Title: Absence
Author: CSIBuckeye
Title: Absence
Author: CSIBuckeye
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I own practically nothing, certainly not these wonderful characters. I borrow for my own enjoyment, no harm intended.
Spoilers: Through Season 7 and small spoiler for upcoming "Leaving Las Vegas"
Notes: Thanks to Starseneyes for the great icon
He closed his book, sat it quietly on his desk and leaned back in his chair to contemplate Sara's remarks. He wasn't really a misanthrope…was he? He certainly wasn't naïve enough to not recognize that he possessed those tendencies, but he didn't really mistrust people, at least, not all of them. In fact, since Sara had become his "better half", he actually expected more out of people. Maybe that was why his disappointment was so severe when people didn't live up to his expectations. Maybe that was why the job was so much more difficult than it used to be. Sara's love had opened him up to both the joys and heartaches of the world. His happiness was infinitely multiplied now that he shared it with Sara, but even that had been an adjustment. And learning to share his feelings and his fears was something that required continual effort. When she had deconstructed the protective wall around his heart, he had found himself ill-equipped to deal with the pain and suffering that he was exposed to on a nightly basis at work. Loving Sara had made him realize how precious and precarious life truly was. Work now only served to remind him that everything and everyone he cared about could be taken from him at anytime. It was a terribly unsettling thought and it made him feel utterly off-balance. He pulled out the letter from Williams College and read it for the umpteenth time. He refolded it and slipped it in his inside jacket pocket as he arose and clicked off his light. He desperately needed to regain his equilibrium, and this would only happen with the help and input of the person who had most rocked his world. Grissom smiled to himself as he glanced at his watch. He knew she would still wait up for him, despite her earlier assertion. She knew the tease was usually all he needed to get him out of his head and into her arms.
As he closed the townhouse door behind him and engaged the deadbolt, he noticed a note taped to the back of the door. He pulled it down and smiled as he read it, amazed at how very perceptive she was.
"'It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak and another to hear'
Henry David Thoreau
I'm waiting to hear what's on your mind and in your heart, whenever you're ready to talk. I love you.
S"
He made his way upstairs and found Sara sitting propped up in bed, freshly showered and reading…Thoreau, of course.
"You said you weren't going to wait up," he teased.
"I lied," she retorted with a smirk.
"I liked your note," he offered as he crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to her.
"Does that mean you're ready to talk?" She asked without a hint of pressure.
He hesitantly reached into his pocket and withdrew the letter. He stared at the piece of paper as if it held the answers to the mysteries of the universe, and in so doing didn't notice Sara studying him over the top of her book.
"I got an offer to teach a seminar," he said simply as he handed her the letter. "Two weeks at Williams College in Massachusetts." He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her.
She perused the letter quickly and then lifted her head to find Grissom still staring at his hands.
"Hey," she said softly to get his attention.
His eyes flicked up to hers as he breathlessly waited for her opinion.
"It sounds great. Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know honey, what do you think?" He tried unsuccessfully to sound noncommittal, but couldn't keep a glimmer of excitement out of his voice.
She smiled broadly and said, "I think you should definitely go! It's just what you need to recharge your batteries. Winter in New England is magnificent and besides…Professor Grissom is one of my favorite fantasies."
He smiled back as he leaned in to kiss her, "Oh really Ms. Sidle?" He pressed his lips tightly to hers and then ran his tongue over them asking for entry. She granted his request immediately as she ran her hands through his hair and pulled him even closer. When the need for oxygen outweighed the need for contact, he reluctantly broke the kiss and looked at her.
"Well Ms. Sidle, I have noticed that the quality of your work hasn't been up to your usual level lately. Do you think you need some private tutoring to master this particular subject?" He teased.
"Mmmmm," she muttered as he focused his attention and his tongue on the sensitive skin along her neck. "You may be right Dr. Grissom. Your personal attention would be greatly appreciated…and rewarded. I'm somewhat inexperienced at this particular subject," she offered.
"The heart is forever inexperienced, Ms. Sidle."
She cocked her head to one side and guessed, "Robert Browning?"
"Thoreau of course," he supplied as he worked his hands under her tee shirt to caress the velvety soft skin of her sides and abdomen. She returned the favor, but with a lot less restraint, as she pulled his shirt and jacket both off over his head abruptly and flung them to parts unknown.
"Patience is a virtue," he teased as he worked her shirt up achingly slowly. He let the soft cotton fabric brush lightly over her breasts and she arched her back in response. As she lifted her body up, he lowered his head quickly to capture a taut nipple in his mouth. She groaned her appreciation and threw her head back as he ministered to her other breast just as intently.
