"Hon, we talked about this." Batman's voice was firm as he untied the young couple who had thankfully only sustained rope burn and psychological trauma. They seemed to be attempting some kind of "Thank you" but they hadn't the breath so they gave up.
"And yet," he continued, as the couple ran away as fast as their legs could carry them, "here we are again. Do you think perhaps you could explain to me why that is?" Batman turned to look into the eyes of the man who he loved more than anyone else in the world, yet who hurt and frustrated him more than anyone else in the world too. Joker smiled weakly back.
"Heh. Old habits die hard?" he offered. Batman simply continued to stare at him. "No, huh? Yeah, didn't really think so." Joker sighed. "You know I try, don't you? You know that I want so badly to be a me that you could really love. But…" he trailed off, seeming to look for the right words as he gazed in the direction the young couple had fled. He didn't see his lover's face fill with concern. After a moment's pause, he resumed.
"It's like this gnawing feeling somewhere deep inside me where I tried to bury it, demanding my attention. No it isn't. Its more like a monster that lives in the back of my mind and its only purpose is to tell me to kill. It screams at me to kill. And when I close my eyes, I can see myself complying. I try to ignore it and it sort of works for a few days, sometimes weeks, but it just gets louder and louder until I have to give in to it. I go out and I kill some innocent person or people, and I feel better for a while. And every time I think, 'Maybe this will be the last time. Maybe I don't need to kill anymore.' But a few weeks later the cycle always repeats. And I feel so helpless. And I know it's my fault, because I used to feed this monster all the time and now it's used to instant gratification. Of course, it doesn't help that I think of it as a monster instead of taking responsibility for the fact that I'm a dangerous psychopath."
Joker looked into the sympathetic eyes of his partner as the first few drops of rain began to fall from the dark clouds above and laughed pathetically, tears welling up. "I'm insane. I'm absolutely, certifiably, undeniably, and beyond a shadow of a doubt completely out of my mind." The rain started to pick up, and he laughed again, louder, manically, even as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He laughed until he simply couldn't anymore, and then abruptly collapsed into his lover's arms and sobbed. "Help me," he whispered.
Thoroughly soaked, Batman tried to soothe the shaking man in his arms. "Oh no. No no no. Please, darling, don't cry. I hate it when you cry. Oh god, I'm no good at this. Just calm down, breathe. In and out." Joker did as he was instructed, and after several minutes he was significantly calmer. "Good. Now, listen, okay? Look at me." He tilted Joker's head up so as to look directly in to his chocolate brown eyes, still sparkling with tears.
"This thing, this killing-it's not okay. It's wrong; it hurts innocent people and it hurts me. No," he said, for Joker had begun to turn away, "listen to me. We are not the only victims here. You are hurting yourself, and I will not tolerate it. You're right. You're insane. But you know what? I'm insane too. I watched my parents die and now I dress like a bat and punch people until I feel better about myself. But listen to me very closely – you can rise above this. You don't need to be a victim anymore. You can choose to be happy with me."
Joker stood, taking a few steps back and wrapping his arms around himself in the cold. His eyes were desperate and unfocused, like he was having an entirely different argument in his mind, and it wasn't going well for him. "It's not that simple. This is harder than you're making it out to be."
"Did I say anything about it not being hard? Of course it's hard, this is huge; not only do you have to more or less give up who you are now, you have to create a whole new identity for yourself to replace it. It isn't easy, but it really is that simple. I think sometimes the simplest things really are the most difficult. Like learning Mandarin, or baking a pie the size of a car." Batman smiled at the shivering man in front of him. "Simple things like that, or like not killing anymore." Joker was still shaking his head, though Batman could see the ghost of a smile behind his sadness.
"I…you don't understand what it's like. It's like half of me is pulling one way, and the other half is pulling the other way. Like I'm being torn apart."
"You need to let that part of you go." Batman sighed, and then suddenly began speaking more earnestly. "In every successful relationship there is a pivotal moment, where you realize that your partner isn't perfect. He is, in fact, probably even more messed up than you. But it's okay, because you love him and want to be with him forever despite his glaring flaws."
"…uhm, sure?"
"Just – just keep that in mind. Because you know what? I do understand. I understand exactly what you mean because I've felt it too. I want to be the hero, to save people, but there are people that I really, truly want dead. And I don't just want them dead; I want to kill them. Violently.
"And sometimes I think maybe, just maybe, I'm on the wrong side. Why not just say, 'screw it' and kill everyone and do whatever I want. I'm The Goddamned Batman, morals can't tell me what to do." At this, Joker chuckled quietly, causing Batman to smile briefly, but he became serious again as he continued.
"But then I look into the faces of the innocent people around me, and I can't imagine wanting to hurt them. And I look at the criminals, the worst people I can find, and I don't want their equally precious blood on my hands either. And more, I don't want to allow myself to become what they have allowed themselves to become – tortured, miserable, and alone."
Batman had been looking down at his interlaced fingers, but presently he looked up, eyes shinning. Taking his boyfriend's hands in his own, Batman began to speak with such passion that there could be no doubt regarding his sincerity.
"Don't you see? I let go. I chose to rise above it and become who I am today. Alone I did that, but you aren't alone. You have me now. I've been there, I can help. We can do this," he said, smiling, encouraging a smaller, reluctant smile from Joker, who still had his head down but was looking up from under his lashes.
"Together," he whispered, and Joker's smile widened against his will. "Together we can do anything, I know we can. So," he said, gently squeezing his lover's hands, "what do you say?"
Joker finally looked up and, wiping away the last of his tears, answered, "I could go for a car-sized pie right about now." His eyes shone, not with tears but with elation. He had found a reason to give up killing, and that reason was standing right in front of him, smiling back.
Batman was so relieved to see his partner look genuinely happy and full of hope for perhaps the first time ever. He could not stop himself, nor did he want to, from pulling Joker in for a deep and passionate kiss that lasted until they were both gasping for air.
Batman whispered, somewhat unsteadily, "I love you."
"I love you too," came the equally unsteady reply.
"Let's go home." The two men walked, hand in hand, towards Wayne Manor, and towards a brighter future.
A/N: This is a one-shot and will remain as such. Please don't bash the pairing or the characters. They are a bit (a lot?) OOC, but they would sort of have to be, especially Batman, for this to work. Please review if you liked the story, or if you would like to offer constructive criticism that would help me grow as a writer.