TRIGGER WARNING: Depression and talk of suicide
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or Orphan Black. Just the story that was written.
…
Beth left this world with only one person on her mind. The same person's name was spoken with her dying breath. The same person Beth had fallen in love with within a matter of weeks after meeting them. Her first true love. Her last. Alison.
It was wrong to love her. She knew that. Alison knew that. For starters, they were composed of the same genetic material. Their relationship was pushing along the borders of incest. Not to mention how narcissistic they felt. They practically fell in love with themselves, but they were so different. Alison was cheery and suburbanized and her personality clashed with Beth's mysterious and dark one. Maybe that is why they fell so hard and so fast for each other. Maybe the saying is true. Opposites attract.
Another obstacle was the fact that Alison was married and had two children. Beth didn't want to be the homewrecker and Alison didn't want her kids to grown up with divorced parents. Every time Beth would come over whenever Donnie worked at night and the kids were away, Alison would tell her that it was the last time. She never meant it. She could never stop seeing Beth no matter how hard she tried.
The thing is, Beth left the Earth with thoughts of Alison, but she left Alison on Earth with thoughts of Beth. Day in and day out. She would lay in bed and live in her memories.
"I'm sorry about your friend."
Alison would cringe at the word. Friend. Donnie didn't know. She didn't blame him for Beth, but that didn't stop her from screaming at him to get out of the room and to leave her alone. He would leave like a sad puppy with his tail between his legs, but he left nonetheless.
She had a feeling he knew that 'her friend' wasn't just 'her friend' but he never said anything about it. Alison never told him about Beth, not even her name. He knew nothing about their relationship or the way Beth would sleep in his spot, holding Alison at night while he was at work. Or the way they would fuck in the bed that he slept in or the couch he sat on. He didn't know that Beth's favorite coffee cup was the one he used to bring Alison some water in hopes she would drink it in her empty state. She wouldn't.
He probably knew, Alison decided. That didn't stop him from bringing her lunch and dinner and snack that she rarely touched. That didn't stop him from bringing new tissue boxes into their room or collecting the used ones and throwing them in the trash. It didn't stop him from carrying Alison into the bathtub and gently cleaning her as she cried silently into her knees. It didn't stop him from dressing her and carrying her back to bed to tuck her in under the faux fur blanket that Beth loved to wrap around them (he didn't know about that either).
Sometimes Gemma and Oscar (mostly Gemma because Oscar didn't like emotional stuff, especially with his mom) would come in and lay with her. They never said anything or asked questions. Alison assumed Donnie had told them something along the lines of 'mommy's having a hard time right now' or 'mommy just lost someone very important to her so we have to be easy on her for a while'. She knew him well enough to know he would sugar coat it because mommy wasn't having 'a hard time' she was dying inside. Mommy didn't lose someone very important to her, she lost the love of her life. But she wouldn't tell him that.
Gemma would always curl up under Alison's arms and cuddle into her chest, her little curls tickling her chin. Her slow breathing on her neck would help Alison come back to earth for only a few minutes at the least. Alison would try to hold back her tears and stay strong for her daughter but she would always fail and end up crying into Gemma's hair and her daughter would repeat the words 'I love you' to her broken mother. It made Alison feel like a horrible mother. Her 8 year old daughter was comforting and trying to take care of her. How fucked up was that?
Gemma would either fall asleep or leave the room and Alison would slip back into her memories of her lover. The silkyness of her brown hair that fell longer than her own. The soft ridge of the scar behind her ear and down the back of her neck. The smooth skin on her body and face and the plush softness of her lips on her own. Alison would get lost in the daydreams of kissing Beth again and touching her or simply just holding her. What she wouldn't do to just hold Beth again.
Alison would lay in bed and try to figure out what she did wrong and how she could've missed the signs. She would wonder how Beth ended up underneath that train and she didn't do anything to stop it. She wondered what she could've done- what she would've done if she would've seen it. If she would've known.
How would she have stopped her? What would she have said to talk her out of it? What was going through Beth's head? How could she leave her alone like this? Is this what Beth felt like? Was she in this much pain and agony? How could she miss it? How did she not see? She was too late.
"Alison, a friend is here for you. She says her name is Cosima."
Alison's heart constricted. Cosima. Cosima was the only one who knew about them, about their relationship. She never told her, Cosima just kinda figured it out. Must have been her lesbian gaydar. The mother couldn't even bring herself to care that Cosima was here and could totally expose them all. She just didn't care about anything anymore.
"I'll send her up."
Alison didn't reply. She hadn't spoken since last week when a coroner called her and said this was that last number that Beth had called and he wanted her to come identify the body. Alison hung up after that and fell into a slump. She knew it was true. She had had a gut feeling something had happened to her ever since she wouldn't answer her calls earlier that afternoon.
She heard the door to her room open a few minutes later and the bed dipped down under the weight of someone else. She closed her eyes and pretended it was Beth for a few moments. A cold hand landed on her arm and turned her into her back. She opened her eyes and she met Cosima's. They held a sad glint in her eyes and it reminded her something. She wasn't the only one who had lost Beth.
"I'm so sorry."
Cosima's voice was shaky and uneven and Alison just stared at the scientist. Cosima looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept in days and she had been crying for most of them. A sudden wave of guilt washed over her for not answering any of Cosima's calls.
"She's gone."
They came out gravelly and hoarse but they filled the silence of the room. The first words she had spoken in 9 days. The words seemed to send a flood of tears to her eyes and a broken sob escaped her lips. She rolled over into Cosima lap and sobbed into her thighs.
Everything that had been numb to her was now coming to life and overloading her senses. Her body buzzed in weakness and her stomach cried for food as it had been deprived for too long. Her head pounded in rhythm with her aching heart. Alison felt nauseas and Cosima's hands running through her hair felt colder than before.
Before she knew it, Cosima had left and gone home. Her body was the numbest it had ever been and then she felt nothing. Not even the buzz of her blood inside of her. It was all black and nothing. Suddenly, she was hit with unbearable white and warmth. Then she saw her.
She sat on the couch with the faux fur blanket on her lap, the coffee mug in her hand, and the spot on the couch ready for Alison. She was right in front of her and she couldn't breathe.
"You shouldn't be here, Ali."
Despite her disapproval, she sat her coffee on the end table and lifted the blanket to accommodate room for Alison. The brunette stared in complete shock. Her body felt like it was on a wonderful high and her eyes glowed a radiance of pure joy. She rushed over and instantly pulled the other's lips to her own, cuddling into her body.
And just as Beth left this world with only one person on her mind. The same person's name spoken with her dying breath. The same person Beth had fallen in love with within a matter of weeks after meeting them. Her first true love. Her last. Alison did the same. Her final words on Earth were of the love of her life. Beth.