"Ohh Grissom," she moaned.
"Dr. Grissom," he corrected as he slipped his hands under the waistband of her shorts to grasp her ass and pull her down onto her back completely. He shifted his position until he kneeled between her legs, his eyes twinkling as he worked the rest of her clothes off. He ran his calloused hands up the smooth expanse of her legs, tickling and teasing as he went. She writhed and twisted under him, hooking her right leg behind his back to pull him forward onto her body. Their mouths renewed their sensual dance with a fervor they could no longer suppress. Grissom trailed his hand down her lithe body to the wet heat between her legs. She bucked her hips up to increase the pressure there and couldn't control the whimper that escaped her lips.
"Oh Gil…please!" She begged.
"Good things come to those who wait, Ms. Sidle," he promised as he plunged a finger slowly into her folds. She gasped as he established a leisurely rhythm and then added his thumb to tease her sensitive button.
"Gil! Please…now! I need you NOW!" She gasped as she tried to push his pants and boxers down to free his arousal. He stopped only long enough to throw his clothes off and then returned his full attention to the amazingly beautiful woman beneath him. He paused before entering her and kissed her with all the love and desire he possessed.
"God, I love you Sara," he sighed as he pushed slowly into her tightness. His world never felt so right as it did in the instant he joined his body to hers. Their minds and souls merged and melded at times throughout each day. But when their bodies joined as well, he knew deep in his secret places, that he would never be alone again. At this most chaotic and frenzied moment, he knew serenity.
The morning Grissom was due to leave for his seminar; he and Sara lounged in bed. They lay with arms and legs intertwined and Sara's head on his chest. Her hand caressed his stomach and his hand stroked her hair. He was packed and ready to go, but couldn't bring himself to disconnect their embrace. She was the best part of his life and he couldn't imagine not seeing her for the next two weeks. Whenever something interesting happened to him, he couldn't wait to share it with Sara. Not having her at his side would feel wrong; it would feel like…his old life.
"We'd better get you to the airport, huh?" She said interrupting his reflection.
"Sara…I'm going to miss you so much," he sighed.
"It's only for a couple weeks, sweetie. You need to go and find your smile again," she said softly.
"My smile's right here next to me," he replied.
"And I'll still be right here when you get back," she said kissing him tenderly.
The overhead announcement for the last boarding call for flight 179 to Boston reverberated through the hangar. They separated slowly from their embrace and Grissom leaned back in to kiss her quickly.
"I'll call you when I get there Sara. Love you."
"Love you too Gil. Be safe and have a great time off," she replied. She watched him until he passed of sight, then sighed and turned to find herself face to face with Jim Brass.
He smiled, "I didn't want him to head out alone, but I see my concern was… unwarranted."
"Uh…hey Jim," she offered an uncertain smile. "How long…"
"Funny. That's just what I was going to ask you," he said with a smirk. "Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee."
They sat together at a café in the airport. He sipped his drink and she watched the people go by. Brass stared at her, unable to keep the smile off his face. Sara had always felt like a surrogate daughter to him. Something about her brought out his fatherly protective side. He had been worried about her drinking and risk taking a couple years ago, but she had really turned things around in the last year or so. He wondered how much of that was a result of his friend Gil Grissom finally getting his head out of his ass.
"So…are you going to ask or are you just going to stare at me all day?" She muttered without even a glance in his direction.
Brass laughed and said, "Okay, how long have you two been seeing each other? Is it serious? Does anyone else know? Is he treating you right? Are you happy Sara?"
"Geez Brass!" She smiled broadly and replied, "In order of question: about eighteen months, yes it's serious, you're the first one to figure it out, he treats me better than I've ever been treated in my life, and I'm so freakin happy it seems surreal most of the time!"
He smiled back at her and said, "The only one that I really care about is that last one. You deserve some happiness Sara. You both do. I could not be more thrilled about this if you were my very own daughter."
"Thanks Jim, that really means a lot to me…and I know it will to Gil, too. We aren't ready for everyone else to know yet, so can we just keep this between us for now?" She asked hopefully.
"Sure, Sara, no problem," he answered easily. "You know, if you get lonely while he's gone, give me a call and we'll go out for dinner or something, okay?"
"I'd like that a lot. Thank you," she smiled.
