorin couldn't stop smiling as he put his other hand on Bilbo's belly as well and kept singing. It prompted even more kicks, and in the end Bilbo was close to tears. Their baby was kicking!
Thorin pressed a kiss over Bilbo's brow. "Now I really can't wait to meet this little rascal."
Bilbo was about to reply something but was interrupted when someone knocked on their door. It was Fíli who was practically jumping up and down with the widest grin on his face.
"What is it?" Bilbo asked.
"They wanted to come and tell you two, but I asked if I could do it, since Óin is still checking on Tauriel," Fíli answered when he could from his panting. "Tauriel's pregnant! I'm gonna be an uncle!"
Bilbo and Thorin both exclaimed, "Oh, that's wonderful!" and Thorin got up to pat Fíli's shoulder. The baby seemed to react to this piece of news, hence the sudden series of excited kicks. Bilbo chuckled.
"Looks like this little one is happy about getting a cousin."
"What?" Fíli blurted. "Is the baby kicking?"
"Yes," Thorin answered. "Come, feel it yourself."
Fíli put his hand tentatively on Bilbo's stomach and waited. Soon he felt a small kick against his palm. "By Mahal," he managed to say. "Hi there, little one. I'm your cousin Fíli. I'll spoil you rotten when I meet you!"
Another kick. Fíli's smile couldn't have got wider. "He clearly likes me already," he smirked at his uncles.
"It won't be long now," said Thorin. "About two more months before the due date. Oh, that reminds me, how far along is Tauriel?"
"About a month and a half, Kee told me," Fíli replied. "Óin's not very pleased, he nearly screamed how he wants to treat one pregnant person at a time. Not that he wouldn't be happy about a new baby, I just suppose at his age he doesn't want to deal with too much stress."
Thorin nodded. "I expect Dís is jumping over the walls."
Fíli flashed a mischievous grin. "Oh yeah, Mama has never been more excited. Last time I checked she was sobbing how she's finally going to be a granny."
The three of them laughed at the image. Bilbo had absolutely no trouble imagining it, since Dís had hone on and on about grandchildren for so long. This was a very happy day for the line of Durin; two new members would join the family within a year, after all the grief and misfortune it had seen during the past hundred years or so. Thorin sat back on the sofa and let Bilbo put his legs in his lap. Bilbo couldn't stop smiling as he patted Thorin's hand.
"Oh, that reminds me," Thorin said suddenly and looked at Fíli. "Bilbo and I had a chat and we decided that whether our baby is a boy or a girl we want them to have a childhood as normal as possible, without the stress that that comes from being the heir to the throne. So you will still be the crown prince, Fíli, if you have no objections."
Fíli grinned and sat on a chair next to the sofa. No, he had no objections. In fact, he told them that he had wondered if he'd be allowed to keep his title but he had been too anxious to ask. Now he didn't have to. Thorin explained that this had been Bilbo's idea for the most part but he too had felt that it wouldn't have been right to Fíli to strip off his title that he had been raised to since birth.
"Well, if you had decided to raise your baby as the heir I would've been happy to step aside," Fíli said. "Would've taken some time to adjust, sure, but I'm sure I would've adapted eventually."
"You're going to be a wonderful king one day," Bilbo stated. "That's the biggest reason we decided like this. We both want to see you on the throne one day."
"Aye," Thorin agreed. "You're a true natural when it comes to ruling, I saw it when you acted as regent when I was on my sick bed. Erebor needs you."
That was when Fíli got up and hugged Thorin. Bilbo could've sworn the lad was sobbing but he decided not to make any unnecessary remarks. Instead he made a small grunt when the baby kicked again.
"Anyway," Bilbo piped up when the baby had calmed down, "how is Tauriel feeling? It's a huge thing, to have a baby."
Fíli shrugged. "You know her, she won't tell anyone anything, except Kee. But she seemed happy, at least as far as I could tell. And that reminds me, I probably should go back to defend her. No doubt Kee and Mama are flooding her with name suggestions and whatnot."
Bilbo and Thorin both snorted a laugh at the mental picture. Yes, it was a very likely scenario, knowing how Dís and Kíli were. Fíli gave Bilbo's belly one last pat and took his leave. Thorin was going to lie back at first after Fíli had left but then decided to lean in to kiss Bilbo. This was one of the happiest days either of them had seen. Their little baby was kicking, Kíli and Tauriel were expecting their own, now all there was to do was to help Fíli find someone and settle down. The lad didn't say it but it was clear he felt like a third wheel when he was with his brother and Tauriel.
