Steve came home one night to find Bucky sitting on the living room floor. He was pulling at his metal arm with tears rolling down his cheeks. Bucky's eyes were fixed on the big red star on the side of his shoulder.
"Hey hey hey, easy Buck," Steve said running towards him, "stop doing that, what's wrong?"
"How can you love me like this?" He asked, "how? I'm a monster."
Bucky was still pulling at his arm.
"Stop pulling at your arm, it's hurting you."t
"So you don't even know why you love me huh? Avoiding the question."
Steve pulled Bucky's arm off his metal one and sat infront if him. Steve lifted his face simply by placing a finger under his chin. Steve wiped Bucky's long hair out of his face.
"James," Bucky flinched at hearing his name, "I love you because you're you. You're not a monster, those things they made you do wasn't you."
"Yeah, but I still did it." Bucky blinked as another tear seeped its way down his cheek.
"I love you because you always have my back, you've saved me countless times. You make me laugh, you're funny. You always have peoples best interests in mind, you care for others. You may be a little broken, but that doesn't matter. You're still you."
Bucky smiled softly for a second, but it quickly faded, "but I don't remember any of that. My earliest memory was when we went to that Stark expo and you got accepted into the army. I don't remember anything before that."
It hurt Steve that Bucky hadn't remembered the stolen moments they had in hotel rooms or in the bathrooms at bars, but he tried to ignore it. He would make new memories even better then the ones from the 40s.
"Bucky, I'm with you til-"
"-the end of the line."
Steve choked on a cry. He wanted to weep. Bucky had remembered. Steve has never said anything to him about their little saying. He kind of held it in until now. He held back tears. He loved this man and nothing could change that.
Bucky admired Steve. The way his eyes showed his emotions better then his face. The way his jawline clenched when he got sad. His blonde hair always a mess. All these things drove his crazy.
He lifted his non metal arm and placed it on the blondes face. "I love you Stevie, my memory might not be the best, but you always make me feel better."
Steve smiled and cupped the soldiers face. He leant forward to meet his lips, softly kissing him. Bucky pulled away and stood up. He turned to back to Steve. He tugged in his metal arm again, which Steve quickly stopped.
"Bucky what's up with the arm?"
"No matter how much you reassure me, it hurts. To look in the mirror and realise what I've done hurts. Stark almost killed me because I killed his parents. I didn't want to. When I see myself all that looks back is a mess. An assassin. I caused so many people pain. Sometimes, I don't recognise my eyes. They look empty and broken, I-"
Steve him off before he could say anymore.
"There's nothing you could do. It wasn't fair I agree, but you're not an assassin. You're James Buchanan Barnes. You're the man who saved me from dying almost every time I got sick or had an asthma attack. You're the selfless man who enlisted in the army to save lives. You might not understand this now, but you'll never be what they made you ever again. You may be scared of what's to come, but I won't let you get hurt. Not again, you got that?" Steve told him. He was choking back tears, he needed to be strong for a Bucky.
"You really think that Stevie?"
"Yes, now come here you jerk."
Steve grabbed the sides of Bucky's face and pulled him into a passionate kiss. They slowly walked towards the bedroom. Steve got a little startled when Bucky started pushing Steve onto the bed.
"I love you so fucking much," Steve whispered between kisses.
"Shut up you punk."