Because It Was Love
From me, the one who love you so badly,
For my beloved Cuarta Espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer.
-Kuchiki Rukia-
We won.
Yes, we had won it.
We had won the hard and rough battle on Las Noches, and we managed to bring Orihime back with us. Nobody from our side was dead. Everybody got back to The Material World in joy and in one piece. That was great, wasn't it?
Ichigo was happy that he could save Orihime. Orihime was happy because her carrot-top Prince Charming had saved her from the hands of the traitor, Sousuke Aizen. Renji, Ishida, and the other were happy as well.
Everyone was happy. So, I should be happy as well, shouldn't I?
Yes, I should. We won, after all.
But here I was, sitting on the edge of my room's window, staring blankly at the twinkling stars above. I was sad. Oh yeah, I was sad. Why? Simply. It was because I had gained the worst wound in the world. It made my chest aches, it made my heart sore, it made me felt that I wasn't whole anymore. Do you know what kind of wound was it?
It was a wound that no medicine could heal it, nor could the kidou. The wound you would feel if you lost someone who was so precious for you; someone you loved with all you had.
And yes, I had lost that 'someone'. I lost him, as the exchange to save my friend. Ironic, wasn't it? Truth to be told, I felt like I was going to die right the time when Ichigo told me that he had killed him. My own friend, Kurosaki Ichigo, had killed him; the one that I loved secretly.
Oh, just if he knew how I felt that time. It was ashamed that I felt these kinds of feelings toward my own friend. I felt the hatred, the grudge, and the sadness spread inside me. They infected me so quickly; like a virus. They took me down to the darkest pit of hell called loneliness.
Why?
Why you had to kill him? Why, Ichigo? Was that the way you show your superiority to him? Killing him with no mercy. Had you ever imagine how the one who loved him would feel? I bet you hadn't. And I was 100% sure that you even thought that he had no one who loved him, right? Oh, how wrong you were, Ichigo. Here she was, the pitiful soul that loved him so badly, sitting on the edge of a window in a form known as Kuchiki Rukia.
Still staring blankly at the stars, I felt a drop of hot liquid dropped from my eye onto my lap. And soon, another drops, forming two tears line streaming on my cheeks, followed the first one. I was crying, again. Since the day we got back from Las Noches, I always cried in the middle of the silent night. It couldn't be helped, I guess. I just lost him.
Yes, I lost him.
From now, I couldn't see his beautiful eyes again, those deep-green, emerald-like eyes. I couldn't hear his voice again, his deep and melancholic voice. And I hated those facts. I hated the reality that he had gone. Ulquiorra Schiffer had gone. He had been killed by my own friend's very hand.
Sobbing hardly, I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly.
I hated night. Why there had to be a night? Couldn't it just be a morning or a day forever? I hated the night, because it reminded me for Las Noches, the place where he had been created, where he lived once. And now, he wasn't there anymore. He was nowhere to find now….
Nowhere….
How ironic and silly. My love would never been accepted nor been rejected, because I had no chance to confess it to him. At the first time when I realized these feelings I held for him, I was refused to admit it, I denied it. He was my enemy; I should hate him after all. And the time when I finally admitted that I had fall for the green-eyed Espada, I had no brave to confess it to him; I was too afraid to be rejected—which I was sure I would be. But now, I regretted it, I regretted that I had never tell him those three, simple words: 'I love you'.
Maybe…
Just maybe… if I had told you about my feelings to you and had been rejected by you yourself, maybe I wouldn't be so sad like this?
No.
I think I still would be as sad as I was now.
I sighed between my sobs. Why it had turned out like this? Why it had to be you Ulquiorra? Why the one that I loved had to be you? Couldn't it be another man? Why I had to be head over heels for an arrancar like you, Ulquiorra?
Chuckling to my self, I wiped my tears and stared again at the stars above me. I was so stupid to ask so many 'why's, wasn't I? After all, the reason was simply: because it was love. And love being love, was indeed blind. You couldn't pick for whom you would fall for, you couldn't pick the time and the result of it either. You just simply trapped in its wave and couldn't escape from its snare. All you could do were just following its guidance and enjoying its spells.
And even me, a shinigami, not just a mere human being, still could be hypnotized by the spells of love. And he was the one who caused it all. He, Ulquiorra, was the wizard, the devil who had spelled me, taking me down to his feet and giving up for his every move.
Though everything had turned out to be so painful and bitter like this, but I still couldn't erase it. I simply couldn't erase these feelings I kept for him. Yes, I, Kuchiki Rukia, just simply couldn't stop loving him, though I knew he was dead, and even if he were still alive, he still wouldn't accept my love.
Sighing once again, I rested my head on the glassy window, enjoying the cold sensation that touched me when I did so. I liked this sensation, so cold, yet so comforting, like his presence. Ulquiorra was always cold, but however I still found his presence was comforting for me.
Suddenly, I found a hope, a single light in the darkness: he might be reborn. Yeah, maybe, Ulquiorra's soul would be reborn somewhere on The Material World. And maybe, I still had a chance to meet him again. Silently, I promised to myself, once I met him, I would definitely tell him about my feelings to him. Yes, I would.
I blinked my eyes, wondering to myself. Why could I become so positive and so sure like this? After all, I was very hopeless and very sad just a moment ago, right?
Then again, I found the reason was simple: because I loved him. And somehow, love would bring a hope for you.
I smiled to myself.
Love…. How strange it was….
Love, was indeed blind.
Love, sometimes, could bring you down.
But love, would bring the hope back to you at the same time.
And a true love would always remain.
Yes, it would remain forever in your heart, just like my love for him, a forbidden love, a love that shouldn't exist. For logic's sake, it was fool to fall for your very enemy.
But then again, love being love, could play any logic at its will.
Because it was indeed love, right, Ulquiorra?
--THE END--
A/N: I know it was a very, very strange, short, dark, and what-the-hell fanfiction of mine. And I apologize for any mistakes, grammars/tenses/spellings error that I made. I just get into a very, very sad mood after I heard from my friend that Ulquiorra is dead (yeah, I'm just too lazy to read the manga online =.=). That's why I decided to write this fanfiction: to express my own feeling.
Disclaimer: everything from BLEACH belongs to Tite Kubo-sensei. Though I do hope I own Ulquiorra so that he doesn't have to die… T.T
P.S: maybe I should send a cursed letter to Kubo-sensei because he had killed Ulquiorra…. What do you think? ;)
Anyway, thanks for reading and don't forget to review!