I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's tired of those two words. He knows that she's sorry. But it doesn't help, it doesn't make it hurt less. Nothing can make it hurt less. Nothing.
"You okay?"
He turns. It's Caroline. She's not smiling. She knows.
"No" he answers because he isn't.
"Maybe you shouldn't drink that" she says, gesturing at the glass in his hand.
He shrugs and puts it down on the table. He's drunk enough anyway. The world is vague and dim, but the pain is real.
"How do you feel?" she asks.
Caroline. Darling Caroline with her blonde locks and blue eyes. She's too naïve for this kind of pain.
"I feel like dying."
Her face contracts, like she feels the pain too.
"I'm sorry" she whispers.
He wants people to stop saying that. He knows that she's sorry too, even though this isn't her fault.
"I'm always the good guy" he says. "I loved her, I never hurt her. And still… And still, she chose Damon."
"I know."
"And this isn't like Katherine all over again, this is worse."
He feels Caroline's arms around him. She is warm, he is cold. She smells good, he smells like scotch and tears.
"I'm so sorry" she whispers.
"Me too" he exhales and then he kisses her.
Kissing Caroline isn't like kissing Elena. Kissing Elena was all about being careful and loving and tender. Kissing Caroline is rough and passionate. He doesn't have to be scared of hurting her. He lets his teeth scrape against her lips, hears to whimper when he holds her too tight.
"This isn't right" she whispers.
"Nothing is right."
He kisses her again. This eases the pain. This, kissing and holding Caroline, makes it hurt less.
"You're upset" she says.
"Yes."
She doesn't try to leave his grip so he kisses her again. Darling Caroline. Wonderful, beautiful Caroline.
"Stefan, this isn't right" she repeats.
And this time she tries to escape his arms. She isn't drunk, so she manages it. He slumps down on the couch.
"Why not?" he complains. "It wouldn't hurt anyone."
"Not like this" she says.
"What?"
"Not like this. Not when you're drunk and pissed and still in love with my best friend. Not like this."
"Why not?" he asks.
"Because it would break my heart."
And she leaves. And it's then that Stefan realizes that Caroline maybe can understand the pain he is feeling. Maybe she isn't too naïve. Maybe she too loves someone who loves someone else. Someone who will never love her back.