AN: Hello all! This is my very first fanfiction attempt. Please be kind. I'd be flattered if you take the time to read and review. See my Author's Notes at the end of the story for more info. The title for this fic was chosen from a song title by a band called Covenant. It felt like it suited the sad/angsty-ness of the story. I actually chose the title from the song after I'd already finished writing this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! as it belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. All the characters mentioned within this story belong to Takahashi. I make no money off this fanfiction whatsoever.
Warnings: Implied Yaoi (don't like it don't read it!): Scandalshipping & Rivalshipping, angst, AU, rating this a little higher than I think I have to just in case...
I had offered once to let him use my body. Of course he turned me down. It was the one and only time I can remember feeling him lock himself away into his soul room to avoid the temptation. It wasn't like I didn't let him have free control before. We shared my body pretty evenly. Considering the circumstances I bet a lot of people would have thought I was crazy to just let someone else take control of my body. After all it was my face they were seeing do things when I let him take over. I was the only one who saw the taller, older looking duplicate of myself but to others I still looked and sounded like short little Yuugi. I was the only one who could actually hear the change in my voice as he spoke when in control, probably because I'd heard his voice in my head so many times before. I was also the only one who could see the spirit body he manifested in order to speak with me "face to face". But we had formed this trust; more like a deep understanding and a silent unspoken promise that he wouldn't do anything he knew I would be uncomfortable with. After that fiasco on the rooftop before the finals at Duelest Kingdom he was much more careful.
"It's alright," I had insisted. Being trapped within the sennen puzzle for three-thousand years had to have been torture for him. There was no human contact for him all that time. So what if it was a little embarrassing (okay very embarrassing) to be offering him the chance I knew he needed to get what he so deserved? Technically the deal wasn't entirely one sided. I was crushing pretty hard myself so my motives weren't all that pure.
I distinctly remember that look he'd given me as I continued to insist. At one point I had even sat outside his soul room all night insisting I wouldn't go away until he caved. My Yami wasn't the only one who could be determinedly stubborn.
The look I'd seen in his eyes when the door finally opened was unnerving. Very few things got to him like my proposal apparently had.
"Aibou." I couldn't help but to smile a little and close my eyes with just a faint tilt to my head as I listened to his deep voice reverberate throughout the hall as he said that nick name. His sigh was what brought me back to my senses. "It wouldn't be right. I appreciate being able to feel real life again when you allow me control, but this..." He drew back away from the open door and turned his crimson eyes away from my face.
As he let the thought trail off I finally stood and slipped my way past him to stand within his soul room. While the confusing stairways, doors, and dark corridors had remained I knew my way around now. We both did. Things had been different since his memories had returned. Actually, it wasn't just here that things were different. It was then that I'd realized something else had changed. Instead of the open floor with the surrounding staircase and door riddled walls there was a stone tablet sitting in the center. A knowing smile touched my lips as I couldn't help but to revel in knowing I was slowly getting to him.
"It's not what it looks like." It was his turn to have his voice take on an insistent tone.
"It's exactly what it looks like, Yami." I grinned.
He made a deep little huff in the back of his throat as his arms crossed. It was a cross between a steady sigh and a vibrating hum. That was his way of acknowledging I was right without having to actually confess in words. It only made my smile widen even more. "Now you sound just like him," I mused.
Crimson met my own violet gaze and the serious look he'd had slipped away as I knew only my smile could do for him. There was this sad, tiny little tug at the corners of his mouth as he looked away from me and back to the stone tablet. Ever since we had given the sennen rod back to it's rightful owner my other half just couldn't stop thinking about our supposed rival.
Well I supposed he was, at least partially. I only thought of Kaiba Seto as a friend. He would never admit to it but somehow he just kept running into our little circle of friends. However reluctantly he felt about the subject his little brother loved us. We were able to see Mokuba quite often because of it. It's completely unrealistic of me to think that Seto enjoyed the company of the others. Part of me just couldn't help but to think he would miss that antagonistic atmosphere in his life if we suddenly weren't around. However, he regarded me entirely different from the others.
He saw us as rivals. I was someone who had knocked him down a notch and he wouldn't rest until he was back up on his perch. But it wasn't actually me he had the rivalry with. I always let Yami take over when I had really serious duels. Although we worked as a team I knew it meant a lot to him to play the game. It was him who was the real King of Games after all. From the first time we had dueled Kaiba I could tell Yami would always want to be in control for those battles. I let him. It made him happy. Okay, the first time maybe not so much and that rooftop battle on Pegasus' castle he had almost gone too far but I know deep within my heart he really hadn't wanted to hurt Seto. Regardless it was these duels that kept Seto coming back. Battle City, while initially being Isis' plan, had been his way of forcing Yami into dueling him again. The Egyptian God cards had been his focus too but I knew even without those cards as incentives he would have created the tournament just for the chance to reclaim his 'honor'.
Personally I never thought he had lost it. Yet he and Yami just couldn't seem to get enough of each other. They were the ones with the rivalry. I was just a spectator. But I did have my own reasons for wanting to go along with it. The more I got to know of him the more I realized just how much I liked the real Kaiba Seto.
What wasn't there to like? He was fiercely loyal to his brother. Seto's entire childhood had been thrown aside in his attempt to make sure Mokuba had everything he could ever need or want. Once I knew the lengths to which Seto had gone to give his brother a better existence I knew he wasn't the cold hearted bastard he tried to portray himself as. I mean how could anyone honestly believe that facade when Mokuba tagged along with him everywhere and always looked at Seto with such unyielding love and devotion? There weren't just looks either. Mokuba was very vocal in his affections for his big brother.
