Dear those who care, follow/have 'favourited' me or know me.

I do not have writer's block. I've loads of ideas for fanfictions, but not for any that I am currently writing (other than Blue Silence).

But this isn't the main highlight.

I'm struggling to maintain a social life (not that I have one - most of my friends don't give a fuck about me, and those that do I don't see often for differing reasons), write fanfiction, try to write First Blood, get an education, go to Church Youth on Sunday, make sure my parents don't get shitty with me for different reasons, not worry about terrorists (seriously. I am an extreme worrier. When Dad wasn't home and the door was locked - usually is - and he took ages and the dog was there, I was worrying he'd been killed or kidnapped), try to not beat up anyone, contain my anger, contain my sorrow, smile, not storm out of class and more that I can't be bothered to list.

I have gotten addicted to depression quizzes at least twice, have taken a few anxiety quizzes and a couple paranoia quizzes.

Guess what. They said 'severe depression', 'moderate anxiety' and said I may have paranoia. I took the NHS quiz, and it agreed with the aforementioned results.

I almost had a cigarette - I wasn't able to have one because my 'friend' said she wasn't able to get any. Bullshit.

I have overwhelming desires to self harm and have considered suicide. I feel weak for not doing it. I feel weak if I don't do certain things.

I'm realising how crap my primary school (English kid here, how do you do America/other countries I can't be arsed to mention?) was - they did bullshit to help me with my anger, one of the teachers bullied me by calling me (last name)ege. The boys noticed this annoyed me, and called me it for ages - they still do roughly three years on.

And because I made a YouTube channel, I was pretty much mocked by one of my favourite Year 6 teachers (and laughed at by the year group AND the three teachers), and my teacher pretty much gave me atelophobia (search it up).

Of course, such a past has affected me in a negative way - I tend to be more violent, sensitive and depressed. I'm scared to tell my friend (who's popular, pretty and tall - you'd be surprised at the effect that has on people) that I don't want to be friends with her. This is because if I do, I worry she'll spread rumours about me, and then life will get worse.

My Nan, who has dementia, is getting worse - last week, she said to my mother and I, "Who should I shoot first?" She then, this week, got shitty with me while I was showering and threatened to give me a black eye. She's also being somewhat racist to one of her nurses, who is German, and, as a result, from Monday, we aren't going to see that nurse again. And she's one of the nicest people I've met.

I can't sleep anymore - the best I've had was roughly the average, and that's really rare for me. Mostly I get five, four or three hours sleep.

At least once a fortnight, I get no sleep one night.

Hm.

So yeah, to keep within the rules, adding a short story.

Where I Stand

I hoped they hoped for our safe return - I say 'our' for I am not alone; Neuro, Cole, Karloff and Gravis came with me on this mission - and, despite all that happened, with every step which (seemed to, not actually) lead us down the path of certain death, though I knew this was false.

Trust me when I tell you that we five were lucky - Ash, Jacob, Clouse (believe it or not, he had redeemed himself, he'd become a teenager, he became very close to Lloyd and Jay and had come with us), Tokikita and Camille had not been so. Ash, Jacob and Camille were the ones who died; Clouse and Toxikita hid, and have not returned - we can tell by the lack of their corpses.

I clutched my katana to me, gun placed in my belt pockets. A sneeze made me jump, and I spun around. I suppose Neuro hadn't fully healed from his fever the day prior, and Karloff pulled him closer. Cole shrugged at me. "Keep going. We'll all be weaker if we stop moving. And I wouldn't suggest carrying him, Karloff, it could slow you down."

"Calm down Kai - Neuro doesn't weigh a lot. It won't slow him down that much." Cole frowned, and gave the Metal Master a quick nod to give him permission.

They attacked. Karloff placed Neuro down quickly and began to fight any that came near the two. Cole and I fought the rest, merciless.

These are the people who killed my friends... Sensei Wu... My parents.

I fought quickly, stabbing and shooting at them, watching the blood flow.

Pain.

Blood.

Stained clothes.

Hole in the stomach.

Screams.

Falling.

Being caught.

Last words.

... Darkness.