When she entered the townhouse later, the silence was deafening. Not that Grissom made a lot of noise, but just knowing he wasn't coming home soon made the solitude oppressive. Once upon a time the calm and quiet wouldn't have been out of the ordinary in her life, but not anymore. Now she relished in sharing her life with Grissom and she had absolutely no desire for a refresher course in loneliness. But this wasn't about them, she knew that. Now that he had finally figured out what he wanted from her, she knew he needed the time to figure out what he wanted from the rest of his life. This was the perfect opportunity for him, but God…it sucked for her.
The cell phone disturbed her ruminations, but she grinned uncontrollably as she answered.
"Sidle," she said as flatly as possible, just in case it wasn't who she was expecting.
"I'm sorry. I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach my girlfriend Sara," he teased.
"Hang on, she's here somewhere," she laughed.
"I'm all checked in at the hotel and wanted to let you know all my contact information in case you need me," he offered.
"Oh, I need you alright, but I don't think your information is going to help me Dr. Grissom."
"How am I going to sleep without you, Sara? I've gotten used to having you in my arms when I go to sleep." He said, trying desperately to keep his voice from sounding like a whine.
"Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I guess we'll have to conduct our own experiment to test that hypothesis. I must warn you though, the next time I see you I may be uncontrollably fond of you!" She laughed.
"Did you see what I left you?" He asked softly.
"What? Where?" She asked in obviously confusion.
"On your pillow," he answered with a smile she could hear in his voice. She walked briskly up the stairs and saw a small wrapped gift sitting on her pillow. She picked it up and guessed 'book' by the weight. She tore open the paper and smiled at the leather bound volume in her hand.
"Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. These are the love sonnets she wrote for Robert," she whispered.
"Very good. I marked one for you, number 43," he said as he began to recite from memory.
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! – and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Good night, Sara. I love you," he whispered.
"You're amazing. I love you too," she answered in a whisper.
And that was how they ended their daily conversations with each other. He regaled her with stories from his lectures, his explorations around the campus and discussions with the other presenters at the seminar. She kept him up to speed on the office gossip, interesting cases they were working on, and new recipes she was trying out on Brass while he was gone. It was rewarding for them to share these talks and to connect each day on an intellectual level, but both were sorely aware of the lack of and longing for the physical connection they usually shared.
As he wrapped up and dismissed his class on the first Friday, he was deluged by people wanting to pick his brain. He leaned on the edge of the table behind the podium and began speaking to them as they formed a somewhat orderly queue. The rest of the classroom emptied slowly and as his first student questioner walked away, he glanced up to address the second. But in the second his eyes flicked up, he caught sight of someone still seated in the back of the auditorium. He stood fully and cocked his head to see around the throng of students in front of him. His mouth gaped and his eyes opened wide as he locked eyes with the brunette of his fantasies. The restless mob around him became silent as they all turned to see what had shocked the good doctor. He brushed his way past them and found himself halfway up the lecture hall before Sara could give him her full smile and stand up from her seat. He closed the remaining distance in a heartbeat and engulfed her in an enormous hug. Everyone else was forgotten. He broke the embrace, pulled back slightly, brought both of his hands to her face and kissed her with a passion that matched the loneliness of every second he had spent without her. Though surprised at his public display, Sara returned the kiss with every fiber of her being.
"Theory proven," he whispered as they broke apart.
She smiled and said, "I'm certainly feeling very fond of you right now, but…we have an audience you know."
He turned quickly to see a mass of smiling faces looking up at him, but he wasn't embarrassed in the least.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to meet one of the most brilliant criminalists I've ever had the honor of working with. This is CSI III, and obviously the love of my life, Sara Sidle."
She smiled at him in surprise, then focused on the group taking her inventory and waved down at them, "Nice to see you all." Then she turned to him and said, "Go answer their questions, I'll be here when you're done."
He returned to the podium and after about thirty five more minutes, had satisfactorily answered all their queries. Sara had made her way down to the front of the class as the crowd dissipated and as the last student left, she wrapped her arms around Grissom's waist.
"So why aren't you at work?" He questioned.
"I'm sorry. I must be in the wrong classroom. I was looking for my boyfriend Gil, not my supervisor Dr. Grissom," she teased.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I just meant how in the world did you manage this? And before you answer, just let me say how incredibly happy I am that you did manage it!" as he wrapped her tightly in his arms.
"Friends in high places," she teased as he raised one questioning eyebrow. "Either Brass got tired of seeing me mope around or got tired of the experimental cooking I was feeding him. Anyway, he pulled some strings, told Ecklie he needed me for some special project this weekend, and got my shifts rearranged. I fly back Sunday morning."