Thorin leaned back and rubbed his eyes. "Two babies so close to each other. I wonder what we have done right for Mahal to bless our family like this."
"What if it's not Mahal to have blessed us?" Bilbo teased. "What if it was Yavanna and Elbereth?"
Thorin snorted. They may have helped but this was Mahal's work, he was sure of it. Bilbo rolled his eyes at his husband but dropped the subject. Instead he started to plan inviting Tauriel over for a cup of tea when Thorin would be in court and Kíli on hunting patrol. His mother had always told him how important peer support was when pregnant. Besides, Bilbo was curious to know how Elven pregnancies worked. It was going to be fun, and at the same time they could rant about their overly protective, silly husbands (because Kíli was probably suggesting Tauriel that she ought to stay in bed until the baby was born, just like Thorin had).
Lord Elrond arrived as Bilbo had estimated, and he had his two sons and his young ward named Estel with him. It was now about a month to Bilbo's due date and he was so big that he gladly remained in his and Thorin's quarters. His poor feet hurt anyway, and it was much easier to just relax and stay inside than bully Thorin's nerves that weren't in a very good state to begin with. He was already fidgeting around when Elrond left his boys with Fíli, Kíli and Tauriel and started to examine Bilbo.
"Well, I must say this is the first time I have dealt with a male pregnancy," Elrond admitted when he tried Bilbo's belly under the careful eyes of Thorin and Óin. "Fascinating, very fascinating. Is it true that also two female Hobbits are able to conceive on their own?"
"Oh yes, it's not very common, but it happens," Bilbo answered. "Well, it's not very common for two males to conceive either, and I've never heard of it happening to any Hobbit whose chosen partner was from some other race."
Elrond nodded and wrote this piece of information down to a small piece of parchment he had with him. He eyed Bilbo for a moment and then uttered, "You look perfectly healthy so I do not see any reason why the baby wouldn't be fine. I only recommend eating healthily and putting off alcohol and pipeweed until the child is born. The latter applies to the other father as well."
Thorin made a small grunt but agreed upon seeing Bilbo's glare. "I have informed the kitchens to prepare Bilbo only the best meals. They were rather miffed when I told them Bilbo wants a lot of vegetables, though."
"Vegetables are good," Elrond stated with an approving nod. "Vegetables and fish, sometimes chicken, is the best diet for someone this far along. No heavy sauces."
Thorin promised to carry this information on to Bombur and the other staff down in the kitchens.
"Would you like to know the gender of the baby?" Elrond asked. "There is a simple spell to reveal it."
Bilbo and Thorin looked at each other. Normally there was no way of knowing whether the baby was a boy or a girl until they were born, so this truly was a tempting offer. However, Bilbo shook his head and told both his husband and Lord Elrond that he would like to retain the element of surprise. Thorin said the same after considering the offer a bit.
Lord Elrond merely shrugged and told them that his wife hadn't wanted to know either when she had been carrying the twins. "She wanted to be surprised. And that she certainly was," Elrond smiled a tad wistfully. "Twins are rare amongst us Elves."
Then the Elf lord took his leave. Apparently his sons, Elladan and Elrohir, were known troublemakers, and Elrond wanted to make sure they weren't tearing the mountain apart. If they still were with Fíli and Kíli it actually was a very likely scenario, so Thorin asked Elrond to take Dís with him, just in case there was any need for discipline.
"Maybe you should go too," Bilbo suggested. "No no, I'll be fine, I've asked Tauriel to join me for a cuppa, we'll be fine," he added quickly when Thorin was going to object.
"Are you sure?" Thorin inquired. "What if you go into labour prematurely? I should be here."
Bilbo scoffed. "Oh, don't be such an old worrywart. Even if that happened Tauriel would be here. I'm perfectly safe. Now go make sure our kingdom is still intact!"
Bilbo waited until Thorin and Óin had left until he got up from the bed and slunk to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Tauriel arrived a couple of minutes later, thoroughly annoyed and tired. She sank in the armchair by the fireplace in the drawing room and let out a long groan.
"Dwarves," she moaned. "Why did I ever agree to marry one? And Elladan and Elrohir are not any better. Idiots, the lot of them. They'll be the death of me yet, and that's saying a lot."
Bilbo offered her a nice cup of tea (two sugars, no milk, just the way Tauriel liked it) and nodded in agreement. "At least Kíli isn't overprotective of you, is he? Thorin is getting worse and worse the closer I get to the birth."
