"I can't handle this! I'm only fifteen and I am pregnant my parents are getting a divorce Amy said as tears began to roll down her face and the father of my baby is so messed up. I just can't deal with marriage right now Ben."

"Oh Amy I'm sorry I just want you to know I love you and this baby I want to be with you forever and I want you to know I will always take care of you."

"You're so sweet Ben I'm just really upset I I I I love you to." Ben didn't notice her stuttering. "I would love to marry you in the future but just not now." "I think I just need to be alone right now I have a lot of homework to do they don't ease up you even though your pregnant. "She smiles at him still the glistening of her tears can be seen. He leans in and kisses her and says "I'll call you later"

After Ben leaves Amy is still so confused how she can marry Ben? How is she going to be able to be a wife and mother at fifteen? That is just crazy. Then there was Ricky what was she going to do about him, in no way did she have those kind of feelings for him but to find out that he was SEXUALLY ABUSED by his OWN FATHER was huge news. I know he wants to be involved but her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. She thought it was Ben so she wasn't going to look at it but something told her to, she looked at the phone and it said it was Ricky. "What does he want?" she picked it up" hello?"

"hey Am' it's Ricky"

She was kind of taken aback when he called her a nickname Ben doesn't even do that "I know who it is Ricky what do you want" in a sharp quick tone

"O I um thought we could talk. I have a few things I want to tell you."

"I really don't want to talk to you Ricky, I'm busy and …"

He cuts her off "I get it you don't like me but I really need to talk to you I need to clear a few things up with you. Can I come over is that ok?"

"Fine, if you are coming over come over now I have things I need to do."

"I'm coming now, bye"

What could he want did he want to tell me about his past? Amy went downstairs and found her mom and sister in the kitchen. They were talking about my parents' divorce my mom was trying to tell Ashley that it was going to be ok and that dad still loved her even though he didn't live with us anymore. She was taking this very hard. I wish I could be more help to her but I have my own issues to deal with. My mom saw the look in my face and asked if I was alright. Of course I said "ya, but Ricky is coming over to talk, so can you make sure you are here but stay in the kitchen!" "Fine dear what does he want to talk about?" Amy was getting a drink and said "probably about the rumor going around school that he is crazy. Even though there is so much more to it then what is known at school." The door bell rings "that's Ricky I'll get it and we will be in the living room." "Ok dear we will be right here if you need anything."

Amy opens the door and says a quick "hi" "we can talk in the living room my mom and sister are in the kitchen."

"That's fine" Ricky said with this nervous look on his face almost the same look when he told me he wanted to be involved. Boy when he told me that I thought I was going to faint it was the last thing I expected and the last thing I wanted or so that is what I thought at the time and now I am still not sure what I want.

I got straight to the point "Ricky what do you want?" Still standing

"I um well I think you should know the whole truth about the rumors."

"What rumors?" she asked. Ricky glared at her and said "don't pretend that you don't know I know you know what was being said about me" "there is so much more to it I just don't know how to tell you I don't tell a lot of people"

Amy shot back with "you told Lauren "giving away the fact that she knew what had happened to him.

"You know" falling back on the sofa he had this look of shame and disgust and hurt all rolled into one. "Does Ben know?"

"Yes of course I told him I didn't know what to think it was kind of shocking news to hear." "I did some research on it and…"

"and what you will never know exactly what it is like and why and am the person I am today" he was getting angry and they both realized that "I'm sorry I don't blame you for what you did even though I wished you didn't tell Ben not that I care what he thinks it just it is my secret my past being spread around like it is a big joke."

"Oh believe me I know how you feel." '' is there anything you want to tell me is there anything else to your story."

"Ya there is a lot more I want you to understand why I really want to be there for our kid."

"Ok I'm listening."

"Ok well as you know my father wasn't very nice and he abused me senseless and not just …he takes a deep breath, sexually. He used to grab be by the hair and throw me down the stairs and when I reached the bottom of the stairs he'd throw me down the basement stairs and I would be unconscious for hours and my mother just stood there and watched didn't do anything she just sat in her chair drinking and crying.

