Disclaimer: I do not own Don Quixote or any of the elements of his story.
It was a brisk fall day, and the brave knight errant known as Don Quixote rode through the leaf-covered trail in a grand search to find his Lady Dulcinea. His squire Sancho followed close behind, wondering what adventures his master's inventive mind will throw at them today.
"Where're we off to, eh?" asked Sancho.
"This road," said Don Quixote, "leads to the faraway town of Traumwelt, where we will rest our steeds for the night." This answer seemed to satisfy Sancho, and the two men continued on their path. Their journey lasted the entire day, and around dusk they finally reached their destination.
Don Quixote looked upon the village and saw splendid mansions, people dressed in fine silk and satin, and beautiful horses fit for kings. In fact, he saw the king; he was a jolly looking man, riding a magnificent black horse towards the largest and most splendid mansion in Traumwelt.
"Sancho, come look at this most magnificent place! You an tell that wealth is very abundant here!" exclaimed Don Quixote. Sancho looked. The sight that met his eyes was that of filthy huts, peasants dressed in burlap fabric, and malnourished donkeys that could barely move. He also saw a fat man hurrying toward his home with stolen goods in his meaty hands.
"What do you mean, master?" he asked, "All I see is a filthy, stinking wretch of a town."
"Oh, Sancho, " Don Quixote sighed," your mind is so distracted by the memory of your homeland that it cannot comprehend the elegance that is seen here. I pity you." The two men rode to the center of town, where a celebration was taking place. There was merriment in all of the townspeople's faces, and laughter and singing could be heard in every voice. The folks were throwing logs left and right, making an enormous pile that reached the sky. Don Quixote went to the nearest participant, a butcher who looked like he had just finished gutting a pig.
"Grand nobleman," the knight said, "My name is Don Quixote, a knight errant from La Mancha. What is it that makes you celebrate so passionately?"
The butcher, after looking around in confusion, pointed to himself and asked, "Are you talking to me?"
Why of course I am!" replied Don Quixote, "Who but a fine nobleman would wear such handsome clothes made of silk?" The butcher looked down at his torn and bloodstained clothes. 'This Don Quixote guy is crazy,' he thought. Aloud he exclaimed, "We're celebrating the birth of that guy's daughter!" He pointed at the fat man who was just moments ago stealing food.
Don Quixote started, "You mean your king has a newborn child? This is indeed a time to celebrate!" He turned to Sancho and said, "Sancho, we will take part in this most joyous activity! This will surely win favor with their king!" Meanwhile, the butcher was looking at Don Quixote as if he had grown another ear. Seeing his bewildered expression, Sancho hurried over to the man and whispered in his ear, "My master is a little lost in his mind, but don't worry, he can't do any harm. Just go with it and everything will be fine." The man nodded in understanding, and turned back to Don Quixote.
"Well, knight errant, we townspeople are honored that you are joining our humble gathering to pay respect to our king." With that, the butcher led Don Quixote to the center of the gathering. He also grabbed the fat guy, whose name was David, and exclaimed to all his neighbors, "Hey, you all! This knight here wants to join the celebration in honor of our king!" He gestured toward David, who was now holding his newborn girl. He smiled sheepishly as the folks started to cheer. Don Quixote looked around, happy to be a part of the celebration. At the same time, unbeknownst to him, the villagers started the bonfire.
Don Quixote started at the sight of the figure, a large bird with gleaming red feathers. Its sharp beak was a bright yellow, and its tail feathers a deep, enchanting gold. For the first time in his life, Don Quixote encountered a phoenix.
The phoenix reared its massive head and dealt Don Quixote several blows before he could pull out his sword. Finally, Don Quixote managed to free it and rushed at the beast. "Back!" he wailed, "Return from whence you came, you devil bird!" With three mighty swings of his sword, Don Quixote hacked off the phoenix's magnificent tail feathers.
Meanwhile, the townspeople were looking at Don Quixote, dumbfounded. Why was this man attacking the flames from their bonfire? Finally, they decided to smother the flames with dirt, hoping it wold calm the old man.
Distraught of the loss of its source of beauty, the phoenix set itself aflame, and was reduced to ashes. Triumphantly, Don Quixote turned to the townspeople and said, "Good noblemen and noblewomen, your town is saved! For I, Don Quixote of La Mancha, have vanquished the dreaded phoenix that threatened to destroy your homes!" He waited for the cheering of grateful citizens, but instead got a very loud silence.
Confused, he looked at Sancho and said, "Are they unhappy that I saved this place? Why are they not celebrating in gratitude?"
As a reply, Sancho yelled to the people, "Hey! Don Quixote had just saved your village from a catastrophe! Is there no one here who will show their appreciation?" Sancho looked around. Slowly, a drunken vendor stood up. In her hands were rotten tomatoes and squash.
As she threw the rancid fruit, she yelled, "Here's my appreciation!" The tomato landed on Don Quixote's face, while the squash banged against his brass armor. The rest of the town mimicked her, adding their own unique insults as the fruit went flying. As they dodged the rotten food, Don Quixote said to Sancho, "Come, let us leave this place; the noblemen and women are behaving like barbarians.
As he and Sancho rode away from them, Don Quixote yelled back to the town, "If your behavior continues like this, your beautiful city will turn into a slum!" With that, Don Quixote left the dirty, stinking town of Traumwelt.
OK, so it wasn't that good. But I wrote it four years ago! I'm much better now, go read my story, The Coming of Frankenstein's Bride, if you need proof (That story is only 6 months old!) Tell me what you think please!