"So I'm a project of yours and Brass', huh? That is a terrifying thought," he laughed.
"I can't believe how much I missed you. It's only been a week for Pete's sake. I mean we went years before, why is it so hard now?" She asked looking up at him.
"Because we're in love now," he answered simply. "I always knew if I ever gave in to your charms I'd never be able to go back. And it's not just that I don't want to, I can't. I could not live my life that way now. You've changed me Sara, and now you're stuck with me."
"Hmmm. Whatever will I do with you?" She smirked.
"Well, I have some ideas I'll run by you on the way to the hotel," he teased as they walked out hand in hand.
"I bet you do," she muttered.
They slept in the next day; Sara's circadian clock still on nights and Grissom's body needing the extra rejuvenation after an incredible night with the woman of his dreams. He awakened slowly to the familiar and reassuring feeling of Sara in his arms. He stroked her skin lightly, so as not to wake her, and thought about what a lucky bastard he was. This time away from her had made him realize how very much he loved her and needed her in his life. But it had also made him realize that hiding his love was not going to be possible anymore. He was no longer willing to waste one second of his life worrying about the consequences of their relationship. The only consequence he cared about was the amazing enrichment she brought to him, and hopefully, he to her. He loved working with Sara, but he knew his love for her was infinitely more important. And he knew his first order of business upon his return would be a serious talk with Ecklie.
"Hey," she muttered, snuggling closer to him.
"Hey yourself, beautiful," he replied. "Sleep well?"
"Best sleep I've had in…oh…about a week I guess," she laughed.
"Let's grab a shower and get dressed. I want to show you some things before you have to go back tomorrow," he gushed.
She laughed at the exuberance in his voice, "You sound like a little kid on Christmas morning!"
"I am Sara. I have opened my eyes to find that Santa brought me every present I ever asked for or ever imagined. And it's all wrapped up in one astonishingly beautiful, intelligent, sexy brunette," he whispered sincerely.
She gazed into his eyes and fought hard to keep the tears from escaping. Her gaze roamed over his face and she realized that he looked almost as young as he sounded. The gray hair and laugh lines remained but the weight that his heart had been carrying was gone.
"You found your smile after all," she sighed with relief.
They spent the day exploring the small shops in Williamstown and enjoying the light snowfall that had blanketed the sleepy town overnight. Though both native Californians, they had lived long enough in cooler climates to appreciate the beauty of winter's snowy majesty.
"I find that snow is the thing I miss the most living in Vegas," she admitted.
"Me too," he sighed as he scooped up a handful.
She raised an eyebrow and fixed him with a mock glare that couldn't quite suppress the smile at the corners of her mouth. "Don't even think about it," she warned.
"Too late, I already formulated a plan," he smiled.
"You better unformulated it if you know what's good for you," she promised as she backed away.
"Obviously I'm pretty slow on the uptake in regards to what's good for me." He smiled sweetly as he fired his snowball into Sara's chest.
She looked down at the snow covering her coat, and then narrowed her eyes as she locked them on Grissom.
"This means WAR you know," as she scooped up some snow.
But before she could form it into a ball she was engulfed from behind by powerful arms and spun around in midair. He nuzzled his cold nose into her warm neck and planted open mouthed kisses there.
"Truce?" He asked softly.
She tilted her head to allow him better access to his target. "Mmmm," she hummed.
"Am I to take that as a tacit agreement to cease and desist all snowball fighting?" He muttered into her neck.
She spun in his arms and brought her mouth to his in a meltingly erotic kiss. She snaked her arms around his neck, crushed her body to his and promptly dumped her handful of snow down the back of his shirt.
"OH!" He jumped back and shook his coat and shirt trying to rid himself of the quickly melting intruder. "I can't believe you did that!" He stammered, "Now I'm freezing."
"I did say it was war. And all's fair in love and war you know. Besides I know just how to warm you up," she teased.
"Promises, promises," he muttered as they headed back to the hotel laughing.
Sara led him into their room, instructed him to remove his wet clothes and meet her in the bathroom. She dug around in her toiletry bag for the items she was looking for, then ran a steaming hot bath and added her favorite lavender oil. She pulled out the two small candles she had brought along and sat them along the edge of the tub before lighting them. She arranged the towels, washcloths and necessities, then stripped off her clothes, turned out the light and sank into the heavenly bath.
"Come on in," she called, "I'm ready."