Tauriel snorted a laugh. "Well that's true. Kíli knows I'm made of tougher stuff than even most Dwarves, thank Elbereth for that, so he doesn't try to coddle me. But he is incredibly stupid."
"But you still love him no matter what," Bilbo reminded the Elf maid with a laugh.
"Yes I do," Tauriel agreed. "Kíli may be an idiot, but he is my idiot."
"Just as Thorin is mine," Bilbo grinned. "I must say I daren't even imagine how he'll be when the baby finally is here. I fear he'll become even more bonkers than he already is."
Tauriel took a sip of her tea and stated matter-of-factly, "'Tis a common trait among the house of Durin."
"I'll tell Thorin and Kee you said that," announced Fíli who had just come in with a boy not older than thirteen. The boy had dark brown hair and noble features, so Bilbo assumed this was Estel, Lord Elrond's ward. Fíli sat on the sofa next to Bilbo and groaned. "I agree with you, though. My brother is a famous twat."
"What did he do now?" Tauriel asked sympathetically.
"Tried to prove my brothers wrong and best them in archery," Estel replied. "Shot down a chandelier and that was when Fíli decided we ought to leave. Last time I saw them my ada was yelling at them, and King Thorin was yelling at Kíli."
Tauriel was squirming in her armchair as though she didn't know whether to laugh or frown, and Bilbo was sure she muttered something that sounded like, "My precious idiot."
"Well, who won?" Bilbo asked.
"No one did, except maybe Uncle and Lord Elrond," Fíli grinned. "I think they are planning to ground Kee, Elladan and Elrohir until you give birth."
Bilbo and Tauriel almost choked on their teas. They looked at each other with the same thought in their minds: What had they married into? Thank goodness for Dís and Fíli who had some sense in their heads, because their husbands did not have any.
Choking on the tea probably wasn't the best idea because soon after Bilbo had finished coughing he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. First he thought it was nothing and ignored it but when the second wave of pain came he was sure of it. He was having contractions.
Fíli, Tauriel and Estel all jumped up when they saw Bilbo clutching on his belly. Oh dear, oh dear, was the baby coming now? But it was well over three weeks too early!
"Tauriel, go get Óin, and then go get Uncle!" Fíli ordered. Tauriel nodded briefly and ran out as quickly as she could. Thank Valar she wasn't that far along yet. "Estel, get hot water, and towels, just in case."
"Oh – all right," Estel managed to say and went to the kitchen to find a large bowl.
Fíli helped Bilbo up from the sofa and walked him to the bedroom. "It's going to be all right, Uncle Bilbo, I've got you. Everything is gonna be fine..."
"Ow! How are you so calm about this?" Bilbo demanded and then nearly cursed at the pain.
"Trust me, I'm positively scared out of my mind," Fíli responded with a small giggle. "Okay, let's get you on the bed..."
By the time Tauriel returned with Thorin Bilbo's pains had stopped and no baby had been born. Fíli was trying to soothe the distraught Estel, and Bilbo was lying on the bed, definitely not pleased with something Óin had told him.
"What happened?" Thorin inquired. "Ghivashel, is everything all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," Bilbo replied and started to mope again.
"It was something called practise contractions," Fíli explained. "Nothing dangerous, just very uncomfortable."
"Thank you!" Bilbo huffed.
Thorin sighed in relief. "Oh thank Mahal. Practise contractions aren't that bad. Mostly you don't even feel them."
Bilbo turned around and flashed Thorin a murderous look. "Oi! Not pregnant, no opinion!"
"That's what he told me as well," Óin chuckled. "Well, everything is perfectly fine, there is nothing to worry about. Practise contractions, as the name suggests, help prepare to the upcoming birth."
Then Óin sent Fíli and Estel to get Lord Elrond; he wanted a second opinion about Bilbo's condition. Tauriel put the kettle on again – tea was a sure fire way to make a Hobbit calm down, and Bilbo was no exception to this rule. Thorin sat on the bed next to his husband who was clutching on the pillow with a sour look on his face.
"Not that bad my arse," the Hobbit mumbled.
"I'm sorry I said that, âzyungel," Thorin consoled. "Only they weren't that bad for Dís and I'm basing all my knowledge about pregnancy on what I experienced when she was expecting the boys."
Bilbo made a disgruntled noise and refused to get up until Tauriel brought him the tea. Everything was so easy for both Thorin and Óin to say, they didn't have to go through this whole ordeal! Bilbo swore to himself that after this baby he would never repeat this procedure, no matter how much Thorin would beg. One time was more than perfectly enough, and if they absolutely wanted another child they could always adopt.
