Marissa let out a gasp of relief and a short but sweet smile directed at Jonathon who had suddenly stopped running his fingers through her hair laden with sweat. But his gaze was focused elsewhere. Marissa followed his gaze over to a huddle of midwife's all desperately trying to save her new-born. Desperately Marissa turned to Jonathon in a state of panic, his head was lowered and his eyes were fighting back the tears. She ripped the wires attached to her and stumbled over to where the chaos was unfolding only to be confronted with a midwife trying to console her. One of the midwife's began to announce the words no one wanted to hear "Time of death…". Marissa let out a long and painful cry as this was not the first time her baby had died during birth, in fact this was the 4th time.
"I want to see her," Marissa mumbled whilst wiping away tears. It seemed the more she said it, the more it made sense. "Let me see her!" Marissa battled with useless doctors.
"Honey… Maybe that's not such a good idea," admitted her fiancée.
Marissa let her mouth gape open, her words refused to form. Her anger began to build and soon began to bleed from her lips.
"How could you say such a thing? Our baby has just died and you don't even want to pay your respects, that little girl would of called you dad! How can you not feel the urge to say goodbye to our last chance at happiness Jono?"
Jonathon waved his hand as a dismissal and left the room with Marissa's words still lingering on his skin. He needed to get away. Anywhere, just away from that hospital, away from Marissa, away from his dead child's body. He slumped himself into the beaten up Volvo the couple had taken out a loan to buy, he threw his head back in a desperate fashion and hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. Outside the rain lashed down, like bullets hitting the roof. Lightning lit up the sky like a firework display. Jono looked around the car with a blurred vision, he focused on the baby carrier placed on the back seat next to a cardboard box full of what would have been little lily-may's first baby-grow's, rattle toy, teddy and a whole heap of other sundries. Jono flew into a rage, ripping the baby carrier from its seatbelt struggling in the process, tipping the contents of the cardboard box around the car's interior until he gently settled back into the driver's seat. He began to cry, softly at first but his light tears soon became waterfall's streaming down his cheeks, leaving salt remains in his pores. Jono reached out and grabbed the tiny teddy; he pressed its soft material to his face and cried harder. He pulled out a bottle of scotch from the glove box, and then began to pull out of the parking lot…
Marissa heard the news first from a counsellor who worked at the hospital. At first she didn't believe it, she was convinced it was all just some kind of sick joke but it wasn't. Her hands began to shake first, and then it spread like black plague through her body. She fell to the floor where she hugged her knees and gently rocked in time with her sobs. For not only did she lose her child yesterday but she also lost her soon-to-be-husband. Their beloved car was found in a ditch just off a country lane a few miles from the hospital, Jono's body crushed in the wreckage. The policed claimed he must have just lost control, but Marissa knew about Jono's old friend; Alcohol. He turned to it whenever a problem occurred, the death of his child being an appropriate one.
The counsellor left the room soon after she had given the news. Marissa began to stare around the yellow room, just as Jono had. She flew into a rage, knocking over bunches of flowers their vases smashing on the floor, she tore up dozens of sympathy cards until she found herself sat starring at a full bottle of white pill's, their lid unscrewed and lying on the cabinet. Hands shaking she grabbed the bottle and began to shovel pills into her mouth, they spilled out the sides and bounced onto the floor. But she had already swallowed enough; she fell to the floor amongst the shattered glass, torn cards and empty pill bottle. Slowly her body began to shut down, her liver was first, then her brain began to lose all thought, her vision became blurred and slowly fizzled out. All that was left was her hearing. The gentle buzz of silence became louder in Marissa's ears. Doctor's voices were suddenly all around her, coming from different angles, shouting different things at each other.
When Marissa awoke 2 weeks later in her hospital bed, she felt disappointment flood through her. Disappointed that she did not die, disappointed that she will no longer be in her beautiful fiancée's company, disappointed that she never got the chance to meet her own baby girl, disappointed that she no longer had anything to live for.