He pushed the door open slowly, surprised by the almost total darkness and let his eyes adjust. As they accommodated, they fixed on her foot resting on the edge of the tub. His gaze traveled inch by inch up her incredibly long legs as she raised her other foot and sensually caressed it along her bottom leg. The flickering candles threw shadows of light all along her body and he felt himself grow instantly hard.
He licked his lips and swallowed as she asked, "Care to join me?"
She adjusted her position in the tub so he could sit between her legs and lean back onto her chest. He sank into the steamy water and she surrounded him with her limbs and her love. He relaxed back against her as she rested her chin on his shoulder.
"Forgive me?" She whispered.
"It's going to take a little more than a bath for me to be able to forget the trauma you caused. I think I might have frostbite." He teased.
"I better take a look then. Lean forward," she instructed as she soaped up her loofah. She ran her sudsy fingers along his back and sides, feeling his skin ripple in response. "I don't see any signs of frostbite. I think you'll live," she responded as she gently moved the sponge over his broad shoulders and arms. She followed the contours of his spine in a lazy circular pattern until she had caressed every millimeter she could reach. "Turn around," she instructed seductively.
He managed a slow pivot to face her, but they were separated by their legs.
"Hmmm…that's too far away. I can't reach you." She smiled crookedly as she looped her legs around his waist and pulled herself into his lap, his erection pinned between them. "That's much better," she purred.
As she re-soaped her sponge and began her thorough adoration of his chest, every movement served to push him further into his already heightened state of arousal. She wriggled and taunted him by sliding her breasts against his soapy skin and gliding her pelvis along the length of his shaft until he could bear the sweet torture no longer. He moaned, picked her up and impaled her on his throbbing manhood in one swift motion. She cried out and established an urgent rhythm immediately. Neither noticed when the water sloshed over the tub and extinguished the candles, there was plenty of light from the fireworks behind their eyes.
When they had slowed their breathing and regained their senses, they exited the tub and dried each other lovingly. They slipped into robes and crawled under the covers to peruse the room service menu. After ordering their selections, they relaxed contentedly in each others' arms.
"Thank you so much, Sara," he stated with heartfelt and obvious sincerity.
"For which part?" She teased, looking up at him.
"Well…naturally for the mind blowing sex, but I meant for your support through my mid-life crisis."
"As long as you don't buy a convertible and trade me in on a younger woman, you always have my support," she assured him.
"I have no desire to buy a new car and I think the second part is probably illegal in most states," he joked.
She punched him lightly in the arm.
"Really though, thanks for encouraging me to come and do this seminar. And thanks for finding a way to come visit. It's been wonderful to share at least a little of this experience with you," he said kissing her. "I needed it. I needed you."
"My pleasure," she purred at him with a grin.
"Sara, when I get home I'm going to have it out with Ecklie. I'm going to tell him about us and let him know in no uncertain terms that either he accept it or he'll have my resignation," he said calmly.
She stared at him, completely stunned. "Gil…are you sure…"
He stopped her with a well placed finger to her lips. "I've never been surer about anything in my life. I really don't think he wants to lose me, no matter how much he dislikes me personally. I'm too big a feather in the lab's cap. But I'm also going to tell him that I want to cut back my hours. I'm going to recommend Catherine take over all supervisory duties and I go to part time CSI III."
She continued to stare at him with a dumbfounded look on her face, but let him continue.
"I want to explore my options in teaching or free-lance consulting, but mostly I just want to live my life…with you," he finished.
"What if Ecklie calls your bluff, Gil?" She asked quietly.
"It's not a bluff, Sara. I could walk away from the lab tomorrow with no regrets. I have friends there, but I know I'll still see them. I'd miss working with you, but you are now a permanent fixture in my life, so I wouldn't miss out on seeing you either. I'd miss the thrill of working the puzzles, but you are enough of a mystery to keep me busy for the rest of my life. As long as I have you Sara, everything else is icing on the cake. I know that now," he admitted.
She shook her head slowly and smiled. "I see you've been giving this a little thought," she teased. "Gil, I love you, and the only thing I want in this life is your happiness. Do whatever you need to, honey, I'm behind you one hundred percent."
He pulled her to him into a passionate kiss, but it was interrupted too soon by a knock at the door. "Room service," a voice called from the hall.
After tipping the young man at the door, Grissom carried the tray into the sitting area and set up a picnic for the two of them. They shared bites and continued their discussion into the night. As they started to doze off, Sara posed one final question.
"If all goes well with Ecklie, how are we going to let the guys in on our little secret?"
"I don't know," he responded, "…but we'll have to think of something good."
To be Continued