Fíli and Estel arrived a couple of minutes later with Lord Elrond, and also Dís and Kíli. Apparently Dís had been scolding her youngest when Fíli had bumped into them and without another thought asked them to come as well. Bilbo didn't mind that the room was a little crowded but Thorin muttered something like, "I was not aware this was the new throne room." Dís and Elrond shooed Fíli, Kíli, Tauriel and Estel away (no complaints were heard) and then concentrated on Bilbo.
"What exactly happened?" Dís asked.
"Practise contractions," Bilbo answered, crinkling his nose. Dís nodded in understanding. While hers hadn't truly been that bad she was aware how uncomfortable they could be at their worst. She patted her brother-in-law's back and smiled, "At least it wasn't anything worse."
"I agree with Lady Dís," Elrond added. "Practise contractions can prove mild discomfort, but–"
"'Mild' discomfort?" Bilbo interjected. "Do I take it you've had some of these contractions then?"
Thorin, Elrond and Óin took that as a cue to leave the room before Bilbo could do any permanent damage to any of them.
Bilbo's due date came and went but there still was no baby born yet. A week later the Hobbit was so grumpy about going overtime that he didn't bother to mind his tongue like he usually did. He arrived to the family dinner that evening and slammed the door.
"That's right, still no baby!" he announced.
"Âzyungel, would you like to sit?" asked Thorin and startled at the look his husband gave him.
"You," Bilbo growled with a seething tone. "Like you haven't done enough."
He sat on the chair Thorin had offered him, though. Everyone else looked down at their meals, as they didn't want to become the next target of the disgruntled Hobbit. It was far safer to just be quiet and concentrate on eating. Kíli and Tauriel shared some discreet touches under the table, and Fíli entertained Estel by arranging his meal to look like faces – potatoes as eyes, bacon as mouth, so forth.
"Why doesn't the baby want to get out?" Bilbo groaned. "It's been a whole week, it should've got out by now."
"Maybe," Thorin suggested tentatively, "you've made the baby such a cosy home in your belly that it doesn't want to leave."
Bilbo just patted his husband's cheek. "Aaww, look at you making up crap for me!"
Dís cleared her throat and asked her brother-in-law, "So, how are those mood swings?"
"I haven't really had any yet," Bilbo replied, shaking his head.
Everyone except Thorin (who was too scared to do anything) tried to suppress the urge to snort down to their meals. That was more or less the understatement of the century.
"Well, it should not be that long now," Elrond stated. "I'm sure the birthing starts by this time tomorrow at latest, most likely earlier."
That statement got Bofur and Nori take wagers among the two of them in secrecy. (Bilbo and Thorin had together announced that taking wagers about their child was forbidden but when had Nori ever played by the rules?) Bofur bet that by the next morning Bilbo would've gone into labour and as opposed Nori said labour wouldn't commence until the next evening. Nori was tempted to include more people but there was always the risk Dwalin would find out and he'd have to spend a couple of nights in the dungeons.
Bifur was miffed when the matter was translated to him. He had so looked forward to giving Bilbo and Thorin the toys he'd made for the baby. Balin patted Bifur's back and assured him it wouldn't be long now, hopefully. And that was what everyone hoped. No one liked to see the Royal Consort as cranky as he had been for the past week.
In the end Bofur ended up losing the bet. No baby coming in the morning. After the noon bells had chimed in Erebor and in Dale he handed over a small pocket of gold to Nori who was smirking devilishly, so satisfied with himself.
"Well hello pretty ones," he cooed when he opened the pocket to see how many coins there were. "'M gonna take very good care of you."
"Screw you," Bofur grunted.
Right after Nori had put the coins inside his jacket Ori ran in and shrieked, "It's happening! Bilbo has gone into labour!"
They had never heard Bofur swear like that before.
Óin and Lord Elrond allowed only Thorin, Dís and Tauriel to join them in the birthing chamber. Dís and Tauriel were allowed because they both provided valuable help, carrying water and towels in and out when needed, helping to make Bilbo comfortable, and whatnot, and Thorin simply because he refused to let Bilbo out of his sight. Óin let the King stay if he agreed to stay out of the way.
"Here we go," Dís said after placing the towels on a table next to the bed. "Now we just have to wait."
"Ow!" Bilbo screamed. "Why wait?"
"You're not dilated enough," Dís explained. "You need to be dilated at least ten centimetres."