Her son flesh and blood was lying on the ground basically dying and she did nothing. He abused her to, she was scared of him but she didn't even care for me. Now basically talking to himself how she could not care about me I was her son she was supposed to love me. Supposed to make sure nothing bad ever happen to me. She didn't want to leave him even though he abused both of us because she loved him. If that was love I vowed I wanted nothing to do with it, which is why I can't hold a real relationship, I want to change I do, which is why I am trying to change for Grace."

He looked at Amy to see her reaction to his last statement she didn't seem to perturb by it. So he continued "when I was about 11 my teacher saw all the bruises and my behavior was terrible and she asked me if there was something wrong being told by my father if I told anyone he would kill me and I believed him so I said no I just was playing very rough and I fell out of the tree in my yard. Luckily she didn't believe me and called social services and they took me away from them and my parents were arrested and they are both in jail right now upstate my mother tried to contact me and tell me she really loved me and was sorry for everything and she always added that my father loved me to. I knew from a young age I would have to take care of my self.

I went from foster parent to foster parent no one could handle me I was disobedient, violent, and I was always trying to get with girls. I was in 10 houses in one year. I um lost my virginity well my real virginity to a girl when I was 12 to this girl in my foster house who was 17 at the time she came on to me. After that I had to leave that house and I moved in with my current foster parents I have been with them since I was 13. and they have been great trying to teach me what real love is and what it means to be a productive member of society they make me keep my grades to a C GPA and they were the ones who told me to join band .because I used to bang on everything in the house. They really helped me change I became less violent, I still have trouble listening to people. I just couldn't get over sleeping with every girl to prove that I was a man and that is what I did with you, you were a conquest and I am so sorry Amy I really am I 'm sorry I used you like that I'm sorry I didn't use a condom I'm sorry I got you pregnant. I don't want to be a dead beat dad I want to be there for our baby. Please Amy you need to believe I am not the same guy who got you pregnant."

Amy just sat there trying to figure out where to begin. "Ricky I am so sorry I had no idea." Out loud to herself "this really does change some of my thoughts on you." "And I do believe you that you want to be there you just need to prove it first you don't have a very good track record." And how do I know you aren't lying to Grace and pretending to be this guy she wants?" how do I know that you won't be there and then leave how can explain that our baby o ya daddy isn't going to be here anymore he didn't want to be part of our lives anymore." These are the kind of things that I have to think about. At least with Ben I know he will be there for me and this baby because he loves me and I love him and we are going to get married." In her mind she still didn't know if she was going but she just told that to Ricky to see his reaction.

"Marry him?? He isn't going to adopt my kid I won't let him that is my kid and I am going to be their father not BEN!" YOU CAN'T MARRY HIM"

"Ricky it is my life you can't tell me what to do. You have nothing to do with my life."

"Yes I do I am a big part of your life whether we like it or not. And if you do marry him I am still going to be around he is not the father I am."

"Ricky I think you should now go."

"I think we should still talk."

"No Ricky I think we talked enough."

"Ok then can I call you later."

"Fine now pleases leave I still have homework to do."

"Bye Amy"

She closed the door and walked into the kitchen where her mother still was and sat down. Mom I don't know what to do. Ricky just told me about his past and how he wants to be apart of the babies life because of it. But I don't know if I can trust him because he has always been so slimy and a liar and I don't know if he is lying and pretending to Grace to be this super nice guy. And Ben always is saying that he will care for the baby like it was his own, but it isn't his and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean I love him but she isn't his. And he keeps asking me to marry him I can't be a wife and a mother at fifteen. Mom please help me."

"Well honey, you need to really think about what is best for the baby I really believe Ricky is trying to be sincere and honest with you. You have no control over what he does with Grace and if she believes that is her problem. All you can do is take him at his word he has 5 months to prove himself before the baby is born he really might change. And as for Ben you know I don't want you to marry him. It isn't always good to be saved. I'm not telling you to break up with him just wait until at least the baby is born before anything because like Ricky he may say he will be there but you never know until after the baby is born." "And you said she is that your hunch that it is a girl" her mother said with a smirk. Amy smiled and said "yes I can feel it I know that it is going to be a girl." "I'm going upstairs to finish school work thanks for everything mom. I love you." "Love you to sweetie."