Yami saw this change in my thinking. He saw where my heart was leading me. This was why he turned down my offer.
"It will only hurt you in the long run, Aibou. And I don't just mean physically." The way he spoke the words was so blunt. It felt like a smack to the face.
Frowning I moved forward so that I could stand out in front of him while also getting a better look at the tablet. Not that I needed to get closer, I'd seen this image a thousand times, but I wanted to make sure he couldn't just ignore me by staring straight ahead and keeping me out of his line of sight.
"Isis said something was different about him, Yami. What if it's not just dreams bringing back old memories from his past life? What if Seth is in there too?"
My words seemed to make him blanch. I know he'd been thinking that very same thing but to hear it aloud was another matter completely. "Wouldn't that mean he followed you?" I continued. "I mean you sealed yourself away to stop Bakura before things got out of hand...to save him and the world. What if Seth sealed himself into the rod and Malik's other self and all that chaos he created awakened his spirit again? Seto did look at you differently the last time he saw us. Maybe Seth wasn't so willing to just accept you were gone."
"So you are referring to him on a first name basis now?" He mused a little over that and a knowing grin wormed it's way onto his face despite his best effort to try and put on that serious air only a Pharaoh could have.
I groaned. "Don't change the subject, Yami. We're talking about you right now. This has nothing to do with me."
"But it has everything to do with you!" He cried out in exasperation. I could feel that tug on the bond we shared and I knew I was really getting to him. If I could only push a little more maybe he would crack and just give in already.
"We don't know if you'll ever get your own body again. What if this is your last chance? And what happens if you decide, should we find a way, not to get your own body and you choose to pass on to the afterlife? Do you really want to leave me behind to explain to Seth that you left him again because you were too afraid of hurting me to take the chance and see for yourself?"
Yami winced and I watched his arms contract in closer to himself as if he were trying to console the ache he was feeling. He had once shared with me the last thing he had seen before his soul had left his body and become trapped inside the puzzle. We cried a lot that night. Turning to walk back to him I pried his arms open and slipped inside their hold. He just wrapped his arms around me and squeezed his eyes shut as I watched and then felt his face bury into my hair.
I could already feel the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes and I squinted to try and keep them at bay. No such luck. Nuzzling my face into his shoulder we just held onto one another for what seemed like hours. The way I felt him shaking I knew he was putting everything he had into not joining me.
"If it isn't him what right do I have to ruin your happiness, Little One? What right have I to ruin your chances with Seto? Part of me fears the rivalry I have with him has lessened those chances too much already."
"For a guy who calls me his Aibou so often you don't really seem to like listening to me very much, even when you know I'm right."
"You know that's not true..."
"I know," I sighed and held him just a bit tighter. "But I don't want to have to end all this losing you and knowing I let you leave me without knowing if you were really happy or not."
Stepping back enough so he could see my face I looked up and felt the pad of his thumb wiping away my tears. I know how much it drives him crazy to see me upset, especially if he was the cause of it. I tried to give him a smile but it was a weak one at best. I finally let him go so I could also reach up and gently wipe my fingers across his eye lashes. They were so moist that the contact made the excess spill over and down his cheeks before I could successfully brush it all away.
"At least if you won't let me do this for you this time let me share in your pain. You're not the only one who's pining." My words seemed to have broken through at last. It wasn't what I had originally been hoping for but it was good enough for now. Maybe I could ease his suffering a little.
"Alright, hikari. Just don't expect me to take over for you in class tomorrow if you fall asleep. I'm horrible at this new educational system."
I laughed a little, the sound coming out choked at first as a hiccup lodged itself in my throat. I nodded and let him lead me by the hand across the room to a staircase. We were heading for his 'bedroom' where it would be more comfortable for him to share his pain with me. Little did I realize how much I would need that alleviation of tension.
What I remember from the rest of that night was a feeling so deep it had me rattled for weeks. I wasn't the perky little Yuugi my friends knew and loved for a good while. How could I be after feeling such a deep, aching loneliness that had been allowed to build up for three-thousand years? I had cried so hard for the first hour that my only comfort was seeing the tears of my Yami joining mine as our foreheads pressed together and we held a death grip on one another's arms. If the ones we loved couldn't soothe us at least we could comfort each other.
I never let him feel alone ever again after that. I'm not saying I ever let him feel alone in the first place, but I didn't let any chance slip by where I couldn't express or tell him outright just how much he meant to me. While I was struggling trying to keep calm thinking that I could someday lose him, if a time came that I had to let him go, I would be damned if I released him without letting him know how much he was loved. How much he was needed. But most of all I wanted to let him know that I cared. That someone cared.
We are about as close as anyone could be without being lovers.
I just hope someday he'll get back what he lost. The Gods have made him suffer too much already.
AN: Thank you so much for reading! Please review! Let me know if you think I left something out in my warnings or my rating.
I want to note that this story is based on an Alternate Universe idea I had and am RPing out with a close friend of mine. Since she hasn't been around the last week (and I'm playing Yami/Atemu and Yuugi for the RP) I've have no where to focus my creative energies and this story popped into my head and demanded to be written. For the purposes of this story you must assume a few things that didn't happen in the English dubbed anime and the manga. Things were written in a vague way so hopefully there wasn't too much confusion.
To clarify the AU this story takes place in involves a different Ancient Egypt scenario. Also in this AU Atemu regains all of his memories relatively early in the timeline when he is joined with Yuugi. I have also not finished watching the Anime (or finished reading the manga) so I have to rely on wikia pages and the like until I'm done re-watching the show (at least). For purposes of this AU I consider Yami and Atemu to be one in the same. I don't want to reveal too much in case I decide to write more stories from this AU and post them here.
I hope you enjoyed it!