"Then how many centimetres am I dilated? Six? Seven?"
"Three," Tauriel sighed.
"Three?" Thorin repeated in disbelief. "I'm dilated three!"
Bilbo and Dís shared a longsuffering glance and Dís smacked her brother to the backside of his head, telling him to shut up. Bilbo did not need any side comments like that. The Hobbit leaned back against his pillow and groaned. First births were often long and tedious, or so his mother had told him, but he had never pictured the process to be this tedious.
"Don't worry," Dís consoled. "These things take their time but I can promise the result is worth it. And you probably take less time than I did with my little lion anyway. Almost two days it took me to push that rascal out of my body and then my husband just snatched him and ran away to show him off! The nerve," she added with a fond smile. Bilbo noticed how Tauriel suddenly had a calculating gleam in her eyes. She was going to use this information one day, Bilbo knew that for sure.
Elrond cleared his throat. "The next contraction should be in about ten minutes or less. Try to make yourself comfortable."
Bilbo was too tired and nervous to make any snarky comments about probably not being able to make himself comfortable at all. Thorin stroked his damp curls and tried to convince him how he was doing so well, but Bilbo hardly even noticed the words.
"I'll go inform the others," Tauriel said and went to open the door. Everyone outside stood up instantly.
"How is it going?" Kíli asked.
"All right I suppose, it's just taking longer than anticipated," replied Tauriel. "But your mother said first births take a long time so we're not worried yet."
There was a collective sigh of relief. Elladan and Elrohir ruffled Estel's hair and chorused, "What did we tell you?" Kíli touched Tauriel's hand gently and inquired, "How are you feeling? You really don't have to do this. If it gets too stressful–"
"Then I'll tell Lord Elrond and Óin I can't participate any longer," Tauriel interjected. "Don't worry, meleth nín, I will be fine, and so will the baby."
"If you say so," Kíli sighed with a small smile. "Off you go then, help my little cousin into the world!"
Tauriel leaned in to kiss Kíli before she went back to help Elrond and Óin.
In the end it took nearly seven hours for everything to get ready for the actual birthing so everyone in the room (and also outside: Dwalin had stated that for a miracle of life this whole business was taking way too long) was relieved when Elrond finally announced it was time to start pushing. The relief was short-lived, though, because this turned out to be the hardest part by far.
"Here we go," Elrond coaxed. "Five, four–"
"Three, two, one!" Bilbo groaned loudly. "I can't do this anymore, I just can't!"
"I can see the head!" Elrond countered.
"Hear that?" Thorin asked. "Come on, one more push."
"I can't, Thorin! You do this for me!"
"Bilbo, I may rule one of the mightiest kingdoms in Middle-Earth, but there is one place my rule won't reach, and that place is your birthing canal!" Thorin replied with a huff. "Just one more push! Push, push!"
And Bilbo did, but at the same time he head butted Thorin. Hard. So hard that the Dwarven king fell on the floor.
"Keep pushing!" he shouted.
"Are you okay?" Bilbo asked while doing his best. Thorin climbed back up, holding his forehead.
"You have no idea how much this hurts!" he complained, and had Bilbo, Dís, Elrond and Tauriel give him very ugly looks (Óin didn't hear Thorin's comment, plus he was too concentrated in getting the baby out).
"There's the head!" the elderly healer exclaimed. "A couple of more pushes should do it!"
Óin was right, three more pushes and Bilbo had managed to get the baby into the world. Thorin kissed the Hobbit's cheek softly as the baby let out a cry and murmured, "Look, there he is."
"He?" Bilbo repeated. "It's a boy?"
"Yes, and a very handsome one at that," Dís smiled. Óin passed the crying red creature over to her and she showed it to Bilbo who was close to tears.
"Oh, he's so tiny," Bilbo managed with a thick voice. The baby cried a bit more, he wasn't loud but loud enough for everyone outside the chamber to hear him. Tauriel went to share the news while Dís washed the wee lad, wrapped him up in a linen cloth warmly and passed over to Bilbo. Thorin sniffed a bit, and under any other circumstances Dís would've made fun of him, but not now. It was moving, to hold your own child for the first time, she knew it better than well.
Bilbo, too, was almost crying. This was his son, his and Thorin's. Their love had created this tiny little reddish bundle in his arms. The baby had a gracious amount of hair, the same black as Thorin's but he also seemed to have inherited Bilbo's unruly curls – and also his pointy ears for that matter. Other than that he took more after Thorin, at least to Bilbo's eye.
"Do you have a name for him yet?" Elrond inquired. Thorin shook his head but for everyone's surprise Bilbo nodded.
"I have one idea," he admitted.
"What is it?" asked Thorin. "Is it one of those we thought of together?"
"No," Bilbo shook his head. "This one I came up with about a month ago, when you were stuck in the court."
"Save us from this suspense and tell my nephew's name already!" Dís huffed.
Bilbo smiled at the baby. "Frerin."
Thorin and Dís froze on the spot. Did Bilbo just say...?
"You mean to name our son after my and Dís' brother?" Thorin managed to say.
"We don't have to if you don't like it," Bilbo rushed to add. "I just thought–"
His words were cut off short when Thorin kissed him full on the mouth, and soon after that Dís flung her arms around the both of them with a sobbing laugh. Óin, Elrond and Tauriel discreetly looked elsewhere – in fact, both healers were suddenly very interested to hear how Tauriel's own pregnancy was getting along.
"It's perfect," Thorin said and kissed Bilbo again. "I wonder how it never crossed my mind."
"Or mine," Dís added.
Little baby Frerin made a small noise and tried to snuggle closer to his father's chest. Bilbo smiled and looked at Thorin. "Would you like to hold him?"
Thorin nodded and accepted the tiny bundle into his arms. By Mahal, there was no way Fíli or Kíli had ever been that small. Frerin yawned and fell asleep. Thorin stroked his son's black curls with an uncharacteristically wide smile; he had never thought his life would be graced with such happiness.
Then the door opened and, speaking of the devils, Fíli and Kíli peeked in.
"Can we come in now?" Kíli asked.
"We're dying out here," added Fíli.
Thorin motioned them to come over. "Come say hello to your cousin."
Fíli and Kíli glanced quickly at their mother for permission before they came in, soon followed by the whole Company plus Glóin's young lad Gimli. Ori was scribbling furiously into his journal, nose spotty with ink, determined to have this moment properly perpetuated. The past year had been the most joyous for the house of Durin, what with the two weddings and two announcements of pregnancy, but nothing surpassed this moment right then.
"Are you all right?" Fíli asked Bilbo. "The baby?"
"Yes, yes, we're both fine," sighed Bilbo. "I am rather tired, though."
Fíli and Kíli settled to stand by the bed and Thorin handled the bundle in his arms over to Fíli, uttering, "This is Frerin, your new cousin."
Fíli smiled down at the baby. "Hi Frerin. I'm your cousin Fíli, I spoke to you when you weren't born yet. I'll spoil you rotten from now on."
Frerin made no response, aside from blowing a small spit bubble. Fíli chuckled and passed him over to Kíli who looked at Tauriel and said, "I want one."
Tauriel snorted but agreed with Kíli, and they wouldn't even have to wait longer than four months or so now to have their own wee one.
Kíli passed baby Frerin over to Dís who in turn returned him to Thorin and Bilbo, stating they could moon over him the next day. Now both Bilbo and Frerin needed to rest, and to be honest a good night's sleep wouldn't be bad for her, Thorin or Óin either. Tauriel and Elrond may have been able to go on several days without sleep but Dwarves and Hobbits were not.
"We'll come see ya in the morning then," Bofur promised Bilbo. "Off we go then, lads!"
Óin, Elrond and Tauriel checked both the baby and the new father were comfortable before they too left the chamber along with the Company and Dís. Bilbo rubbed his eyes and yawned. This truly had been the longest day of his life.
"Mark my words, I'll never do this again," he told Thorin.
Thorin chuckled and pressed a kiss on Bilbo's temple. "We'll discuss it later. For now let's concentrate on our son."
Bilbo leaned on Thorin's arm and looked down at their son, their little wonder. Yes, everything else could wait. Scratch that, the world could end and Bilbo wouldn't care, not now that he had the two most important people ever to have been in his life by his side: his wonderful, albeit a bit dim-witted at times, husband, and his handsome little son.
"Do you think the three of us will be enough?" he asked before drifting off. Thorin helped him lie down and settled Frerin in between them.
"Oh my love," the Dwarven king said softly, watching over his husband and their boy. "We always have been."
A/N: practise contractions are more commonly known as Braxton-Hicks contractions, by the by. I'm currently writing a sequel to this fic, centering Kíli and Tauriel.
Âzyungel = love of all loves (Khuzdul)
Ghivashel = treasure of all treasures (Khuzdul)
Meleth nín = my love (Sindarin)